togz

:'D??????????
 
I'm really short and stubby ok. like an actual potato wedge..... wedged in the middle of one ok rock. idk. 

:'D??????????
 
I'm really short and stubby ok. like an actual potato wedge..... wedged in the middle of one ok rock. idk. 

an one ok potato
glad you had fun bb

I ended up cutting my hair short because.... well... why not I guess
 

:'D??????????
 
I'm really short and stubby ok. like an actual potato wedge..... wedged in the middle of one ok rock. idk. 

:'D??????????
 
I'm really short and stubby ok. like an actual potato wedge..... wedged in the middle of one ok rock. idk. 

:'D??????????
 
I'm really short and stubby ok. like an actual potato wedge..... wedged in the middle of one ok rock. idk. 

:'D??????????
 
I'm really short and stubby ok. like an actual potato wedge..... wedged in the middle of one ok rock. idk. 

:'D??????????
 
I'm really short and stubby ok. like an actual potato wedge..... wedged in the middle of one ok rock. idk. 

:'D??????????
 
I'm really short and stubby ok. like an actual potato wedge..... wedged in the middle of one ok rock. idk. 

I bet for over 10 years I've been on this forum, some of you probably wanted to know how I looked like. If I was a guy, if I was a girl. Well both is correct, because I identify myself as gender fluid. I've always find myself reclusive and introverted and now since I fought my demons I just want to be a new me and just be me.
 
This is when I feel like being a guy.
 
Somewhere in between being a guy and girl.
 
And when I want to be my girl self. And Yes I do go out wearing makeup and all that jazz because California rules.
 

*stares into the distance*
My friend just wanted to take a selfie with me xDD

Thanks orange~!  Ironically, it's just a neighborhood pond next to the mailbox

aha. I wish. I've got a lot going on right now. My car just bit the dust but some how I was able to revive it. But I'm not sure how long it'll last. Plus I'm starting a new job soon. Have to save for my dental procedure and need to save all my vacation time for Japan in October. BUT. Please enjoy it for me. :<

I wouldn't say I've gotten out of VK it's just my musical interests have changed so the majority of what I listen to is not VK. But VK still has good artists and I check them out from time to time.

First off, You're all amazing and brave people. I'm glad everyone that has posted was able to post this stuff to eyes that will actually read and understand. 
 
I don't know what I am anymore to be honest. 
I've seen a good handful of doctors, which some have said I have had chronic depression, that i was Bi-polar (I agree with this), and that I have high anxiety. 
I've taken medications but they've made me feel absolutely nothing. So I don't take anything anymore. 

I have also had doctors say that I'm completely fine and just under a lot of stress. I've seen a lot of people in my family give up on everything with out warning and literally drill themselves in to a hole. I feel like that was me last year and I started to let my emotions and imbalances really take too strong of a hold on my judgement. 
 
So I don't know what the right answer is to that. Sometimes I'm fine for months, and then with in a night I'm not okay for 3 months... 
I've had anxiety attacks where my face has gone numb, lips have turned blue, finger tips go tingly, my chest feels like it's on fire... and then I would hyper ventilate and sob until I either fell asleep or blacked out. Thankfully I haven't had one this band in some time now (about a year and a half)

Lately I've just been focusing on keeping busy. I noticed anxiety usually happens when I'm awake with out a task to do really late at night. Or on days that I have off from work and simply have too much time to research things or think. Regardless, I stay busy and haven't had any immediate incidents. 
 
But something new has presented itself. 
Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS).
I've always been a little chubby, but somewhere along the way I gained weight rappidly, even though my lifestyle had not changed. However at that time I certainly felt more stressed and depressed.
 
"Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is a common endocrine system disorder among women of reproductive age. Women with PCOS may have enlarged ovaries that contain small collections of fluid — called follicles — located in each ovary as seen during an ultrasound exam.
Infrequent or prolonged menstrual periods, excess hair growth, acne, and obesity can all occur in women with polycystic ovary syndrome. In adolescents, infrequent or absent menstruation may raise suspicion for the condition.
The exact cause of polycystic ovary syndrome is unknown. Early diagnosis and treatment along with weight loss may reduce the risk of long-term complications, such as type 2 diabetes and heart disease."
 
Doctors also told me it's linked with higher testosterone levels, weight gain, and all the bullshit that comes with hormone imbalances. 
While it's not exactly an attractive sounding thing, or even good news to have it... I feel like it's a step in the right direction to feeling like myself. 
Since i have this answer I feel like I can at least look at my options now.

You know. I feel like I have taken being single for granted. I feel like my last relationship ended really prematurely... but i also realized i was able to not spend as much money and I didn't have to worry about someone else's schedule before planning my own. But I feel like it can work with the right person who wants the same distance and time together as you. Which is why i guess i keep looking. idk.
 I can agree with a lot of this. Being single does have it's plus sides. Especially if you're not even in the market to commit to anyone else but yourself because you do have to sacrifice some stuff to be in a serious relationship and meet the other person half way. But I think you can only do that once you're comfortable with yourself and all that jazz. 
 
 
idk relationships are weird. i never know what to say or do. I always think i'm at fault. I never understand why someone likes me so i convince myself they're lying which in the end pushes them away because they get tired of trying to prove themselves when they shouldn't have to.

in all honesty

past: bi curious
now: strictly dickly.

I'm a b*tch who can't date another b*tch
not meant to be offensive.

The pond in my neighborhood was frozen yesterday! So, I braved it and took a self-portrait on it.
It was frozen pretty solid so I actually ice skated a little too (haha).

I got new lights today so immediately I had to use them on something....
 
 

I got new lights today so immediately I had to use them on something....
 
 

I got new lights today so immediately I had to use them on something....
 
 

I got new lights today so immediately I had to use them on something....
 
 

I love all of you very much.
 

I got new lights today so immediately I had to use them on something....