random thoughts thread

[Zeus 7997]

2 hours ago, Peace Heavy mk II said:

One of the things I've struggled with fairly recently is being happy for someone who I do not personally care for.

 

It's a weird sensation of feeling two different, and often contrasting, emotions at once. The biggest struggle is not the ability to do so (a lot harder for me to not feel something, rather than getting myself to have some sort of expression), but to not convince myself that I should feel guilty about it. 

 

"This person was bad. Why are you celebrating something good in their life?"

 

I think part of being able to let go is being at peace with this duality. It is okay to remove yourself from a person while also not wishing them harm. At the same time, wishing them well and being happy for their victories is not an invite to allow them into your life and harm you again.

 

The situation I'm vague blogging about is my ex's sister. I've never actually met her, but from the few interactions I've had around her have not been positive. She's married to some son-of-a-super-church-owner or something in Colorado, making tons of money selling faith (this is an incredibly weighted, but different, issue, but I'm more sharing this for the context of her character). When she was getting married, she invited me because ~she had to~; she later called him to rescind the invitation. "He'd make other guests uncomfortable," she said.

 

Needless to say I was pretty upset. I asked him to get her to change her mind. Eventually she did, but I was told to act like his friend, rather than his significant other (again, to not ruin the experience for the other guests). At that point, I uninvited myself and said it was not worth the hassle. I came out once and had no intention of revisiting that experience, so I just didn't go.

 

---Today---

 

She had a baby. I am not on speaking terms with my ex, and I don't talk to any of his friends or relatives simply because I have nothing to say to them, and I definitely do not speak to her. However, I am still happy that she had her baby without any issue. I saw a few pictures and she (her new daughter) looked cute, and I wish both of them the best.

 

So here I am, hours before I share Christmas with my current partner and his family before heading home, pondering about whether it is right or foolish that I am feeling like this. It's toxic to dwell over those who have been a source of pain in the past, but just as harmful to fully forget.

 

Ultimately, I will be okay, but I still don't like her.

My question to you (and a totally honest one) is why do you care?  This person has no connection to the people most important to you in your life right now. It doesn't sound like she ever did anything for you. I doubt anyone you know right now knows her on a more personal level than you. I'd put money on you thinking about this situation positively more than she's thought about you positively ever. I'm missing the connection between thinking positively/negatively about this situation and its effect on you.

 

There is merit in reflecting on this situation and deciding to be the bigger person. There's even more merit in absolving yourself of this mental load. Toxicity can remain on the brain long after you remove the source of toxicity from your life, much like there's still poison in your system long after you stop chugging bleach. It can metastasize into all sorts of different forms, take root in all sorts of insecurities, and often make you question yourself...much like a toxic person would themselves. I blame social media for this one; when everyone's thoughts are on display for everyone else to read, the line between personal thoughts and hive mind thoughts has been blurred. It's hard to distinguish personal thoughts from ones that have been planted in your head, influenced by the ideals of someone else, and when the equations don't add up the first emotion through the gates is self-doubt. I often find myself policing my thoughts to appease a hive mind composed of my own opinions, but no matter how many trains of thought I've chased, the conclusions I come to are the same: So what?

What do you get from being the bigger person? What do you get from being the smaller person? Who would congratulate you for your actions without you recounting some stories? What do you get by being happy for her? Sad for her? Indifferent for her? My answers to you would be nothing, nein, no one, nada, and zilch respectively. If even one of the answers were anything else, I could see merit in thinking about this situation. If all roads lead to the same place, pick the path of least resistance. Save yourself the personal anguish, grief, and doubt.

 

 

[The Bread Wolf 231]

I do not understand people. The hot topic of the latter quarter of the year has been loot boxes, and people are being completely hypocritical about it. They condemn EA and their predatory practises with Star Wars: Battlefront II, and then go ahead and buy Overwatch, or Destiny. 

 

Newsflash, both have loot boxes. Both are equally greedy, just like EA. Blizzard ain't some almighty divine being that can do no wrong. And the argument "but the loot boxes don't affect gameplay, they're just cosmetic, you can choose to not buy them, no one's forcing you". Eff that. If cosmetics didn't affect gameplay, we'd all be playing games in 8bit. 

 

The worst are the people who complain about loot boxes and then go ahead and buy the games anyway. "The game's great, I just wish it didn't have loot boxes". Mate, the message you just sent to the companies is literally: "I'm willing to put up with your crap anyways."

 

And the worst thing? I say all this and at the same time I'm worried that the loot boxes haven't gotten a big enough backlash for EA to not put them in the next Dragon Age game, and I'm going to be a sucker fangirl, break my resolve and buy the insane $100 limited edition game not included version of it. And I'm going to cry and say it was not worth it because the experience will be all crap due to the loot boxes and that will be the day my DA fangirl heart dies.

[platy 3018]

Does anyone else feel like auto correct has become unbelievably bad/ stupid with the last update on their phone? I've been noticing the decline since the start of the year and it's reached the highest point of crap now. 

[Peace Heavy mk II 7200]

On 12/21/2017 at 7:25 PM, Zeus said:

My question to you (and a totally honest one) is why do you care? 

 

 

I think in some capacity, I've convinced myself that if I can care about all of the world's problems, even ones I am not even going to remotely be able to fix or help with, that when I need it most, the world will care about me back.

 

Chris and I get into fights about that all the time. I want to fix the world, he's content with acknowledging most people in life are inherently evil and you need to be on guard.

[Aferni 2381]

I'm sorry you're just too scary for me to deal with.

[jiji94 78]

I cut my hair super short this week and have never been happier with how I look.

 

Also, fuck transphobes. I offered to help a woman pay for new glasses after her old pair was broken by a couple of homophobic/transphobic pricks who decided to beat her up for being trans. I'm still so mad and upset thinking how many people does this shit happen to?

[ShTon 268]

My phone is dead so I'm considering selling my kidney to afford replacing all the broken stuff I'm suddenly surrounded with. What a nice end of the year.

[Mephistopheles 38]

I hope none of your new friends hurts you the way you hurt me.

[Zeus 7997]

12 hours ago, Peace Heavy mk II said:

I think in some capacity, I've convinced myself that if I can care about all of the world's problems, even ones I am not even going to remotely be able to fix or help with, that when I need it most, the world will care about me back.

 

Chris and I get into fights about that all the time. I want to fix the world, he's content with acknowledging most people in life are inherently evil and you need to be on guard.

I can totally relate. I think I'm leaning closer to how your bf feels though.

[emmny 4139]

i've become too sensitive to the criticism of strangers

i've unconsciously tried to make myself like them and i guess it burns when people smell me out for that

miss when i didn't give a fuck what anyone had to say

[Ozileras10 371]

Getting rejected and realizing months later that she isn't so "perfect" as I thought she was

Edited December 25, 2017 by Ozileras10

[jiji94 78]

I haven't been taking Jonghyun's death well at all. I have no energy and I just cry all of the time. My friends are hurting and not ready to talk about it. The sad (but beautiful) messages from his friends and people who knew him really hurt.. Idk why I feel so worried, I feel so sad. Leeteuk's message pretty much made me cry all of Christmas. Why am I so emotional? It's just so overwhelming.

 

Tbh when Isshi died, I sort of went through a milder form of this. But it's what ended up making me take a break from all Japanese music for a few years. Which was.. okay because I probably would've gotten into PTP at that time and don't think I could've handled K's death. 

 

Idk what I'm saying. I'm tired.

[suji 8317]

 

One of my favorite Christmas traditions ♥

[nekkichi 6043]

 

merry christmas, darlings

[suji 8317]

 

hatsune miku is apparently in an anime now and this design is just fucking horrendous.

 

literally looks like it was stolen from a 10 yr old's deviantart gallery

[nekkichi 6043]

[Seimeisen 4406]

Of course From Japan has to do some fucking Rakuten sale AFTER I spend $60 at 伊藤久右衛門 and $50 at Nestle shops, of course, they couldn't do this fucking sale when I was ordering this shit, nor could they have announced it in advance, no no, they had to do this now, and only for a day, after I order all my shit. Fuck you FJ, just fuck you!

[Tokage 5930]

literally everything about hatsune miku is awful anyway, but that design looks like rejected megaman battle network concept art lmao

[YuyoDrift 1540]

This next year is going to be one to remember, for sure.

I don't even know where I'm gonna be, what I'm going to be doing, and who I'm going to be with next year haha.

Enough of that shit though,

 

Starting the countdown for 2 weeks of nothing but life-changing events

Starting in 3.......2.......1....... (good god wish me the best).

[Komorebi 2193]

it's fucking hot in this city and I'm so smart I'll travel 8 hours to go spend New Years somewhere even hotter.

[Chi 2624]

 

[jiji94 78]

How do you stop yourself from telling off mansplainers? I don't deal with them too often but now in one of my friend groups there's been a random increase in dudes mansplaining the randomest crap to me. Or how do you tell them to fuck off politely? 

 

One guy and I were talking about a term that's a slur in Canada and now he keeps using it? Even though he knows it's a slur here? Weird.

 

Edited December 28, 2017 by jiji94

[suji 8317]

*smacks lips*

 

UM MA'AM

 

*pops tongue*

 

MAY I *um* SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER?

 

*POP*

 

[Bear 1817]

Right now, almost three hours into the work day, we got 5 kids and 8 or 9 adults. Since I got here I've had breakfast,made coffee and sitting around drinking coffee. 

 

Can't complain. Love working the vacations.

[jiji94 78]

So I've never tried figuring out where to post on this forum asking for where to buy something Jrock related, but I noticed on CDJapan they still have Pay money To my Pain's LE release from last year and I *really* want that shit bad. But it's like $70+ shipping to Canada..  I haven't started buying many albums or music related stuff yet because I'm waiting to move out but this is one of my priority list items. I'm going to Japan in a few months.. 

 

Are there places I could search for this in Japan..? I don't really know how to hunt down LE items. I was just surprised I can still find it online.