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jiji94

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Posts posted by jiji94

  3. Posted

    2 hours ago, jaymee said:

    I was somewhat on the fence in my teens about not wanting children. I'm in my 30s now and over the years have gradually moved into the "never having kids" zone. The only exception being that should I ever change my mind (not likely but just entertaining the possibility) I would adopt. But, at this point I don't even want that.

     

    There are few j-guys that don't want kids, and my husband and I are both only children. The social pressure to have kids here is insane with the declining birthrate and all... Because of outside peer pressure sometimes my husband entertains the thought of having children, tho he pretty much reverts to "ah hell no" status the rare times we babysit for our friends' kids. He tires out easily and gets irritated when he doesn't get a full night's sleep and his free time is taken away from him, so I figure he'd get stressed/sick of parenting really fast. Also ultimately in Japan, the child rearing responsibility would fall fully on me, and so he doesn't try and force that burden on me knowing I'm not interested. However, we discussed all of this before marriage, and still check in that we're on the same page from time to time.

     

    Reasons I don't want kids:

     

    - I just don't want them

    I actually like kids, but only in measured doses. I don't have a ton of free time as it is, and I know I would be miserable having to give that up for someone else. I also enjoy having the freedom to travel, going to lives, go out with friends, etc. with what little free time I do have, and that would be hard to do with kids since babysitting (like calling a babysitter) is an foreign concept to most Japanese people and the in-laws don't live nearby. My (girl)friends with kids hardly ever go out, hardly ever have any time away from their kids alone with their husbands, never have time to care for themselves, their houses are always a mess, and it just feels like they live the same day over and over. Their roles are limited to "mommy". Also they hardly ever sleep and look tired all the time. I mean they're happy so I'm happy for them, but it's just not the life for me. My husband and I have two cats. They provide the same cuteness and affection and are only a fraction of the work.

     

     

     

    Oh man, I remember friends telling me how babysitting isn't a thing in Japan. My best friend who is Japanese is stressed because she's not sure she ever wants children or even to get married. She absolutely hates the idea of becoming a housewife although she admires them because of her mother. I know she's definitely not the only J-girl friend of mine in that boat. One of my J-dude friends and I talked about how he thinks the social pressure is so unfair on women and how it ends up affecting everyone, and how better options for childcare need to exist. I think that unfortunately influenced his decision not to become an English teacher despite having the qualifications and taking a higher paying corporate job. 

     

     

    jaymee and SakuraFox512 reacted to this

  4. Posted

    I've always thought I'm the perfect type of person for a LDR. I've only had to do it short-term in my relationships. My friends have done it and it's ended well for the most part. One friend married her husband shortly before she moved to Canada for 2.5 years to finish her degree. I think she got to see him once during that time because the cost of flying to her home country is immensely expensive. She desperately wanted to bring him here but his visa kept getting rejected and she couldn't sponsor him. Eventually they were both able to get visas to live in Australia while she finishes her studies. I think they plan on living there permanently.

     

    Another friend met her boyfriend in Japan towards the end of her exchange and he was more than willing to make it work with her. They managed a year apart, with her moving back to Canada and him studying abroad in Holland for a year. They both live in Japan now and I think are still technically long distance but it's a workable distance. I'm sure they have plans of getting married and living together in the future.

     

    My best friend also met her boyfriend in Japan but they're both Americans and live on opposite coasts/she still had one year of university left in Canada. It was really hard on her although it wasn't her first LDR. She recently moved to the west coast to live near him semi-permanently. 

     

    Idk I'm pretty much a firm believer they work out just like any relationship. As long as there's some sort of end game. With my ex we would've had to do long distance long-term due to visa restrictions. If he hadn't been the devil himself then I would've found a way to make it work. I know some people who do it for years and some who make it a goal to end the distance within a year. I know people's relationships that have fizzled out quickly. I think you learn more about the other person in a LDR. The only friends I've had who have been in successful LDR were all in serious relationships or married.

  8. Posted

    When I graduated high school, my graduating class was so excited because only one of us was pregnant. Now everyone has kids or is married and planning children. It's weird because I'm only 23 and more than half of them own houses, have a couple kids, and are married. Ayy, at least I got me a degree. My hometown scares my university friends. 

     

    Tbh I'm of the "I really badly want kids" category but I totally get the not wanting children EVER thing. I know ultimately I want kids but I haven't met anyone yet who I want to start a family with and I know when I do that I'd like to spend several years with just them before having children. My parents didn't have me until they were in their thirties and they've already told me it's okay if I never have children  so I'm lucky I have no pressure from fam. My sister isn't sure she wants kids. I also want to be a foster parent.

     

    Although I want kids, I want nothing to do with anyone else's kids. I don't like babies, I don't get excited when people have children (please keep them away at all times), I'm not sure how to talk to young children. I want to teach for awhile but I'm of the minority it seems where I don't want to deal with the elementary age kids (although I'll probably like them). Kids like me for some reason. I'll make silly faces at babies on the bus and in public but otherwise I just... don't want anything to do with them. lol

     

     

     

  9. Posted

    My friends and exes both volunteered a lot after they moved to Canada. I think it definitely helped them a lot. My first boyfriend was pretty alone his first two years. He tried making friends with local guys but one guy confessed to me that he didn't want to be caught in public with him because "he dresses like a gay guy". Ugh. As well as other shit..

     

    My friends were more the kids who didn't fit into a group or were cut out, but didn't exactly have local/Canadian friends. One of my Japanese best friends was afraid she would be excluded from the main group of Japanese girls if she went off and made her own friends, etc. My Chinese friends would get excluded from parties hosted by Korean and/or Japanese students because of the fact they were Chinese, etc. My M'sian ex and other friends being excluded because they weren't mainland Chinese or immigrated to Canada. Gosh, so many silly things I can think of. South Asian kids are pretty chill and accepting tho. There's a lot of shitty reasons people stick to just other students from their home countries. Less shitty reasons from peeps who move here long-term. I hung out a lot with the local Filipino community and it wasn't that they didn't want to go outside their comfort zone but a lot of people were older and unsure of how to do it, thought their English was poor, etc. Also the locals here are racist. lol

     

    But seriously, fuck assimilation. lol Some of my friends get in really heated conversations about identity abroad and their issues with assimilation. I mean there's some things but for the most part, it's just... egh. 

     

  13. Posted

    Nell, where u hiding ur new shit at because I don't know the name of this single

    On the other hand, it's really taken me awhile to like their newest stuff. I loved everything up to Newton's Apple.

     

    Actually, I get so confused by how Nell has been putting out music. I have a few of their albums but really want to collect everything..

  14. Posted

    Does anyone else get the uncontrollable urge to have children..? It's such an odd feeling. I don't even like children that much, I don't want infants near me, but I just really find myself deeply wanting my own family. 

     

    It's also kind of hard because I was with someone, I was engaged, we did plan out our future a little, and we spoke about having kids. It's hard when you were at that stage with someone before you realized what type of person they were (at least I found out before we got married, jfc). I had to let go of all of those plans and it really... sucked the life out of me. I just get worried I'd never find someone again or that that will happen all over again. Although I do feel like I'll meet someone special, just not now but maybe next year or the year after. My gut's pretty on point.

     

     

    platy reacted to this

  16. Posted

    17 hours ago, platy said:

    I'm sorry that happened. Such a sick situation! 

    I spoke to him. He's totally aware and he tells her everything he thinks, no matter how rude. But she pretends to listen because in the end she's got the upper hand... He's completely taken over and blinded by her... Uh... Assets. 

    She did want to show up after all, when he said no because he wanted to spend time with his cousin, she lost the plot. They argued for two hours on the phone. I even found out she's jealous of his mom. THIS BITCH IS INSANE. (and only just turned 18!!!!!)

    In the end she threatened to make him sex starved... Lo' and behold he goes to pick her up and bring her over like she wanted to. 

    My auntie and uncle are completely taken over by her perfect charm and cuteness. But me and few cousins saw through it.

    I said all I could say to him. 

    It's extremely worrying. 

    .. The fuck? 

     

    He needs to get away and get away FAST, otherwise y'all are going to have to take this to Dr. Phil. I'm glad you at least see what the hell this brat is doing. That's extremely unhealthy. Getting jealous of his mom?? Wtf?? She's going to completely isolate him. 

     

    Beat that girl off with a broom.

  18. Posted

    19 hours ago, platy said:

    My cousin is in a fucking toxic relationship with a child (to me that's what she is) and she's so controlling there was no way of contacting him without her knowing and having a fit. Btw I see  him every other day. 

    Today I got 2 seconds of his attention to show him a written message on my phone. We're gonna meet up tomorrow and I'm gonna check he's okay. 

    But why do I have a feeling she's gonna show up... 

    The feeling of disliking someone so deeply it makes you sick in the stomach. Ughhhhh 

    This is how my family and some of my close friends felt when I was with my ex. I hope your cousin gets out. Is he sort of aware of the situation he's in? 

     

    My ex managed to turn a number of people against me, including close friends, so for some time I was conflicted on whether what I experienced was real or not. I lost someone I considered my best friend to him because he brainwashed her into believing I'm a terrible person and that he did so much for me by putting up with me. I'm lucky my coworkers, family, and some friends saw him for who he was and told me what he had done was wrong. 

     

    I literally got attacked by him and our "friends" for things like not eating all of  the food on my plate every day, calling me ungrateful. I had trouble eating when I was with him because of the immense stress he put me under. I now have an issue with disordered eating.

  23. Posted

    54 minutes ago, platy said:

    Are you simply_Kenna the untouchable pixie autumn fairy YouTuber???? 

    Bitch, I might be.

     

    It's really weird tbh. At first it was funny but now it's getting kind of sad. Even one of my really good friends, who I met because of tinder, told me they thought I was a MPDG and we joke about it often. 

  24. Posted

    When you've been single for well over a year so it's officially okay when your close friends gloat about how great their partners are I can just send them "can't relate" memes and cat gifs.

     

    I wanna date again and not be viewed as some sort of manic pixie dream girl, please.

     

     

  25. Posted

    Yay, at least I'm good on the pink and existential crisis part.

     

    I'm watching some of the live performances from the METROCK 2017 music festival and regretting because my heart is crying about how BADLY I want to see Sakanaction perform. I love them so much. And as much as I love Ichiro and his cheekbones, anytime I see Motoharu in a live video my heart skips a beat. But seriously, I always feel transported to another world when I watch their lives. I think I'd honestly have so much fun at one of their concerts someday.

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