Friends, I don't have them in real life. I used to have quite a lot but after school people all went their separate ways (they still hang out together, though - I just got ditched individually). There are not much positive words or opinions I can share about people who are physically in reach or live around the corner; for the past six years or so I have stayed at home, not seeing many people beside my family. I am twenty one and haven't experienced close physical contact with people (as in sex, etc.) and I am currently living with that mind-set that this is not going to happen for me in the next five years either, as I am quite unable to meet up with new people or grow contacts whom I'd regularly would hang out with. This is partially my own fault, as I do always seek excuses not to go out with people because I simply cannot stand the atmosphere of the places that people enjoy visiting (clubs and such, because I cannot stand particular music and that type of individual who is to be found in such circumstances).
I've had a few friends on the internet in the past. They disappeared or started to avoid me for whatever reason. Currently I'd like to say I have none. I really do try on a daily basis. I reach out to people, ask them about their daily activities or try and lend an ear to their interests, but to no avail as regularly I am getting ignored or I am just receiving disinterest in general. I don't know what it is. Perhaps some people just aren't necessarily attractive personality-wise, and where I am currently I'd like to believe that I am one of those persons for who it is simply not meant to be to have friends or relationships. It's difficult and I am trying to cope, but I have been hurt by a lot of insincere and deceiving people thus it became too hard to connect with others.
I get a lot of offers of people 'willing to be my friend'. We talk awkwardly for an hour, they leave and never return. And this repeats itself consistently. I haven't the slightest clue of how to keep others in close proximity and it's been sincerely heavy on me recently, and I'm not really receiving any understanding for it and people will think I am just seeking for attention for whatever reason other than being emotionally drained from being lonely.