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16 hours ago, patientZERO said:

I wish I could have a job that lets me chill and play video games!

 

I don't always get to chill though. After all, I am working 1on1 with a 6 year old kid diagnosed with autism and ADHD, and they've also seen signs of epiletic activity in his brain. So it's usually a bit more action during my days when it's regular school. 

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8 hours ago, Bear said:

 

I don't always get to chill though. After all, I am working 1on1 with a 6 year old kid diagnosed with autism and ADHD, and they've also seen signs of epiletic activity in his brain. So it's usually a bit more action during my days when it's regular school. 

 

Oh wow. That's incredible! Not everyone can do that type of work. I didn't mean to downplay what you do. I just figured it was like an office job or something that let you chill when things got slow or something.

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i had like a pretty fucked up case of depersonalization last night just seemingly totally out of the blue and im still vaguely shook by it tbh

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14 minutes ago, Tokage said:

i had like a pretty fucked up case of depersonalization last night just seemingly totally out of the blue and im still vaguely shook by it tbh

 

ugh, depersonalization is the most fucked up thing I've ever experienced ): hope you're feeling better

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6 minutes ago, saishuu said:

 

ugh, depersonalization is the most fucked up thing I've ever experienced ): hope you're feeling better

It was messed up as hell, felt like there was some sort of film of white noise in between myself and my surroundings, and I felt as if my consciousness was just somehow... fluttering about somewhere above my head, but not inside myself. Trying to move felt like being stuck neck-deep in sand, or like one of those dreams where you try to run from something but you keep moving in place. Felt like waking up at a stranger's house out of the blue.. Disorientation, alienation, that sort of thing. I can't even say I was panicked or anything, cuz I barely felt anything at all. I've had some minor instances of disassociation in the past (and I'm pretty sure a lot of people have in some form) but never to this extent.. At least I'm okay for now, but it still startled me

Edited by Tokage

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15 minutes ago, Tokage said:

It was messed up as hell, felt like there was some sort of film of white noise in between myself and my surroundings, and I felt as if my consciousness was just somehow... fluttering about somewhere above my head, but not inside myself. Trying to move felt like being stuck neck-deep in sand, or like one of those dreams where you try to run from something but you keep moving in place. Felt like waking up at a stranger's house out of the blue.. Disorientation, alienation, that sort of thing. I can't even say I was panicked or anything, cuz I barely felt anything at all. I've had some minor instances of disassociation in the past (and I'm pretty sure a lot of people have in some form) but never to this extent.. At least I'm okay for now, but it still startled me

 

yep, that's depersonalization. that's exactly like it feels and it's scary as fuck during and after because you feel like you're arrested inside your head, feeling like someone's body is taking control of your actions. I went weeks feeling like that last year and it was not pretty. I even avoided mirrors at some point because I could not recognize myself at all. I usually feel like this during a big depressive episode, when it's like the dissociation is not enough and depersonalization is the next level, but thankfully I haven't had one in a while now.

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17 minutes ago, saishuu said:

 

yep, that's depersonalization. that's exactly like it feels and it's scary as fuck during and after because you feel like you're arrested inside your head, feeling like someone's body is taking control of your actions. I went weeks feeling like that last year and it was not pretty. I even avoided mirrors at some point because I could not recognize myself at all. I usually feel like this during a big depressive episode, when it's like the dissociation is not enough and depersonalization is the next level, but thankfully I haven't had one in a while now.

 

I hope it won't get to that point where I'll have to start avoiding mirrors and such and it'll just remain a 'one time only'-type of thing tbh, but well, you never know with The Mental Bullshit(tm). I admittedly have felt like my headspace's kind of taking a wrong turn again lately & I've been kind of stressed out, so I guess maybe that's what triggered it for me

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14 minutes ago, Tokage said:

 

I hope it won't get to that point where I'll have to start avoiding mirrors and such and it'll just remain a 'one time only'-type of thing tbh, but well, you never know with The Mental Bullshit(tm). I admittedly have felt like my headspace's kind of taking a wrong turn again lately & I've been kind of stressed out, so I guess maybe that's what triggered it for me

 

seriously hope you don't have to experience it again, shit's terrifying. may sound cliche, but take care, man.

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16 hours ago, patientZERO said:

Who would have guessed that the most racist person I would meet in my life would be a Korean woman ... and she's my instructor and my graduation resides in her hands.

Maybe you should not let your discoveries escalate to the point of typical "All [any ethnicity here] are racists" though? Her perceptions are her own issue, but when it comes to you, such obstacle - or challenge, if you will - provides more opportunities  in regards to how you prove your skills' worth (and your worth if we stretch it a lil bit). Don't let yourself down because of this: chin up, you will definitely graduate. Just acknowledge that if you keep your cool and do your thing with some devotion, you will be always smarter than her in that sense.

 

Most people that face racism should acknowledge that "handle" somewhere around them exists - something they can grasp onto to reach up and further from the cesspool of hate that victims of perceived racism usually resort to as the means of self-defense.  Don't be like them (there are some in MH unfortunately)

 

 

Edited by Alroy

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36 minutes ago, Carmelzors said:

Maybe you should not let your discoveries escalate to the point of typical "All [any ethnicity here] are racists" though? Her perceptions are her own issue, but when it comes to you, such obstacle - or challenge, if you will - provides more opportunities  in regards to how you prove your skills' worth (and your worth if we stretch it a lil bit). Don't let yourself down because of this: chin up, you will definitely graduate. Just acknowledge that if you keep your cool and do your thing with some devotion, you will be always smarter than her in that sense.

 

Most people that face racism should acknowledge that "handle" somewhere around them exists - something they can grasp onto to reach up and further from the cesspool of hate that victims of perceived racism usually resort to as the means of self-defense.  Don't be like them (there are some in MH unfortunately)

 

 

 

Oh, I definitely won't resort to "all Koreans are racists," in fact, quite the opposite. I don't think that an entire ethnicity is racist, but it just surprised me that a person of her stature would constantly remind me that I'm a white male (as if I didn't already know) and how that means when studying another culture. Pretty much, she told me that my thesis paper proposal was bullshit because I was born to caucasian parents and with a penis. Because I had any choice in that matter. I'm really just frustrated because my paper's grading pretty much presides in personal opinion and I feel that since she's already decided to knock me down a peg based on my race and gender, little of what I say about my chosen subject will do anything to impress her.

 

I honestly thank you for your comments, though. I legit have nobody to talk to about them because I fear pissing off someone higher up and them tanking my GPA or whatever. I just can't wait until teacher evaluations roll around.

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thats what you're legally obliged yell straight into your newborn child's face as it pops out of its mother's vag,  otherwise the doctors instantly put it up for adoption

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I sometimes wonder:

At what point does a place have to get, before they would even consider contacting me about my offer?

Perhaps they are afraid of what I'd do?

Could they be taking it as some form of intimidation?

Maybe they believe I am so brash, that not being apathetic as they are is seen as wrong.

 

Oh well I guess.

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