MH FEATURED POLL #38: What are your major relationship/dating deal breakers?

[CAT5 9075]

MH POLL OF THE WEEK #37: What are your major relationship/dating deal breakers?
 




 
To submit a poll for the MH POLL OF THE WEEK, P.M. either @CAT5 or @beni with your poll question, choices, and state whether it's multiple choice or not.

[JRD 5156]

There is literally 7 things I don't care about on the list. Everything else is a deal breaker. Lack of social skills, Uses Drugs, Smokes, Drinks too much alcohol, Bad with money, Broke/Poor I could careless about. I'm more of a cuddle and not say anything type partner anyways.

[doombox 4421]

I voted for a good half or so of these. I can't do the possessive/clingy/jealous thing. It drives me insane, and also if you lie/cheat I'm out.

[beni 2149]

Interesting POTW choice. Some of these can be overcome, but ones like 'possessiveness' can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on the extent of it. It's similar to how people can be clingy and jealous imo, which I honestly think is nice if it's not too much. 

[violetchain 912]

A lot of these can be improved over time and I'm oblivious enough to put up with a lot, but neediness/jealousy and overly emotional behavior/a bad temper are huge dealbreakers for me. I absolutely cannot deal with someone who shouts at me over nothing, or that needs to know where I am and what I'm doing at all times.

 

Excessive drinking, lying and messiness are the other major ones coming to mind. Things looking a little junky or dusty is fine, but when a person is leaving food out all day, covering the kitchen in spills and splatters and not cleaning it up, leaving sharp objects on the floor, etc., that's definitely not something I'm willing to look past.

[enyx 903]

It's amusing to see things like possessiveness/clinginess/neediness being almost unanimously agreed upon as a deal-breaker, yet in my experience the main complaint people have about me is that I'm not possessive enough (well, that's one of them anyway, truth be told I'm just not good boyfriend material in general). I think people generally want their partners to be possessive to a certain extent, otherwise they mistake a lack of possessiveness as a lack of caring. Considering that most people enter relationships because they want to feel important to somebody else, feeling that the other person doesn't really care much about what you do can be just as much of a negative as a positive for a lot of people.

[emmny 4139]

*ends up ticking off everything*

FUCK

[Senedjem 510]

refusal to accept............... my true form............................................................................

[Tokage 5930]

''does not collect cool swords and refuses to accept my tremendous collection of flame t-shirts''

[peffy 3568]

*ends up ticking off everything*

FUCK

 

" Listens to Visual Kei

  Doesn't listen to Visual Kei "

 

... you ticked both of these???!? 

[YuyoDrift 1540]

Some of these choices overlap with each other

[Nyasagi 259]

There is nothing worse about a cheating, jealous liar, who's a close-minded homophobe. I ticked some more, but these are major deal breakers for me. I don't know a man in my country, who doesn't do at least one of these things (with close-mindedness or homophobia being the most common ones), which is sad.

[Cupcakes 55]

Someone who listen to VK obviously.

 

Nah but more serious,

Someone who cheats (can you still call it a relationship then) and bigotry are the biggest deal breakers. Ticked some more but yeah. 

[Delkmiroph 1649]

I can agree with almost all. Because every couple have these problems in list.... (Maybe one... or all)

[Nagisa 131]

Well this is kind of hypothetical for me since I've never been in a relationship before but infidelity and smoking/drugs/alcohol are a pretty big deal to me. Lying could also be a problem. Honestly I can't even imagine continuing in a relationship once there infidelity occurs. 

[madygrain 515]

Most of the ones in the list are quite reasonable and easy to agree with.

 

Let's get picky.

 

I dislike people with tatoos, piercings and ear lobes/else dilated. Not on a human level, of course but I would have to jump through some hoops to date someone with a body that displays them in abundance. Dilated stuff is a no-no, though. I just find them very disgusting.

[allisapp 303]

I might be a bit of a hypocrite in one or two stuff... I checked ~10 of those of options. While white lies can be completely dealt with, it's the situation that counts. After a while of hesitating, I chose cheating as well, but like I said with lies, it can really depend on the situation and what do you count as cheating. While I would never do it, I have a close person who cheated on her alcoholic, violent husband and while I can say it's wrong, some way I can understand her. It doesn't justify her at all, but she had - and still does have, after the divorce - a special bond with the guy for very, very, very long time. To be honest, I am totally on the fence when it comes to her case.

 

Lack of affection and clinginess/neediness is a bit of a double-edged swords for me; I come from a family where physical affection is a rarity, so while clinginess/neediness is something that I kinda crave, it gets really suffogating for me really fast. I need my space, but a girl gotta get some affection as well! And as I mentioned my family, overly-emotional can be kinda turn-off, as I have honestly no idea what to do when this happens. As someone who's motto has been "that's life" since being a small child, I can't "stand" people who gets upset about every single thing that happens.

 

Being able to stand in other people's shoes is important for me, so that's why I checked close-mindedness and overly critical. We each are our own personas and all of us have their own opinions. Just deal with it.

 

And that's just a couple!

 

I know I am one of those types as well, so it would be quite interesting to know what of those options people think they are! XD

[kyoselflove 2680]

cheats, lies, bad sex, drugs, bigotry, ignorance, different views on politics and religion, aaaaaand doesn't cook xD

[Aferni 2381]

Cheating, Lying, Bad Communication, Emotionally Guarded, Drinks too much, Drugs ( Pot is an acception) Flirting with others , the list goes on and on....

[The Bread Wolf 231]

 

" Listens to Visual Kei

  Doesn't listen to Visual Kei "

 

... you ticked both of these???!? 

 

YOU LISTEN TO VISUAL KEI WHEN I LISTEN TO VISUAL KEI, IF YOU LISTEN TO IT ON YOUR OWN YOU'RE DEAD, MATE.

Some of these obviously have no effect one way or another, but a good few are major deal breakers. I could like... open up all of those who are a definite no-no.

 

Cheating - somewhat. I mean, I'm a fucking door mat here. I can take it like once without immediately calling it off, but if it happens continuously, even I have to draw my line somewhere.

 

Lack of affection - MAJOR ISSUE. I'm very affectionate and like to be touched and the centre of attention. If my hubby did not contribute to this, I would be sincerely unhappy.

 

Bigotry - Dun wan no cave man.

 

Uses drugs/smokes/uses alcohol - It would pose a decent problem if my partner did any of these, as I don't do any of them. I associate using drugs as being irresponsible, smoking as being unhygienic and using alcohol as being unpredictable, and all of these are deal breakers. 

 

Unsupportiveness - I have big dreams and have already once dealt with a person who crushed them and I never wanna experience that again. Also, I'm big for supporting whatever my love wants to do with his/her life.

 

Bad communication - This I consider something that should be worked on if my hubby had it rather than an immediate deal breaker. I mean, no one wants to have bad communication, right? But obviously, if the other one absolutely refused to talk to me about things that bother him/her, I'd have to call it quits. I can't keep things bottled up inside myself, and I've got issues, arite?  

 

No common interests -  Holy shit did no one else really mention this? THIS IS A MASSIVE DEAL BREAKER. How can two people manage a relationship together if they can't do anything with each other? Sure, I wasn't a huge gamer before and I'm still not, but I know and play some games and that's a big thing between me and my current boy. We don't necessarily play games together, per se, but we play the some of the same games and often talk about them. Like when DA:I DLC Trespasser was released and we were both totally hyped about it and once we had both finished it we spent like hours just hyperventilating and discussing what was gonna happen in the future games. I was so happy.

 

Is boring - ...what is there to say about this? I don't think you're supposed to think your significant other is boring and be totally okay with it.

 

 

Okay I think the rest are something that I might be able to stand to some extend and just try my best to help my hubby to work through them and get rid of them, but they wouldn't necessarily be instant deal breakers.

[LIDL 692]

There are three deal breakers for me, if he can't respect my space, if he trying to change me into a person he like than taking me for what I am, and if we can't work as a team.

It is difficult to have relationship that build to last when the two people in it cannot work the differences and won't work as a team in unison.

It's like flying a jetplane, one is the main pilot and one is the co-pilot. Without good team work between the two, it will soon take a nose dive and BOOM!

[Ro plz 1290]

These deal breakers, at least to me sum up to someone who has no chill.

 

I love chill. I live by chill.

 

If you ain't down with the chill, I don't want you.

 

The end.

[pinkmakona 1810]

Common interests are important for me because.... WHAT ARE WE MEANT TO TALK ABOUT IF WE DON'T HAVE ANY. How will we COMMUNICATE effectively. I will just shut down lol. Especially if they dislike the shit what i like!

 

Some things on the list could be worked on, but would "annoy" me at the same time. Laziness for example.

 

I can't STAND being around smokers though. 

[Peace Heavy mk II 7200]

Lack of steady income. A lot of people feel that that's shallow, but let me tell you, having to front for someone a lot and always worry if he's going to be able to contribute at all (rent, bills, going out to dinner, hell even just having christmas together) gets really old really fast.

 

Talking to an ex doesn't bother me: I talk to my exs all the time and they're some of my best friends. Relationships change over time--this notion that because you're no longer romantically involved means you have to cut them out of your life is dumb lol . If it's a case where it's toxic for you to be around them, then by all means do so! But if you're in a spot where you're cool with just being friends (especially after having already spent so much time together), then go for it.

 

Drinks too much alcohol is also kinda a turn off for me. I've had someone puke in my bed before, and I often end up playing the role of responsible adult who has to navigate everyone back to safety, which, as I said before, gets old really fast

 

I suppose infidelity is a fairly strong offense, although I've been cheated on before as well and it didn't end that relationship since we discussed it.

 

No common interests would be really hard though--like pinkmakona said, what am I supposed to talk to you about? We don't have to like EVERYTHING, but some core interests is almost essential. However, liking too many of the same things makes me feel like I'm losing autonomy in my identity--it's healthy to do things separately and like other things that your partner does not enjoy.

 

Drug use really depends. I personally want no part in it, but good luck finding gays that don't do pot lololol. There are plenty of people who do it and that's all they talk about as a guise for having 0 personality, but occasional use in their own home is fine.

 

Emotionally guarded is kinda up there for me, although I am able to make really guarded people open up fairly easily so you'd need to try really hard to completely shut me out lmao. I'm emotionally guarded myself, so if I'm as annoying as I imagine I am, I wouldn't want to put up with it either.

 

 

One thing that I think is missing here that might apply is being of a different age group. There are plenty of 18 year olds who don't date anyone under 45, and there are just as many 45 year olds who refuse to date anyone younger than them. I find that most people like to stick within +/- 3 years, depending on how old they currently are, but I can understand that mentality. 

 

Using myself as an example, someone 3 years younger than me is probably still in college and hasn't really had a chance to be a real adult. We come from different phases in our lives, have different goals, and have different priorities that don't necessarily line up. Someone who is 18 is only exponentially different, and someone who is in their late 30's more often than not in a different place as well. It's less of an "ew he's old!!!" thing than "I don't know what to talk to you about because you could like be my dad."

[The Moon 989]

I'm dating another vegetarian, and having come from several relationships with omnivores, it's kinda something I'll never go back on - no more steakhouses where the only thing I can get is a salad! I love salad. But salad is impossible - against God.