Any asexuals around here?

[Devilish_Eye 1168]

Waaah~! Thank you so much. I'm gonna do some research! I hope to find what I am haha

[herpes 1597]

idg why my comment was deleted, "asexuality" isn't a thing and is offensive to actual lgbt people.

[Zeus 7997]

1 hour ago, herpes said:

idg why my comment was deleted, "asexuality" isn't a thing and is offensive to actual lgbt people.

 

Because "this seems like a term frigid people use so they can fit their otherwise heteronormative selves under the Queer umbrella................." has no place in this topic.

 

I'm not even going to get into whether or not asexuality is a thing. I am no domain expert on sexual orientation. What I do know is that the onus is on you to avoid things that offend you rather than on others to not trigger feelings. Let people commune and sort out their asexual experiences in this topic. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, don't enter. But I will not stifle discussion about a harmless topic such as asexuality because you personally don't believe it exists.

[herpes 1597]

8 minutes ago, Zeus said:

I will not stifle discussion about a harmless topic such as asexuality because you personally don't believe it exists.

 

harmless topic ≠ making actual LGBT people seem derisory by placing themselves as a group under the queer umbrella. Not just myself who shares that opinion.

[Zeus 7997]

1 minute ago, herpes said:

 

harmless topic ≠ making actual LGBT people seem derisory by placing themselves as a group under the queer umbrella. Not just myself who shares that opinion.

 

21 minutes ago, Zeus said:

 

I'm not even going to get into whether or not asexuality is a thing. I am no domain expert on sexual orientation.

 

Let people figure out their own sexual identity for themselves, even if it means that they are wrong for a portion of their lives. You are robbing people of a chance at self-exploration because of your own personal beliefs, which is no different than high-minded religious zealots who try to rob the LGBT community of their chance at self-exploration because of their personal beliefs. This was a perfectly harmless topic about people sharing experiences and asking questions until you complicated it with your sectionalism. What others have to say or how others define sexuality outside of Monochrome Heaven is irrelevant to this point because no one here prompted you to take it to this extreme and no one appreciates it. And unless this topic is literally causing you to be unable to live with yourself, you'll survive avoiding this one topic on this forum.

 

I would now like for this topic to return to a place where people can ask questions and figure out what they are for themselves.

[mo7037 5]

Hi there. Though I'm a long ago over twenty, the idea of me as an asexual person crossed my mind when I was about 14-15. I had relationship with boys and girls before, but these weren't sincere - these were mostly out of curiosity. In addition, then I didn't know what love is. All what I've felt was disgust of being touched, kissed and hugged and regret of lying to a person I had been dating with. And then I thought, well, I had tried, ehough of this crap, I'll be alone to the end of my days (and so I'm). Days go by, but I'm happy being alone. Aromantic asexual, that's it. In the near future I'm planning to get a few cats and live with them in peace~

As for the main question, asexuals certainly have different view on visual-kei. This goes to the music and lyrics as well as to the looks and shows bands perform in the stage. Usually I'm not looking on that much, but there're exceptions of course. And I don't fangirl over musicians or their fanservice, too, but I admire a lot of them because of all they've done and continue to do for us. Though, sex in the lyrics doesn't disgust me, there're many kinds of sex in the lyrics. I'm saying that it can be very attractive and beautiful, tender and nice lyric. I like this kind of songs. In the aggressive and bizarre songs about sex there're... also can be exceptions. I like them if they're funny and cheerful.

Also, there're stereotype regarding asexuals. Some people saying or/and thinking that asexuals are ugly, that's why they pretending they're asexual so they can cover lack of popularity, be free and don't date anyone. I don't agree with that. I know people who are asexual and despite of that fact are really beautiful. I don't think I'm ugly either, but I'm asexual. I can do nothing with this. It's so unfair. Because of that most of the time I have to hide my identity from people (in the internet).

[Mihenno 4195]

3 hours ago, mo7037 said:

All what I've felt was disgust of being touched, kissed and hugged and regret of lying to a person I had been dating with. And then I thought, well, I had tried, ehough of this crap, I'll be alone to the end of my days (and so I'm). Days go by, but I'm happy being alone. Aromantic asexual, that's it. 

It's very refreshing to see someone else in my exact position. While I wouldn't mind having a partner, it's almost impossible to find someone who doesn't have sex on their minds. I've accepted that I'll potentially live my life alone and I'm ok with that. I am keeping an open mind if by some miracle another asexual comes into my life and we click but I'm not holding my breath. 

[-jibakurei- 111]

I also identify as some kind of asexual. I mostly don't have a problem with skinship, though there are people whose touch I can't stand (friends and strangers). I like kissing, but not too long, a few moments with tongue are okay, but just kisses on the lips are the best for me. In regard of sex... I'm pretty much grey. I don't have a stong libido, which gets even more surpressed because of medications I have to take. And even if I want to have intercourse, I prefer not to be touched but to watch or to give the pleasure (especially with females).

In general I would add my name to the row of the 'voyeuristic' people here w 

 

In terms of the optical pleasure of VK I have to admit I like to watch them (i.e. doing fanservice), but I love to watch them play their instruments (especially drummers with tons of passion while playing, they're the most beautiful to me because of that i.e. Kazuharu (Reign), Tatsuya Amano (Corssfaith)). And it might even be so 'touching' that I feel a kind of arousal, but I highly doubt it's sexual. 

It might be a stimulous for sure, but music and the process of making music is just another form of art (eventhough it's often not that much art with trashy VK bands, but it is there indeed). 

Speaking of the members as a living person, they're not interesting in a sexual way, I mostly am interested in i.e. how much of the lyrics are true feelings and thoughts and how much is image. 

 

What are your thoughts about BDSM / Dom and sub / fetishes? Also linked to VK? 

They're not necessarily physically sexual, so I like these kind of things still, to a certain extend, in a certain way. That's why I love the early times of D'espairsRay, when they wore these fetish inspired outfits and gave off this modern vampiristic vipe. 

[Lestat 2167]

I highly believe I am asexual, but I would rather not label myself as anything other than myself — seeing as I bear no interest in sexual activity, I feel it's unneccesary to call myself anything –sexual at all or leap into any social construct regarding the matter. I am not sexually attracted to people, but more or less aesthethically. Surely, there are people I find immensely beautiful and alluring to look at, but I could never imagine myself sharing a bed with them for any other reason than actual sleeping. I grow uncomfortable when people touch me for extensive periods of time, and I had rather not even shake hands with people whom I have not known for at least a month or two. I do not know if these experiences are an extension of Asperger syndrome —they very well could be— as there are plenty of people on the autistic spectrum who have no problems with sexual activity and attraction whatsoever, or if they are two separate things altogether. I have had some boyfriends in the past, but I would always grow anxious the moment anything started to happen beyond kissing. Not wanting to have sex with these boys always lead to me being cheated on as I could not and did not want to please their physical needs. This has also lead me to not desire a relationship for myself, either. I do not know if I can ever see myself in a relationship. If I were to have sex at all in this life, I wouldn't have it before marriage. I need to be certain of the person, however it's always unclear whether you will be spending the rest of your life in the same relationship. This is conflicting and currently I am leaning toward not ever having sex at all, even in a potential marriage. Unfortunately it's difficult soloing life, especially with how darned expensive everything is nowadays. You can barely keep up a regular household with two individuals, let alone one.

 

I find anything pornographic extremely distasteful and I bear quite the aversion against the openness of the matter of sex in this age. It is everywhere, and it makes me very uncomfortable and dirty. I find the human anatomy very aesthetic and interesting, and to see it being tarnished by sex is —in my eyes— very sad and abasing. Perhaps this is ironic in that case, but I could never see a penis as anything more than an organ meant for urinating, for instance, yet I find it a very beautiful organ.

 

As for the view on Visual kei artists; as I said above, my attraction to some of them is purely based on aesthetic pleasure. Perhaps it is also why I am more or less attracted to so-called femine-looking men, with softer shapes and tones, that Visual kei is an attractive medium. I like pallidness, long limbs and extremities, and ethereal-looking creatures, I would say even androgynous. Anything that would seem to exceed humanity. 

[Komorebi 2193]

I recently came put as asexual and I can really relate to most of the comments and experiences here. Thanks for sharing. 

 

Sometimes I wonder if my asexuality is precisely what pushed me into this world of beautifully androginous looking people I can enjoy both visually and musically without being touched or pressured to touch. 

I do enjoy sensuality, fanservice and many of the regular things allo-fangirls do, but I don't want to sleep with them. (Even if I often say things like 'that dude is so bangable', I actually wouldn't).

 

I just feel very comfortable dedicating time and money to men who will please me in many ways yet will never push me to do the deed. 

[Kabukichoatmidnight 269]

I'm 100% not Asexual, but in recent times I seem to be ticking a bit more of the "demisexual" boxes. So don't know if that counts. Just don't tend to really see many people as potential partners, sexually or romantically, it does happen, but it's very rare for me.

[Kuro 45]

I'm still not fully sure but I guess I'm both ace and aro.

I'm at the end of my thirties now not being in a relationship for over ten years, not having had sex for as long, too. And I can't see myself being involved in any of both.

There are thoughts of this on my mind but by now I think it's more some kinda wishful thinking of what's set so deeply in me by what society teaches by how one should be what is normal. Which's pure crap. There's no normal.

So while I've been in a relationship for almost nine years since I was 17 and I've had have sex less than ten times with him which's basically nothing I never was really fond of it. Back then I was curious like everyone at my age was. It wasn't really good but I never could have said that I even couldn't admit this to myself but just do now bit by bit (or start relating how I felt back then to what I think might be the reason).

I've been in another relation afterwards and there's been even attraction to physical closeness yet I still don't know if again this was the part I learnt by society or just basic attraction to the person (female this time) but less about sex itself. It got less and less and she even once asked me if I were disgusted by touching her. Now I'd say yeah, I was, I am by just thinking about it. But back then I was completely caught off guard and couldn't say anything on it.

 

To me attraction is also more of the aesthetical type even though I referred to people as hot in the past, too. However I recognized I connect hotness with aesthetics and beauty.

[Rahzel 110]

On 4/30/2016 at 9:11 AM, herpes said:

Utter BS 

 

I think I might be. I signed up on AVEN recently and have been doing a lot of reading because I am becoming of an age in which this is... slightly unusual the very least. I turn 26 on the 26th ... and haven't kissed in 5 years - and that was my first, to boost - still a virgin and no intentions of not being one. I'm no model but I'm not ugly to the point people might find my "secrecy" attractive or come off as seductive even intentionally when in fact it's just me desperately trying to hide the elephant in the dinner table. I'm a psychologist in a rather hypersexual society and never really managed to suppress my tiptoe walking or my disgust at being touched in ANY way by strangers. To any psychologist, it's ... A given. Yes, I am neuroatypical and a mysophobe since age 6, sorry guysss. And apparently with autism often comes asexuality. I was thinking of studying this too. 

 

My family tends to think of me as queer to the point of me getting actual gay silences pretty often but it's been like this forever, they always knew I'm ... different. I don't know if I could do it with a girl. I think I am maybe open to trying and failing miserably in enjoying it. I am indeed let down by my relationships with men but that's because they'd cheat on me. Lol, wonder why! Me being a fan of effeminate boy idols doesn't really help.  I'm not really #blessed when it comes to relationships either, so I learned to avoid them altogether. It's always Big Crisis Time when someone falls in love with me so I make a point of looking femme les and be het ace enough to avoid people altogether. Sometimes it works. 

 

So for me you saying asexuals mock lgbt people somehow ... I am offended, because it's most definitely not my intention, and feel invalidated. Besides I seem to play no part in this war ever since "ew hets" became a thing. Can't relate to either, bro. Lastly but not least important I. A. that yes, um, lol remember priests who said homosexuality was a sin or a disease? Thank you for invalidating me as well! 

So I see asexuals not as lgbt but lgbttqiaa? Yea obviously so. And I guess I could fit that. 

 

Also, me in a nutshell: "I just feel very comfortable dedicating time and money to men who will please me in many ways yet will never push me to do the deed".   

[Kabukichoatmidnight 269]

On 11/1/2019 at 9:48 PM, Chell said:

I'm not really #blessed when it comes to relationships either, so I learned to avoid them altogether.

Am in the same kind of boat there, not necessarily had failed relationships but have had a few "things" that have all gone a bit chaotic in recent years since I came out of my 7 1/2 year relationship. But also a key factor for me is that I have real trust issues which only seems to be getting stronger as time goes on. But yeah the more you invest in people emotionally the more you're setting yourself up to be hurt later so avoiding any such situation does seem better for yourself.

[Rahzel 110]

2 hours ago, Kabukichoatmidnight said:

Am in the same kind of boat there, not necessarily had failed relationships but have had a few "things" that have all gone a bit chaotic in recent years since I came out of my 7 1/2 year relationship. But also a key factor for me is that I have real trust issues which only seems to be getting stronger as time goes on. But yeah the more you invest in people emotionally the more you're setting yourself up to be hurt later so avoiding any such situation does seem better for yourself.

Yeah,  exactly. I am realistic, I know things that you ignore may come back for you and being alone is sickening and not the best idea.  Still, I feel it's better than whatever the other options are. 

[Kabukichoatmidnight 269]

On 11/3/2019 at 2:09 PM, Chell said:

Yeah,  exactly. I am realistic, I know things that you ignore may come back for you and being alone is sickening and not the best idea.  Still, I feel it's better than whatever the other options are. 

100%.

[少女椿 343]

Since here's sort of asexuality related topic, I wanted to ask if someone had an experience being asexual (+ many ldr with cis girls without any physical contacts), and then suddenly started to feel some kind of sexual excitement (cis male, crush on him for 3 years) in the mid-late 20s?.. Am I wrong describing myself as asexual or as a person who practice platonic relationships?.. 

Edited March 30, 2020 by 少女椿