Any asexuals around here?

[fuyushita_risou 524]

I wondered if there were other asexuals around here that listen to jrock music, because I need ace friends (you feel bloody lonely if you don't have anyone around who can understand that thing). And it's A LOT easier making friends if you share some common interests, right.

 

So for all the people who don't know about asexuality, let me give you a short introduction:

 

"An asexual person is a person who doesn't feel any kind of sexual attraction" 

 

Asexuality is a really broad spectrum. There are many different kinds of ways to live out asexuality, it ranges from people who can't stand being touched in anyway and could puke at the idea of having sex to people who randomly have sex out of various reasons (i.e. having a relationship with a sexual person, only being able to feel sexual attraction after having a strong emontional connection). But what all have in common is that asexuals see a person and that the thought "I want to have sex with that person" doesn't cross their mind.

 

Nonthlessness asexuals can have a libido, feel arousal, masturbate, like hugging and kissing or holding hands. It also means they can experience love in all it's kind of shapes. Asexuals normally refer to this as romantic relationships which come in different kind of categories: heteroromantic, homoromantic, bi-/panromantic. Aromantics  are people who normally don't lead any kind of relationship.

 

Studies suggest that 1% of the human population can be considered as asexuals.

 

I believe this is enough for a short introduction, if you have further interest in that topic you can refer to the avenWiki And I believe that many of you already came in contact with Asexuality through tumblr or some other site.

 

Since we got that covered, it would be really nice if some of you want to share their stories with me (how they found out that their are asexuals or how they live out their asexuality) if there are some ace people around on this forum. 

 

and what I think is also a really interesting question, do you think that asexuals perceive visual kei differently from sexual people?

I for my case think that there is a difference. Since I notice sometimes that I can't fangirl over musicians. I don't really care much for the looks and just go after the music (and if I care for the looks I do that in an aestehtic way, like watching an art piece) I am also sometimes disgusted by the lyrics if it evloves around sex (matenrou opera has some for example).

 

so maybe you share some of your opinions of this

[hitsuji-hime 211]

Well, I do like girls romantically, but when I think of them sexually, I just...get scared. At this moment, I'm too scared to get involved in anything sexual. I've been involved in a few sexually suggestive webchats and video chats in the past (which was a big mistake), but the whole idea of sex just...creeps me out. I don't like showing myself off like that, it's weird. I mean yeah, I like seeing others do the doo, but for me? I'd rather just sit back and watch. I'm more of a romantic person, anyway, and even I still suck at that too.

[togz 2004]

I classify as asexual. 
I can't do the whole pointless sex, and the thought of someone even touching me if we don't have a strong emotional bond makes me anxious and sick to my stomach. This can unfortunately extend as far as even receiving a hug from someone I don't feel close enough to. Sex in general is a scary thing and for me has a lot to do with performance (in majority of society's eyes) and my confidence isn't very high. Not only that but I mean... I'm not one to be an ass and say no sex before marriage, that's not what I'm getting at. There has to absolutely be a high emotional connection before even considering things like that. Because I was unable to explain these sorts of reclusive behaviors to friends before, I have been walked out on in several occasions. 

I don't cuddle with friends, I'll only hug a handful of people i'm close to because it's out of unconditional love, and I most certainly can't do casual sex. 
Not to say I haven't done these things, I only know I dislike them from experience in the event. I pushed myself in to awkward situations because these people had me convinced I was being uptight, and then walked out on me when I still stuck to my tendencies. With that said, I do have a sex drive, but it's not like... let me bang anything that walks. You can call me picky.

[keyinjpop 89]

I guess I would be one. I've never felt sexually attracted to anyone, ever. I'm not sure if I'm afraid of sex but I never went out of my way to try it. I prefer watching others do the deed while I just act as an audience.

[ghost 2687]

I'm curious, does this make me asexual??

I totally have a sex drive, and am even quite perverted, but have never had sex or been in a relationship.

I'm totally open to sex but only in a marriage where I know it'll be just me and her. Once I'm married, no holding back ; )(So, hoping my other will be a virgin, cuz don't wanna share...you know..)

But, I don't really like hugging girls, it makes me feel uncomfortable. Kinda bad (and good) thing is everyone in my church hugs each other as a greeting. I try to go for side hugs unless it's a friend I'm pretty comfortable with.

So, I like the idea of sex and am sexually attracted to women, but that's not the first thing I think of and I care more about the social aspect of a relationship than the physical.

[ghost 2687]

Also, to answer your second question, yes I think ace people can see Vkei differently than non-ace.

Assuming that I'm ace, I think it's gross when bands do fan service by kissing each other *BlEcH!*

But on youtube you see other fans say things like "OMGGgGgggG that's so HaWttT!"

Or "I would so do the vocalist!♡"

My thoughts are "You don't even know him!"

[Peace Heavy mk II 7200]

 

 

12 Ways to Tell if You're Socially Awkward Masquerading As Asexual

 

[beni 2149]

I remember this boy asking me out just because he was desperate to have a girlfriend and his only question before asking was 'are you frigid?' And I just had to laugh and say 'Just asexual mate. Sorry to disappoint you.' I wasn't trying to be rude but actually having someone only take interest in me for intercourse itself really hurt and scared me. I'll be honest and say intercourse does freak me out, I get way too embarrassed about it. I'll try to avoid watching or seeing anything sexual and/or even romantic. I'm getting better at talking about it, at least. I, personally, could never touch anyone that way and I've never been sexually attracted to anybody. I like hugs though so... you are welcome to hug me, okay? : 3

 

In short, and in answer to the thread question... hi there.

[CELESTIAL CIEL 985]

I'm that person who also feel something like sexual attraction from time to time, but thoughts about having sex disgusts me.

It was ok when I was younger, but now, when you still want to be near someone and doing cute things (conversation, understanding, etc) gf/bf want something more and because of this I haven't had any relationships for a really long time. First of all, I'm afraid to hurt someone, if I'll say someday something like 'I like you but I don't want you', it must be really cruel.

I must to say that people scared of 'cold' persons and always see if someone don't want any close contacts.

(Btw fanservice is ok for me, but not this homosexual shit that visualgays doing now. Can't make good music, but perfectly know how to lick each other, congrats)

[ghost 2687]

Nevermind, after a quick google search,
 
"Asexuality is distinct from abstention from sexual activity and from celibacy"
 
Also,
 

 

"An asexual person is a person who doesn't feel any kind of sexual attraction" 

 

 

 
I will boot myself from this thread accordingly ^^
 
@Beni: Sorry to hear that Beni : ( Not gonna lie that's really low. That 'boy' was rude and insensitive.
Your signature gif is hilarious btw X)

@satetsu: lololol

[nekkichi 6043]

(Btw fanservice is ok for me, but not this homosexual shit that visualgays doing now.

maybe learn some new words to get your point across?

[beni 2149]

 

@Beni: Sorry to hear that Beni : ( Not gonna lie that's really low. That 'boy' was rude and insensitive.

Your signature gif is hilarious btw X)

 

xD Well done on your research by the way. Determining which sexuality you fall into can be really confusing but as my other asexual friend has always said 'people shouldn't have to label themselves.' It doesn't matter, I just wanted to show the original poster that they're not alone here hah.

 

No worries on that by the way, I seem to just attract the lads who're desperate for any gal to love them. Too bad I can't love them in that way they're wanting haha. But thank you for that, but I get the last laugh again; he's now 'engaged' to this girl he's been on and off with since school.. at the tender age of 16 lol. I wish them good luck.

I mainly wanted to reply in responding to your last sentence to be honest because no one has found it funny or at least said it is. xD I was going for humour with the sig for xmas so I'm glad someone thought so! :'3

[CELESTIAL CIEL 985]

maybe learn some new words to get your point across?

maybe nah

[CAT5 9075]

maybe learn some new words to get your point across?

maybe nah

Maybe yeh. Your language and tone are a bit crass, and possibly offensive. So I'd recommend toning it down a bit.

[ghost 2687]

Mmm.....young...love....

 

Haha, I have no idea who that is but it's just funny seeing how goofy he is.

[Deathtopi4 428]

Hi there, I wanted to talk asexuals perceiving vk differently because it's something I've thought a lot about recently. I'm an ace and I love art, and to me vk musicians are like beautiful pieces of human art, (kinda like painting on people like Alexa Meade does, for example) because their makeup and clothes are (usually) very beautiful. And they art both art and artists at the same time, because they make themselves into art and obviously they make music too. Now, often I see people saying that they really want to have sex with these people. Now to me this feels like they're just objectifying the musicians as sex objects, but perhaps this is just the normal thought process of allosexuals. Since I'm not sexual I don't know and I don't judge, but I do feel like there is a really big difference between me and fans who say things like that. When I fangirl it's usually because someone looks particularly pretty to me, or because the music is awesome. As for lyrics, in most cases I don't really care how sexual the lyrics are as long as the music itself sounds good to me. So yeah, that was my ramble...

Also "Btw fanservice is ok for me, but not this homosexual shit that visualgays doing now" is an extremely homophobic sounding thing to say, just saying.

[nekkichi 6043]

Now, often I see people saying that they really want to have sex with these people. Now to me this feels like they're just objectifying the musicians as sex objects, but perhaps this is just the normal thought process of allosexuals.

it's a normal thing within any musical scene, and androgynous state-of-art vk looks aren't making it any different.

band members do music to get groupie p*ssy (and money), which is generally offered on demand, so it goes both ways.

[ariad 16]

Hello, I more or less identify as aroace, and I am here for this!!

 

As far as personal stories, I wasn't aware of what asexuality and aromanticism were until I was about 21 and didn't start identifying as such until a bit after. Maybe not until earlier this year? (I'm 23.) I'd dated a couple of guys and crushed on a couple of girls (without making a move because both times they were close friends and that's awk), but both relationships ended due to lack of interest on my part, hahaha. I do experience low-level romantic attraction but it's rare and usually short-lived. I have no real desire to date and absolutely zero interest in sex. (Well, I like porn. But I don't masturbate to it or anything; I just find it interesting?? idk. No interest in actually having sex.)

 

I think it's tough to say whether asexual people perceive visual kei differently because asexuality comes in so many different forms. Like I said, despite being asexual, I have an interest in porn and eroticism. I love that Gara of MERRY has so much auto-fellatio imagery in his performances. But I know other asexual people who are repulsed by sex, as well as others like me who are fascinated by it but would never have it.

 

I do find the obsession with rape that some artists have to be distasteful, but I don't think that's due to my asexuality. I didn't have a problem with it until I became more generally conscientious of the way rape is handled in art.

 

And re: objectifying musicians and wanting to bang them, yeah I think that's the normal thought process of allosexuals, lol. The only way in which I think visual kei is different is that visual kei has a massive hookup culture that is pretty well-documented, so instead of just fantasizing about how great it would be to bang their favorite musician, allosexual visual kei fans may regard it as something achievable and make plans to do just that.

[blackdoll 907]

Hi there, I wanted to talk asexuals perceiving vk differently because it's something I've thought a lot about recently. I'm an ace and I love art, and to me vk musicians are like beautiful pieces of human art,

i used to think this, it still aplies to lycaon tho for sure, well not all the time.

[nekkichi 6043]

The only way in which I think visual kei is different is that visual kei has a massive hookup culture that is pretty well-documented, so instead of just fantasizing about how great it would be to bang their favorite musician, allosexual visual kei fans may regard it as something achievable and make plans to do just that.

 

every scene had it since ever, they just didn't necessarily have f_yeah_elvis_dickpics.tumblr.com or metallica_tsuganari_drama blogs on the same resouce.

[Yuuze 49]

^the long rich history of groupie fucking horny teenagers

[takeruismyhero 19]

*raises hand* I am. I don't really like talking about it much though. Like, there are just so many people out there who don't quite understand my reasons. I just feel that sex doesn't define a relationship. I mean, it's okay maybe once in a great while... but to have to do it every single day... that's not love. Love is when you feel conencted to someone. You feel like nothing in the world matters to you but that one person. I love my boyfriend very much, and I will say that the sex talk has come up between us some. However, he understands that I'm currently asexual and not ready yet. I just feel like if I do, then I might either regret it or something between us might change because I really do love him. I'm not really going to say I'm afraid of sex, but that I'm sort of weary and unsure of it. I'm also autistic, and a lot of things can trigger my anxiety. I get overwhelmed easily because of my poor emotional state. So, the very thought of it does frighten me at times. I also think a lot of it has to do with my level of maturity. I have such a hard time saying the dirty words or whatever. Like, I can be kind of perverted at times though... but I don't do it to be weird or anything. It doesn't make me feel any less asexual.

 

So yeah... that's my story.

[mahoujin 395]

Late to the party here, but I'm also asexual. I can't really speak for how I see visual kei differently than a sexual person because I've never been a sexual person. I don't really feel like I experience visual kei much differently than my other visual kei friends, since they're mostly not really sexual about band guys and some of them aren't even attracted to men at all. Or even if they are, I'm not the friend they talk about that with because they know I don't really have much to contribute in a conversation about that. 

 

As for visual kei bands being overtly sexual sometimes, that doesn't alienate or bother me at all. I don't speak Japanese and barely ever seek out lyric translations, so I'm speaking more in terms of acting/dressing sexually.This sounds weird, but I actually like sexuality as an aesthetic, but have no interest in watching, fantasizing, or participating in the actual act of sex. I've been questioned/doubted a few times for identifying as asexual and having an interest in "sexy" visual kei,  so the closest relevant thing I can compare it to is when visual kei guys love being a murderer as an aesthetic, but probably wouldn't actually kill someone. Not to compare sex to murder in a moral way, but rather that I don't think it's so weird to take interest in something aesthetically without committing to any real life associated behaviors or lifestyle choices. 

 

It gets a little weird is if I meet a new person and they immediately get into the topic of sexual fantasies/shipping band guys or something. However, I don't know whether to blame my asexuality for that one. My dad was in a fairly popular hair metal band while I was growing up, then later in a smaller band that I traveled with as their merch girl when I was a teenager. Even if it's partially due to being asexual, I think a lot of being put off by the "desperate thirsty fangirl" type is from always seeing that from an inside perspective. The same applies for my general disinterest in groupie/bangya sex gossip. I literally do not care at all about who is fucking who, whether it's in reality or fiction. Regardless, I don't often get stuck in a conversation about that. 

[Devilish_Eye 1168]

Hi everyone, it's good to read everyone's story.

So.. I'm not sure if I'm asexual. (I was thinking about being gray-a but I think I'm still not right) Maybe you can help me out a bit?

 

I never had a relationship, sex or a date at all. (I never kissed too haha..) (I'm 21 now) I don't mind hugging my closest friends and sometimes I imagine for example resting my head on a Jrocker's shoulder or hugging. But sometimes when friends try to make it worse (thinking about sex) I turn so red and sweaty and I want to hide under a blanket forever. Some people keep doing this and find it somehow enjoying.. I had a friend in the past (a he, but no relationship, just friends) and it felt so weird once he hugged me and lay a hand on my shoulder??? And somehow for a reason I can't ship real life people (for example Jrockers, actors etc.). I have like 1 or 2 OTPs in anime. But that's it. I feel like a relationship would be nice for me but I'm not sure yet if I want sex or not???

So, what's going on with me? Feel free to ask questions!

[Deathtopi4 428]

On 4/28/2016 at 5:54 AM, Yuno-san said:

Hi everyone, it's good to read everyone's story.

So.. I'm not sure if I'm asexual. (I was thinking about being gray-a but I think I'm still not right) Maybe you can help me out a bit?

 

I never had a relationship, sex or a date at all. (I never kissed too haha..) (I'm 21 now) I don't mind hugging my closest friends and sometimes I imagine for example resting my head on a Jrocker's shoulder or hugging. But sometimes when friends try to make it worse (thinking about sex) I turn so red and sweaty and I want to hide under a blanket forever. Some people keep doing this and find it somehow enjoying.. I had a friend in the past (a he, but no relationship, just friends) and it felt so weird once he hugged me and lay a hand on my shoulder??? And somehow for a reason I can't ship real life people (for example Jrockers, actors etc.). I have like 1 or 2 OTPs in anime. But that's it. I feel like a relationship would be nice for me but I'm not sure yet if I want sex or not???

So, what's going on with me? Feel free to ask questions!

Hi there! I can't really tell you what your orientation is, but personally i think the biggest question to consider in terms of whether or not you're asexual is whether or not you feel sexual attraction. While I was learning about asexuality for the first time I read a lot of descriptions where people talked about what sexual attraction felt like and I found that I could not relate to any of it beyond regular old aesthetic attraction. So maybe that might be something you'd find helpful too, I dunno. But what you've described sounds like it could possibly be sex-aversion and maybe also just a general discomfort with physical contact from people you aren't as used to. And this is definitely the sort of thing that many aces feel, but it can also apply to allosexuals as well. It really just depends on the person and what they're comfortable with rather than who they are sexually attracted to. The same sort of idea goes for shipping I think, some people are crazy about shipping and some just aren't, I've never noticed any huge correlation with sexual orientation. Personally I ship all kinds of characters and I'm ace as hell so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

But yeah that's just my thoughts, I hope it helps a little. If you never have I would highly recommend checking out some of the asexuality-oriented blogs on tumblr. The different resources some of them have explaining all the different sexual and romantic orientations helped me clear up a lot of confusion about what I was feeling back when I was learning about all this, and plus a lot of the people who run them are pretty nice ^^