heresytrash

A little bit of an update; my supervisor ended up talking to her (with someone as a witness I guess) and he basically told her that while they don't mind she's religious, she can't hold coworkers personally accountable for not going to her church and that work is not the place for it. We do have some rules at my company regarding politics/religion as well in terms of discussing it, meaning if someone is not particularly comfortable discussing it than not discussing it at all is the best option. They're rather touchy subjects anyway.

I haven't talked to her lately though, and she hasn't really come to me so I think we both just realized ignoring the other is the best and I hope that she takes the supervisor's advice and just leave work as work.

So I work in production, I've been with this company for little over a year now and I do like the atmosphere most of the time as I get along with most of my coworkers and I'm part of a few committees that get me more involved with things like safety and what not. 
 
Recently we've been getting new temps coming in, which we lose at least 3 of the 6 that originally show up for orientation. It's a very different type of production however, so when they see what we do it really is easy for them to get confused and just walk off the job completely. Within our last group, only two lasted. One is great, but the other one (who we'll call CG) is starting to show signs of starting unnecessary drama and all around acting rude to people. 
 
She's a very religious girl, and while I can appreciate that she's passionate about something and loves God (even if I'm agnostic), the way she tries to pressure everyone at work to go to her church is a little unnerving. She's already stopped talking to two coworkers because they didn't show up to church, and she's constantly telling us not to smoke and drink though mostly everyone at work does smoke (and drink). I get that she's young too, and as I said I get that she's passionate about the church, but a lot of people that I work with aren't (including myself) and if they are, they don't normally talk about it or tell people to join their religion.
 
I'm the one who trained her at first. We do something call 'Full Cleans' on our rooms to prepare for the next product, and her first day of working was essentially with me doing said Full Clean. They're generally easy to do if you know the process, but I'm not going to go into the logistics of that. So I taught her the next day how to do one, and I must say she did good for her first clean so I was pleased. We were friendly with each other the first few days too, as I always try to be friendly towards the new people.
 
However not even a week later she started to show some attributes I don't like. One instance where I was talking to my friend/coworker about going out to drink, and CG just turns to me and says "Ash, you shouldn't drink." I laughed at her and said I drink on the weekends all the time, and she said once again "But you shouldn't drink, it's against my religion."  Then the next couple of days was sort of hard for me. I was trying so hard to clean one room, and because the machine has corners that are hard to get it kept failing the Quality Check. She wasn't in my room, but walked up to me and said "Ash, you should put me in your room so I can clean it so it can pass." When I didn't respond to her, she just said "I'm just saying." (I found out Friday she told another Operator to let her clean because she can do it better?)
 
Then another instance where another coworker tried to help her out with something as water was leaking from her room, and she yelled at him for doing it. He's a guy who's been there 11 years and takes no bs from anybody, so he told her (in Spanish btw) that she really needs to watch her attitude. She then turned him in to our supervisor for 'harassment'. (All because he was trying to help her clean up the water outside her room)
 
Sorry if this is long, but I felt like I needed to include some instances. I'm not as friendly towards her anymore, at least not more than I have to. I just don't know how to approach her anymore as I found out that she's been trying to start things with everyone. The last instance actually made me mad because even though that guy is kinda hard to get along with sometimes (he's got a different personality) he's a hard worker and will help you when you ask him.  We've even discussed her with some of our higher ups, but I think because she's new they wanna wait a minutes. (idk, it's all weird to me.)
 
I do hope I'm just wrong about her, but there was something off about her after a couple of days. Like she's being fake-nice. 
 
Also if this is not allowed here, please feel free to let me know or delete it. I just don't know where else to put this. I just wanna know if ignoring her is the best, or if having a serious talk with my supervisor about her behavior is needed. 
 
 

tell her ur wiccan and it isn't against urs, wicca is protected by first amendment & freedom of religion.

I think most of the gazette vs dir en grey was someone on each side being a troll, and a lot of the people involve (sadly myself included) at the time were very young and impressionable. I saw it mainly on deviantart of all places, and sometimes LJ but I wasn't as active on there.

I don't hear anything about the supposed war anymore other than a few troll comments on videos, but /shrug.

I think most of the gazette vs dir en grey was someone on each side being a troll, and a lot of the people involve (sadly myself included) at the time were very young and impressionable. I saw it mainly on deviantart of all places, and sometimes LJ but I wasn't as active on there.

I don't hear anything about the supposed war anymore other than a few troll comments on videos, but /shrug.

I think most of the gazette vs dir en grey was someone on each side being a troll, and a lot of the people involve (sadly myself included) at the time were very young and impressionable. I saw it mainly on deviantart of all places, and sometimes LJ but I wasn't as active on there.

I don't hear anything about the supposed war anymore other than a few troll comments on videos, but /shrug.

Aren't we all

Not last night, but a few nights before I had a dream I was running away from Gackt. 

I never felt so much terror in my life.

Thank you for mentioning this! The scene you're thinking of is footage that presents itself as the inspiration behind a photoshoot that the four remaining contestants participate in. Beside the Gazette, there are also cosplayers portraying members of Inugami Circus-dan, MUCC, and Psycho le Cému.
 
 
 
 

https://imgur.com/a/Ukhv8My

Does anyone remember the Gazette cosplayers who showed up in a clip on America's next top model? 

You can't see my face, but here's me being a weirdo.

I'm going to be blunt and say that my oldest brother, the oldest out of us seven, is not a good human being and an abuser. 
 
Because of this, certain members of my family find it hard to get along with them, though it wasn't the lack of trying. The crimes he did were so heinous and had such a negative impact, with no real acknowledgment from him or apology that it was too hard to keep civil anymore even for my mom's sake.
 
My mom states that she's the only one who has faith in him when he's never really done anything to redeem himself and gets mad when I dont acknowledgme anything he does.
 
As of late he wasn't invited to my sisters wedding and he's not invited to my brothers wedding either at his fiance's request to protect her child.
 
If I get married he won't be invited either, I barely consider him family anymore. 
 
However the way she talks about our trauma with him is odd, that if any regular Joe schmoe did this to us she'd want his head.
 
She expects the victim to just realize he's "trying his best" despite he keeps playing victim. Like he hasn't caused any psychological damage to his victims at all and his wife says they're being over dramatic about it.
 
How can I relay to my mom that even though he's her son, and our brother, his actions are just way too severe and we dont owe him any sympathy or forgiveness?
 
If this topic is too heavy feel free to delete it, I just had to get it off my chest.

There's always a reason for people to do what they do. And in this instance, I am referring to both your mother and your oldest brother, but for different reasons.

I have no idea what your brother did and I'm not going to ask you to share it, so you can pretend that I "covered" it.

I don't understand the whole situation concerning you and your mother, but I can relate. I understand what it feels like to know a family member is horrible person but apparently nothing you do can convince someone otherwise. If the math isn't adding up, odds are there is something you don't know. Maybe a lot of things. Some piece of the picture that you are missing. Parents are pretty good at hiding their past from their children. The only two people in this world that would be able to tell you are your mother and your brother, and we can nix the last one.

To get her to understand where you are coming from, you first have to understand where she is coming from. You need to understand where her mind is so you can break down that mental fortress she's put up between her and her pain, so the points that you are making can come across. Right now she hears you but she doesn't. Doing this may require you to learn some painful things about your family that you may not be ready for. Prepare yourself to the best of your ability, and begin by thinking about the types of questions that you should be asking. There's obviously some reason why she wants to keep extending the metaphorical olive branch, and that's at the heart of your issue here. Until you figure out what that reason is, the situation probably will not change.

Look, the only thing you can do is just live your life the way you best see fit and ignore/leave this behind as much as you can. You don't need to continue having any relationship whatsoever with your brother and to be bluntly honest, your mom is just gonna have to learn to deal with it. The way she feels about your brother is not your responsibility -- and I know it sucks that you probably feel like you can see through everything clearly and that you'd like your mother and everyone else to be able to do the same, but unfortunately that's not how it works. You gotta be kind of egoistic here and think primarily of yourself. It seems everyone in your situation is an adult, which means they're fully capable and should be held responsible for their actions. This might be a cliche statement, but trust me, it helps put things into perspective. As someone who's been dealing with an abusive father for almost 29 years and whose mom still hopes on God that he's gonna overcome alcoholism and his violent behavior and the entire family is gonna live happily ever after, I can tell you that whatever you do to deal with this, it's gonna suck one way or the other. You're probably gonna feel kind of hopeless forever (yay!), but at least you can find comfort in knowing you did what you could and that all you can do going forward is live by what you think makes you happy. Good luck!

My advice: don‘t try to change her mind. If she‘s willing to hold on to her son, it‘s okay, even though he might not deserve this. She‘s a mother, afterall and it is excruciating to realize: damn, my son is a failure. Hence, have I failed? 
I know it might be nerve-wrecking but in my opinion it is not your business to convince her that she shouldn‘t hold on to him. 
However, you don‘t owe her to go along with that. If you say she is downplaying the effect of his actions towards you guys, point it out and that it is hurtful to you. Always expect her to respect your view on the situation and the consequences your view has. Respect her clinging to her son, but demand that you won‘t go along with that. 
 
 

I'm going to be blunt and say that my oldest brother, the oldest out of us seven, is not a good human being and an abuser. 
 
Because of this, certain members of my family find it hard to get along with them, though it wasn't the lack of trying. The crimes he did were so heinous and had such a negative impact, with no real acknowledgment from him or apology that it was too hard to keep civil anymore even for my mom's sake.
 
My mom states that she's the only one who has faith in him when he's never really done anything to redeem himself and gets mad when I dont acknowledgme anything he does.
 
As of late he wasn't invited to my sisters wedding and he's not invited to my brothers wedding either at his fiance's request to protect her child.
 
If I get married he won't be invited either, I barely consider him family anymore. 
 
However the way she talks about our trauma with him is odd, that if any regular Joe schmoe did this to us she'd want his head.
 
She expects the victim to just realize he's "trying his best" despite he keeps playing victim. Like he hasn't caused any psychological damage to his victims at all and his wife says they're being over dramatic about it.
 
How can I relay to my mom that even though he's her son, and our brother, his actions are just way too severe and we dont owe him any sympathy or forgiveness?
 
If this topic is too heavy feel free to delete it, I just had to get it off my chest.

Draw the line that says you will not be looking to have any relation with this person and that any further push to coerce you into doing so will result in the breaking off of your relationship with her as well. Your safety and happiness should trump the comfort and justifications that are enabling him to never apologize or improve.
 
 
Of course, this is assuming you are in a position where this is possible.
 
 
Telling someone in your support system "no" is extremely hard in general, so I cannot even imagine what it's like in this dark of a situation.

she doesn't give your needs/feelings/space same priority she awarded to him by whatever reason, and she evidently puts enough mental effort to downplay his attitude/whatever he did in the past. she might keep some sort of internal rationalization in her head that she doesn't outright voice in your arguments.
there might be a partial layer of stronger bonds between mothers and sons vs mothers and daughters - it's a stereotype etc but it's pretty accurate overall.
 
I can't give out any advice in this situation, but given how much external perspective I've gained on family hypocrisy over the past recent years, there's very little chance for them to recognize that you indeed have a very serious and a very real reason to treat him the way you do, and act on that realization.
 
it's either an ingrained internal double-standard for her precious first born, or crystal clear cynicism, and I've seen examples of both.
 
there're ways to do that (a very serious conversation over your own view of what's going on and your clear disapproval of her repeating patterns of condoning him is a start), the problem is your best bet often times would be either developing coping mechanisms if you are otherwise better off staying with your family in your circusmtances, or just outright packing and leaving if you can afford the financial burden of moving out and have savings to do so.
 
based on your side of story, the age and sex disparity, your can speak out, but there might be no one listening.

I never had an issue with Lazy ones as I think some people are just casual listeners to music anyways and like what they like.  Hell I found a guy who didn't even listen to music at all, at least on his own accord.

I think the one I had an issue with is the Vkei/jrock fans who are much like the kpop fans who refuse to acknowledge western music. Which is sad because most of the bands they like are inspired by bands from the west. Also I had a friend whose only complaint on one album of a Japanese band is that it sounded 'too western' and I honestly don't know what she meant by that or why it was a problem. I know she won't listen to coldrain because of that reason, like does Masato have to sing in Japanese for you to be interested? 

Must be boring to live like that.

I never had an issue with Lazy ones as I think some people are just casual listeners to music anyways and like what they like.  Hell I found a guy who didn't even listen to music at all, at least on his own accord.

I think the one I had an issue with is the Vkei/jrock fans who are much like the kpop fans who refuse to acknowledge western music. Which is sad because most of the bands they like are inspired by bands from the west. Also I had a friend whose only complaint on one album of a Japanese band is that it sounded 'too western' and I honestly don't know what she meant by that or why it was a problem. I know she won't listen to coldrain because of that reason, like does Masato have to sing in Japanese for you to be interested? 

Must be boring to live like that.

Fully agree to this.
Why forgiving them? So they go on like they did before? To make them feel better while they made others feel whatever they feel like now (since there's a wide range I don't put certain ways of feeling like there)?

Not sure if it really is an unpopular opinion, but I don't think there's any redemption for pedophiles/child molestors/child abusers. I don't care how many '12 step programs' there are, there's no redeeming that. 

(I only bring this up because I literally had to hold myself back from yelling at my own mom)

I suppose I worded it weirdly, I'm mainly thinking about someone I know who's actually caused harm and 'admits to doing it' but hasn't made any attempt to formally apologize to me or the victim who has had it much worse from them. Thinking that we owe him any sort of forgiveness for simply 'getting help' when I know he's not remorseful at all and continues to play the victim card on us.

Not sure if it really is an unpopular opinion, but I don't think there's any redemption for pedophiles/child molestors/child abusers. I don't care how many '12 step programs' there are, there's no redeeming that. 

(I only bring this up because I literally had to hold myself back from yelling at my own mom)

I suppose I worded it weirdly, I'm mainly thinking about someone I know who's actually caused harm and 'admits to doing it' but hasn't made any attempt to formally apologize to me or the victim who has had it much worse from them. Thinking that we owe him any sort of forgiveness for simply 'getting help' when I know he's not remorseful at all and continues to play the victim card on us.