CAT5

the current state of affairs in my life is unnatural.

I feel as if i'm being railroaded into stress despite my strongest objections. Work is reaching all time high levels of stress and everyone can feel it, but no one knows to look to in order to get off this crazy ride. The keys are stuck in the ignition and we're going too fast to jump out or to even take a breather. I've reached that point where I've said "fuck it" 1000 times, then I said "fuck it" to "fuck it", and now I'm just laughing maniacally while pounding on the keyboard and hoping to create a Picasso. No one knows who is in charge or who is accountable anymore.
 
If it were just one big project, then I could buckle down and get the work done. It's at least fourteen. Granted, some of them are smaller and not as important but everything is a priority at the eleventh hour. I can only ignore a project for so long before those requests become demands and I have to prioritize them over my well-being, because no one takes being demoted to second place very well. I'm dealing with a gigantic company merger while moving everything to the cloud. The future is so uncertain. My hair is turning grey and wiry at a record rate. I can't take the day off work - not even for a traffic ticket - without getting deluged in calls about what to do. And yet, I see my co-workers laughing, joking, and generally horsing around as if there isn't a mountain of work to get done and no time to do it.

I look at the "to-do" column and I have ten tickets that just won't go away. I look at the "Done" column and there's 40 tickets. In the last three weeks. And I closed 1/3 of all of the tickets out of a group of 15 people. Doesn't take a math degree to realize those proportions are fucked up.

People keep asking me to slow down, but how do you slow down any slower than this? I'm not pushing myself as much as I feel pushed. Like pushing a kid in the water and telling him to stop drowning, I'm not sure what to do next. The bosses play this little game where they say "if it's not important, don't do it" and then wait until the last minute to make a task important. That way, I have to get it done and I don't even have enough time to bitch about it. And then they say "oh this was an exception, it won't be like this next time!" Of course it won't, because it will be a slightly different circumstance and it's something ~we'V3 NeVeR EXPeRIeNC3D BeF0Re~

But don't push myself so hard you know. There will always be work to do. Let's only focus on the essentials.

OH HEY ZEUS THAT THING I SAID WASN'T IMPORTANT BROKE AND NOW WE NEED YOU TO FIX IT BY YESTERDAY  K THX LOVE N KISSES BYE
OH HEY ZEUS WE KNOW YOU CALLED OUT OF THE OFFICE BUT I'MA NEED YOU TO COME IN REAL QUICK AND TAKE A LOOK AT THIS ISS-
HEY THERE I KNOW YOU'RE BUSY BUT COULD YOU TAKE A LOOK AT-
 
 
 

It's clear you have love for this girl, and that's perfectly understandable, but I think it's a mistaken notion to consider this girl your friend. I know that's a bit rough considering this is someone you once wanted to yoke your entire life to, and I definitely understand how her actions would be difficult to hear about. But I think for your own sake, you'd be better off removing this person from your life completely (if possible). Consider this, if you two were truly capable of being friends, would you even be in this situation?
 
Personally, if this girl is truly doing this, then you dodged a HUGE bullet bruh. Any woman that's sleeping around, and then actually has the nerve to brag about it?...this is someone who doesn't even value themselves. You wouldn't want to wife that bruh...trust me.
 
Sorry to hear about all of this, but keep your head up, keep moving forward, and realize you deserve better. Or rather, you deserve what you allow.

I'm hoping someone can give me some insight on this.
 
I've met 3 girls within the span of this last year, all on different levels of intimacy. First girl I met, we spent a lot of time together, mutually confessed that we liked each other, but ultimately decided to hold off on a relationship because she was going through school. But like a week later, she told me she did want to and I told her that we should still wait. We talked a lot and spent a lot of time together and we were physically intimate through things like holding hands or even running our hands through each other's hair. Then, one week she says she just wants to be friends and she's not ready to be in a relationship. In this case, it also turned out she was deciding between me and another guy and decided to go with him, but point is that she said she had feelings, proceeded to communicate that through quality time and physical touch, and then does a 180.
 
Second girl I met on a dating app. First time we met up we had a good time. I wasn't super into her but I was down to meet her again. After our first date we exchanged numbers, texted here and there throughout the week and that led up to a second date. At this point we started to talk about past relationships etc. and it came up that she didn't want to go into a relationship right now, especially with her studying for optometry school. So I said that's fine but we still ended up meeting anyways for like another good 2 weeks and I think we both had a genuinely good time. We stopped seeing each eventually but we follow each other on instagram and it looks like she's dating someone now. No biggie, but I guess my initial thoughts were, "huh, she didn't feel like she could start a relationship with me but I guess this other person is fine?". Again, didn't really care but just something I noticed and, I mean, I didn't really go after her.
 
Now, this third girl I also met through a dating app. It was very short lived and we only stayed in touch for 1 week. But it started with us messaging back and forth. Initially it was casual stuff we talked about, but just a few messages later it really ramped up and we were both spending like 45 minutes each just to reply to one string of messages. And the thing was that it was both ways, her asking me questions and reacting and me doing the same back. The conversations were a balanced mix of surface-y stuff like tv shows, our life goals, and even spiritual aspirations. So I eventually asked her to dinner to which she said yes. When we met in person, it felt incredibly good. Really felt like we were vibing and we were very comfortable with each other. At one point she mentions that she's studying for dental school and that she probably will be pretty busy. I said that's fine, but that I wanted to know what she was looking for out of this then. She said that she wants to be involved in a serious relationship and I told her that's awesome, me too. So then I asked, well is this something you want to try and see where it goes and, again, she said yes. So, we made plans for a second date. 
 
The next day we were texting through out the day all the way until the evening before she went to bed. So I felt like she was still interested in me. At some points I messaged her first and other times she messaged me first. But then the next day, there was considerably less contact from her and I felt like something was off. She was hardly initiating with me and we stopped talking maybe around the afternoon. I just figured, ok she's busy and we just met so maybe I'll just give her some space. I'm not the only person she talks to and she did say she has a lot of studying to do. The whole weekend though she didn't text me. Me wanting to give her space, I didn't reach out at all and I just figured I'll see her at our date. Well, Sunday evening she sends me a text saying she's sorry but she thought about things and she just isn't looking for a serious relationship because school takes priority for her right now. I was kind of confused because she told me she wanted try things out with me and then she makes a 180.
 
So, on 3 separate occasions this year, I've met girls that I thought liked me, sent me signals that they did or straight up told me, but just a short while later decide they don't want to go into a relationship with me. Now, obviously you all don't know me, but I think I'm pretty down to earth. In these cases all 3 have actually told me they're very comfortable around me and that they usually don't warm up to people this quickly. But for whatever reason, something about me seems to have made these girls change their mind about me. I figure, like the first 2 examples, even if you're going through school, if you really like someone you'll probably want to still try to get to know them right? Even if it's just to keep them around so you can try again when you are ready. From my standpoint, a couple of these girls did show signs that they were very interested in me, whether it was through physical touch or frequent communication and interest about my day. But their change of heart is so sudden, not a gradual thing. 
 
So I guess my question to the girls then is, in general, are there reasons why girls might change their mind about someone even after showing signs of really liking them? Because I'm just not sure what to expect anymore and I'm just inclined to hate furthering one's education at this point.

UwU
 

This. I personally belive that marrying someone that sleeps around ever is a huge mistake, because changing habits just because of a ceremony is not happening.
 
Of course people can change, but only after extreme low points in their life, that is the only thing that can trigger true change from within, not external factors. Since it is something that is not necessarily guaranteed to happen, if you still go through with it, you are playing with fire and the amount of hurt you get in divorce is enough for probably 10 times the hurt of a breakup with the bonus of having third parties hearing bullshit about the relationship from both sides for weeks/months.

It's clear you have love for this girl, and that's perfectly understandable, but I think it's a mistaken notion to consider this girl your friend. I know that's a bit rough considering this is someone you once wanted to yoke your entire life to, and I definitely understand how her actions would be difficult to hear about. But I think for your own sake, you'd be better off removing this person from your life completely (if possible). Consider this, if you two were truly capable of being friends, would you even be in this situation?
 
Personally, if this girl is truly doing this, then you dodged a HUGE bullet bruh. Any woman that's sleeping around, and then actually has the nerve to brag about it?...this is someone who doesn't even value themselves. You wouldn't want to wife that bruh...trust me.
 
Sorry to hear about all of this, but keep your head up, keep moving forward, and realize you deserve better. Or rather, you deserve what you allow.

It's clear you have love for this girl, and that's perfectly understandable, but I think it's a mistaken notion to consider this girl your friend. I know that's a bit rough considering this is someone you once wanted to yoke your entire life to, and I definitely understand how her actions would be difficult to hear about. But I think for your own sake, you'd be better off removing this person from your life completely (if possible). Consider this, if you two were truly capable of being friends, would you even be in this situation?
 
Personally, if this girl is truly doing this, then you dodged a HUGE bullet bruh. Any woman that's sleeping around, and then actually has the nerve to brag about it?...this is someone who doesn't even value themselves. You wouldn't want to wife that bruh...trust me.
 
Sorry to hear about all of this, but keep your head up, keep moving forward, and realize you deserve better. Or rather, you deserve what you allow.

It was bound to happen. A friendly break up is rarer than a unicorn. Block, cut ties and save yourself a lot of headache and pain. She's not gonna cater her social media/words to you mate, she's made it obvious from the start your feelings come in second place even when you were together. 

I've kinda mulled over this topic for a while now, but it's quite strange how the prominent Western (predominantly American) YouTubers are so insistent on speaking on the behalf of YouTube as if it was "theirs" the whole time (most of that understanding solely experiential.) 
 
Yes, constant coverage of these "YT Armageddon" topics are obviously for quick revenue, so maybe they purposefully gloss over the reality of it on-screen, but YT has always been a platform for everyone (including large companies.) My experience w/ 2006~09 YT was not just gag comedy, but a majority niconicodouga re-uploads, music videos, random shit people posted online, and TV/DVD/VHS content split into 5 parts (with at least one part taken down for some reason.)
 
Currently, everyone tries to up their "relevancy" on what they perceive as the whole "platform", but if you take the time and switch between countries (many of which are beyond their actual reach/scope), you'll see how little crossover there  is in trending content because people naturally like what's culturally relevant & understandable (language). The fact that the "Worldwide" setting disappeared several years ago should be a clear sign how large these country/region-based communities have grown (to the point where "worldwide" is too big/broad to make sense.)
 
One counter-argument is that only the top 3% of channels make 90% of the revenue, which has a large concentration of English-speaking YouTubers (I could be wrong on that stat) concerned about the system. So they have the largest stake in what YT does, but if you look at the data a bit closer, the breakthrough mark for 3% starts out at only $16k in annual revenue. This implies that the actual number of prominent voices (those dependent on stable, actually livable revenue) are that much smaller and effectively makes the remaining >97% of channels (perhaps closer to the 90% mark) hosts for the same plain 'ol mish mash of unmonetized content that's been on the site for years. Even if large creators leave, even making noise on the way out to alternative platforms, new ones will take their place on the platform b/c YT continues to be a large, centralized place for viewership, brimming with those looking to be part of the <3%.
 
TL;DR: Not trying to diminish large creators naturally fending for themselves and their collectives, but the whole idea that YouTube is on the path to impending disaster is a seriously flawed argument. They'll keep growing unfettered until they're regulated as a monopoly for internet-video content, but even that's tricky b/c "video streaming content" currently includes the likes of Netflix, Hulu, etc. and YouTube also serves large production content (Red) which muddies that distinction. It's like how many in the U.S proclaim that Facebook is just a dying haven for MLM hunnies and crotchety boomers without realizing the platform's continued significance in the Asia-Pacific market where, for example, India's active user-base has more than doubled to 300 million since 2015 (additionally outranking user totals in the U.S by over 10 million.)
 
Bigger TL;DR: YouTube and the major SNS players are literally too big to fail for the foreseeable future.

This word has no doubt been overused and abused to the point where anything that makes anyone feel uncomfortable is automatically considered "toxic".
 
Imma ruin your joke, because imma nerd like that.
 
In the bible, the term "god" was actually translated from the original Hebrew term "Elohim", and thus lost its meaning. The term "god" kinda misses the point because it's a title and not an actual name (the creator's name is Yahuah - which literally means something like 'the eternal/self-existent one' and was usually translated as "the lord").  Elohim, however, is plural and refers to Yah's powers/ the multiplicity of his powers. There are other powers active in the world, but what makes Yahuah the Most High elohim is the fact that no power supercedes his because he is the source of ALL power.
 
For example, Satan wields a certain amount of power, but even he can only operate in the capacity that Yah allows him to. This is clearly illustrated in the book of Job, amongst others. But even Satan operates in service to The Most High. Everything that Yah created serves a purpose / has a function. 
 
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk! 

here's a bunch (put 'em under spoiler tags just in case)
 

Yeah, even reminding someone to call you/text you back about something is considered “toxic” and “controlling” by some. 

This word has no doubt been overused and abused to the point where anything that makes anyone feel uncomfortable is automatically considered "toxic".
 
Imma ruin your joke, because imma nerd like that.
 
In the bible, the term "god" was actually translated from the original Hebrew term "Elohim", and thus lost its meaning. The term "god" kinda misses the point because it's a title and not an actual name (the creator's name is Yahuah - which literally means something like 'the eternal/self-existent one' and was usually translated as "the lord").  Elohim, however, is plural and refers to Yah's powers/ the multiplicity of his powers. There are other powers active in the world, but what makes Yahuah the Most High elohim is the fact that no power supercedes his because he is the source of ALL power.
 
For example, Satan wields a certain amount of power, but even he can only operate in the capacity that Yah allows him to. This is clearly illustrated in the book of Job, amongst others. But even Satan operates in service to The Most High. Everything that Yah created serves a purpose / has a function. 
 
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk! 

This word has no doubt been overused and abused to the point where anything that makes anyone feel uncomfortable is automatically considered "toxic".
 
Imma ruin your joke, because imma nerd like that.
 
In the bible, the term "god" was actually translated from the original Hebrew term "Elohim", and thus lost its meaning. The term "god" kinda misses the point because it's a title and not an actual name (the creator's name is Yahuah - which literally means something like 'the eternal/self-existent one' and was usually translated as "the lord").  Elohim, however, is plural and refers to Yah's powers/ the multiplicity of his powers. There are other powers active in the world, but what makes Yahuah the Most High elohim is the fact that no power supercedes his because he is the source of ALL power.
 
For example, Satan wields a certain amount of power, but even he can only operate in the capacity that Yah allows him to. This is clearly illustrated in the book of Job, amongst others. But even Satan operates in service to The Most High. Everything that Yah created serves a purpose / has a function. 
 
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk! 

People who keep calling others "toxic" actually are the toxic ones.

This song was crumpled in Utada's bin and this girl happened to be walking past...
 
As for myself I'm still on a Shiina binge and very happy to see Aya x Mikey in this MV. Hopefully there'll be an Aya x Tokyo Gegegay collab in the future
 
 

@YuyoDrift @platy - don't this sound like it could be an old Utada song???
 
 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rei_Yasuda
 
"Rachel Rhodes was born in North Carolina, United States on April 15, 1993...she was inspired to become a singer after hearing her mother listening to "First Love" by Utada Hikaru. She was later influenced by Mariya Takeuchi and Love Psychedelico."
...
 
M Y  Q U E E N  🙏
-but seriously, that quivery vibrato is def. inspired but she's really good at it. I've only heard of the name "Genki Rockets", but what I've (now) briefly heard of her newer solo-work is really appealing.
 
-
 
 
 

@YuyoDrift @platy - don't this sound like it could be an old Utada song???
 
 

@YuyoDrift @platy - don't this sound like it could be an old Utada song???
 
 

''i'm sorry'' has never been more accurate jfc

Attended a wedding last month. Obviously before the event b/c I don't like how I look in the pics during and after ( -人-).

I agree with you here to an extent. I do think there are functional and dysfunctional ways to raise children and i'm all for informing others on what's healthy and functional, but here's why I think it's no one's business: we simply do not know enough details to judge the matter. Everyone is in an uproar over a soundbite, essentially. We don't know the relationship that T.I. has with his daughter. We don't know anything about their family, their dynamics, or their history. We don't know his daughter's perspective and we barely know anything about T.I.'s perspective. outside of a 15 sec. audio clip. So everyone is making assumptions based on very limited information. Not a wise thing to do in my opinion.
 
I do think that T.I. may have made a mistake by making this public knowledge. But who knows? Maybe it's not a mistake? Maybe the discussions that have spawned out of this are conversations that need to be had?
 
 
This really depends on how you view family, fatherhood, and sex. I can't speak for T.I., but I can tell you that from a Hebraic/Biblical perspective, a daughter is supposed to remain under the protection/covering of her father until she is married, and then she becomes her husband's responsibility. And this has nothing to do with trying to control women, or women being "weak" or "helpless" - certainly not -  it's about protecting that which is valuable. Sex outside of marriage is also viewed as dysfunctional, because it doesn't serve any sustainable purpose and the harm it causes is not worth the pleasure of a 15-second orgasm.
 
Personally, I subscribe to the Hebraic worldview simply because it's functional and it emphasizes unity, harmony, and peace. I've experienced and observed in horror how ideas like feminism/the "independent woman" and unbridled sex have absolutely decimated black families and given rise to nothing but division,chaos, confusion, and pain. Those aren't the only culprits, but they are major contributors. Before blacks started adopting these ideologies, our families were generally intact. Not only does history clearly illustrate this, but almost every black woman I know that was alive before these ideologies started taking root tells me the same thing: "we didn't need no damn feminism". Why? Because the black man and woman worked together, and black men were not lording over their women. Black women did not feel oppressed by their men. The oppression and racism black ppl faced was much more overt back in those days, so we worked together and relied on one another. Because we're all we had. And we realized the strength that came from family and unity. Feminism was largely a movement headed by white women that eventually recruited black women, much to our demise.
 
(note: when I say "independent woman" - i'm referring to the notion that black women (or women in general) don't need a man, because that's destructive. there's absolutely nothing wrong with women being autonomous and being able to fend for themselves tho. in fact, women should be able to. but as i stated earlier, the notion that men and women don't need each other is antithetical to life itself).
 
But I digress. I'm not sure how T.I. views things, but If I were as famous and rich as he is, I'd probably be overprotective too.
 
 
You're not being hostile and and I don't feel attacked at all! I'm just glad that you're willing to discuss and share your opinion. Discussions like this can get pretty intense and heavy, so I have nothing but respect for you for engaging with me in a mature manner and speaking your mind! That's a very brave thing to do, especially on the internet where you have cowards that would sooner attack ppl for having different opinions or go talk shit in private amongst a bunch of yes-men like hoe-ass simps instead of just addressing people directly. Believe it or not, you've got more balls than a lot of grown-ass men . But yeah, Gesu, I got nothing but love for ya!
 
And I feel where you're coming from. I do think we have to have a critical eye towards our past generations, as to learn from their mistakes and not continue to reproduce their dysfunction. But I also think it's wise to take into consideration advice and admonishment from older generations too.
 
Personally, I remember being a kid and pretty much hating my dad. I disagreed with a lot of his ways well into my adulthood. But now as i've gotten older myself, and as i've been seeking to take on a lot of the same responsibilities he did, I'm starting to understand why he did things the way he did. And i'm thankful that I had him as a father. Some things I don't think we can understand until we actually have children ourselves.
 
That said, I do think that there needs to be open and honest dialogue between children and parents, youth and elders. And I think both parties should keep an open ear, and an open heart towards one another. Because gray hair doesn't guarantee wisdom, and youth doesn't guarantee the lack thereof.