I will miss her so much...

[Miasma 162]

yas expose ha, nyasagi

[nekkichi 6043]

 

For men, relationship is quite simple. When we first see women, we know like them or not, and it won’t ever change. However, for women, it doesn’t work that way.

 

except attraction works same way for both genders, and being immediately mutually attracted is more of an exception, not a rule. you might like the girl, but she might not see you as a dating material completely and that won't change at all, no matter how long you'll be bugging her.

 

girls get same amount of rejection and fall in love without getting anything in return, but they don't generally make a fucking big deal out of it and move on.

 

 

like seriously you have a language and cultural barrier separating the two of you, and you're completely excluding any other options (looking for a Chinese partner who would be speaking your native language, for example?) wtf

[saishuu 3220]

I didn't read the whole thing because this is a damn mess, but here are a couple of important things:

 

1) She didn't get upset because you asked her out. She got upset because you asked her twice, even after her replying you with a 'no'. Hell, I'd get upset too. I hate being asked the same thing twice once I've already given an answer. Just because she kept being nice to you after declining you asking her out doesn't mean she's changed her mind. It's important to keep this in mind.

 

2) Telling someone they're pretty all the time may come off as harassment depending on context. There's a limit to what people will be flattered and be bothered by. I have a feeling she felt bothered by the way you came across. Just a feeling.

[clear1985 5]

Quoting sucks here, so I'll just number the replies to the paragraphs I quoted.

 

1. Maybe she doesn't want to date? Not all people are interested in it (temporarily or permanently).

2. Lol, when I'm really not interested, I'm really not interested. Don't assume things. In some situations women may change their minds, but it isn't always the case. When someone is totally not my type, I won't change my mind, no matter what. It depends on the person, don't push anyone into anything just because you think they may do what you want, eventually. This is wrong.

3. If I was your boss and I noticed you manipulate me, I'd calm down, smile, thank for the compliment and give you more work.

4. That's creepy. Don't talk to girls like that, dude... unless you're dating someone for a long time and you're very close. Marriage and shit? I'd run away if someone did that to me, unless I was really attracted to the guy, but she obviously isn't attracted to you, so you probably scared her away by that.

 

No offense, I may be wrong (because it's just the internet), but you sound a bit clingy in your posts and assume you can solve everything by complimenting people. While compliments are nice, they're worth anything only if you're honest, not when you're using these as a method to get what you want. That's not what compliments are for, really. Sometimes you just can't get something. Sad, but true. Everyone has the right to decide for themselves and you shouldn't get bitter about it. That's not about their nationality, but about the right to make their own choices.

 

Well, what I wrote might be completely incomprehensible to some people, but it’s a true story. This isn’t the internet BS. Ask TrentReznor, he now knows who she is. LOL

1. Might be right. She is just weird.
2. Right. So, you admit that there’s always possibility that she may change her mind. Having said that, I won’t ask her out anymore. I’m not that stupid. I like her, regardless of her wishes, which is why I care about her.
3. LOL.
4. Well, listen, sis. Some people are very practical. If they get rejected, there would be attitude changes. Like some of them even stop saying “Hello”. I don’t wanna be one of them. I wanna keep my words. Come on, sis, women get my jokes in principle.
5. Well. Agreed. I didn’t say like that, compliments are a perfect solution for everything. What I meant was, it seems to work well most of the time. Anyway, you have no idea who I’m dealing with.

 

except attraction works same way for both genders, and being immediately mutually attracted is more of an exception, not a rule. you might like the girl, but she might not see you as a dating material completely and that won't change at all, no matter how long you'll be bugging her.

 

girls get same amount of rejection and fall in love without getting anything in return, but they don't generally make a fucking big deal out of it and move on.

 

 

like seriously you have a language and cultural barrier separating the two of you, and you're completely excluding any other options (looking for a Chinese partner who would be speaking your native language, for example?) wtf

 

When did I say that? LOL I won’t stick with her. You know, the thing that surprised me the most about this thing was that I actually liked that Chinese girl. I never saw it coming. I had always thought I wouldn’t ever consider a Chinese woman a romantic partner until I met her. The relation between China and Japan is that bad. There is a possibility that no one in my family would come to the wedding except for my bro if I “accidentally” marry a Chinese woman. LOL

[nullmoon 784]

...I'm lost for words.

[clear1985 5]

...I'm lost for words.

 

???

 

Why?

[nekkichi 6043]

 

</thread>

[lichtlune 915]

While i agree with the majority said here i have one thing to say. "Get to know her before asking her out on a date" how do you suppose you get to know somebody? well... you go out on a date with them. Not every date even has to been seen as a "I'm looking to mingle" kind of date. Maybe it would be better to not call it a date and just ask to go out as friends somewhere and you would have had a better chance. But then again i honestly think she just wasn't interested. 

 

 

Edit: Opps i guess that's what tetora kind of said i was skimming through it. 

[clear1985 5]

Only TrentReznor and she and I know what exactly has happened.

 

Yesterday she told me she got a new job. I'm so depressed. I knew she is quitting, but I didn't think it would happen this early.

 

Yesterday was my last day at that office, and yet she didn't come because she had job interviews, which means we can't meet anymore. I missed the chance to say goodbye in person.

 

She is my mentor, friend, and the one who I trust, respect, and admire. It hurts when she sent me messages saying she will miss me TWICE via wechat.[Chinese whatsapp] I really enjoyed talking with her. I will miss that so badly.

 

I feel melancholy very badly. This thing reminds me of when I had to leave the USA, even though I'm staying here. Life is fucking hard.

 

She is quitting and moving, and I've been extremely busy lately.

 

That's life, shit happens, time is the only solution, but still hurts...

[digi 192]

rip in peace

[Tetora 625]

So many other people out there esp. if you are anywhere near Shanghai, Beijing, Guangzhou, etc...

 

Time to get some digits, meet some new people and move on.

 

Good luck brah.

 

 

(Side-note, ppl love this thread, every-time I drop in there are so many ppl viewing it).

[Nyasagi 259]

That's because this thread is full of drama .

 

I agree with Tetora. Meet some new people and move on. I'll also add: Next time don't get attached too much to anyone, because people will always disappoint you when you do (and hurt your feelings again). Don't have any expectations towards anyone either, it's frustrating to the other person (I know this is difficult, but others have their own will, so you have to set them free to treat them well).

[clear1985 5]

@Tetora

 

Thanks, bro.

 

We are from Beijing. I've never been a racist, and I never will. hm. But, seriously I can't see Chinese women as a potential girlfriend. She was an exception. The only exception.

 

The thing is,,,,,

 

Been here almost a year though, she is the only one who I asked out in China in all honesty. Maybe the end is near. Maybe time to leave this country for good. The fact that I can't meet her anymore has made me miserable here.

 

@Nyasagi

 

Thanks for the comment. You seem to have analyzed my situation, feelings, and personality very well. LOL As you pointed out, I think I have an addictive personality. hm. Right. But, did I have some expectations towards her?

 

One thing I really can't stand is high expectations, so I always try not to be judgmental. Asking someone out doesn't count as expextations in my book. LOL

 

Well, it's not that easy to find Chinese who can speak fluent English. Her English is getting better day by day. I loved to see that. No one else can make me feel the way she does. I really loved to talk with her, which is why I'm depressed now for real.

[Nyasagi 259]

Really? I wasn't sure about that, but I had some bad experience with people and I had to work on myself. If you have an addictive personality, you should enjoy spending your time alone, do what makes you happy, without other people. Once you stop needing anyone to feel good, it should help. I do get attached myself, so I know that it's good to keep some distance, in case something bad happens.

 

You seemed very disappointed she rejected you, and kept asking if the whole nation acts like that. To me, it looked like having expectations, that she should have said yes, then blaming her for being Chinese when she said no. That's why I mentioned the "expectations" part. It's not about asking someone out, but rather about dealing with the rejection. When someone says "no", you may feel bad about it, but it's better to get over these feelings. Like I said before, every person has their own right to decide, so unless they're obviously mistreating you (in general, not in this specific situation, because rejecting a person isn't any kind of abuse), you can't blame them for anything and you have to deal with your feelings alone (so it's better to not be bitter about anything, it doesn't help you to be happy).

 

Even if you loved to talk with her, there are many great people around you, for sure. Just enjoy their company . Not dating anyone isn't bad, you have lots of freedom.

[clear1985 5]

Thanks for writing!

 

Your comment puts my mind at ease to some degree. You are really able to understand this whole thing I think.

 

Agreed. Not dating anyone can be positive for sure. Being single has positive effects.

 

Allow me to explain. The thing is, to me, working in China had been very easy until the new project started because Chinese are very sloppy, rightly or wrongly. No offense to Chinese, you know, but this is so true. Every foreigner from Europe or the USA or Japan or S.Korea says the same thing. China is too big to be meticulous. However, this new project requires the meticulousness. I need to be careful all the time, which means it's very stressful now. So, now I need a GF to go on living in China for my mental health's sake. Before that, going out drinking with friends or something was enough, but not anymore. Seriously last Monday, I went to that office where I used to work 5 days a week, and then my boss told me that I don't have to go there anymore out of the blue, which is why I didn't even know that I can't go there anymore until then!!! That Chinese girl didn't know either. And now she and I can't meet anymore.

 

On top of it, just talking with her and my friends in that office has kept me alive in China TBH, but now I can't even meet TrentReznor. It's just hard to put aside my feelings here. I loved to talk with them, and my co-workers there.

 

Living in China has never been easy for me. I don't speak the language, and I won't ever learn it. Learning Chinese? Not an option. Just it doesn't feel right. Plus, the relation between Japan and China is awful all the time. Chinese in general don't like Japanese, and vice versa.

 

Anyways, Nyasagi, thank you very much for taking time to read my rant!!!!!!!!! I appreciate it!!!!!!