Friendzone

[The Bread Wolf 231]

Inspired by all the neglected single "nice guys" out there, I decided to make a topic for this very controversial phenomena that surrounds the modern dating culture, mainly in west but probably in eastern countries too. 

 

So whatddya think about this so called Friendzone? Does it only involve guys, or can girls be friendzoned too? And if so, WHY DO GUYS MAKE SUCH A HUGE DEAL ABOUT IT?

 

Have you ever been friendzoned? Have you friendzoned anyone? Please, share your thoughts. How and why did this happen.

[hitsuji-hime 211]

[Ikna 1225]

The only thing I know for sure is that tumblr has pretty much changed the definition of that word to suit their "Sexism! opression!" speech. Originally a friendzoned guy was just one person (mostly a guy) who was in love with their best friend, but said friend didn't return that affection. In the TV series "Friends", where the term freindzone first appeared, it was also meant to mean a guy who will never have a chance for his unrequited love to turn into a real relationship, because he missed the chance for his friend to become romantically interested into him.

I guess from here it changed into a "loser, who is too dumb to get a girl". I can remember tumblr picking it up in ca. 2011 (if I remember correctly), where it started to mean "someone who has a friendship with you, but expects it to be more". And then finally it transformed into "guys who demand sex and attraction from women simply for being nice". I am not going to deny that such people don't exist and that those idiots may be even using the term friendzone unironically (as it happens at OKCupid very often nowadays), but I still don't really think that the friendzone is real. It is just a word, created by a TV series, changed into something entirely different because some online community needed it to use it as a description for a certain kind of personality or to use it in rants.

 

It seems the word firendzone has one primary function: to scapegoat guys, who are frustrated because they are alone and unable to find a person to spend their time with and to brand them for doing this only because of Seeeeeex. I fucking hate especially how so many immature brats online use the term to denounce guys, who really just wanted to be nice and have manners (such as holding a door) for being "Fedora wearing guys who feel friendzoned". Which also equals with "evil, sexist and overprivileged" to them.

[Nyasagi 259]

Guys who whine about being friendzoned are just butthurt, because they got rejected by a girl and instead of dealing with it, they keep complaining and feeling superior for no reason. No one is entitled to date another person. No matter if they're male, or female.

[Bear 1817]

Guys wo whine about being friendzoned are just butthurt, because they got rejected by a girl and instead of dealing with it, they keep complaining and feeling superior for no reason. No one is entitled to date another person. No matter if they're male, or female.

 

F A C T !

 

I hate every single human being who uses "friendzone" in a serious manner.

[blackdoll 907]

 i stay in the friendzone, relationships are too much and a turn off. after a while the silly crush dies. also it's fun if you know what your doing. it sucks though when you slip "like fuck what am i doing." its like a game nothing serious. 

[Peace Heavy mk II 7200]

Ikna pretty much explained it perfectly: much like ______phobic, people made up their own meaning and ran with it. Being nice and expecting sex in return isn't even a friend, so I'm not sure why it isn't called the "I'm a manipulative asshole zone."

 

 

In the sense of the word that it was meant to be used in, it is a real thing to have that one person you've really grown to like but they'll more than likely not think of you romantically ever. It happens, but complaining about it on Reddit will not make them reconsider you any faster.

[greeeeen 49]

I'm not really sure if this counts, but I've had a handful of opportunities being.. well, friendzoned. I suppose being friendzoned doesn't only mean not having your affection reciprocated (lol tumblr) as it also applies to the instances when you're seen as 'undateable' by the person who harbors the feelings for you (in my case because apparently my fiery, tomboyish disposition brushes the guys off somehow without them ever making any obvious advances); thus putting you in the friend zone.

[nekkichi 6043]

The only thing I know for sure is that tumblr has pretty much changed the definition of that word to suit their "Sexism! opression!" speech. Originally a friendzoned guy was just one person (mostly a guy) who was in love with their best friend, but said friend didn't return that affection.

 

people using the word "friendzone" unironically have earned their rep way b4 tumblr though (remember 4chan nice guys™)

 

I agree with the rest of your post entirely

[sai 868]

The "friendzone" is a term mostly used on the internet by everyone's favourite "nice guys" because they're convinced girls either:

 

1. Are machines where if you put nice behaviour and paying for their food in, sex will come out and then cry like babies when they find out it doesn't work like that. These are the most extreme cases and don't seem to appear often.

 

2. Are always at fault when they get rejected because how could anyone reject an amazing guy like him? Probably the girl's fault.

 

3. Can read minds when a guy has a crush on their best female friend without the guy taking any initiative like asking the girl out or any of the sort. In any case, not giving her any hint or indication he's interested, then blames the girl for not taking up his versions of "hints".

 

These are the three cases in which the word is often used, but I believe it's something that doesn't exist. It's just an excuse for guys to push the blame of being rejected on someone else than themselves. I consider it not so much a problem of sexism (as tumblr likes to state), but more of some people just having huge inflated egos. They'll hopefully grow up some day and realize they can't blame everyone for their faults.

[Lestat 2167]

If the word 'friendzone' could be applied to these cases, then I've been put into it more than just once (as a girl). By my guy friends I've always been dubbed as undateable because I often came across as 'one of the guys', because I could be their buddy to play videogames with as well as someone they could somewhat open up to emotionally without having to fear it'd damage the relationship. 

 

It's bothersome when you realize it does perhaps exist.

[Tetora 625]

Friend-zone does exist, by some definitions, but not all definitions people use are correct, IMO.

 

Simplest way to put it is to say it is how you are  `sorted`in someones mind. You are seen as someone who cannot be more than friends. This can be due to looks, personality, status, whatever. It is not a permanent state, where there is a will, there is a way. I have never been in this zone, but have mates who have either been stuck in it, or gotten out of it, even after years.

 

Here are some other terms:

 

Beta Orbiters:

 

Guys `stuck in the friendzone` who constantly hang around girls they have feelings for, in some kind of insincere relationship. They often  try to defend he girl they orbit in a dishonest, jealous way to try and ward off anyone interested in relations with her.

 

I have often experienced something similar to this, especially when I go to a party a girl invites me to, and show up to find a group of dudes scowling at me the whole night every time I talk to the girl. Like please brahs, I am only here for the Tostito`s and salsa, leave me alone.

 

White-Knights:

 

People who constantly do favors, and go out of their way to suck up and please someone they like, in the hope that it will lead to sex and or a relationship. Nothing wrong with being nice or doing things for people, but if you do it for covert reasons and are not honest with the person, maybe there is something wrong there?

 

I remember a dude in school who would always give two girls money at lunch, in the hopes they would like him. Messed up on both parts.

 

Black-Knights:

 

People who have become bitter to relations with the opposite sex, and try to portray a phony `bad-boy or bad-girl`persona, because apparently, jerks always win, good-guys finish last.

 

Usually butt-hurt individuals attracted to PUA, and who go on and on about the opposite sex being such bad people.

 

 

 ------

 

I don`t really label things or try to sort them like that, but given the right description I can say I have experienced many similar things / people.

 

IMO, there are a lot of people with low self-esteem and damaged egos who either don`t know better, or went down the wrong road. I try to follow the saying that `Human beings are inherently good`. There are just a lot of unfortunate people who end up doing manipulative, or dishonest things, as well as a lot of people who end up in an unfortunate place like the friendzone when they don`t want to be.

 

As long as you are as honest as you can be, and don`t live life always trying to get something out of other people, or feel entitlted, you should be fine. Some people are nice people and end up in the friendzone for no good reason, and they even feel like they can never express their feelings to those they care for.

 

Such is life.

 

 

Just my two cents.

[nekkichi 6043]

that's some terrifyingly deep knowledge of dating pool rejects

[Biopanda 2675]

I always thought the friend zone sounded like a cool place for kids to hang out and eat pizza, play arcade games and horse around in a ball pit.

[Nyasagi 259]

OMG, when someone ends things with "such is life" makes me barf every time when I see/hear it, because it's always about the difficulties in life and endless negative rants. It ruins the whole thing someone wants to say, imo.

[Tetora 625]

OMG, when someone ends things with "such is life" makes me barf every time when I see/hear it, because it's always about the difficulties in life and endless negative rants. It ruins the whole thing someone wants to say, imo.

Not sure what you mean? I dont think I ranted, I was just talking about certain stuff and was referring to how people can end up in the 'friendzone' even if they didn't do anything wrong, and aren't bitter people, aka chit happens.

Just wanna know where you are coming from, don't barf on me bro.

[Nyasagi 259]

It's just my pet peeve, people always say that phrase when they want to rant about how much life sucks and how difficult it is, I don't like that much negativity around me. It always sounds like someone is desperate, a loser or they gave up on everything they love. They call it "that is life", "such is life", etc.

[lichtlune 915]

Hello m'ladies nice guy checking in. Just kidding but I'd like to think I'm "nice" but i don't do it because i want something out of it or whatever. Like i hold doors open for anyone behind me be it female or not it's just the right thing to do i think. Don't assume always if a guy is nice to you that he wants you or something either because that's definitely not the case.

 

I think being in the "friend zone" is basically being that guy that a girl likes talking to and things but isn't into them in any other way beyond that. There's nothing wrong with that however i mean friends are meant to be friends. I don't see it as a negative thing really. I mean if you aren't that person's type there's nothing you can do to change that right?

 

It does suck being that fallback guy though. Someone a girl only pays attention to after she's been out of a relationship for emotional support. Leading them on and things. And then getting back in a relationship with someone else and then they stop talking to this other person. That's a shitty thing to do. But if a genuine friendship then it's cool just be honest with your intentions and don't flirt and things just because you're bored. 

[blackdoll 907]

I'm in the friendzone with someone on here, i find the way they talk / carry themselves very attractive

[ghost 2687]

These are the only "friends" I need. 

 

 

Abe understands me.

[Shmilly 519]

Perhaps some time ago the term 'friendzone' or something similar did accurately define someone's romantic status. But now, I've come to hate the word for what the internet has turned it into. A 'friendzone' of the kind people talk about these days does not exist. It's as simple as that. The very notion of being put into a zone for friends is the exact same phenomenon as this: becoming friends with someone. You either become friends with someone, or you enter a relationship with someone. There's not really any middle ground. Casual sex is not friendzone, because it's the very thing people claiming to be there are probably after.

 

The whole problem comes from putting sex on a pedestal. Certainly for those who have yet to experience it, it's a huge thing to consider. Stories about how great it is, stories about how terrible the first time will be, debating the value of virginity or faithfulness, love versus desires. Sex is not a big thing at all - it's just another one of those nice things in life that we all get around to at some point. Some people do it a lot more than others, some with multiple partners, and some in committed relationships.

 

If being 'friendzoned' is stopping you from having sex then you're missing the point of both sex and relationships. You can have sex with whoever you like, whenever you like, provided both parties consent to it. Don't make the mistake of thinking relationships are all about sex, and you'll realise that there's no such thing as a 'friendzone'. If you have romantic feelings for a friend but don't mention or act upon it, you only have yourself to blame.

[YuyoDrift 1540]

Reading all this made me laugh in a good way. Thanks guys. I really needed it.

 

On 3/24/2015 at 11:47 AM, Shmilly said:

 If you have romantic feelings for a friend but don't mention or act upon it, you only have yourself to blame.

 

This pretty much sums it up. A little harsh, since I know that not everyone has high social skill levels, but you make your own decisions in the end.

 

Friend-Zone in my mind is a person who just doesn't know when to quit ( I am confident enough to admit that I have done it from time to time), or is persistent to a point, where they've lost some rationality (this could be to what a lot of you refer to as "entitled" to sex or whatever). Friends of mine who are guys like to call it "letting the little guy take over" (the gals think it's a stupid name haha). Of course, that same principle may apply to women as well. So it's like a state of mind that the person put themselves in to rationalize wtf it is they are doing, so they don't look hopeless lol.

 

The quoted sentence is especially true for meeting someone new you are interested in. If you go on for weeks, trying to have that "crush" notice you, chances are a date/relationship is not gonna happen.

Why?

Well from what I've seen, heard (and done), when you constantly give your "crush" attention, you give them some details about yourself (either knowingly, or unknowingly). Body language and eagerness are very noticeable things to people. Eventually, your "crush" has enough information from you to make a "decision" in their mind about how they view you in terms of relationship. You were supposed to be mysterious! lol There goes the date :/ (or the sex, for you assholes).

This is obviously not the only reason, but simply my experiences/thoughts on the matter.

 

Honestly, the people who do the whole "let me be friends with this girl/guy, and that way, I'm in!", are basically making the whole thing more complicated. You like the person right? Basically, what I'm saying is: You put yourself there. You should have gotten out (realize what's happening) while you could. It happens though, so don't beat yourself up for it. Yes, I know there are people who like to be friends first and then date (I do the same thing, in fact I prefer it), but that's a different case. So no "Fuck you, Yuyo". Please.

 

You have to make yourself noticeable. That doesn't mean you have to go as far as to degrade yourself for the sake of being noticed (some people do this, and I apologize in advance if that's how you flirt, don't mean to offend), but show them a side of you that you feel most comfortable with. It's all up in the air at that point. With that being said, you also have to understand the chances of getting that persons reciprocated interest in you may not happen if you don't make a first impression strong enough, and you have to deal with it. I think this is where the irrationality comes from.

 

and I'm done. I have other shit to worry about. Roast away MH.

 

 

 

[Undead burger 24]

I am currently friendzoning a friend of mine and I feel bad about it because he's really a sweet guy.

 

To sum it quickly : I'm his only female friend and he's really the nerd cliché, he never had a girlfriend, he's still a virgin and he's very shy and suffer of an obvious lack of confidence. Even if I really appreciate him, we'll never be together because I'm not attracted to guys. He know that I'm a lesbian, and that I have a girl friend atm, but still he's in love. He didn't say it obviously, but well... I'm not stupid nor blind.

 

I feely guilty about it, since I never did anything special to make him fall in love with me, and I feel terrible. He's probably stil hopping that I'll change my mind since I have been with boys before. Now I'm almost 100% sure that I'll never go back in another relation ship with a male.

 

I've been friendzoned too as a teenager. I was maybe 14 of 15 at this time and I was totaly in love with a friend of mine. To me she was really beautful : a brunette with green eyes and big boobies (yeah, i like busty girls.)
But since she was straight... Well, it didn't worked for me but I get over it and I moved on ^^'

[Komorebi 2193]

Reading all of this right now is... painfully useful, at best. Thanks, I guess?