Single People Thread

[itsukoii 1300]

thank you so much @nullmoon! been doing quite well since it actually, because i've taken a lot of time to focus on myself. i can agree it's really beneficial, and i've been so much happier!! i have a long ways to go before i know enough about myself to be able to enter another committed relationship, but i think i'm on the right path. thanks again, and i'm glad things have worked out for you too!

[nullmoon 784]

41 minutes ago, itsukoii said:

thank you so much @nullmoon! been doing quite well since it actually, because i've taken a lot of time to focus on myself. i can agree it's really beneficial, and i've been so much happier!! i have a long ways to go before i know enough about myself to be able to enter another committed relationship, but i think i'm on the right path. thanks again, and i'm glad things have worked out for you too!

You're most welcome! Glad to hear you've been taking positive steps and that things are working out! 

 

One additional tip that I forgot to mention is to be super careful with dating apps. If you don't go in with the right mindset, it can easily undo all your hard work. I've learned that the hard way haha

[itsukoii 1300]

3 hours ago, nullmoon said:

You're most welcome! Glad to hear you've been taking positive steps and that things are working out! 

 

One additional tip that I forgot to mention is to be super careful with dating apps. If you don't go in with the right mindset, it can easily undo all your hard work. I've learned that the hard way haha

 

ahahaha dating apps really aren't my cup of tea, but if i ever do decide to try them out for whatever reason i'll surely be careful

[cheesy_VK_Freak 76]

@itsukoii sorry for the off topic, but what‘s the source of your signature? I love it when someone is so intimate with his/her guitar🥰

[Bunny-Usagii 97]

My ex boyfriend hated VK and had no interest in music what so ever, so whenever I was working on sheetmusic or practicing the violin he didn't bother to have a look/listen to what I was working for hours on and instead played LoL.

Also, I was only allowed to like Monyo from Babykingdom because he isn't conventionally attractive, meanwhile he kept bitching about my petite body and tomboy-ish personality, we met at an anime convention both cosplaying a dude, the same dude even.

Not to mention, he watched a lot of porn and somehow was very up-to-date with Belle Delphine-like things (and the girl herself), but I wasn't allowed to check Twitter and look at pictures of bands every once in a while, because that made him feel like I didn't like him enough. :)))))))))))))

 

Not dating a guy again that has no interest in music, or is easily jealous.

[nullmoon 784]

6 hours ago, Bunny-Usagii said:

My ex boyfriend hated VK and had no interest in music what so ever, so whenever I was working on sheetmusic or practicing the violin he didn't bother to have a look/listen to what I was working for hours on and instead played LoL.

Also, I was only allowed to like Monyo from Babykingdom because he isn't conventionally attractive, meanwhile he kept bitching about my petite body and tomboy-ish personality, we met at an anime convention both cosplaying a dude, the same dude even.

Not to mention, he watched a lot of porn and somehow was very up-to-date with Belle Delphine-like things (and the girl herself), but I wasn't allowed to check Twitter and look at pictures of bands every once in a while, because that made him feel like I didn't like him enough. :)))))))))))))

 

Not dating a guy again that has no interest in music, or is easily jealous.

I'm probably out of place but your ex sounds like a real douche. It sucks that he belitted you and your interests (But more importantly, HOW DARE HE HATE VK! T_T XD). Here's to a brighter future with better people though ^^ Use all your waking hours looking at dudes on Twitter to make up for lost time 😛

 

It's disappointing when a partner doesn't share the same interests, especially with music. I don't have anyone in my circle who listens to VK and it's bloody lonely! 

Edited August 28, 2019 by nullmoon

[nullmoon 784]

Currently trying to feel happiness for couples that I see instead of jealousy and it's working pretty well. Just biding my time until things work out for me really 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Boy, do I miss boobs though 😅) 

[CAT5 9075]

11 hours ago, Bunny-Usagii said:

Not to mention, he watched a lot of porn and somehow was very up-to-date with Belle Delphine-like things (and the girl herself), but I wasn't allowed to check Twitter and look at pictures of bands every once in a while, because that made him feel like I didn't like him enough. :)))))))))))))

 

Porn is bad enough as is, but if you're watching it and you're in a relationship with someone, then something is VERY wrong. I'll never understand ppl that do that.

[nullmoon 784]

2 hours ago, CAT5 said:

 

Porn is bad enough as is, but if you're watching it and you're in a relationship with someone, then something is VERY wrong. I'll never understand ppl that do that.

Agreed. Something is very wrong if you're getting off to someone else 🤦🏻‍♂️

[Bunny-Usagii 97]

20 hours ago, nullmoon said:

I'm probably out of place but your ex sounds like a real douche. It sucks that he belitted you and your interests (But more importantly, HOW DARE HE HATE VK! T_T XD). Here's to a brighter future with better people though ^^ Use all your waking hours looking at dudes on Twitter to make up for lost time 😛

 

It's disappointing when a partner doesn't share the same interests, especially with music. I don't have anyone in my circle who listens to VK and it's bloody lonely! 

I have my best boy, and I've filled up my folder on my phone gallery a bit more now ^^

 

Tbh the relationship was fun in the begin, but now I look at it I was just a trophy to that guy, he loved me at first, but quickly let me be covered in dust by ignoring me and only giving me attention again when "showing me off" to his friends :)))))))

[Bunny-Usagii 97]

15 hours ago, CAT5 said:

 

Porn is bad enough as is, but if you're watching it and you're in a relationship with someone, then something is VERY wrong. I'll never understand ppl that do that.

We lived at a 2 hour distance with the train (our usual transportation) from each other, but he also watched it when we were together because it "helped him get off", 🅱️okay..?

He also wanted to reenact one once, but he ended up only watching the girl on the screen hnghfghfh

 

Literally every single time he did something like that I felt kinda angry, and when I tried to talk things out he said he hated how I suddenly am angry sometimes because of nothing. This fkn guy hhhhhh

 

Enough ranting now about a jealous ex boyfriend that was also kinda a douche indeed

[Komorebi 2193]

15 hours ago, CAT5 said:

Porn is bad enough as is, but if you're watching it and you're in a relationship with someone, then something is VERY wrong. I'll never understand ppl that do that.

Tbf if a couple is watching porn together (emphasis on together) I see it as a deeper level of trust and partnership. There's something VERY intimate about porn taste. Even more intimate than having your genitals licked if you ask me.

 

Then again I don't know shit about relationships.

[CAT5 9075]

59 minutes ago, Bunny-Usagii said:

We lived at a 2 hour distance with the train (our usual transportation) from each other, but he also watched it when we were together because it "helped him get off", 🅱️okay..?

 

That's exactly why I said what I said. Something ain't right if you need to see virtual pussy "to get off" when you got actual pussy right in front of you.

 

55 minutes ago, Komorebi said:

Tbf if a couple is watching porn together (emphasis on together) I see it as a deeper level of trust and partnership. There's something VERY intimate about porn taste. Even more intimate than having your genitals licked if you ask me.

 

Look, yall can do whatever yall want, but personally, I just ain't wit it. I've never needed to look at random muhfukkas goin at it on a screen to generate genuine intimacy, passion, and desire with any of my sexual partners.

[Gesu 1537]

1 minute ago, CAT5 said:

That's exactly why I said what I said. Something ain't right if you need to see virtual pussy "to get off" when you got actual pussy right in front of you.

What if your partner's not comfortable with having sex? It's easy to say "dump 'em" if they won't have sex with you but I'd feel awful if I did that. I'd feel like I was putting pressure on them and making them feel worthless/unloved purely because they didn't like something. Way I see it, friends talk to each other about porn quite a lot and they can have a laugh about all the porn they've watched, recommend some to each other, etc (generally speaking, anyways). Chances are, then, that you'll have done that with a partner for some time before you got with them. It just seems a little off to me to have to suddenly give all that up the moment you get together. I'm of the mindset that love and sex are two entirely different things and that the two aren't necessary for the other to exist in a positive way. That doesn't mean I condone cheating because I don't in any circumstances but if you wanna be in an open relationship, go for it, as long as you've negotiated it. Furthermore, if you wanna be in a sex-free romantic relationship or a romance-free sexual relationship, go for it. I think that if sex is a be-all-end-all of your relationship, you're not really in a relationship so much as you are in an arrangement and people shouldn't have to feel like their partner is the only person on Earth they can be physically attracted to. Sex is something to be discussed, not demonised.

 

Idk if that sounded a bit rambly/judgemental but that's not how I meant it and I'm sorry if it came off that way. That's just my take, I suppose.

[ghost 2687]

1 hour ago, Gesu said:

What if your partner's not comfortable with having sex? It's easy to say "dump 'em" if they won't have sex with you but I'd feel awful if I did that. I'd feel like I was putting pressure on them and making them feel worthless/unloved purely because they didn't like something. Way I see it, friends talk to each other about porn quite a lot and they can have a laugh about all the porn they've watched, recommend some to each other, etc (generally speaking, anyways). Chances are, then, that you'll have done that with a partner for some time before you got with them. It just seems a little off to me to have to suddenly give all that up the moment you get together. I'm of the mindset that love and sex are two entirely different things and that the two aren't necessary for the other to exist in a positive way. That doesn't mean I condone cheating because I don't in any circumstances but if you wanna be in an open relationship, go for it, as long as you've negotiated it. Furthermore, if you wanna be in a sex-free romantic relationship or a romance-free sexual relationship, go for it. I think that if sex is a be-all-end-all of your relationship, you're not really in a relationship so much as you are in an arrangement and people shouldn't have to feel like their partner is the only person on Earth they can be physically attracted to. Sex is something to be discussed, not demonised.

 

Idk if that sounded a bit rambly/judgemental but that's not how I meant it and I'm sorry if it came off that way. That's just my take, I suppose.

That'd be pretty lame. I don't think anyone should ever leave someone for lack of sex if they really love them, but I can also understand that sex is a really important part of a relationship. And if watching porn together is also a part of that for some people, as long as both people are comfortable with it I don't see any issues with it. Although, porn in itself is an unnatural thing. Whatever the circumstances of the relationship are though, I think communication is key.

 

I can see your point on illustrating different relationship scenarios, but I don't think it's as simple as that. I'm not so sure that it's really possible to separate romance and sex because both compliment the other, and one will (most likely) lead to the other. It's one thing for people to agree on certain terms and another to be able to emotionally detach yourself from it (i'm talking more about the friends with benefits situation). Humans are relational creatures and we grow closer through spending time together and physical interactions. People can do it, sure, but it's a dangerous game to play.

[Gesu 1537]

4 minutes ago, ghost said:

That'd be pretty lame. I don't think anyone should ever leave someone for lack of sex if they really love them, but I can also understand that sex is a really important part of a relationship. And if watching porn together is also a part of that for some people, as long as both people are comfortable with it I don't see any issues with it. Although, porn in itself is an unnatural thing. Whatever the circumstances of the relationship are though, I think communication is key.

 

I can see your point on illustrating different relationship scenarios, but I don't think it's as simple as that. I'm not so sure that it's really possible to separate romance and sex because both compliment the other, and one will (most likely) lead to the other. It's one thing for people to agree on certain terms and another to be able to emotionally detach yourself from it (i'm talking more about the friends with benefits situation). Humans are relational creatures and we grow closer through spending time together and physical interactions. People can do it, sure, but it's a dangerous game to play.

Long post incoming:

 

Spoiler

 

My point is that... well, is sex really that important in a relationship? If you ask me, I'd say it's why people experience more and more unfair pressure to have sex as they get older. You're a kid and you're taught sex is dirty. You're in your early teens and you're taught in school that sex is good as long as you're both safe/consenting but that it's dirty by every other institution. You get to eighteen, and boom, you're suddenly taught that it's everything and that you need to have it because at your age, you should be getting out and broadening your horizons and magically becoming surrounded by people you're physically/emotionally attracted to and becoming extroverted because introversion is the devil and will turn your brain to mush and give you square eyes and you should ultimately be having sex because it's integral to love.

 

I think that if we stop placing so much importance on sex in relationships, people would stop feeling so pressured to have it everywhere they go. Hell, if you wanted an example, I'm a shining one. I'll be nineteen in four days (technically as it's gone midnight lol) and sometimes, I feel fucking worthless because I'm inexperienced and I just know that, no matter how badly I might want it in my head, I'm shy about opening up to people and that if I get with someone, they're probably going to leave me because I'm much slower to reveal the more private sides of me (both physically and emotionally) and if I were to do that, I'd have to consider it logically beforehand. I'm the sort of person whose emotions have to go through my head before I can really feel them in my heart and I suffer for it because people like me who share that process are often seen as closed-off and not worth wasting time on.

 

You're right that the two often lead to each other and I'm not saying they're mutually exclusive. I also understand that it's naive to assume that, on a broad scale, people don't put the two together as if they were the same thing. I just think maybe we need to separate them more at their core. I don't mean we should exclude them from each other; more that I think we should stop spreading this view that they have this kind of symbiosis because I know how badly it can affect more insecure people who don't see the two as having to exist alongside each other.

 

TLDR: If people want love but are afraid of opening up/having sex, we shouldn't be teaching them that sex is super important in a relationship because it can be very emotionally damaging to them.

 

Again, I hope I'm not coming off as too rambly/judgemental.

 

 

[psychonnect_rozen 585]

On 8/28/2019 at 7:05 PM, nullmoon said:

I'm probably out of place but your ex sounds like a real douche. It sucks that he belitted you and your interests (But more importantly, HOW DARE HE HATE VK! T_T XD). Here's to a brighter future with better people though ^^ Use all your waking hours looking at dudes on Twitter to make up for lost time 😛

 

It's disappointing when a partner doesn't share the same interests, especially with music. I don't have anyone in my circle who listens to VK and it's bloody lonely! 

My friends call me a weeb and emo for mentioning VK and say all my bandmen look ugly.

 

I’m like E X C U S E M E

[Komorebi 2193]

2 hours ago, Gesu said:

Long post incoming:

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

My point is that... well, is sex really that important in a relationship? If you ask me, I'd say it's why people experience more and more unfair pressure to have sex as they get older. You're a kid and you're taught sex is dirty. You're in your early teens and you're taught in school that sex is good as long as you're both safe/consenting but that it's dirty by every other institution. You get to eighteen, and boom, you're suddenly taught that it's everything and that you need to have it because at your age, you should be getting out and broadening your horizons and magically becoming surrounded by people you're physically/emotionally attracted to and becoming extroverted because introversion is the devil and will turn your brain to mush and give you square eyes and you should ultimately be having sex because it's integral to love.

 

I think that if we stop placing so much importance on sex in relationships, people would stop feeling so pressured to have it everywhere they go. Hell, if you wanted an example, I'm a shining one. I'll be nineteen in four days (technically as it's gone midnight lol) and sometimes, I feel fucking worthless because I'm inexperienced and I just know that, no matter how badly I might want it in my head, I'm shy about opening up to people and that if I get with someone, they're probably going to leave me because I'm much slower to reveal the more private sides of me (both physically and emotionally) and if I were to do that, I'd have to consider it logically beforehand. I'm the sort of person whose emotions have to go through my head before I can really feel them in my heart and I suffer for it because people like me who share that process are often seen as closed-off and not worth wasting time on.

 

You're right that the two often lead to each other and I'm not saying they're mutually exclusive. I also understand that it's naive to assume that, on a broad scale, people don't put the two together as if they were the same thing. I just think maybe we need to separate them more at their core. I don't mean we should exclude them from each other; more that I think we should stop spreading this view that they have this kind of symbiosis because I know how badly it can affect more insecure people who don't see the two as having to exist alongside each other.

 

TLDR: If people want love but are afraid of opening up/having sex, we shouldn't be teaching them that sex is super important in a relationship because it can be very emotionally damaging to them.

 

Again, I hope I'm not coming off as too rambly/judgemental.

 

 

This is a very important

point. Very. 

 

I'm 26, inexperienced as fuck and the older I get the more I push suitors and relationships away due to the potential pressure of sex because people see it as such a vital component. And I've also been rejected for wanting to get to know people first instead. The struggle is real.

I've only had long distance relationships with other women because it's the only kind of romantic relationship that doesn't make me feel pressured and stigmatized

[ghost 2687]

6 hours ago, Gesu said:

Long post incoming:

 

  Hide contents

 

My point is that... well, is sex really that important in a relationship? If you ask me, I'd say it's why people experience more and more unfair pressure to have sex as they get older. You're a kid and you're taught sex is dirty. You're in your early teens and you're taught in school that sex is good as long as you're both safe/consenting but that it's dirty by every other institution. You get to eighteen, and boom, you're suddenly taught that it's everything and that you need to have it because at your age, you should be getting out and broadening your horizons and magically becoming surrounded by people you're physically/emotionally attracted to and becoming extroverted because introversion is the devil and will turn your brain to mush and give you square eyes and you should ultimately be having sex because it's integral to love.

 

I think that if we stop placing so much importance on sex in relationships, people would stop feeling so pressured to have it everywhere they go. Hell, if you wanted an example, I'm a shining one. I'll be nineteen in four days (technically as it's gone midnight lol) and sometimes, I feel fucking worthless because I'm inexperienced and I just know that, no matter how badly I might want it in my head, I'm shy about opening up to people and that if I get with someone, they're probably going to leave me because I'm much slower to reveal the more private sides of me (both physically and emotionally) and if I were to do that, I'd have to consider it logically beforehand. I'm the sort of person whose emotions have to go through my head before I can really feel them in my heart and I suffer for it because people like me who share that process are often seen as closed-off and not worth wasting time on.

 

You're right that the two often lead to each other and I'm not saying they're mutually exclusive. I also understand that it's naive to assume that, on a broad scale, people don't put the two together as if they were the same thing. I just think maybe we need to separate them more at their core. I don't mean we should exclude them from each other; more that I think we should stop spreading this view that they have this kind of symbiosis because I know how badly it can affect more insecure people who don't see the two as having to exist alongside each other.

 

TLDR: If people want love but are afraid of opening up/having sex, we shouldn't be teaching them that sex is super important in a relationship because it can be very emotionally damaging to them.

 

Again, I hope I'm not coming off as too rambly/judgemental.

 

 

Not at all. But I think some of what I said might've given you the wrong impression. I don't think people should be taught the idea that sex is integral in a relationship. I know many happy couples that get by without had having sex. I got kind of fixated on the friends with benefits scenario and just meant to say I think it's tough to do something like that and separate yourself emotionally (from my perspective anyways). Anyways, I thought I kind of made my stance clear in my first paragraph that your love for someone should trumph over your lust for them. No one should ever demand sex and make you feel bad for not giving it to them. In my eyes, it's more like they're using you then since they're judging your worth based on how good you make them feel. And that's just shitty.

 

And about all the different voices saying different things about sex and intimacy, fuck it all. Obviously, yeah it's good to hear it all out but, in the end, you gotta do what you're comfortable with right? I empathize with you on that because I'm experiencing that right now. I've got so many different people telling me to do different things with love and relationships, but no one's bothered to ask me what I actually want to do. And a lot of what they tell me doesn't resonate with me because it's a lot of "just go have sex with a girl" or "yeah, find a lovely girl you can just bang and don't think too much about it". I think what's most important is communication between you and your significant other anyways. Whatever you two deem comfortable is fine because it works for you two and no one should be judging you because we're not the same people.

 

Ditto on sorry for getting rambly, but just wanted to make it clear that I'm actually in agreement with you. 

Edited August 30, 2019 by ghost

[nullmoon 784]

7 hours ago, psychonnect_rozen said:

My friends call me a weeb and emo for mentioning VK and say all my bandmen look ugly.

 

I’m like E X C U S E M E

Your friends need to G O O O O O 🤣

[psychonnect_rozen 585]

3 minutes ago, nullmoon said:

Your friends need to G O O O O O 🤣

Imma convince them otherwise by showing them pictures of some hot bandmen and convince them to join us! Hahahahaha!!! 

 

Yeah K-Pop maybe good for you guys but do they dress up like sexy goth queens and talk about society’s problems? Didn’t think so bitch

 

Once I show them Ruki, they will DIE for VK music

Edited August 30, 2019 by psychonnect_rozen

[nullmoon 784]

Just now, psychonnect_rozen said:

Imma convince them otherwise by showing them pictures of some hot bandmen and convince them to join us! Hahahahaha!!! 

 

Yeah K-Pop maybe good for you guys but do they dress up like sexy goth queens and talk about society’s problems? Didn’t think so bitch

 

Once I show them Ruki, they will DIE for VK music

Bribery through sexy bandmen, I like it XD 

[psychonnect_rozen 585]

3 minutes ago, nullmoon said:

Bribery through sexy bandmen, I like it XD 

You should see my text convos with my friends. It’s basically a VK vs K-Pop argument. Best moments in my group chat 😂

[nullmoon 784]

46 minutes ago, psychonnect_rozen said:

You should see my text convos with my friends. It’s basically a VK vs K-Pop argument. Best moments in my group chat 😂

You better be winning! 

[nullmoon 784]

@Gesu @ghost From experience, sex is important in a relationship but it shouldn't be put on the ridiculous pedestal it's on. 

 

Being physically, intellectually, emotionally, and sexually compatible with a person is key to a successful relationship. If one of those pillars erodes, the whole thing comes down eventually; they all need to prop each other up to keep the structure standing.

 

Being super physically and sexually attracted to someone is all well and good but if they don't stimulate you in other ways, there's no substance to the relationship. Likewise if you can have intellectual, deep conversations but you don't have any inkling of lust towards them, it won't work in certain ways.

 

I think it's about finding a balance really. All of the aspects above are crucial to long term happiness. The reason why we're in this thread is because either we, our previous partners, or our prospective partners haven't quite fulfilled all of those needs to keep my metaphorical Greek structure standing.