Anyone with disabilities?

[Lestat 2167]

Alongside Asperger's / HFA (High Functioning Autism), I have been struggling with depression and anxiety for the past ten or so years, however I got assigned my first psychologist at age eight, slightly earlier than that.

The depression and anxiety developed over the span in which I spent in highschool; I couldn't progress emotionally as well as the other teenagers did, and my current therapist says I am still experiencing a delayed emotional development which should occur during the teenage years. Naturally, I was ostracized by my peers for acting unnatural on a social level and it caused me to momentarily drop out of highschool in my third year. I suffer from Dissociative amnesia which relates to this period as what I've been told is that it has been too emotional and traumatic for me to willingly remember. I eventually enrolled back into classes and after a long struggle of eight years (instead of the common five), I managed to get my diploma.

And then I got stuck. I cannot hold jobs due to my mental disorders as it is incredibly pressuring for me to engage in social activities. I haven't signed up for college or any other educational program as I cannot mentally endure any of this momentarily. I have lost all of my friends and struggle to maintain the friendships which I believe the other parties involved still think are worth saving. I can come across as crass, arrogant, condescending and I might not realize it until two weeks later. There are but a few individuals who are patient enough to endure my lack of emotion and the lack of understanding basic social standards — and at other times erupting emotions, and I am eternally grateful to them that they are willing to understand me.

A few, less crippling symptoms of Autism that I show are for example; trouble walking stairs, sensitive to light (I almost always wear sunglasses outside), sensitive to environmental change or change in people, sensitive to certain sounds, the inability to stop talking about the same thing for hours, obsessions with certain activities or ideas, obsession with language, being a perfectionist, just to name a few.

[Atreides 454]

I have tinnitus in my right ear as a result of severe head trauma.  They had to drill a hole in my right temple to drain blood before my brain hemmorhaged.  Tinnitus is a bitch, but very luckily for me music is one of the few things that lessen the constant ringing.

[Peace Heavy mk II 7200]

I was diagnosed with type-1 diabetes earlier this month.

[Duwang 676]

I was diagnosed with scoliosis a little over 10 years ago. In my case it's actually genetic rather than the result of an accident or injury.
I have two curvatures in my spine and both are bad enough for me to have been presented with the option of surgery. I decided against it mainly due to the high risk of paralysis and nerve damage/loss of sensation in my back. Instead I wore a back brace for 5 years to prevent it from getting worse while I was still growing.

Over the years the pain has increased and it's going to get even worse as I get older. It's gotten pretty difficult for me to stand in place or walk for extended periods of time without taking breaks.

 

I also have carpal tunnel in my left hand.

[plastic_rainbow 2162]

Thank you for this thread. Instead of pressing the like button on every post I'll just say that every post deserves a like. It's so nice how we can be open about our own disabilities here.

 

I'm also struggling with anxiety and depression. It pretty much began from middle school when I literally had no friends and didn't know how to talk to people so I kept silent all the time and avoided people. It continued throughout highschool and I couldn't even eat lunch in front of people anymore so I starved myself instead (someone even almost thought I was anorexic, although I was not visibly thin). Luckily I made a good friend so I managed to graduate highschool, although still struggling a great deal. Now I'm in college, and the first two years started out quite good, but now I'm back and struggling, this time hitting me harder than ever before. I've never felt so strongly about inflicting pain on myself before. Thinking about it now, I'm quite alarmed that I had those thoughts because it's almost like a first step to a suicidal attempt. I'm thinking about dropping out of college now because I can't handle it anymore, and I'm increasingly having a lack of self-confidence in my social skills. I feel like continuing it will just keep on harming me. I also have anxiety on a daily basis, and although I have not been diagnosed for it, I'm pretty sure that my level of anxiety is abnormal.

 

I was also very close to having tinnitus after going to a loud underground concert and having ringing in my ears for a week. I was scared shitless that it was never going to stop! It's a very stressful feeling and I had trouble hearing people over the ringing noise. I fee very sorry for those who have a more permanent tinnitus.....for those who do not have it, please be mindful of your ears! I learned my lesson now.

[togz 2004]

First off, You're all amazing and brave people. I'm glad everyone that has posted was able to post this stuff to eyes that will actually read and understand. 

 

I don't know what I am anymore to be honest. 

I've seen a good handful of doctors, which some have said I have had chronic depression, that i was Bi-polar (I agree with this), and that I have high anxiety. 

I've taken medications but they've made me feel absolutely nothing. So I don't take anything anymore. 

I have also had doctors say that I'm completely fine and just under a lot of stress. I've seen a lot of people in my family give up on everything with out warning and literally drill themselves in to a hole. I feel like that was me last year and I started to let my emotions and imbalances really take too strong of a hold on my judgement. 

 

So I don't know what the right answer is to that. Sometimes I'm fine for months, and then with in a night I'm not okay for 3 months... 

I've had anxiety attacks where my face has gone numb, lips have turned blue, finger tips go tingly, my chest feels like it's on fire... and then I would hyper ventilate and sob until I either fell asleep or blacked out. Thankfully I haven't had one this band in some time now (about a year and a half)

Lately I've just been focusing on keeping busy. I noticed anxiety usually happens when I'm awake with out a task to do really late at night. Or on days that I have off from work and simply have too much time to research things or think. Regardless, I stay busy and haven't had any immediate incidents. 

 

But something new has presented itself. 

Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS).
I've always been a little chubby, but somewhere along the way I gained weight rappidly, even though my lifestyle had not changed. However at that time I certainly felt more stressed and depressed.

 

"Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is a common endocrine system disorder among women of reproductive age. Women with PCOS may have enlarged ovaries that contain small collections of fluid — called follicles — located in each ovary as seen during an ultrasound exam.

Infrequent or prolonged menstrual periods, excess hair growth, acne, and obesity can all occur in women with polycystic ovary syndrome. In adolescents, infrequent or absent menstruation may raise suspicion for the condition.

The exact cause of polycystic ovary syndrome is unknown. Early diagnosis and treatment along with weight loss may reduce the risk of long-term complications, such as type 2 diabetes and heart disease."

 

Doctors also told me it's linked with higher testosterone levels, weight gain, and all the bullshit that comes with hormone imbalances. 

While it's not exactly an attractive sounding thing, or even good news to have it... I feel like it's a step in the right direction to feeling like myself. 

Since i have this answer I feel like I can at least look at my options now.

[lichtlune 915]

I have a lot of difficulties saying many words and had speech therapy growing up. I'm pretty sure I have some kind of learning difficulties but I never got officially diagnosed with anything. I think I'm better than I was as a child. I'm still a bit slow though. 

[cruel-crucible 89]

I'd like to bring this back to life, if possible, because it's always nice to know you're not alone.

 

 

My "load" would be MDD (major depressive disorder), GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), panic disorder, OCD, and insomnia. I also suffer from chronic migraines, tetany, and my doctor suspects CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome). There's anemia too, but oh well.

 

On most days I can hardly leave the bed, I'm always exhausted, in pain, and I struggle with eating. I've tried 6 different antidepressants so far, but I think my latest combination is doing some good at last. 

On my good days, I can live more or less like a healthy person, if I ignore the physical pain and exhaustion \o/

 

Needless to say, all of this has had a huge impact on my life, relationships, everything.  I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that most of these things are for life in my case.

 

Getting a cat was the best idea ever, though.

 

 

To everyone in this thread: you guys are awesome. I'm glad nobody treats this as some sort of a pissing contest, because really, everyone always loses in the end. Not being healthy is difficult. Some conditions are more disabling than others, but the pain is real with all of them.

 

Sending virtual hugs to all of you and wishing a painless day♥

[ArtFart 375]

Last year I was diagnosed with bipolar depression and potentially BPD based on how much anxiety and paranoia I have.

I have anger issues which I avoided talking to my therapist about because I was scared of getting in trouble.

I also have a nervous tic which keeps getting more and more visible. It used to be just tensing up every now and again, then making a clicking noise which made it hard to breathe, and now I have to roll my eyes while doing it too.

[AmberKid 0]

It's really good to see that I'm not alone...there are indeed many who struggle like me.

 

I suffer from depressions and anxiety also. It started during my teenage years, but back then wasn't diagnosed. My mother simply denied it. "My kid is healthy and doesn't need a therapist." Well...yeah. Around the same time my migraines also started.

 

A few years later I was diagnosed with thyroid hypofunction and type 1 diabetes. Runs in the family, so while it can be treated, I will never be rid of it.

But it triggered my depressions and I finally came around and sought help.

 

I have been struggling since. Especially the last few years were hard on me, many bad things happened, but I refuse to give up.

 

Last year I ended up in hospital, including a five-day stay in the ICU. Blood poisoning due to an abcess that lead to kidney malfunction and worsened my diabetes. People in hospital were surprised that I survived...little do they know about me. I'm a fighter, I was taught to always be strong and never give up. And luckily I have people in my life, who help me to keep going. Who save me from being dragged down by my inner demons too much. I found those people through music. Without music I'd be long gone.

 

In August I will go into therapy again. Since also other stuff has added to the list (PCOS, fibromyalgia) that need to be looked into. And the doc I found is awesome. I am positive that it will do me good.

[OrderMade 1]

Severe depression and anxiety, with a tendency for avoidance and dependence that make them worse.

I've also struggled with anorexia during my early teens, and even if I'm better now, I'm still dealing with it. Eating is a hard task even today.It's funny because I was bullied both, for being too thin and too fat.

[Valicious 572]

I was diagnosed with Charcot Marie Tooth (CMT) at 18 months old.  CMT is a degenerative neuromuscular dirorder that effects the myelin sheath around the nerves.  Motor signals  don't get sent as well to the muscles,  it bt becomes harder to use them, and eventually you forget what it was ever like to use them.   CMT gets progressively worse and starts at the fingers and toes and works its way up over the years.  I still have some function in my shoulders, hips, neck, and torso, but I can't use any muscles in my legs or arms.

Things my specific type of CMT affects (We think it's all related)

• My vocal chords are partially paralyzed, so my voice sounds like the bastard lovechild of Gollum and Darth Vader.
• My eyeballs are broke.  My vision without glasses is about 20/300 without glasses, 20/100 with.  I'm legally blind.
• My diaphragm is slightly weaken, so I can't breathe in or out as strongly
• and pretty bad stress, anxiety, and depression from all this and knowing it's going to get worse.

The cool ways I adapt and cope

• I use the tip of my nose to use phones/tablets/anything with a touchscreen.  It works really well (especially since I have to be that close to see the screen anyways), and I use a toothbrush in my mouth to type on a regular computer.
• Playing video games is fun, and I play Overwatch a lot with @Zeus  I sit on the floor in front of the monitor, use a mouse on the floor on my right (moving and clicking buttons with my palm), an xbox controller on the floor in front of me (using the left joystick to move/click in for an ability), and the toothbrush keyboard method to type/hit keys for abilities etc.
• I try to deal with all the anxiety and depression by throwing myself into working on RarezHut.  I know I must seem to a lot of people that I only use MH to mostly promote RarezHut, but constantly working is how I stat (mostly) sane.

I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for @Biopanda though.  He works as my caregiver, co-owner of RarezHut, and my best friend in the world.  We've been roommates and he's been helping me since 2008, and I'm surprised we haven't killed eachother yet since we see eachother every day all day.  Every day he helps me get dressed, eat meals, take a shower, even as simple as grabbing something from across the room.  Panda has been there at my darkest moments when the weight of everything and the knowledge that there is no light at the end of the tunnel causes me to just collapse into a quivering mess of tears.

[len 67]

On 21/02/2016 at 9:42 PM, Atreides said:

I have tinnitus in my right ear as a result of severe head trauma.  They had to drill a hole in my right temple to drain blood before my brain hemmorhaged.  Tinnitus is a bitch, but very luckily for me music is one of the few things that lessen the constant ringing.

 

Holly fuck

 

To me is mental illness, I've been in and out some diagnosis because I've being told I have symptoms of personality disorders and stuff, but the official ones are major psychotic depression, anxiety with panic attacks, social and agoraphobia and OCD since childhood, and I basically have no life due to those, and of course, no acceptance from family and friends due to stigma. I'm also suicidal, duh. My social phobia is more because of paranoia and how I don't handle my emotions.

 

I also have a tinnitus and a feet problem that get in the way sometimes but aren't real disabilities to me.

 

Sorry to hear about all your problems, about Nyasagi's problem even though mine isn't as bad I can relate with people dismissing it.

 

On 03/12/2016 at 1:50 AM, Valicious said:

I was diagnosed with Charcot Marie Tooth (CMT) at 18 months old.  CMT is a degenerative neuromuscular dirorder that effects the myelin sheath around the nerves.  Motor signals  don't get sent as well to the muscles,  it bt becomes harder to use them, and eventually you forget what it was ever like to use them.   CMT gets progressively worse and starts at the fingers and toes and works its way up over the years.  I still have some function in my shoulders, hips, neck, and torso, but I can't use any muscles in my legs or arms.

Things my specific type of CMT affects (We think it's all related)

• My vocal chords are partially paralyzed, so my voice sounds like the bastard lovechild of Gollum and Darth Vader.
• My eyeballs are broke.  My vision without glasses is about 20/300 without glasses, 20/100 with.  I'm legally blind.
• My diaphragm is slightly weaken, so I can't breathe in or out as strongly
• and pretty bad stress, anxiety, and depression from all this and knowing it's going to get worse.

The cool ways I adapt and cope

• I use the tip of my nose to use phones/tablets/anything with a touchscreen.  It works really well (especially since I have to be that close to see the screen anyways), and I use a toothbrush in my mouth to type on a regular computer.
• Playing video games is fun, and I play Overwatch a lot with @Zeus  I sit on the floor in front of the monitor, use a mouse on the floor on my right (moving and clicking buttons with my palm), an xbox controller on the floor in front of me (using the left joystick to move/click in for an ability), and the toothbrush keyboard method to type/hit keys for abilities etc.
• I try to deal with all the anxiety and depression by throwing myself into working on RarezHut.  I know I must seem to a lot of people that I only use MH to mostly promote RarezHut, but constantly working is how I stat (mostly) sane.

I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for @Biopanda though.  He works as my caregiver, co-owner of RarezHut, and my best friend in the world.  We've been roommates and he's been helping me since 2008, and I'm surprised we haven't killed eachother yet since we see eachother every day all day.  Every day he helps me get dressed, eat meals, take a shower, even as simple as grabbing something from across the room.  Panda has been there at my darkest moments when the weight of everything and the knowledge that there is no light at the end of the tunnel causes me to just collapse into a quivering mess of tears.

 

Dude ;-;

 

I wish I could hug you all.

 

If anyone ever needs to vent and receive support give it a chance to talk to me, it bothers me that some people have to go through these things alone.

 

Edit.: apparently picky eating is viewd as a eating disorder now, not that this is a disability but I guess it's interesting to mention, I basically throw up anything I eat, so I don't eat much and avoid any social gathering, it's annoying as fuck. Are there more people like this around here?

Edited January 17, 2017 by len

[Pixiu 6]

You guys are all so amazing and inspirational to me ;~~~; <3 

 

I'm diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome and ADHD, been on medicine for over 10 years and in theraphy for around 16 years. So it's been a long time for me but I've finally begun finding myself and accepting myself - which makes living so much easier. I got my diagnoses pretty late so I was very lonely in understanding my anxiety, panic attacks and insomnia. In periods i didn't sleep for many days because my brain was just too exhausted by the chaos inside and outside of me, i couldn't shut down.

Before i thought it was all darkness and pain but now I feel more like a fluffy, pink, sparkly ball of confetti because i like myself so much more and I believe that when I smile - the world will smile back.  

 

Thank you so much all of you for sharing, you're all so brave and fantastic and you make me smile <3 

Edited January 23, 2017 by Pixiu

[For my dears 58]

This thread already got a bit old but anyway I really like what everyone said here. I've been struggling with a deep depression for like almost three years, taking a lot of pills, drinking a lot and many other things... so I really don't care about sharing this. so yeah, sometimes I have a lot of suicidal thoughts and I'm always having nightmares. I also don't sleep a lot because of all the pills and the tons of coffee I drink everyday. Like someone said it already, you're all pretty brave to share this kind of stuff.

Edited February 23, 2017 by For my dears

[Himeaimichu 1535]

I have a ton of mental issues and a few physical issues. 

One, I am underweight and there is little I can do to help it, because I have such a high metabolism, and it's in my genetics. I eat all the time, and I especially get protein, but yet nothing changes. I've only gained 4 pounds since August, and I'm currently 102 pounds. My mother used to smoke and drink but she didn't smoke or drink while pregnant. Still, they removed me through C-section because I could have been born the wrong way. I was also a very lightweight baby compared to others. 

Secondly, I have MANY mental issues. Asperger's/Schizotypal (It's quite ambiguous to which it is), Depression, Anxiety, etc. It all worsened by the fact that I'm prone to being used by others.

Also, I don't know if this counts, but I have gender dysphoria, but I can't really transition yet, because my parents do not know I am transgender. I've been trying not to raise my testosterone levels too high, and eat foods that help the body produce estrogen, so I can sort of start transitioning toward female slowly. Once I become a full adult, then I'll look into actual medication.

[BrenGun 2261]

People always joke about,

 

YOUR ENGLISH SUCK ASS

YOUR DUTCH SUCK ASS

 

 

However, I will struggle my whole life with the disability to never be able to learn a language perfect. 
People would always keep on saying that my language skills sucks ass and that I'm just stupid.

It's called DYSLEXIA. However I've no struggles with "real reading".   But my part is inside the "spelling and grammar" part.

People also often say "well then you need to practice more".

It's true from one side, but the dark part of it is, that if you stop the practice you will forget 50~99% of what you have learned.

And how hard you try, there are things which you never ever will remember, which you always need to repeat endlessly.

 

So I hope that people stop to tell anyone, LEARN ENGLISH, YOUR ENGLISH SUCKS.

You never know what's really behind it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[The Bread Wolf 231]

Like many others in this thread, I suffer from a depression, but that's not what I would like to talk about this time.

 

Recently, I stumbled upon a YouTube video explaining, that in some cases, picky eating is not just about a person being fussy, but it might actually be an actual mental illness, known both as selective eating disorder (SED for short) and food neophobia. The description of this pretty recently admitted mental illness entails things like physical incapability of trying new foods, gagging upon trying, or even upon thinking about trying new stuff and particularly selective, often childlike eating habits. 

 

This has made me question my own so-called "fussiness". Because it's not like I don't want to try new things and eat healthier (my diet is stupidly one dimensional), because it would help me lose weight and not get so easily bored with just plain old salad, but I can't. I can not bring myself to eat certain things. Most of the time I've never even tasted them before, but the thought of them being gross is enough to scare me off of trying.

 

Basically my biggest problem is cooked vegetables. I can't eat any of them, except potato. Fresh veggies are okay and I do like them, but anything cooked I just can't even bear to think. I've had an experience before where, out of politeness, I agreed to eat cauliflower caserole at a friends place, and while my mouth registered that it wasn't that bad, I had a bad physical reaction and just ended up gagging a lot while eating and trying to hide it because courtesy. That was a bad experience in itself, and I'd rather not repeat it. Thus, I avoid all cooked vegetables. Because I don't like throwing up or feeling the need to throw up.

 

Unfortunately, SED or food neophobia is not a recognised mental illness in the UK, and has only been a recent addition to the list of mental illnesses in the US, so I have no idea how to tackle this. Note that just "try new things" is not a helpful advice, since my reaction to new foods is pretty much the same as arachnophobe's reaction to spiders. You can't make an arachnophobe just go and poke at spiders on their own, and you can't make a food neophobe just "try new things".

 

Other than that, if anyone has any experience with said mental illness or knows any useful tactics to tackle it, I'd love to discuss with them. People needing support with similar symptoms also welcome to message me anytime they want. Dunno, just wanted to get this off my chest. It feels better to have an actual reason behind the "you're just a fussy eater" comments and weird looks that I get when I say I can't eat cooked veggies, and knowing it's not because I just don't want to try anything new for the sake of being picky is a huge weight off me.

[jaymee 405]

On 2015/10/4 at 4:30 AM, nostalgia said:

I have had tinnitus ringing in my right ear not so long ago. I thought it was because of hearing loss, but my ENT checked it and told me I was too stressed.

I think I can still hope it's not permanent according to what caused it. Imagine your ears ringing for the rest of your lifetime though.

 

My mom has this. I hope it for my sake it's mostly another side effect of her stress problems and not a genetic condition, but my grandmother's hearing also isn't great so I'm not exactly optimistic. I'm sure going to concerts doesn't help. I hope you find a way to manage your stress early on! My mom's stress issues have gone beyond ringing in the ears to Bell's Palsy and it's a never ending circle because the condition just makes her more stressed and the Palsy worse. :/

As for me, I developed OCD in elementary school and later social anxiety in middle school (especially talking on the phone and taking to strangers was difficult for me until university). The OCD was brought on by stressful living conditions at the time (in my case, the OCD was my brain's way of trying to bring order to a chaotic childhood), but that got better when my mom and I's living conditions got better. Since OCD was still relatively unknown and the internet wasn't a thing at the time, I didn't find out what I had was OCD until studying psychology later. I had the kind where everything had to be in even numbers (so like if I fell and scraped one leg I would have to fall and scrape the other to make it even) and had to constantly check to make sure doors, etc. were locked. My social anxiety improved a lot post-high school when I was no longer being bullied and had moved to another state on my own, and then disappeared after moving to Japan. Like with the OCD, I've only found out in the past 10 years that what I was going through during middle and high school was social anxiety.

I feel really lucky to have recovered from both before they affected my adult life, especially living in a country like Japan where it's difficult to take personal days or even find decent clinics treating mental illness.

Edited October 6, 2017 by jaymee

[nick 10212]

Tinnitus has been with me for two years now. It's not getting worse, so I don't fucking care about it anymore. I have other health issues to worry about though.

Edited October 7, 2017 by nostalgia

[jaymee 405]

On 2017/10/7 at 8:24 PM, nostalgia said:

Tinnitus has been with me for two years now. It's not getting worse, so I don't fucking care about it anymore. I have other health issues to worry about though.

That's good! I hope it stays that way (not getting any worse).

My mom's has gotten worse to the point she should really get hearing aids, but she won't because she has crappy insurance and doesn't want to spend the money. The US healthcare system is all kinds of screwed up :/

[Alsdead14 191]

Well, I think I might be kind of late for this, but I want to share my story nevertheless.

In my teen days I had a lot of suicide thoughts, probably suffering from depression and people were making fun of me. I didn't get to see a doctor until I was 18. I had like 5 or 6 diagnostics from major depression to cyclic personnality. It wasn't until 2012 than they discovered that I was suffering from bipolaria. I was in high for almost 2 months and spent over 10k $ on electronics, cds and stuff like that. I was interned for 2 months and was also diagnosed social anxiety. 

I've seen so many therapists, social worker, psychologist and psychiatrist until last year where I found a good psychiatrist. I was then diagnosed with borderline personality (only traits). I'm 28 years old now and well, I'm doing better but everyday I have to deal with anxiety and suicide thoughts. I've been feeling empty, alone and wanting to end this for over 15 years now. It always depends on the day, but overall I'm better with interacting with people and VK really helped me during college. As someone said, VK is the best medecine.

On a brighter note, I am okay atm, I am still seeking help and taking my medication, seeing my psy and all. This autumn I will go back to university in social working. I want to help others with mental health issues. I will work very hard to achieve that goal, and well, thank you all for sharing your stories, it takes courage to talk about it with someone. Atm, I talk about it freely with people around me but people who are not suffering from any illness can't really understand. I was always ashamed of it but now I can say that I'm kinda proud to be who I am and kinda happy about me and what I have achieve and what is to come.  

Anywayz, if you seek help for mental illness and find a good therapist and psychiatrist and take medication it will work someday. It takes time, it took me a decade to find good people (well I did lost my therapist last year and waiting for someone new but oh well).

 

Also, I write poetry it really helps me and I even started a story.

Just talking to someone that understand really helps sometime. I'm blessed to have one really good friend that I can talk to about anything but I know some people have no one except online.

(Sorry for my english, I'm french haha.)

So that was my story, thanks for reading, cheers!

[Paraph 826]

i've always had very sensitive hearing, but during my high school years i went to a lot of hard rock and metal concerts so developed tinnitus because of my own stupidity of not wearing ear protection.

 

Spoiler

quite possibly have social anxiety/aspergers also, but i'm not really sure. i was involved in a traumatic car accident when i was 11 and had major intestinal surgery. because of this i have some ptsd and ocd.

i've also been battling with my codependency after having been in a very emotionally abusive and manipulative relationship with someone who i believe was a narcissist/psychopath. i have to warn everyone about narcissists because they are so damaging, i've literally had to rebuild myself from the ground up. at one point during the relationship i didn't even know who i was anymore. 

 

Edited February 6, 2019 by Paraph

[JRD 5156]

This is gonna be long.

 

I suffer from  GAD, Social Anxiety, Bi-Polar, and depression. I've been taking these with a lot of meds. including Alprozalam; which in itself is extremely addicting and after a while your body becomes dependent on it. I've been suffering 4 years of trying to ween off of this, which most would consider xanax. I hold a high paying job and working on my graduates in English; the stress level that comes with it combined with my irrational fear of looking people in the eyes, sitting next to people, eating out in public, being around people I don't know would give me extreme anxiety and panic attacks. Xanax would calm me down and destroy this fight or flight response, but I began to abuse it for the littlest of things; like running to the grocery store, shopping, etc. Every day I've been taking less and less of Xanax and my Therapist has been trying to get me into group therapy; but I can't stand being in a room talking about feelings with people I don't know.

 

What triggered all this was just one acid trip from hell. I've been raving for well over ten years at this point, but a fateful day 5 years ago, at EDC, that changed my life forever. I've always suffered from these symptoms, but the bad acid trip from hell forever changed my life. 

 

Don't judge the drugs on this kids; once you try something and you like it, there's a fight everyday of your life to resist the urge to stay sober. If it wasn't for my determination to live abroad for 2 years, I would never have been here today. I thought about suicide to end my suffering. I still have the scars from my attempt, but in the end seeing the eyes of the people you love when you struggle to live or die is the most hurtful.

Edited February 8, 2019 by JRD

[Gesu 1537]

I have mild autism and ADHD. I don't so much mind the autism - in fact, I personally really like it because it allows me to be creative/imaginative, plus I'm not high-functioning so it's relatively easy to deal with - but the ADHD is a bitch when I'm trying to do homework and it's taking me hours longer than it should. It really affects my sleeping patterns, which are bad enough as is. For some reason, I've always had trouble sleeping. I've developed some sort of breathing issue which isn't helping much. I went to see the doctor about that today, and she didn't find anything wrong with me during that appointment (which thankfully means it's most likely nowt too serious), but she wants to do blood tests in two weeks to see if I'm anaemic. Not sure how that's gonna work out, seeing as I'm actually too light to donate blood. Not really a disability, but I'm 4'11.5" and I weigh 97lbs, and I have a very fast metabolism. I can manage it (97lbs is petite for my height, but not underweight), but I have to eat a lot if I want to stay healthy and not have my weight fluctuate.

Oh, and I have chiari malformation (the bottom of my brain pushes down onto the top of my spine, which isn't nearly as deadly as it sounds), which means I can only spin once or twice on a spinny chair before I get dizzy. Runs in the female side of my family. Also, it means I can't swim (I don't even float, I just sink *.*) or ride a bike. Being born with a fuckton of dislocated bones (the worst being my right hip) didn't help matters much either. My bones are alright now, but they crackle and crunch a lot and it's kind of gross if you're squeamish about that kind of thing... but hey, I can touch my head with my right foot, so that's something!

Also, I have anxiety but it's not that bad.

Whew! That's pretty much everything.