nullmoon

ahahaha dating apps really aren't my cup of tea, but if i ever do decide to try them out for whatever reason i'll surely be careful

You're most welcome! Glad to hear you've been taking positive steps and that things are working out! 
 
One additional tip that I forgot to mention is to be super careful with dating apps. If you don't go in with the right mindset, it can easily undo all your hard work. I've learned that the hard way haha

thank you so much @nullmoon! been doing quite well since it actually, because i've taken a lot of time to focus on myself. i can agree it's really beneficial, and i've been so much happier!! i have a long ways to go before i know enough about myself to be able to enter another committed relationship, but i think i'm on the right path. thanks again, and i'm glad things have worked out for you too!

First of all, I hope you're ok! Breakups are rough, especially if you genuinely like each other. Sadly not all good relationships are meant to be but having this knowledge really helps you have a better sense of self. Things will work out in the end (at least that's what I keep telling myself). 
 
I went through a similar thing back in March. We had different life goals and only realised it almost 3 years in. The relationship was starting to suffer due to these differences and it was getting me down so we had a big talk, had a big think, and mutually agreed to be friends. It's been almost 5 months and things have been completely fine and we still meet up to catch up, talk about our terrible love lives etc XD 
 
The best thing to do is embrace your newfound freedom and start focusing on yourself. I've found it really beneficial to just do what I want to do for a change, whether it's playing games, reading, or going for a long drive. Use the time to learn more about yourself, what you want from life, and what you want from a relationship. It'll really help when the next person comes along! 
 
I've spoken to a few women recently and instead of latching onto them immediately, I've assessed if they really fit what I'm looking for. Even though we would get on really well, the 'negatives' (shall we say) were too glaring to overlook in the grand scheme of things. However, knowing I'm more resolute in what I want now means that my future girlfriend/s will truly be a better fit and I'll be happier. 
 
And don't worry about being alone. Statistically speaking there are hundreds if not thousands of people out there who you're truly compatible with. You just need time and confidence in who you want to be and things will work themselves out 
 
Sorry for the essay, just thought I'd offload all the ideas that have helped me over the past few months

hi im the head dyke in charge x
 
 

About due time to cut my hair. Gets wavy and does whatever the hell it wants.
 

Go for it! It's clearly on your mind a lot so it would do you good to dedicate some time to visiting her. If it's tough to make the journey though, the fact that you think about her so much must count for something 😊

Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?! 😂 

Me and my friend ended up creating a short story which is an alternative version/universe of 13 Reasons Why called 'Ghost Detective★Necrophiliac'. Imagine creatively vibing with someone on that level...our minds. 

Haha that'd be great. Or maybe hitting myself in the head with a baseball bat so hard I'll get amnesia and forget the guy ever even existed lol.
For some reason when I really concentrate on my breathing it makes me oddly uncomfortable and I start breathing really weirdly. But I did find out that reading some light and fun short stories managed to finally force my thoughts into somewhere else so I guess I'll just do that whenever this happens haha

lol in the grand scheme of things, it's one of my most harmless issues :'D 

Arche is amazing, the ballads touch your heart right in the feels and uroko needs to be exhibited in a freaking gallery, because its a genius piece of art
 
TIW is sheyat for me

This is horrifying! Have you ever tried seeing someone about it?

Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?! 😂 

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I have a fucking childhood trauma from an 1997 episode of The Angry Beavers, where they decide to stay up all night and amongst other things have a brilliant idea to watch b-rated horrors. 
 
This thing 

Was from a movie called "The crawling spleen" and the dude in the gif is saying (look how I still remember after 20 years) "watch out or it will crawl into your ear". 
 
Since that day, and funnily enough it was a day before we went on a trip do Disneyland in Paris, I always, ALWAYS cover my ears when I go to sleep. I can't fall asleep otherwise anymore, but it's not every night that I go down the memory lane to remember the origins. So glad I did this time! Fucking yey~

Oh man, I don't want to add to it myself, but random thoughts are random, and I don't want to keep them in my head today.
 
It's surreal to be thinking about my childhood friend, 9 years this week since she passed away. It bothers me every single day to know that the last time I saw her, she had already been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, already too late to do anything, and just carrying on with her 18 year-old life like it was nothing, and smiling.
Jesus fuck it's not fair.
 
I feel more like shit because I haven't made time to visit her resting place, ever.
In fact, the reason I'm typing this is because I had almost forgotten that she was laid to rest around this time, having actually been there at her funeral, spending hundreds of dollars on flowers, and crying endlessly because she was one of the last people I ever expected to pass away. If this is something that is going to happen naturally, and I can't do a damn thing to stop it, I'll live with this gut-punch of a reminder, even if it haunts me forever for moving on with my life and not cherishing her existence in it, no matter how short it was.
 
I'm in another state and further away, so I wonder if I'm going to ever have that time to do actually go and visit?
I think it might be time to force it into my schedule for sanity's sake, and as a reminder to her that I haven't forgotten about the better days.

How do I turn off my feelings? I'm not necessarily enjoying it when I'm lying in bed ready to sleep and my brains suddenly decide to start thinking of this guy I really like and remind me of how I'll never see him again and how I don't have any chance with him anyway.
I need sleep not this shit argh.

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Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?! 😂 

Shinya’s problem is that he’s fucking boring when the band gets heavy. Sure he plays fast, but he’s barely doing anything. 
 
Now listen, Shinya’s hands do some creative things. I love his tom patterns, and he usually has some great fills. When he’s in a groove he sounds awesome. Now kick things up a notch; he starts to rely on this very basic kick, snare, kick, snare pattern that’s almost like what you play when you’re just learning to play blast beats. He tried to be more varied during for the DSS stuff, but he couldn’t pull that shit off consistently and started scaling it back for lives. 
 
Bottom line: Shinya’s feet suck. I guarantee you he wasn’t gung ho about the band’s heavier direction, and he was probably like “whatever, fuck you guys. Still gonna play like it’s 1999”.

^ 2014 being a bad year to kyo? According to whom? 
 
I remember when uroboros and dss came out many fans were ranting because they didn't stick to the v kei sound and started sounding chaotic (I agree those realeases are not so easy to listen as practically everything a vkei band releases).
Arche was a comeback to the former sound , like, kyo started wearing those sick-ass clothings and make-up again. And I don't get how some ppl criticize songs like chain repulsion which is the clearest example of it.
 
However, if I get real, problem is Shinya. His drumming on both uro and dss started sounding different, not necessarily in a bad way, in fact, he helps a lot with the atmospheric sound of both albums. Arche is just fine, and kyo cleansed and enhanced his vocals, he made some biblical fry whistle singing on the 7th octave, being a man and doing that is notorious.. But tiw is messy just because, and I shouldn't say this so openly but anyway take it as an opinion, neither die not kaoru are "good"/outstanding guitarists, honestly. I'm pretty sure if Shinya calmed the fk down a bit more this album would have been more enjoyable. Nonetheless I love the last 4 tracks, in which Shinya seemed to have rogered what was better for the albums sake. Ha!

ended my first relationship today (1yr 3 months). it went smoothly and i'm glad we mutually agreed we're better off as friends. but it still sucks, and after being in a relationship for so long i have this newly developed fear that i'll be alone forever even though i've NEVER given a shit about that lmao. hopefully it'll start to go away as i start focusing on my personal growth again. i regret none of it, because there was a LOT of valuable knowledge to take away from it. i start uni in the fall, so i want to take the summer to really get my act together. here's to a new chapter, i guess? i'm feeling optimistic, even if it's hard. i feel really relieved.
 
if anyone has tips for dealing with a breakup tho, hey, send em my way ,,

Another random one but I remember less. Get deciphering! Overall I get a sense of wanting connection with someone? 
 
-Met a friend I haven't seen in around 15 years. I was helping him with his break up (the break up did happen in real life but probably a few months ago?) 
 
-Watching a remake of some movie again and again, but leaving early on each time. 
 
-Going to said movie with someone who I knew in the dream but don't know in real life. I think it was a friend in the dream but there came a point where we nervously kissed each other and then she cuddled up to me to watch the movie? (To clarify, this is the kind of relationship goal I have in my head so I guess that influences things!)
 
-I then watched We Are X with my dad (who doesn't understand my interest in VK) 
 
-Digging up the top layer of soil to rehouse it. This layer was totally covered in freeze-dried coffee. I spent time picking out all the worms from each clump but they were more progressively getting more like witchetty grubs? 

Is it like some unofficial jrock national anthem or something? There seems to be a bunch of covers for the song...most of which sound exactly the same but with different vocalists. 
 
I'm just curious about the history behind it and why it's a thing! Not knocking the song at all, it's a bop.
 
(Also, Girugamesh did it best :p)