RaeDesu

This is going to be a really long post, but I literally lost sleep last night thinking about this haha. 

I really also don't know why I'm posting this. Maybe I just need to post it somewhere where people will understand. The community that I love so much.

Music really has a way to change us, mold us, and destroy us. 

I was super into Versailles when they formed. I had always liked Kamijo, and followed him pretty extensively through his Lareine career; although I had to do it through my friend who liked him, she would get mad if I liked him. But that's a different story.

I had been a fan of Versailles since the day they started. I fell in love with "The Revenant Choir" instantly. And I fell even more in love with Jasmine You, the beautiful, talented bassist. 

I ended up spending all of the money from my first job on Versailles and D stuff. To the point where I made stupid mistakes and overdrafted my account and my parents had to bail me out hah. But I knew that I had found something amazing. Versailles touched my heart in so many ways. 

I ended up owning (and still do), their entire discography up through Jubilee. Including rare live-only cds and things I had to use shopping services to purchase. I had to have it, I had to support this amazingly talented band. 

And then it hit me like a bag of bricks. Jasmine You had passed away. As quickly as they had come, they were gone. And I couldn't handle it. I was such a huge fan of his, I lost it. I had never cried over a celebrity death before, but I literally played "Episode" over 1,000 times, my grief was very strong. I didn't know how to deal with the fact that a musician that I loved so dearly was gone from the world. 

I didn't touch Versailles for years. I wouldn't follow them, wouldn't buy their other cds. I was grieving in that way. I didn't want to hear Versailles without Jasmine in it. And whenever any of their Jasmine-included songs would play, I would skip it, as it would upset me to the point of tears. I just couldn't do it.

Last night, I was watching some Kamijo videos. I can listen to his solo stuff just fine. And Lareine, too. Lareine is one of my favorite older bands; so I'm okay with them. On youtube, I was just clicking around. Watching Kamijo video after video. And then I saw it. 

"Remember Forever." 

A song dedicated to Jasmine, that I had never listened to, because it was on a cd that I had never bought. That I didn't know existed, because I had excluded myself from the world of Versailles. It was a live video, so I clicked on it.

I was not expecting the emotional ride that I went on. Purple lights on the stage; lights for him. For my bassist. And a song that was so beautiful, I started bawling my eyes out. It was written for him, and you could tell. The quietness of the audience made it even more real. But it was beautiful.

After I had finished watching it, I spent a lot of time just listening to Versailles. Thinking about Jasmine, and how happy he had made me when he was alive. And I realized that I shouldn't be afraid of change. I should continue to go on, even if something sad, or horrible happens. And that I should continue on. 

Jasmine is a beautiful person, a memory that should never be forgotten. And I never will forget about him. It'll be 10 years in November since his passing. And I think I'm brave enough to play Versailles again. To REALLY enjoy them again. 

For Jasmine's sake.