Bullying topic

[Karma’s Hat 3107]

When i moved to a new school in the second grade, i was greeted with a " snow wash " or whatever it might be called in other countries. If i would have done nothing i would have been bullied probably until a change of schools, but instead i took a pen and stabbed it almost through the main culprits hand. Thus i had assured my dominance and i became friends with everybody in the class. It's funny how it works like that.

[TheBistroButcher666 228]

My sister fought all my fights for me so I got away with being nerdy and weird.

[AmberKid 0]

I was bullied in school for years.

First time in sixth grade, I was the new kid in class and immediately the whole class started picking on me. I was really shy back then. It was both, physical and mental/verbal bullying.

After changing schools again it paused...until I had to repeat 8th grade...again I was the new kid and got picked on really fast. Went like that for 3 years...pure hell. I was always an oddball...shy, silent, a bookworm. With what had happened to me earlier in my childhood...it almost destroyed me. Took me years to overcome it...I'm in my thirties now and still having issues with that part of my past sometimes. Luckily I have friends who understand and support me.

[Asakusa 95]

you should talk to Jason "Mayhem" Miller! he'll help you guys

now seriously, i've been bullied too when i was little...

but I still remember my victory day! THAT WAS SO AWESOME!!

I was 12 years old and I was so tired of this guy (he was like 17 or 18) bullying me that I jumped and punched his face with my awesome fist!!

he couldn't do anything since beating someone so much younger than you it's like "WTF?" around here

I'll never forget that day the day I beated the one who was bullying me

[ginHigure 22]

Worse type of bullies: PARENTS!

[Lestat 2167]

It started approximately seven to eight years ago in high-school and lasted about three years until I moved to a better class, although I suppose it still left somewhat of a mark on me.

 

It was, I think, the worst kind of bullying: being ignored. 

I've been sat on, walked over, bumped into all the time, being shoved away during gym-classes when we had team-play, and a lot of similar stuff to that.

My teachers of course didn't do anything about it and when it finally got to its worst I sank into a deep depression due to which I lost about three months of memory during the time I sat at home and was visiting a psychologist. I failed classes because of it and was almost kicked out of high-school because I couldn't keep up and according to the school advisor I didn't have a viable reason for being absent a lot. 

 

I didn't have any friends to lean on, or those who could support me, and I was all alone. My best friend at that time took the side of the bullies and abandoned me.

 

I think that somewhat awakened my current heavy social anxiety and the signs of Asperger's syndrome I wasn't previously showing, which became clear was my issue after all this happened. I am now very socially awkward, I can't look people in the eye, I stammer a lot, tremble when talking to others, grow stomachaches, headaches, have anxiety attacks in crowded places or when I have to speak in public which leads to blacking out or vomiting, and all sorts of other negative consequences. 

 

So please, people. If you know any victims of bullying, no matter the age, gender, looks or characteristics, stand up for them.

[Tetora 625]

People try to pinhole bullying into just simple schoolyard terms, like bigger or more popular people picking on smaller people in overt ways throughout life. That happens, and is terrible, but people also dont see all the other forms of bullying that permeate all of society.

 

Pretty much everyone bullies either consciously or unconsciously at points, or throughout their whole life.

One of the ways they do it, is through NUMBERS.

 

It can be just having your own group, and some dude not having anyone. Then even if you are all weak emotionally and physically, you can still pick on someone generally stronger than you because you have all these numbers on your side.

 

In the classroom, if an opinion isn`t liked, even in top Universities, and even if the opinion isn`t harmful or ignorant or anything in any way... If the numbers are against you, if the number of students who disagree is heavy enough, if someone feels like it they can absolutely crush most people and their opinions. The teachers can get the class to do this to you as well if they please. Sometimes people can be straight up correct, but a large enough number of people who believe in the wrong thing can send them packing.

 

People will look for any way to get numbers on their side and reap the rewards off of other people.

 

Their have been so many times I had to stick up for people who were being outnumbered in social or work environments. Sometimes people dont even need allies present to bully people with numbers, all they need is an audience, a crowd. If someone is a good talker, they can play the crowd and get the people to turn on you, even if they dont know those people.

 

One of the best things you can do in life to defend yourself is learn how to be a good trash-talker, who can keep it Politically Correct, and be good at the corporate e-mail game.

 

If you can take insults and throw them back into peoples faces, without you looking like an @$$, then you`ve got something. If you can do that while working the crowd, letting them know how much you just owned your opponent and why they should like you more then him, then you will be able to crush almost any verbal bullies in the workplace or social events.

 

That is of course if things wont get physical. If you are at school, or on the street, in a club, or at a party, people honestly usually cant handle a verbal smack-down, and will resort to violence. No matter what... you lose in these instances. There are many examples like this in bullying where the victims just cant win at that moment.

 

No matter what, if that person has a tight crew around them who wont turn on them, then the victims of bulliyng really have limited options. This can be anywhere from class, to work, to facebook, to internet forums. No matter what, you can still be painted to be, and believed to be the bad guy, and you will have to suffer from that because the people who want to punish you have numbers on their side, and there will be no justice.

 

The terms of what numbers can bully isnt just limited to attacking you either. They can bully your taste, bully your character, your ways of expressing yourself. If you like the wrong music, or talk in the wrong way, or get too much attention, people will use numbers to change that, or box you in, and put a glass ceiling on your growth, so that no matter how hard you try, no matter how high you reach, there will be no victory for you.

 

 

No matter where I look, there are numbers against people. I try to lead by example, and not bully people in any way, no matter how small, but I know there will always be somewhere close by that I can look to see 5-on-1, or 25-on-1, or even 25,000-1 as a whole arena boo`s someone and yells hateful things at them. All I can do then is try to be the extra 1 in 25,000-to-1, and make it 25,000-to-2. It`s not easy, but hopefully some people see what is right, and help even the odds.

[The Bread Wolf 231]

^ 

 

In addition to your defence mechanisms in bullying situations I'd advice people to be nice to everyone. That'll both eventually get you new friends and annoy the shit out of your bullies. 

 

Yes, it's true bullying isn't restricted only in school, but also in the streets, hobbies, home, and work. For me the latter has been quite the hard part, and I've even had my shift manager bully me by humiliating me in front of other workers and clients. I've also had a couple of my co-workers pinpoint how wrong I do stuff without bothering to tell me how to do things differently. And one of my co-workers just plainly said "What the fuck do you care about me? You're just a co-worker." 

 

But eventually I've learned, that being nice and acting normal even around the people who bully you is the best defence you can have. That annoys them so much, like their words never meant a shit to you. And everyone else around you will see how much of an upper person you are, not getting involved or trashy about the whole situation, and treating even your enemies equally. 

 

But that's the hardest defence as well. When you've had your whole life someone always bullying you and putting you down, it's really, really, really hard to suddenly be nice to everyone. But trust me, it pays off. It might not seem like it at first, but it pays off in the end. You'll see that pretending you don't give a hoot about bullies will result in you actually not give a hoot about bullies. And other optimistic, nice people, that you wanted to surround yourself with to begin with, will suddenly, just like that, be drawn towards you. 

 

So don't be scared to be overly happy, optimistic and smiling. If for no other reason, then at least to annoy your bullies.

[sai 868]

^ I can confirm that this definitely helps in certain situations. I once had someone in my university's group project be incredibly mean to me. I had never met the girl before, I didn't even know her name but it was clear she hated me from day 1. She talked about me behind my back, spread rumours that weren't true and refused to take any of my suggestions for our group project. I decided to ignore her behaviour and to treat her normally, and the more I ignored it the more frustrated she became that her insults weren't doing anything. At some point, she let it go and treated me normally (first I thought she needed something from me but she never asked so yeah). We never spoke again but I do not see the point in that either.

 

Turns out she hated me because she went to the same high school as my best friend (whom she disliked because my friend just did a lot better in school than she did) so she instantly hated me too, lmao.

[Gaz 1097]

so you are saying that no matter how much you dislike/hate person you should pretend being nice with them and it will solve the problem? have to completely disagree on this. first of all, pretending itself is an awful human's quality. you are not honest with yourself and with the person you are pretend being nice. i'd rather tell people what i think about them than just say nice things they want to hear. the same thing i expect from them too, of course. "oh, you hate me? i hate myself, too! we have so much in common, let's be friends! :3" etc etc. believe me, it's a really disgusting feeling when you like person and think that s/he likes you too but it turns out s/he hates you and say shit about yourself behind your back, ugh. 

so pretending is bad, k?

[Lestat 2167]

^ I think it is more about simply not letting yourself be influenced too greatly by other people who bully you (even though that's extremely tough). If you remain civil with them where they are rude and don't let things get to you, they will eventually grow tired of their own attempts at wanting to stand above you, and they will realize they aren't as great as they themselves claim to be and stop their mindless idiocy.

[The Bread Wolf 231]

@Gaz, okay, let me ask you something. Does being nice mean pretending to you? I mean, heck, that's my natural reaction to everyone I ever meet but oh well, whatever floats your boat. If you like to hate everyone you see on the street then go for it.

 

Next, I'm gonna quote Ghandi: "Eye for an eye will leave everyone blind." So no, I didn't tell you to become friends with the person who bullies you. THAT would definitely be pretending. But also, revenge is not the option either. "I hate you because you hate me" is comparable to children playing on the playground and for no reason one child comes up and hits another one in the head with a shovel. Would you instruct the victim to hit back? I wouldn't. That'll just end up in both having their head open and one finger missing. Even the stupidest child will stop hitting after he notices that nothing happens. And eventually get really frustrated about nothing happening. And probably get grounded for hitting another child. In the end - yes., the victim was hit with a shovel, but he was the one who won the fight.

 

 

believe me, it's a really disgusting feeling when you like person and think that s/he likes you too but it turns out s/he hates you and say shit about yourself behind your back, ugh. 

Uhh... what? So... when someone bullies you and you still keep acting nice to them, they'll feel shit about themselves because they actually think you like them and FOR SOME REASON THEY'RE CONCERNED?

 

No, they don't give a shit whether you like them or not. You can pretend you're a fucking unicorn for what they care.

 

But, if you make yourself appear stronger, independent and self-confident, like "No matter what you say to me or think of me, I'm not gonna care, but just keep smiling to you when we meet, as if you were a nice-looking house plant." That's a fucking emotional pwnage right there. Why would anyone bother bullying something, that isn't moved by the bullying in any way? That's like bullying a mountain.

 

My point is to say: Being nice to your enemies is not pretending. It's like you never heard what they said about you. Their words are not even that important.

[sai 868]

Treating someone with respect who isn't nice to you isn't pretending or you being two-faced, it means you're mature enough to handle such a situation.

 

Like Yuugi said, hitting someone back isn't going to solve the problem. You have to make sure you don't care, and make sure they notice that too. That's why you're being "nice". Even if it does bother you, fake it until you make it. Just pretend you don't care, cry at home for all I care but NEVER show you're offended or hurt in front of them. This is really REALLY hard and I have firsthand experience with it but when people see you simply don't care about what they think about you they'll stop and automatically start looking for someone else to nag.

[Gaz 1097]

^ I think it is more about simply not letting yourself be influenced too greatly by other people who bully you (even though that's extremely tough). If you remain civil with them where they are rude and don't let things get to you, they will eventually grow tired of their own attempts at wanting to stand above you, and they will realize they aren't as great as they themselves claim to be and stop their mindless idiocy.

as a choleric type have to say it's near to impossible to do that XD and in most cases i was the one who'd bullied others. not like i'm proud of myself though ;__;

 

@ゆうぎ yes, being nice to people when i dont feel like being nice with them is a pretending for me. it should be natural feeling, but not forced. i forced myself to be nice to others for quite a long time in my life and couple months ago i finally gave up. what is the point in pretending when you feel like "ugh, you are so annoying with your shitty life problems no one care about" but tell something like "oh, you look sad. what happened?". that's stupid and pointless, imo. the same when you are saying compliments to others but thinking "ahaha you are so ugly, how could you even believe what i'm saying?"

the whole world is built on lie. fake people are everywhere. you never know what to expect even from your close friend with whom you've been in perfect relationship since school. pretending has become normal to most of people, they don't even notice doing that. 

 

well, you have your point, i have mine. if you really believe in what you're saying and it comes from your heart but not just "because it's right" - it's wonderful, keep on doing that. i can't even like people who actually care about me, so it's really hard to understand when somebody likes the person who did nothing but shit to them without any particular reason. anyway, i'll just go with what i feel is right, even if it's wrong in terms of  society.

[Peace Heavy mk II 7200]

What's the attraction behind coming off as misanthropic or sociopathic?

[Karma’s Hat 3107]

Some actually useful general advice is hard to give, as every situation depends on the parties involved and the context in which it happens like culture, workplace, school etc. Really it's impossible to say for a complete outsider what causes it exactly ( though I would argue that those predators smell the weak and then pick on them unconsciously. It's not the 7ft 250 pounder who gets accosted for cigarettes at the train stop ), and when it has started, the situation is hard to unravel. And here I'm speaking of school bullying specifically. If there's really a general suggestion I could give, then it's bulk up and fire back I suppose - but it's a case by case thing really. Surely the best case scenario is to able to inform the authority and that would be that, however it is rarely so simple.

 

"but people also dont see all the other forms of bullying that permeate all of society." This needs to be remembered 2. Though I'm not sure where you guys grew up, but if you tried to be a stalwart mountain of nobility in front of some chavs or neighborhood tuff guys 'ere, then you're going to be hustled down to your underpants. 

[Lestat 2167]

as a choleric type have to say it's near to impossible to do that XD and in most cases i was the one who'd bullied others. not like i'm proud of myself though ;__;

 

@ゆうぎ yes, being nice to people when i dont feel like being nice with them is a pretending for me. it should be natural feeling, but not forced. i forced myself to be nice to others for quite a long time in my life and couple months ago i finally gave up. what is the point in pretending when you feel like "ugh, you are so annoying with your shitty life problems no one care about" but tell something like "oh, you look sad. what happened?". that's stupid and pointless, imo. the same when you are saying compliments to others but thinking "ahaha you are so ugly, how could you even believe what i'm saying?"

the whole world is built on lie. fake people are everywhere. you never know what to expect even from your close friend with whom you've been in perfect relationship since school. pretending has become normal to most of people, they don't even notice doing that. 

 

well, you have your point, i have mine. if you really believe in what you're saying and it comes from your heart but not just "because it's right" - it's wonderful, keep on doing that. i can't even like people who actually care about me, so it's really hard to understand when somebody likes the person who did nothing but shit to them without any particular reason. anyway, i'll just go with what i feel is right, even if it's wrong in terms of  society.

 

If you learn to appreciate other people, you will learn to appreciate yourself a lot more, too, because the opinion I conjure of you on first-hand impression gives me the idea you aren't exactly lovable to yourself either. Handing out random compliments to other people, will make your own day better, too, because seeing someone appreciate your word can quite honestly change your entire day. Asking someone who is upset what the matter is and you give them a moment to explain themselves, and you will feel good about yourself that you've been able to give them the opportunity to be listened to. If you think that it is 'stupid and pointless' to sympathize with other people and instead you feel at your best when burying them six feet deep by outing your annoyances or calling them ugly, then I think you're not at all acting in the right way and you need some assistance to chance your vision of the human race.

[clow_eriol 240]

Anti-bullying ad shows the real revenge of the nerds

http://youtu.be/AqVfoZdYaDQ

[Guest MollyMouse]

Ive been bullied literally all my life. I was bullied in school , by "friends" , relatives , and even online. Hell , I even was a bully for second grade , untill one of my friends turned around and started bullying me....

I was always considered annoying , and still am! I used to really let it get to me and would be so depressed. Its still stuck with me  , and now , Im always super concious as to if I am annoying or not.

TO THIS DAY I am still bullied often. I dont allow it to bug me anymore because Ive learned two VERY important things about bullies.

usually , people bully you because , 1. they have some issues they are working through and have no idea of how to work through them themselves , so they take it out on other people , and 2. You are above them , so they are trying to knock you down to their level or lower.

I have lots of friends now who love me and do not think of me as annoying. I am doing EVERYTHING LITERALLY EVERYTHING I was made fun of and told I would NEVER be able to do.

A good thing to do,  is take the negative energy they bestow upon you , and use this to fuel your drive to become so so much better than they ever possibly could become.

[allisapp 303]

I am lucky to say that I have never had it as bad as for some people. And to tell you the truth, it was never really "direct" bullying, but it still has affected me mentally lot. Only once, when I was 15, I was "bullied" directly. Some people would say that it had been physical, but I am not really sure? (we had some sort of race where each of us had to run around a line of people, and couple of the guys were throwing sands and rocks on me while I was the one running)

 

My experiences pretty much only consists to sneering and other stuff, which were always about my looks. After years of that experience ended me up with full closet of unused clothes (some of which I am still too scared to use because of being scared of people looking at me) and friends having to drag me to school when I have had a new haircut, new glasses or pretty much anything else. I don't know, it's not much compared to some people, but I have always been pretty sensitive so over the years I am scared of how other people see me.

 

Sorry, it might sound a bit stupid or weird, but it's not bad at least. Luckily people see me as a nice and smiley person, so people have said that kind of stuff only once or twice directly into my face. If that happened more often, I don't even want to know how I would be right now. I mean, the "physical bullying" experience shocked me a lot, so if I admit that I am really paranoid about this stuff, but I really can't help it...

 

I think bullying form which hurts most is when your own family does it. (Only my dad who I see once in a year or two, so it's not that bad. It still hurts like shit though.)

 

//gawd, sorry, this sounds really weird/childish/naive/or something..... ;_;

[AliceParanoid 292]

I get bullied for my whole school life lol.
It started in the 3rd grade because I was really overweight and stopped in the 7th grade
A few weeks later it started because my Clothes Style has change into the dark scene ~
It became then even worst from the 8th grade on because I get outed as Gay from others furthermore my
clothing  style has changed even more to an androgynic/femiim style.[ I wear skirts,hot pants, platform boots, wearing long nails & blah]
The conclusion was that's I started to puke out my food to loose weight which worked really well but then came a time where it dosen't worked anymore
and I gained alot of weight and was stressed because of school ect. so much and started to self harm ~
Also my way of thinking about my self/the wolrd ect changed alot lol.
I still have sometimes days where I feel so useless and would love to proceed sucide - When I have such a day I walk around always really emotionless and try not to feel happy because I just feel I don't deserve this lol. 

I'm now at a professional colleague and you know they don't bully me really but I still get really often called names and outside in the town ect also. 
​

[Nyasagi 259]

As a person who experienced a lot of shit from other people, I will tell you one thing: other people aren't worth anything when they treat you like shit. Human trash isn't worth your pain. If there's anyone who treats you well, better give them extra attention and take care of them, instead of wasting time on bullies.

 

I was bullied in my primary school, secondary school, high school a little, because I became avoiding people. I don't even know why, but I don't care. When I wasn't fat, they called me fat and I was stupid enough to believe in that. Now I'm fat for real, but losing weight for other people is too troublesome. I want to lose it, but not for other people... and definitely not by throwing up. If someone doesn't like my appearance, they may look at someone else.

 

Read your post again, carefully. I can see that people won't like you no matter what you do, so be yourself and enjoy it, because others will complain anyway, so it's better to be yourself than fit into their image of a normal human being and be unhappy with that.

[Pretsy 1343]

Hmmm seems like it's okay to open up a bit in here, no?: 

 

Long story short: before I moved to a new city like 7 years ago (2007-ish), I have been slurred on for years (even had to undergo a few beatups from certain ethnicities* that had an issue or two or even more with my "second nationality", but eh lol)  and so on due to me being rather 'open' about my bilingual status (briefly: racism).

 

Elementary (at the later phase) and junior high were pure hell when it came to defending and actually sucking up all the shit that most of my schoolmates and even staff members (without being sanctioned at doing so!) threw at me in terms of this constant 'slur-a-zoo'. It was really a painful experience to me when I had to consult various social workers, psychologists and even higher staff members with my parents for the sake of filtering such xenophobic crap and keeping up with my schoolmates (so I could graduate normally, eh?). So, if we were to skip a long series of fucked up racism episodes (that I am not really willing to discuss in further detail) - a new city, school and life called in...finally, I thought. Well yeah, last year of junior high in a new city called in, new folks, new buds - but unfortunately this xenophobic nature carried on in a bit passive manner, e.g. being asked by "higher ones" (group instructor, secretary etc.) to keep my "mongoloid language" away from the school facilities (read: as in actually restricting my freedom of speaking languages I want to speak with e.g. my parents when we had parent days/"open door days" or such). Like WTF? I can already expect my country fellows to call bullshit on this one, but hey - I am too pricky to care about that :/

 

Oh yeah, with this - I wanted to say that most ppl tend to debunk the claim that the victims of bullying eventually become the bullies themselves after a while. Well well, it is in fact partially true! Especially among such people who actually endure that shit throughout and are not eager to "blow up" as some unfortunate school incidents showcase...Even to this day, I tend to become very 'superlative' in terms of my negative statements towards someone I don't like, and even resort to racist slurs as well (so such names as "antisemitist" or "anti-baltic" are not doing much to me, oops). Did such traumas turn me into the same prick that my bullies were? Maybe, or that's how I still believe...

 

Fun fact: the said series have even led me to the point where I am having a reaaaaaaaal bad time in believing what my friends or just good acquaintances say, seeing as even those whom I considered to be "buds" back before moving out were actually backstabbing xenophobic twits...I think this is where I could apply Gaz' theory of "fake people everywhere and etc.", but I'd call my problem "I will stab you before you stab my back (not in a literal sense ofc)" instead

 

*shrug*

 

I apologize for my sudden, almost nonsensical commentary above but I had to throw this out of my chest.

I don't justify my acts btw - what I did here was basically revealing my 'social oddities'

 

*most careful MH users might already pinpoint a few...

[Heroin 53]

kids can be so cruel. i mean it. Remembering these inhumane events I witnessed, it saddens me. Certain kids were just raised fucked up and they don't know any better, and generally that's how kids are.

 

I was bullied in many different ways. The thing about me was that I was different. That's really all it took.

I have no idea why I was different, I guess being the middle child had to do with something.

 

Remembering at a young age, I thought about my own existence and the idea of death. They were unfathomable frightening thoughts is how I took it.

While everyone's having fun, living their childhood, I was alone with my thoughts thinking, why is everyone so happy? Nobody understood my ideas. Even when I mention that I was having these thoughts, they just told me to stop thinking about it. No help for me at all.

 

The bullying stopped after middle school. I kinda became a role model of some sort during high, but that's another story to tell.

 

 

I really do feel sorry for the people that succumb to their past and continuing their childhood view upon this world. I wouldn't blame them.

[Kawaii_Minpha 194]

Edit: Message deleted