Single People Thread

[Asakusa 95]

hello, lulz

[Ito 2438]

My 2 cents as someone who saves intimacy for someone I am truly in love with...maybe you shouldn't be having sex with someone if you are kind of split between two women? I mean, sure, it feels great, but I doubt it is doing anything for your long term outlook except make things more confusing.

 

For me, interests are king. If I can't play video games or watch anime with my girlfriend, I'm sorry, but that is a strong no. Things might be fine for the couple dates, but it is the times when you are bumming around doing nothing that is important. I wouldn't want to be with someone that, when you are hanging out on a Sunday afternoon with no plans, you feel like you can't do anything with them.

[Aion 184]

Aion, I can't speak for other moms, but I know that I was extra cautious about dating because of my daughter. It took a long time for me to [finally ] introduce men I dated to my little girl because..... well, I was/am paranoid and over protective. What does the mom want from seeing you? If she's thinking long term, then you'll eventually have to tackle things like parenting styles and discipline. I learned the hard way that conflicting parenting styles is a major deal breaker. The other differences can be overcome with compromises (a vacation with sightseeing AND the beach or alternating who picks, for example). I'd suggest going out on a few more dates then asking her about it when it seems right (for all I know she might just like the time to herself and the sex *shrug*).

As for the first chick... those sound like legit reasons (maybe she couldn't afford the gas, even if you were willing to pay for everything else). She seems quite busy, so would she have TIME for a distant (hour+, you said) relationship? She doesn't seem to prioritize you right now. An ex of mine always said that you needed the right person and the right time for a relationship to work, having either of them be wrong meant disaster for the relationship. I'd recommend communicating with her about it; if she's honest with you then you might be able to work this problem out.

I wish you all the happiness, no matter who you may (or may not) end up dating.

As for the parenting thing, I see, and completely understand where you're coming from. That's why it kinda struck my by surprise saturday, and well, I'm a guy xD. I never really thought about being a father myself right now, but I guess I'm also not opposed to the idea. Haven't met her daughter yet, and I guess it's smart that I haven't yet. It's better to get some solid connection before getting to know her kid, otherwise she might get harmed one way or another. The real father seems to be a real douchebag of what I heard of her. Not wanting to spend time at all with his daughter, and even when he's agreed on it, cancelling a little while before hand.

 

As for the first girl. Can't really get intoo contact with her. I know it's only 2 days, but I know she's seen my messages (on Friday night after the cancellation if everything was alright, and last night, basically asking the same thing...) Guess I'm now just waiting for her to reply. Don't want to look like a desperate guy, but it's nice to know what she wants...

 

blegh, relations xD

 

My 2 cents as someone who saves intimacy for someone I am truly in love with...maybe you shouldn't be having sex with someone if you are kind of split between two women? I mean, sure, it feels great, but I doubt it is doing anything for your long term outlook except make things more confusing.

 

For me, interests are king. If I can't play video games or watch anime with my girlfriend, I'm sorry, but that is a strong no. Things might be fine for the couple dates, but it is the times when you are bumming around doing nothing that is important. I wouldn't want to be with someone that, when you are hanging out on a Sunday afternoon with no plans, you feel like you can't do anything with them.

 

I also always had that in mind, but last saturday, it kinda just happened... Really did not plan on it happening and before I even realized it, we we're on our way doing it...

 

Interests of course are king. But there's a side of me, that kinda tells me that I really have to start looking for someone. From all of my friends, I'm the only single, and except 1, they're all married and have kids or kids are on their way... I'd personally rather 'try' it out with someone, and maybe we can share common interests on the long run, and see if it get's anywhere, than be forever alone, hoping to see my ideal match to knock on my door...

 

Ah well, we will see =)

[Biopanda 2675]

*rides off valiantly into the sun(ny lands of Finland)* Farewell, comrades, and keep up the good fight :') 

[saishuu 3220]

Adios, thread! (heading into my first relationship ever and I'm still terrified)

[Ito 2438]

Nice! I hope you enjoy it XD

[Kawaii_Minpha 194]

Edit: Message deleted

[Nyasagi 259]

I didn't even remember I posted in this thread, after 4 years nothing has changed for me, still here (26 years old and never dates, so pathetic lol... should I even post it here? Maybe I'll delete this post later, it's so embarrassing). I'm the weird combination of a person with an extremely low self esteem and probably too high standards. I'm not good looking and poor, it's not a good combination to get someone either . All the guys of my type always have such pretty girlfriends... or they're gay.

[RoseOfHizaki 131]

I just found this topic to talk about Love and Relationships

Single people thread, hum yea, i'm single, but it's not wanted at all.

 

Basically, the problem is that i'm not attracted nor to guys, nor to girls, but only to feminine Jrocker (or very feminine guys).

There will always be some people to say these Jrockers are still guys and so that i'm gay, but anyway, i don't care, i know what i am, and what i'm not... Just wanna say it's not the same thing to me, i respect gay, and being gay would not be a shame to me at all, i'm open minded, but i consider i'm something else, and i think there is more sexual orientation than the basics one. And i know more than anybody else what is my personal orientation.

that being said;;;

I have never seen any Jrocker in my whole country, and never seen any feminine guys, as feminine as those Jrockers here.

 

It's not only a phantasm, no, i'm feeling in real love to them, a real attraction. I have been always different from others in many aspects of my life, including this different orientation. Basically, i accept this orientation without any problem since i'm not ashamed of that, even my friends and family know about this, they know i just want to be with a very feminine guy. But it doesn't help to find the love of my life, and i'm seriously afraid to be single all my life due to this reason. I know that very feminine guy are very rare, and most of them are not feminine in public or things like that, and most Jrockers are only feminine for their band.

 

Before knowing these Jrocker, i always thought that girls are cute, but i was not really attracted sexually to them. Also, i'm not able to even have girls in my friends (don't know why, it just doesn't work, they talk to me, and after a few time, the contact is rare, and then non-existent. The only girl i'm able to TALK with for hours and always have something to talk, she's my mom, so my friends are all male). During my teenage years i had just 2 girlfriends, but it didn't last even a month, and i didn't felt in love (i was like:: i'm with her, i don't know what to tell her, just like every girls, and i don't feel desire but hey, i guess this is love, But i was feeling nothing, even if they was cute, and i didn't had any sexual desire towards them). I'm not attracted to man at all, no desire towards man, i wish i was attracted to man because it would be easier for me to find someone in my life. The very feminine guys are so rare, and not all of them are attracted to a man. I always wish that guys were feminine instead of girls, so when i found Jrockers, it was like a revelation::: Wow, it exist, i found what i need.

 

Since i found the Jrockers, i know that this is true love, i mean, i feel it inside, i can't explain as i can't find the words to explain what i feel inside. Just thinking to give a kiss or a hug to one of them makes me feel in love, and these are my desire. Just to give them a hug is now like an obsession, i think of them everyday, all the time.

 

Of course i need my few friends and so i'm happy to have my few friends, but i ALSO need the love, and i'm not attracted to my friends since they are not feminine at all, and basically, this need to find love is one of the things that makes me feel like.... you know, tired to be single. Why am i ONLY attracted to these feminine guys? I could also be attracted to girls or to guy, but no, unfortunately, i'm not. Sometime i which that i was no longer attracted to anyone, that would help me a lot, instead of being attracted to the inaccessible. Sometime my mom tell me that one day i will find him, but heh, it's like i can't believe it anymore, i have more chance to win the biggest lottery price even if i don't buy any ticket. Anyway, i would be the most happiest guy in the world if i could find this love.

 

I dig really feminine guys too but its more of a bi-curious side of me?? but i do prefer women though, but I tend to break my toys so durability is a bonus. not saying that im incapable of being gentle but i like to manhandle fragile things like a bull in a china shop.

 

Otherwise I do find femguys to be slightly more loyal to their partners. either that or I just havent found the right partner for me and its been a long long long time since ive really trusted someone that intimately.

 

 

I didn't even remember I posted in this thread, after 4 years nothing has changed for me, still here (26 years old and never dates, so pathetic lol... should I even post it here? Maybe I'll delete this post later, it's so embarrassing). I'm the weird combination of a person with an extremely low self esteem and probably too high standards. I'm not good looking and poor, it's not a good combination to get someone either . All the guys of my type always have such pretty girlfriends... or they're gay.

 

Youre not alone - Im getting on 29 and havent had a date or anyone close enough to cuddle with for probably the same amount of time if not longer. I used to get very sad about it, and to a certain extent I still do, I get jealous of friends who have girlfriends and it depresses me even further.

 

Im neither good looking or rich but im comfortable with the money I earn though It could be a little better. So I waste my money on things that make me happy and but stuff for myself because i have nobody to spend money on - while It does not fix the problem I am able to focus on other things and less about the shit that makes me sad because the last thing I need is to be dragged into that black hole called drepression.

 

and I cry about it when im alone, I honestly do - because Inside im an emotional mess and theres one other thing out there that cuts me deep more than any break up or the feeling of being alone because Its really something I have never had any control over. But I put on a brave face, because deep inside I know Im stronger then that.

 

Ive made peace with myself that maybe I will never find anyone, and even though it doesnt stop me looking back once in a while and crying like a little bitch about it - I know where im going, and what I have to do in life - I might not have anyone to love but i can love those around me, so I help make life a little better for them.

 

and I live everyday at a crossroad not knowing when depression might make me do something stupid but until the day i finally grow some balls and take my own life at least i would have shared my love with my family and friends before I leave it all behind and its something I will never look back on.

 

 

Such is life, and if you get dealt a shitty hand then you deal with it. (preferably with a brave face, cuz chicks dig that - or at least they used to)

[blackdoll 907]

Single for life, because i don't like people!

[Kawaii_Minpha 194]

Edit: Message deleted

[RoseOfHizaki 131]

Im as ugly as sin, Slightly overweight and asian. Though i do plan to apply myself a little more when i get back home and hit the gym at least 2 or 3 times a week.

I need to lose this weight. Though having a body like Arnie doesnt exactly appeal to me

[Nyasagi 259]

ishiki, that's the kind of guys I'm attracted to as well. It's often a matter of the personal style, I just don't find the regular, manly style attractive. I think all these "manly" men look so boring, especially the ones with short hair. It's a huge turn off for me and it's been the same since my teens. I've always been attracted to the ones who look more delicate. Unfortunately, there aren't such guys in this country, they would probably get beaten up for looking gay. I hate Polish men, because they're obsessed with that not looking and not acting "gay" thing. The only ones who don't act like this, are bi or gay themselves and they're the only guys who actually don't annoy me. I could never date someone with that anti-gay obsession, even if he was totally my type in appearance.

 

I think I'm more into girls, actually, because there are too little men of my type. Even the ones considered "hot" by most women, are unattractive for me. I remember one guy hitting on me in high school, all the girls thought he was hot, but he was totally not my type (darker skin, black hair... a bit like a latino type, it's just not my thing). Maybe I shouldn't be too picky, because I'm fat and unattractive (I looked better in high school, fyi), but I'm one of these people who aren't able to lower their standards just to date anyone.

 

___________________________

 

RoseOfHizaki, and I was going to delete that post for being so pathetic, but now it's pointless, because you quoted it. Oh well, it's the only site I use this nickname on, so no one will track my pathetic self online :'D.

 

 

 

I tend to break my toys so durability is a bonus. not saying that im incapable of being gentle but i like to manhandle fragile things like a bull in a china shop.

As long as it's not just being careless about what you do, people should rather enjoy it, especially girls. Sadism is sexy .

 

 

I won't quote the whole rest, so I'll just reply to it here:

 

I only get sad about it, because there's no one who cares about me. People usually focus on their work and family, so a friend wouldn't care for me as much as I need it, I think it's the only reason I want to date someone, to actually get out of here and get busy with something else, because I have no other possibilities and only a person you date makes you their priority, friends don't do this.

 

There's nothing wrong with spending money on yourself, why do you see it as a problem? I don't understand this. Maybe it's because I'm a girl, so I was raised different, I have no idea... or maybe because I have nothing, so I'd be excited about having money to spend on myself. When people buy me things I feel terrible, like I was using them, to be honest. But yes, having money helps with depression, you can treat yourself with nice things all the time.

 

Well, everyone is sad sometimes, there's nothing wrong with that. I don't think girls dislike it when men cry, or get emotional, or upset, because it happens to everyone. Men who act too tough are usually huge dicks. Maybe some girls like it, but I find it unattractive. They usually lack any common sense. Think about love stories for women, they all are so emotional and romantic, I don't think most women like too tough and too soft men (mommy's sons for example). Something in between is the best, nothing too extreme. People in general dislike it when someone's in a bad mood and they expect you to put on a happy mask, but you're supposed to get closer to someone when you're in a relationship, so I think it's better to be honest, at least you wouldn't end up with a person you can't stand this way. All the pretending to attract a certain type of people is a bad idea, imo.

[Kawaii_Minpha 194]

Edit: Message deleted

[Nyasagi 259]

ishiki, I live in a country where people call gender studies a deviation... further comments aren't needed. It's basically what you just described. All these people just think they're open minded, but they're not in fact. No one has to date someone they don't find attractive, but being open minded is accepting every person as an equal human being, their taste and opinions, as long as their actions don't hurt anyone else. If someone doesn't do this, they aren't open minded. The only solution for you to be happy with yourself, is to move to a different country, where diversity is more accepted, I think. Look for someone from another country, with internet it's possible! Birds don't spend all their lives in the same place, people don't have to do it either, the whole world is available for us (minus North Korea maybe, but who would like to live there anyway? XD).

[miyuu 40]

ishiki, I live in a country where people call gender studies a deviation... further comments aren't needed. It's basically what you just described. All these people just think they're open minded, but they're not in fact. No one has to date someone they don't find attractive, but being open minded is accepting every person as an equal human being, their taste and opinions, as long as their actions don't hurt anyone else. If someone doesn't do this, they aren't open minded. The only solution for you to be happy with yourself, is to move to a different country, where diversity is more accepted, I think. Look for someone from another country, with internet it's possible! Birds don't spend all their lives in the same place, people don't have to do it either, the whole world is available for us (minus North Korea maybe, but who would like to live there anyway? XD).

 

like how??you have to be rich or have help. T_T

.

ok so i am out of subject.anyway you comfort me when talking about this subject about liking only femine guys.

because sometimes i feel like i am the only one and crazy.and i feel embarrassed to write these things too.

being pretty has nothing to do.i don't consider myself  pretty but i know guys ussually like me. (because i don't know maybe i am thin.i fix my hair.i wear make up.)

never had a problem . guys hit on me or like me but i just don't find them attractive.

while when i see japanese guys i feel like a slut.

also from all my girlfriends . the girl who had most guys wasn't the one that was the most pretty  ,in terms of what considered pretty. and she wasn't thin. and guys didn't care. i guess maybe because she was more easy.but i don't consider that bad. (or maybe because of her character?) and she did also have guys that were attractive and good looking.

also i am more crazy because i don't like too feminine attitude, even in girls too much cute attitude annoys me.

but i like feminine physical characteristics. has nothing to do with attitude.

so i am  more screwed. because probably a guy that acts too "girly" would annoy me as much as a girl.

(edit:for example do not act more girly than me dude)

 

on the subject.i don't think i could be in a serious relationship because of personal reasons, it's not only the feminine thing that i am not willing to analyse in this thread.sure if there was someone who could make a difference and made me change it would be great.but in current situation i haven't met anyone who can make me feel different

[Nyasagi 259]

 

 

like how??you have to be rich or have help. T_T

idk, find a sugar daddy? xD I don't know how to get money, it's so difficult.

 

 

 

the girl who had most guys wasn't the one that was the most pretty  ,in terms of what considered pretty. and she wasn't thin. and guys didn't care. i guess maybe because she was more easy.but i don't consider that bad. (or maybe because of her character?) and she did also have guys that were attractive and good looking.

I think it depends on the country, it isn't very accepted here. Men in this country like only skinny, thin or a little overweight girls. I also know what comments they post online, even anime/Japan fans don't accept it. I saw lots of hate on overweight cosplayers, for example... and not many people are against such comments.

 

 

also i am more crazy because i don't like too feminine attitude, even in girls too much cute attitude annoys me.

but i like feminine physical characteristics. has nothing to do with attitude.

so i am  more screwed. because probably a guy that acts too "girly" would annoy me as much as a girl.

I think you're being a bit too stereotypical here. Someone's taste says nothing about the personality. Just because someone likes cute things, it doesn't mean they're dumb and cutesy.

[miyuu 40]

idk, find a sugar daddy? xD I don't know how to get money, it's so difficult.

 

I think it depends on the country, it isn't very accepted here. Men in this country like only skinny, thin or a little overweight girls. I also know what comments they post online, even anime/Japan fans don't accept it. I saw lots of hate on overweight cosplayers, for example... and not many people are against such comments.

 

I think you're being a bit too stereotypical here. Someone's taste says nothing about the personality. Just because someone likes cute things, it doesn't mean they're dumb and cutesy.

 

 

guys here say they preffer skinny of curvy too. but i think when it comes to reality it depends on the character of the girl.and how easy she is.

for example. my friend had more boyish attitude.so she could be their best friend. she was easy. and although she was kinda fat.

she could use what she got.like big boobs. i mean she didn't wear cleavage but she knew she got them and had confidence.

 

 

let me say this.if we see a cockroach i am not the one killing it. lol .

but i don't know how to explain really lol.

[sai 868]

In my daily life I honestly don't give three shits about what men find attractive in girls. It's quite pathetic that women are valued by the size of their jeans, hips, buttocks, breasts, etc and not by their intelligence and skills. Advertisement tells us we need to be a size zero to be found attractive in general and it's really making me sick. People who dislike their size because they think they won't be able to get a date due to it need to stop doing that because if you find someone who actually truly cares about they honestly won't care whether you have jeans size zero or jeans size fourteen. Everyone likes different things anyway.

 

I don't know how looks can participate in sexual desire or so though since I'm asexual and don't experience any sexual attraction, so you'll have to educate me on that.

[Nyasagi 259]

sai, it's just a taste, like with everything. Why do you like the certain genre of music, but not the other one? You don't control what you like... but of course commenting on people who aren't your type is wrong. Don't tell people to stop disliking their size, because that's something they don't control! After hearing mean comments for years, even positive comments don't make it better, but bad ones make it even worse. If people minded their own business, others would be also more confident about themselves. Don't blame the victims.

[miyuu 40]

we do not want to be pretty for the other gender though.

we are obsessing over being pretty or thin for ourselves. i do not do it for others. i just want to look like the image i like.

and by advising someone to stop obsessing, doesn't really make it stop.

but i think pretty  or thin has nothing to do with being single or not.

or being pretty has nothing to do with being happy or not. but sure it may help .

 

anyway i am kinda curious i don't really understand asexuals.i always wanted to have a convertation with someone,out of curiosity. or with a bi person.

but not someone who is open minded and would sleep with both genders.like i can understand to prefer one ,but don't mind sleeping with the other .

but with someone who actually finds completely the same both genders.

i am out of subject

[sai 868]

Disliking your own size can be due too multiple amounts of reasons, some of which can be more easily overcome than others. The example I set was purely meant for people who feel uncomfortable because they think they will never get a PARTNER due too their size. The other category would be people that have heard from multiple people that they're attractive, but where the idea that they're not is so deeply engraved into their minds due too past circumstances that it's not as easily changed by saying "don't feel about it anymore". The people I'm addressing are the ones where this isn't so deep-rooted.

 

 

After hearing mean comments for years, even positive comments don't make it better, but bad ones make it even worse. If people minded their own business, others would be also more confident about themselves. Don't blame the victims.

 

I personally know what that is like, really I do, I was a bullying victim for more than ten years. What I'm trying to say is, sure, if people were nicer to eachother and didn't mind other people's business as much as they do, then people would probably feel more comfortable in their own skin, I agree. BUT sadly that's not the case, and looking at how things are now I doubt that they ever will. Lots of individuals are very egocentric and will have to look down on others to make themselves feel better. So even though you can't change people's behaviour, you can try to learn how to live with it. And that's not something that happens overnight...it can take months, even years before someone finally retrieves their lost self-esteem. All I'm trying to say it's a shame that people are made to feel bad about themselves through pressure from outside.

 

@miyuu being asexual is just basically not feeling any sort of sexual attraction towards others, both male as female.

[Kaye 296]

I'm usually not much of a person who speaks freely about things such as relationships and love but I just need to get it out of my mind for a second.

 

I am 25, and in my whole life I've only been in love once, and on the verge of going there once. It seems weird to a lot of people because "how can you not fall in love?" but I'm just really not interested in most people walking around on this planet. I need to "know" a person before I can even get interested any further. It's only when I get interested that I end up getting a crush on someone, and when the crush gets so big I can't deal with it anymore, I fall in love. But I hardly get interested. (at the same time I hardly ever feel any kind of sexual attraction to anyone else, or at least haven't felt much of it yet. I know it's part of the "it's very hard to get me interested" thing, but at the same time I just sometimes don't know how or why.)

 

It's only happened 3 or 4 times in my whole life, and out of those, I've only thought of two being able to be my significant other. One of which who became one, the other of which I just ended up in a very unlucky situation with beyond my control.

 

In other words, though it's not really by choice, I don't really know what it feels like to be "wanted" by someone. At least I don't remember anymore. I'd like to get that feeling back to be honest.

 

 

I don't know how looks can participate in sexual desire or so though since I'm asexual and don't experience any sexual attraction, so you'll have to educate me on that.

 

It's nothing but personal preference like mentioned before. There are just some things that get people to look at others more than usually. For instance, I have no preferences of body shapes or looks or whatever. As long as a person fits his/her own style and stays true to him/herself, I'm fine with anything. It's the mind that does it for me anyway. But deep eyes I could get lost in? Collarbones that are just that one special type of shape you prefer? Even the shape of hands or shoulders, a neck, or ears...lips... It's all in our preferences to like one thing over the other. And some of those things just get us over the edge, and give that extra push to feel attracted to someone.

[miyuu 40]

on this note above.i feel like i am the opposite maybe that's why i can't understand.but it's interesting reading the opposite side.

many people say  you need to know someone to fall in love. try to date him for a while ,even if you don't find him attractive
and at some point you'll start finding him attractive and fall in love.many girls have said to me i wasn't in love when we start dating.
i can't do that or understand it. i tried it and it was disaster.
i am so the opposite. i can have a crush from the first sight lol. being in love at first sight.i can totally do that.
and it's impossible to me to date someone if i don't feel sexual attraction.
but this is not good ,i think it makes thinks worst for me.

this is with boys.

 

with girls i think i can understand this thought above. i think i could date some girl without feeling sexual attraction.

because any attraction i have with girls is more emotional and not about sex to be honest.

[cruel-crucible 89]

It seems weird to a lot of people because "how can you not fall in love?" but I'm just really not interested in most people walking around on this planet. I need to "know" a person before I can even get interested any further. It's only when I get interested that I end up getting a crush on someone, and when the crush gets so big I can't deal with it anymore, I fall in love. But I hardly get interested. (at the same time I hardly ever feel any kind of sexual attraction to anyone else, or at least haven't felt much of it yet. I know it's part of the "it's very hard to get me interested" thing, but at the same time I just sometimes don't know how or why.)

 

In other words, though it's not really by choice, I don't really know what it feels like to be "wanted" by someone. At least I don't remember anymore. I'd like to get that feeling back to be honest.

Can I hug you? I mean, this sounds way too much like myself.

 

Everyone around me seems to find it easy to find people they're interested in very fast. Like, they walk into a bar and within 3 minutes they'll have scanned the whole area and located at least 2 potential partners. Somehow my attraction to others isn't based on looks - sure, I can say "this guy's hot" when I see someone attractive, but it doesn't make me immediately interested in him. I need to get to know the guy, judge his intellect, look for common interests, make sure our personalities won't clash. 

 

Besides, I'm not the most outgoing person out there. I'm very sociable and people generally like me, but I don't enjoy going out very often as I like spending time by myself. I don't actively look for a relationship and maybe for this reason have been told a few times that I'm too "hard to get" and "scare guys away".