Manji 卍

i know what you're talking about, my first ex commited suicide a year ago. of course it's not as bad as losing your relatives, i can't even imaging how horrifying it must be. but being half dead - well, i know that feeling. life is a fucking joke huh. i don't even think focusing on new things is a good solution - suppressing your inner thoughts doesn't solve the problem. idk what will work for you, but i've read some books and they helped me accept different things. i still don't think life is a piece of cake or something meaningful but now i'm like okay whatever, let's have some nice moments at least before i end up in grave

@yomii your thoughts makes sense again,and sorry about your ex. I really need this "whatever" button in my life. But we need something meaningful to hang on while "enjoying" these moments, don't you agree? like a well succeeded career,family and a true love. My cat and my geek stuff won't give me the "structure" I need to stay strong living in this shit world

you know such things as successful career, family and true love are not so common, even among people who don't struggle with depression...but i think the point is in trying to achieve such things anyway. maybe you will achieve an ideal, maybe you won't, but step by step you will make your life much more comfortable. you've said you have some things to finish, and you want to find a better job, so it means you do have some goals in life, so, can't these goals themselves become your "structure" instead of geek stuff? if you find a better job that will be your first step to a good career. and maybe you'll meet the love of your life there~ maybe not, who knows. but anyway it will be more comfortable to work in a place that doesn't disguist you.
tell me about your cat btw .w.