Friends IRL and at internet - what's the difference?

[beni 2149]

Friends irl - are rarely found, but later in time it's possible that they'll ditch you over for someone else. Rarely share the same interests, and are generally not the best people to talk to when having problems.

 

Friends on the internet - Tumblr specifically (for me personally), they are great to get along with, share the same interests, and are a shoulder to cry on when dealing with problems. They make incredible friends bUT THEY PRACTICALLY LIVE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET. ;w;

 

This is literally what I was going to type up.

[lichtlune 915]

I hope in the future there's a way to seamlessly travel from one point of the planet to the other in a short amount of time. Instant transmission or something. I get along way better with people online and it's easier to meet people that have similar interests to you. 

[paradoxal 2948]

I hope in the future there's a way to seamlessly travel from one point of the planet to the other in a short amount of time. Instant transmission or something. I get along way better with people online and it's easier to meet people that have similar interests to you. 

 

Amen.

[Lestat 2167]

Friends, I don't have them in real life. I used to have quite a lot but after school people all went their separate ways (they still hang out together, though - I just got ditched individually). There are not much positive words or opinions I can share about people who are physically in reach or live around the corner; for the past six years or so I have stayed at home, not seeing many people beside my family. I am twenty one and haven't experienced close physical contact with people (as in sex, etc.) and I am currently living with that mind-set that this is not going to happen for me in the next five years either, as I am quite unable to meet up with new people or grow contacts whom I'd regularly would hang out with. This is partially my own fault, as I do always seek excuses not to go out with people because I simply cannot stand the atmosphere of the places that people enjoy visiting (clubs and such, because I cannot stand particular music and that type of individual who is to be found in such circumstances). 

 

I've had a few friends on the internet in the past. They disappeared or started to avoid me for whatever reason. Currently I'd like to say I have none. I really do try on a daily basis. I reach out to people, ask them about their daily activities or try and lend an ear to their interests, but to no avail as regularly I am getting ignored or I am just receiving disinterest in general. I don't know what it is. Perhaps some people just aren't necessarily attractive personality-wise, and where I am currently I'd like to believe that I am one of those persons for who it is simply not meant to be to have friends or relationships. It's difficult and I am trying to cope, but I have been hurt by a lot of insincere and deceiving people thus it became too hard to connect with others. 

 

I get a lot of offers of people 'willing to be my friend'. We talk awkwardly for an hour, they leave and never return. And this repeats itself consistently. I haven't the slightest clue of how to keep others in close proximity and it's been sincerely heavy on me recently, and I'm not really receiving any understanding for it and people will think I am just seeking for attention for whatever reason other than being emotionally drained from being lonely.

[lichtlune 915]

Friends, I don't have them in real life. I used to have quite a lot but after school people all went their separate ways (they still hang out together, though - I just got ditched individually). There are not much positive words or opinions I can share about people who are physically in reach or live around the corner; for the past six years or so I have stayed at home, not seeing many people beside my family. I am twenty one and haven't experienced close physical contact with people (as in sex, etc.) and I am currently living with that mind-set that this is not going to happen for me in the next five years either, as I am quite unable to meet up with new people or grow contacts whom I'd regularly would hang out with. This is partially my own fault, as I do always seek excuses not to go out with people because I simply cannot stand the atmosphere of the places that people enjoy visiting (clubs and such, because I cannot stand particular music and that type of individual who is to be found in such circumstances). 

 

I've had a few friends on the internet in the past. They disappeared or started to avoid me for whatever reason. Currently I'd like to say I have none. I really do try on a daily basis. I reach out to people, ask them about their daily activities or try and lend an ear to their interests, but to no avail as regularly I am getting ignored or I am just receiving disinterest in general. I don't know what it is. Perhaps some people just aren't necessarily attractive personality-wise, and where I am currently I'd like to believe that I am one of those persons for who it is simply not meant to be to have friends or relationships. It's difficult and I am trying to cope, but I have been hurt by a lot of insincere and deceiving people thus it became too hard to connect with others. 

 

I get a lot of offers of people 'willing to be my friend'. We talk awkwardly for an hour, they leave and never return. And this repeats itself consistently. I haven't the slightest clue of how to keep others in close proximity and it's been sincerely heavy on me recently, and I'm not really receiving any understanding for it and people will think I am just seeking for attention for whatever reason other than being emotionally drained from being lonely.

Dude you literally explained my entire life...

[Nisimaldar 153]

You can make out with your IRL friends, but you cannot make out with your internet friends.

[beni 2149]

You can make out with your IRL friends, but you cannot make out with your internet friends.

 

...Or you can just mentally? Then you can have both!

o.o

[Incogneeto 23]

'Friends' don't exist.

 

If you mean friends are people who you enjoy spending time with and can get help from time to time, sure, they exist both irl and on the net.

But if you mean friends are people who care for you or are worth your trust, then no. There's not a single person who cares for someone except their own selves, and the fact is more consistent than the laws of physics.

 

Friends, I don't have them in real life. I used to have quite a lot but after school people all went their separate ways (they still hang out together, though - I just got ditched individually). There are not much positive words or opinions I can share about people who are physically in reach or live around the corner; for the past six years or so I have stayed at home, not seeing many people beside my family. I am twenty one and haven't experienced close physical contact with people (as in sex, etc.) and I am currently living with that mind-set that this is not going to happen for me in the next five years either, as I am quite unable to meet up with new people or grow contacts whom I'd regularly would hang out with. This is partially my own fault, as I do always seek excuses not to go out with people because I simply cannot stand the atmosphere of the places that people enjoy visiting (clubs and such, because I cannot stand particular music and that type of individual who is to be found in such circumstances). 

 

I've had a few friends on the internet in the past. They disappeared or started to avoid me for whatever reason. Currently I'd like to say I have none. I really do try on a daily basis. I reach out to people, ask them about their daily activities or try and lend an ear to their interests, but to no avail as regularly I am getting ignored or I am just receiving disinterest in general. I don't know what it is. Perhaps some people just aren't necessarily attractive personality-wise, and where I am currently I'd like to believe that I am one of those persons for who it is simply not meant to be to have friends or relationships. It's difficult and I am trying to cope, but I have been hurt by a lot of insincere and deceiving people thus it became too hard to connect with others. 

 

I get a lot of offers of people 'willing to be my friend'. We talk awkwardly for an hour, they leave and never return. And this repeats itself consistently. I haven't the slightest clue of how to keep others in close proximity and it's been sincerely heavy on me recently, and I'm not really receiving any understanding for it and people will think I am just seeking for attention for whatever reason other than being emotionally drained from being lonely.

 

Dude, stop looking for friends.

[Nyasagi 259]

I disagree that friends care only about themselves. My real life friend helped me a lot when I was in a difficult situation. It's rare, but it does happen. I'd do the same for her, if I could.

[beni 2149]

I disagree that friends care only about themselves. My real life friend helped me a lot when I was in a difficult situation. It's rare, but it does happen. I'd do the same for her, if I could.

 

While I agree somewhat with what Incogneeto said, that's because I'm thinking about old friends. When I was depressed, they didn't care one bit, they just ignored me, they weren't interested in why I felt that way, they just didn't care. But now, with the recent ones I've made through my college years, they want to stay in touch with me after planning to move away. They want to spent time with me. They CARE if I haven't said why I'm off from college, they worry. They want to know what's wrong and try to get to the bottom of it. If I say I'm sad or angry, they give me space. If I'm just too hurt, they'll be there for comfort. It's the little things that makes relationships important to me.

Because they understand, care and love, that's all I need in a friends. Friends can be found and kept for many, many years. If you don't have that, then those people just aren't for you. While I've always felt like everyone only cares about themselves, there are those kind enough, even if you don't know them, to take a bullet for you. So, you're wrong in that. Friends are important just as much as family and some don't even have family. They can and will be found in everyone's lives. 

I went into full flow with this discussion but I quoted Nyasagi because, that is so true. As I said above, it takes time with the right people!!

[Incogneeto 23]

I disagree that friends care only about themselves. My real life friend helped me a lot when I was in a difficult situation. It's rare, but it does happen. I'd do the same for her, if I could.

 

Think about it backwards. Assume there's a friend who's going through a hard time, and you have the ability to give him a hand.

You can help. And you did. Okay.

Why?

Now, here's my point.

Do you help your friend because you care for him?

Let's note down some possibilities.

 

>You treasure your friend's existence, having spent time with him, being attached to him

So, basically, because your friend is valuable to you, you would help. Going by that logic, my action of paying for my pc's repairment cost is a moving example of friendship.

>You have a debt to him you want to return

Just admit that you hate feeling like you owe him something, feeling inferior, thus you want to regain the equal footing

>You want to gain that friend's favor

Self explanatory. Plus, you get a feeling of superiority from that.

>You feel bad not helping out someone in need when you can

Because it clashes against your ideals. You want to stay true to your viewpoint, and you want to prove your beliefs. Also, there's a satisfaction you get from sticking to morals.

 

You can take many routes to debate this, but the conclusion will stay the same. You care only for yourself, and nobody cares for you.

 

While I agree somewhat with what Incogneeto said, that's because I'm thinking about old friends. When I was depressed, they didn't care one bit, they just ignored me, they weren't interested in why I felt that way, they just didn't care. But now, with the recent ones I've made through my college years, they want to stay in touch with me after planning to move away. They want to spent time with me. They CARE if I haven't said why I'm off from college, they worry. They want to know what's wrong and try to get to the bottom of it. If I say I'm sad or angry, they give me space. If I'm just too hurt, they'll be there for comfort. It's the little things that makes relationships important to me.

Because they understand, care and love, that's all I need in a friends. Friends can be found and kept for many, many years. If you don't have that, then those people just aren't for you. While I've always felt like everyone only cares about themselves, there are those kind enough, even if you don't know them, to take a bullet for you. So, you're wrong in that. Friends are important just as much as family and some don't even have family. They can and will be found in everyone's lives. 

 

I said the so called 'friends' don't care for you, but more than often they're helpful. That I can't deny. Unless they're obnoxious pricks, that is.

I agree that there are people who will lend me a shoulder in need, but I'll never agree that they're doing it for me. No matter what kind of benefit their actions bring me, in the root it's all for their own selves.

'Kind' and 'Cruel' depends. They're ultimately doing the same thing, but depending on their way of doing, their actions can harm or benefit me. Even if a guy is a psycho mass murderer, as long as he is nice towards me and I don't know about his other self, I'll have to say he is a great guy, a good friend. And even if a guy is righteous and stuff, I'll hate him and consider him my enemy as long as his actions harm me in some way.

A lamentable mess.

The very concept of 'friends' repulse me.

 

Now, as for why I said the so called friends are impossible to trust.

While their actions are rooted in self-satisfaction, they are still beneficial to me. But can I believe they will always be helpful?

Nope.

There's a crapload of factors that contribute to someone's actions, be it physical or mental. A little bit change in those, and the friend you counted on will stab you in the back, intentionally or not.

A simple difference in level of knowledge, and bam!

You've at least once come across times when you've hurt your so called 'friends', or had been forsaken by your friends even if they 'cared' about you, no? You should be able to relate.

I can go on forever with this, but well, that'd be a waste of time.

Conclusion: Never trust people.

 

For your argument that I highlighted, look up where I countered Nyasagi.

[Biopanda 2675]

Holy crap you guys are spergin' hard about interpersonal contact. I didn't think the concept of "friends" was that complicated but... well... here we are. You guys need to get better friends if you're this jaded by humanity.

[Nyasagi 259]

Incogneeto, dude... I wouldn't like to be your friend, if you're so bitter over everything. Sure, we do want everything best for ourselves, but we can't explain everything with the logic. Yeah, many people are assholes, but when you're getting something good, better appreciate it, instead of being suspicious and overanalyzing it. This kind of attitude will only make you unhappy. Shit may happen anytime, that's why you should just enjoy your present and live without regrets.

[Incogneeto 23]

Incogneeto, dude... I wouldn't like to be your friend, if you're so bitter over everything. Sure, we do want everything best for ourselves, but we can't explain everything with the logic. Yeah, many people are assholes, but when you're getting something good, better appreciate it, instead of being suspicious and overanalyzing it. This kind of attitude will only make you unhappy. Shit may happen anytime, that's why you should just enjoy your present and live without regrets.

 

Eh... Did I give off that impression?

I'm neither spiteful, nor I'm wallowing in paranoia. I show gratitude when I receive help, I just don't put them in a high pedastal and go with the glorification everyone seems to love doing.

It's similar to how christians would acknowledge a cross to be a chunk of metal but at the same time, hold it in high regards.

Facts are merely facts without subjectivity. I dislike pretending not to see facts to feel good, and that's about it.

 

Did you start to feel disgust towards people after you learnt humans are simple bags of meat?

I doubt it.

Seeing truths face to face doesn't have anything to do with being unhappy, unless you're too immature to handle them that is.

If I went along with the frienship-love-happygolucky stuff, that would have been the exact thing that made me become unable to enjoy life.

 

 

Also, that's pretty wrong.

Everyone's the same when you look from a higher view.

If you want to believe you're better than other people, well, join in on the narcissist club. Absolute prequisite.

[shizukasou 47]

I'm neither spiteful, nor I'm wallowing in paranoia. I show gratitude when I receive help, I just don't put them in a high pedastal and go with the glorification everyone seems to love doing.

[...]

Everyone's the same when you look from a higher view.

 

Just to put my two cents in this...

Friendship isn't about putting people on a pedastal, indeed. It's about sharing and caring, to a degree that depends on the person you're relating to. And respecting each other, which is very different from glorifying someone.

Reading your thoughts makes me wonder what kind of friendships you've witnessed/experienced...I'm not saying you're wrong, because I also used to feel really jaded and discouraged about interpersonal relationships in the past, especially after getting to know and then parting ways with people who didn't have a positive effect on me in the long run, but thankfully I've moved on from that.

 

One thing that's for sure is that no one, friends or not, can always save you from yourself. Your first and most important friend is you. You can't find solace in other humans if you don't have at least a decent relationship with yourself, your past, your fears and whatnot...And you can't rely completely on them, because people can't read minds and can't always be there for you - they may have their own lives, their own selves to tend to, from time to time. That's why sometimes people grow apart; forever is a long time but some people can be essential for as long as they stay. 

 

That doesn't mean you have to settle for random or unsatisfying people, of course; just try and be a little less biased about this, because that's what comes across from what you say and how you say it.

 

(So many "people" in this post, oh well)

[Lestat 2167]

Holy crap you guys are spergin' hard about interpersonal contact. I didn't think the concept of "friends" was that complicated but... well... here we are. You guys need to get better friends if you're this jaded by humanity.

 

Easier said than done, buddy. 

[PsychoΔelica 648]

I don't see much of a difference except for physical distance and the possibility to meet. The idea that online buddies are better friends is a total lie. We all have priorities. And for most people online buddies is not first priority. Though part of it is that what you get is what you give. 

Recently though I've been pleasantly surprised to see people I've met (mostly from school) whom I could say I barely know, treating me a lot better.