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Gesu

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Posts posted by Gesu


  1. I think I've reached that point where I just don't give a shite anymore. About a month or two ago, I was ill and couldn't leave my room for five days so I had kind of a mental breakdown out of loneliness which was horrible but at the end of it, I just felt... calm, like I completely burnt myself out. I feel absolutely fine now and it's weird; like I cared so much about it before but now I'm just in this state of calm. Like, so calm that my libido damn near died which I thought would never happen but thank fuck it has. It's still there and you can bet your arse I'll still look at a hot guy and acknowledge how damn hot he is (see my profile picture UwU) but it no longer torments me. As for romance... again, I just don't really give a shite (tbf tho I always gave more of a shite about getting physically close to someone as opposed to romantically). The best way I can describe it is this: if I love someone and they make me happy, just being around them is enough so I don't need to solidify that by declaring my love for them. "I love you" or nah, my feelings wouldn't change as long as we could enjoy each other's company. That, and the way everyone else describes relationships doesn't really sound ideal to me, anyways. All that "a relationship will put your emotional strength to the test", "it's a huge risk", "it's a lot of hard work", etc just sounds like a load of malarkey to me. I like this feeling of calm and I don't need some hard, risky test to ruin that (even if I did want a relationship, I feel like if you really love someone it should be easy and natural and you should know them well enough by the time you get with them for it to not feel like a test). Getting to this state of comfort in my own company was enough of a hard, risky test, thank you very much! Plus... if I ever do get into a relationship, be it romantic, sexual or both, the only risk will be potentially falling back into that pit of loneliness if it all goes tits-up for whatever reason.

     

    TLDR: I'm finally fucking happy without needing another person's touch to validate that. Don't worry, I'm still human and I'm still a social creature; I'm just happier than I was before, that's all. This was kind of a ramble but eh. It feels good to share it. :)

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