I will miss her so much...

[clear1985 5]

Well, as the title indicates, I asked a Chinese girl out...

 

And she instantly replied "NO".

 

It's OK. Been rejected numerous times. Who cares.

 

But, even after that, she was still nice to me, so I asked her out again.

 

Seems she got angry this time. She told me "Don't ever ask me that again!"

 

Well, in my head, just WHY? I don't see the reason why she acted like that.

 

Now she doesn't even talk to me.

 

It should be a compliment that she was asked out on a date, right?

 

It this a Chinese thing or something?

 

Thanks.

[Tetora 625]

Lol, give us the play by play, how did the convo go and how did you ask her out?

And after you get turned down once you cant ask again unless the relationship between you changes. If you ask her when nothing has changed the response will be the same.

[hitsuji-hime 211]

What the hell does this have to do with her being Chinese? She just doesn't wanna date you dude, get over it.

[digi 192]

Maybe she just genuinely wasn't interested in being anything more than friends/acquaintances or whatever you two might be? 

 

I mean, some people just don't take it as a "compliment". Kinda simple. 

[Zeus 7997]

Well, as the title indicates, I asked a Chinese girl out...

 

And she instantly replied "NO".

 

It's OK. Been rejected numerous times. Who cares.

 

Clearly you do care, otherwise you would have moved on. I have an idea of why she instantly said no which I'll get into later. But for now let's continue.

 

But, even after that, she was still nice to me, so I asked her out again.

Mistake numero uno. Never do that. Romance doesn't work like that in real life. In the movies, the man can try again and again and eventually the woman will "see the error of her ways and turn around" because the movie requires a happy ending. In real life, no means no means no and there's nothing you can do to change that.

 

Seems she got angry this time. She told me "Don't ever ask me that again!"

Well, in my head, just WHY? I don't see the reason why she acted like that.

 

Because she said no already and you didn't get the message? I had a girl who would do the same thing (usually while drunk) and would never get the message. I ended up having to avoid her because she didn't comprehend the meaning of no.

 

Now she doesn't even talk to me.

Because she's afraid you're going to ask her out again probably.

 

It should be a compliment that she was asked out on a date, right?

No.

 

It this a Chinese thing or something?

No one but her can answer this question. Unfortunately for you, she's not talking to you anymore. So you may never get the actual reason why she said no. Here are a few reasons I can come up with:

• She's not attracted to you.
• She thinks you might be creepy because you confused persistence with crossing boundaries.
• She might be afraid of what her parents would think. Especially if she's from that culture, her parents may not approve of her dating people that aren't Chinese. In this case it's not just a Chinese thing. I've seen Indian, Japanese, Korean, Pakistani, Bangladeshi, Caucasian, Black, etc. parents who feel the same way. As I said before, there's nothing you can do to change that mindset of hers/her parents.

The bold is what I think it is. If you spent a lot of time around her before she stopped talking to you, you should have gotten an idea about her, her family background, and if you had a shot in the first place before you went for it. If you don't know this, you tried too early. If you did know this and you went anyway, I'm not going to commend your tenacity. Just...don't. There are 3.5 billion women in the world. If this one says no, try another one.

[nullmoon 784]

It isn't a Chinese thing. Simply put, if a girl is nice to you it doesn't always mean they like you in that way. She probably just wanted to be friends and felt annoyed because you didn't see it this way.

She's most likely not talking to you because you'll get the wrong idea and ask her out again

[clear1985 5]

LOL, Thanks for the quick replies, guys. I didn't expect this.

 

I'll be back later. I have to go somewhere now.

[Nyasagi 259]

She got either annoyed or scared, because you didn't understand a "no". When a girl says "no" it means a "no", NOT yes, like many guys say. She probably thought you were pushy or creepy.

[Peace Heavy mk II 7200]

Did you tell her you were a nice guy? That might help.

[Miasma 162]

No means no, not try again later. Also did you just spontaneously ask this random girl out? Or have you known her from work/class/etc?

[ricchubunny 2013]

It should be a compliment that she was asked out on a date, right?

 

SOMEONE PLS CALL THE FEMINISTS 

[Miasma 162]

It should be a compliment that she was asked out on a date, right?

 

SOMEONE PLS CALL THE STRAW FEMINISTS 

 

 

reporting for duty, cislord /s

[TrentReznor 362]

well seing the full picture it could be really a "chinese" girl thing...in China is not easy for a chinese girl have a japanese boyfriend...so that may be also a strong reason...even if she likes u, once she starts thinking about what family and friends are gonna say...

[clear1985 5]

well seing the full picture it could be really a "chinese" girl thing...in China is not easy for a chinese girl have a japanese boyfriend...so that may be also a strong reason...even if she likes u, once she starts thinking about what family and friends are gonna say...

 

LOL, thanks for the comment, bro. They don't know that we are in China, and I'm Japanese. It's hard to understand this sensitive situation unless you've lived either in Japan or China for a long time. TrentReznor, you do understand that. Thanks for that.

[Tetora 625]

Okay, that is important info that you left out.

Yes, it is a sensitive issue, there are big issues there concerning family, society etc..

But in any case, this is not something you should be thinking too hard into, you cant worry about what her family thinks if you never even went out with her, move on.

In the meantime, I suggest changing your approach up...

You seem to be going at this from a 'getting her to go out with you' perspective. I advise changing it to this:

Approach girls with the intention of making friends and getting to know someone. If you find out enough to have an interest, and you give that person enough to have genuine interest in you, then instead of trying to set up a date, get their number to hang out, or go grab a bite to eat and get to know each other better.

Then go meet up, get to know each other, and if there is something there, then you will see the opening and it will turn into a date, if not, then you are either just going to be friends, or go your seperate ways on a good note.

If she turns it down completely, then move on, plenty of other interesting people to meet.

Dont try and turn a good friendship into something else, dont ask girls out on dates without developing interest before hand, and dont keep asking, it just makes people uncomfortable and wont go in your favor.

Hanging out first and seeing if it is something you both want to pursue is a better way of avoiding any culture barriers.

Good luck brah.

[paradoxal 2948]

It should be a compliment that she was asked out on a date, right?

 

SOMEONE PLS CALL THE FEMINISTS 

 

YES I'M HERE NOW AND I'M ALREADY OFFENDED BY THIS WHOLE THREAD

[nick 10212]

Did you tell her you were a nice rich guy? That might help.

 

Fixed that for you.

[seratonin 43]

Lol why so hung up on the fact that she's Chinese? That just shows you obviously are not Chinese, and may have some kind of prejudice or preconception towards Chinese.
 

[Gaz 1097]

what is so gross about liking girls with small eyes and small tits? racist yeah but not gross at all.

[Sakura Seven 593]

This thread is a fucking mess. 

[CAT5 9075]

LISTEN UP PPL

 

I know this is the internet and everyone has a license to be an asshole, but let's try to behave with a little decency and respect here? Thanks

[Nyasagi 259]

In the meantime, I suggest changing your approach up...

You seem to be going at this from a 'getting her to go out with you' perspective. I advise changing it to this:

Approach girls with the intention of making friends and getting to know someone. If you find out enough to have an interest, and you give that person enough to have genuine interest in you, then instead of trying to set up a date, get their number to hang out, or go grab a bite to eat and get to know each other better.

Then go meet up, get to know each other, and if there is something there, then you will see the opening and it will turn into a date, if not, then you are either just going to be friends, or go your seperate ways on a good note.

If she turns it down completely, then move on, plenty of other interesting people to meet.

Dont try and turn a good friendship into something else, dont ask girls out on dates without developing interest before hand, and dont keep asking, it just makes people uncomfortable and wont go in your favor.

Hanging out first and seeing if it is something you both want to pursue is a better way of avoiding any culture barriers.

As a girl who's usually irritated with lame flirting, I say he's right. Once a random guy wanted my number. He asked once, I said no. He followed me and asked again, I gave it to him, because I had that image in my mind, of people saying "you should give him a chance", but I didn't feel comfortable afterwards. Fortunately, he didn't call, but I was really afraid he would. Not all girls enjoy it when men try to flirt with them or treat them like a "date material" just like that. It would be easier to approach me after getting to know me and becoming friends, first (if I was interested, I'm rarely attracted to men in general). However, it may work different with different girls. There is no one, right way to do things. Still, don't keep asking. Just don't.

 

Oh, and if someone else tries the method above... cut that friendzone crap. This is also extremely annoying to girls.

[Rize 1593]

Hmm...

 

Well, from my view, I think you need to know each other better before asking her out like that.

When she says no, it stays no. No good to ask her again when she clearly says she doesn't want.

I think she likes to be good friends first, so 1# build a well friendly relationship up before doing anything else.

Once you took the time and make her comfortable around you, I think asking that would be easier but idk. ^^

 

Also, I don't think it has something to do with being chinese or something...

 

But well, every girl is different and has their own view in life.

[clear1985 5]

Lol, give us the play by play, how did the convo go and how did you ask her out?

And after you get turned down once you cant ask again unless the relationship between you changes. If you ask her when nothing has changed the response will be the same.

 

If I talk about it, TrentReznor might find out who she is. LOL He and I are pals in real life BTW. Hmmm In my head, asking someone out on a date isn’t a big deal. She is pretty. She should have been asked out many times, which means it should have been nothing special for her. And I know she doesn’t have a bf because she told me so. Then why did she get upset, which is my question.

 

 

 

Clearly you do care, otherwise you would have moved on. I have an idea of why she instantly said no which I'll get into later. But for now let's continue.

 

Mistake numero uno. Never do that. Romance doesn't work like that in real life. In the movies, the man can try again and again and eventually the woman will "see the error of her ways and turn around" because the movie requires a happy ending. In real life, no means no means no and there's nothing you can do to change that.

 

 

Because she said no already and you didn't get the message? I had a girl who would do the same thing (usually while drunk) and would never get the message. I ended up having to avoid her because she didn't comprehend the meaning of no.

 

Because she's afraid you're going to ask her out again probably.

 

No.

 

No one but her can answer this question. Unfortunately for you, she's not talking to you anymore. So you may never get the actual reason why she said no. Here are a few reasons I can come up with:

• She's not attracted to you.
• She thinks you might be creepy because you confused persistence with crossing boundaries.
• She might be afraid of what her parents would think. Especially if she's from that culture, her parents may not approve of her dating people that aren't Chinese. In this case it's not just a Chinese thing. I've seen Indian, Japanese, Korean, Pakistani, Bangladeshi, Caucasian, Black, etc. parents who feel the same way. As I said before, there's nothing you can do to change that mindset of hers/her parents.

The bold is what I think it is. If you spent a lot of time around her before she stopped talking to you, you should have gotten an idea about her, her family background, and if you had a shot in the first place before you went for it. If you don't know this, you tried too early. If you did know this and you went anyway, I'm not going to commend your tenacity. Just...don't. There are 3.5 billion women in the world. If this one says no, try another one.

 

 

Well. I thought Walk the Line was a true story. Scientifically speaking, women and men are different. This isn’t a sexism remark. The fact is that women think, act, and live differently. For men, relationship is quite simple. When we first see women, we know like them or not, and it won’t ever change. However, for women, it doesn’t work that way.

 

 

It should be a compliment that she was asked out on a date, right?

 

No.

Care to elaborate? I mean, like my boss is a woman currently, and she has a temper. The best way to calm her down is, to tell her that she is beautiful. It works all the time. I tell her she is beautiful, she looks good today, then that’s it, problem solved. Again, this isn't a sexism remark. We all know that we all have to be an ass-kisser sometimes to keep things smooth.

 

 

She thinks you might be creepy because you confused persistence with crossing boundaries.

 

This might be the case. LOL I constantly told her she is beautiful, and marry me or something like that because... Oh,,, Another thing that I need to mention here is, her English isn't that good, which is why I needed to use simply words, otherwise she can't understand it. Since I don't speak Chinese at all, we have to communicate with each other in English. For her, it might be hard to speak English. She used to reply to me nicely though, I mean, she was trying at least, I can tell,,,… I’m her friend, she said. 

 

 

No means no, not try again later. Also did you just spontaneously ask this random girl out? Or have you known her from work/class/etc?

 

I don’t recall when exactly I first met her, but it should be like March or April this year. Well, I have to constantly meet her for some reason. Twice a week ATM.

 

I'm done today, but I may be able to add more in the future. Thanks for the comments, guys.

[Nyasagi 259]

 

And I know she doesn’t have a bf because she told me so. Then why did she get upset, which is my question.

[...]

When we first see women, we know like them or not, and it won’t ever change. However, for women, it doesn’t work that way.

[...]

Care to elaborate? I mean, like my boss is a woman currently, and she has a temper. The best way to calm her down is, to tell her that she is beautiful. It works all the time. I tell her she is beautiful, she looks good today, then that’s it, problem solved. Again, this isn't a sexism remark. We all know that we all have to be an ass-kisser sometimes to keep things smooth.

[...]

This might be the case. LOL I constantly told her she is beautiful, and marry me or something like that because...

Quoting sucks here, so I'll just number the replies to the paragraphs I quoted.

 

1. Maybe she doesn't want to date? Not all people are interested in it (temporarily or permanently).

2. Lol, when I'm really not interested, I'm really not interested. Don't assume things. In some situations women may change their minds, but it isn't always the case. When someone is totally not my type, I won't change my mind, no matter what. It depends on the person, don't push anyone into anything just because you think they may do what you want, eventually. This is wrong.

3. If I was your boss and I noticed you manipulate me, I'd calm down, smile, thank for the compliment and give you more work.

4. That's creepy. Don't talk to girls like that, dude... unless you're dating someone for a long time and you're very close. Marriage and shit? I'd run away if someone did that to me, unless I was really attracted to the guy, but she obviously isn't attracted to you, so you probably scared her away by that.

 

No offense, I may be wrong (because it's just the internet), but you sound a bit clingy in your posts and assume you can solve everything by complimenting people. While compliments are nice, they're worth anything only if you're honest, not when you're using these as a method to get what you want. That's not what compliments are for, really. Sometimes you just can't get something. Sad, but true. Everyone has the right to decide for themselves and you shouldn't get bitter about it. That's not about their nationality, but about the right to make their own choices.