nullmoon

Amen. I genuinely felt dirty after using it XD 

One thing I'll promise myself if I ever become single again is to never touch that stupid Tinder app ever again. Fuck that. Complete waste of my time. 😅
 
I'd rather be the creepy guy sending girls dm's on Tinder than ever get involved with that again. Completely destroys my self esteem. 
 

Hahaha well you're at least bossing the APPEARANCE of being a sage!
 
Pretty much. To be honest, the thing that attracted me to the whole FWB thing is that you're a friend first and foremost. I like the idea of caring for someone and being a pseudo-partner without the need for family politics/pressure to marry, have kids etc. In all fairness I naturally just fell into relationship mode because I do genuinely like her. I'm just scared of not providing what she needs further down the line and wasting months/years of her life. 
 
This is because I started listening to The Novembers isn't it? XD In all seriousness though, that's a huge compliment. Thank you so much. 
 
Yeah, I have no powers of assertiveness at all. As I grow older, I seem to be more and more of a people pleaser without taking care of myself. You need to teach me your ways, dude! 

My ex and I spent some time on Tinder...together. Just shows how well we get on even after the relationship! XD 
 
I have 0 matches since yesterday. 
 
She got 4 in around 30 minutes tonight. 
 
I feel like a troll. 

OMG, ahaha!!! I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm far from a sage. I'm actually realizing how much of a bumbling fuckin' idiot I am (and have been)
, and I'm just trying to figure shit out just like you. Any wisdom I may be able to share certainly does not come from me, but i'm grateful that I could at least serve as a vessel for it, so to speak.
 
ohhhh. I see. Yeah, I definitely feel you on this. It seems to me like your heart/intentions are in one place, but your actions are conveying something else. Like, you're acting like you're in a relationship, yet a relationship with her isn't what you truly want...so yeah, that's bound to cause some confusion. Cuz you're sending two opposing signals at once.
 
Honestly, and I might be seen as ultra-conservative, intense, or even crazy for thinking this way, but who cares..this is why I don't really see the function of arrangements that don't lead to anything permanent...like, otherwise it's just gonna be a waste of time and one or both parties are bound to get hurt in some way.
 
But I also know that shit happens and we often find ourselves in unfavorable situations. I mean, it's not like we're all taught how to properly approach relationships growing up (hell, most of just do what we've seen from other ppl).  If that were the case, professions like "relationship experts/coaches wouldn't exist   So anyways, you've found yourself in a situation, and I think the best thing to do is to just be truthful and honest - but of course you want to do it in a tactful and considerate manner.
 
This also just shows you that you have a heart, man. In a world where it's easy to be cold, callous, and inconsiderate - actually having a heart is a brave thing. It takes real strength. And ain't nothing beta about that!
 
nah, you're good. You're on topic and this is what this thread is for!
 
Random, but It's funny because you actually remind me of myself a bit. As bold as I may come off sometimes, I'm actually super agreeable too. I mean, I've learned to be more assertive over the years, but my default nature is definitely more on the passive side. 

Just came across this thread on Twitter. Some more thoughts on the subject 
 

For anyone considering a friend with benefits arrangement, here's some advice from this bumbling idiot: Don't. 

But how hilarious would that be  XD. I would laugh and be surprised that someone asked me about v-kei irl XDD.
 
I tried Tinder in Japan and my favorite conversation was with a man who was trying to plan a whole date for us, but then he ended with "going to a love hotel". I refused to meet up and his reply was "Oh are you a lesbian?".
Other than that, I haven't gotten the hang out of online dating. I might try getting back because, even if I don't get me a man out of this, at least I can meet some people. We'll see how that goes. 
 
The only thing I hate about being single is nosy people. Like, my parents are ok and just let me live, but my aunts and co-workers are so interested in my non-existent love life XD.  
But I'm happy being single so far :D. 

What an egomaniac! "You won't sleep with me so you must be a lesbian". Oof. Ah, well, makes for interesting conversation X)

Love and lust are two different things that often go hand in hand. Lust can still be followed by respect and responsibility. There can be love without lust and lust without love. But at least some level of care for the other party/ies will always be present. Well, in most cases. 
 
Edit: there are many levels of romantic love. It isn't just do or die, black or white. After recognising that, maybe the separation of love and lust might make more sense. It is unrealistic to think sex will have no consequences (emotional, physical, spiritual, moral etc.). Some people can manage that, but for the majority? It just ain't like that and you're not faulty if you can't handle casual encounters, you're just human. We're messy like that. 
 

Dude, I've only interacted with you a few times but i've always seen you as a sage, both musically and culturally. Thank you so much for your insight, it makes so much sense to me. 
 
I've quoted the part that resonated with me the most as I feel it probably best explains my issues with guilt. In all honesty, things never got as far as sex but it was certainly on the table.
 
However every so often I could see that she looked sad and put two and two together. I never wanted to mislead this woman and made her very aware of where I was at early on. I guess my mistake was being unable to do anything but the 'boyfriend experience'. Fuck being an insensitive douchebag though. I'm not going to care any less for someone just because it's recommended in the alpha male bible. 
 
To be honest, I have feelings for her too but our life goals are different. This is all very confusing. I just don't want to date her and waste her time in the long run, regardless of how compatible we are in pretty much every other area. 

I'd love to know this too. I honestly don't get it. This is why I think FWB just doesn't work if you're the kind of person who cares about someone's feelings. 

I'd love to know this too. I honestly don't get it. This is why I think FWB just doesn't work if you're the kind of person who cares about someone's feelings. 

Dude, I've only interacted with you a few times but i've always seen you as a sage, both musically and culturally. Thank you so much for your insight, it makes so much sense to me. 
 
I've quoted the part that resonated with me the most as I feel it probably best explains my issues with guilt. In all honesty, things never got as far as sex but it was certainly on the table.
 
However every so often I could see that she looked sad and put two and two together. I never wanted to mislead this woman and made her very aware of where I was at early on. I guess my mistake was being unable to do anything but the 'boyfriend experience'. Fuck being an insensitive douchebag though. I'm not going to care any less for someone just because it's recommended in the alpha male bible. 
 
To be honest, I have feelings for her too but our life goals are different. This is all very confusing. I just don't want to date her and waste her time in the long run, regardless of how compatible we are in pretty much every other area. 

Bruh, Imma keep it real with you. Cuz most ppl simply ain't gonna tell you this shit. You feel guilty for a reason. That girl developed feelings for a reason. You're not oversensitive. And there's nothing wrong with you. If anything, you're just sensible.
 
Fuck what this world tries to tell you about having "friends with benefits" and "casual" sex. You know why that girl developed feelings? Cuz ain't shit casual about having a WHOLE 'nother human being inside of you! Fuckin' a chick and expecting her not to catch feelings is like putting your hand in a fire and expecting not to get burnt. It's that inane.
 
Bruh, i mean...sex is a POWERFUL force - it's literally the reason why we're all even here in the first place. It's THAT central to our very existence...and depending on how you approach it, it can either be destructive or regenerative....functional or dysfunctional...good or bad.
 
And from what I can tell, when you take something as foundational and deeply ingrained in our existence as sex and try to detach it from emotion, from love, from responsibility, from respect, from family, from children....and you basically turn it into a cheap drug, well then...you're practically inviting dysfunction at that point.
 
Now obviously, I would not presume to give you advice on this issue, and you have the free will to do whatever you want, but do keep in mind that freedom of choice does not equal freedom from consequences, and your own experience testifies to that.
 
But anyways, bruh...don't get down about that shit. If you can, just learn from it and keep it movin'. I hope all goes well for you from here on out! 
 

True. I entered this arrangement because I was sick of hurting people/being hurt in relationships. Everything was going well; we were both attracted to each other, got on really well, and communicated our different life goals from the get go.
 
However she now has the feels. She has admitted fault and has understood my reasons for drawing a line in the sand. However I just can't help feeling guilty. I really don't think I'm cut out for anything until I sort my head out, not even NSA relationships.
 
So yeah, I should clarify that FWB probably does work. Just not for oversensitive people like me. 

That reminds me. About two years ago, I was talking to a fellow VK fan and she told me she knew someone who was obsessed with this one guy (I don't remember who, but I want to say Toshiya from Diru fsr, could be someone completely different tho) to the point where she was saving her virginity for him even if the opportunity to lose it to someone else she was sufficiently interested in came along. Bear in mind, this girl was most likely never going to meet him and even if she did, she'd probably just turn him off.

True. I entered this arrangement because I was sick of hurting people/being hurt in relationships. Everything was going well; we were both attracted to each other, got on really well, and communicated our different life goals from the get go.
 
However she now has the feels. She has admitted fault and has understood my reasons for drawing a line in the sand. However I just can't help feeling guilty. I really don't think I'm cut out for anything until I sort my head out, not even NSA relationships.
 
So yeah, I should clarify that FWB probably does work. Just not for oversensitive people like me. 

I've never been in that kind of relationship myself, but all functional relationships - be they friendly, familial, romantic or sexual - are based on two key foundations: trust and communication. I guess that as long as neither party forgets that, it'd be fine, and if the other person refuses to co-operate, that's their fault and their fault alone. I wouldn't be too discouraged from entering that kind of relationship again in the future if you wanted.

Fair enough, glad to hear it worked for you. 

For anyone considering a friend with benefits arrangement, here's some advice from this bumbling idiot: Don't. 

"You only listen to post 2010 VK? I, an intellectual individual, avid connoisseur of the Visual Kei scene with peak music taste know that only obscure 90s bands with unpronounceable names count as true VK" 

@Gesu you dream a ton!
 
I dreamed that I was a contestant in some new Gordan Ramsay cooking show. I was ecstatic. But for whatever reason, I didn't go to the first challenge. I still showed up for the judging though. My group was sat at a clothed round table in a large dining hall next to a set of double doors. There were windows all along the walls with curtains over them and soft light shining in. Everyone was dressed in a white shirt and slacks, and the men also had red vests on. Gordon Ramsay went around the table judging everyone's dish one-by-one.
 
Angela from the Office was also a contestant on the show and when he ate her food, he told her, in his typical manner, how terrible it was. She snapped back saying he knows nothing about cooking and then he fired back with a classic Gordan Ramsay rant. His roast was so bad (no pun intended)  it sent her away flustered and brimming to tears. I was next. I didn't even want to hear what he had to say so I pretended like I had a phone call and left.
 
I escaped to the room next door which was all of a sudden the living room at my parent's house. There was a little mini-poodle dog there and it was really sick. It gave birth to like 7 pups and then proceeded to eat them one by one. It then died and then came back to life rabbid with slime dripping from its mouth and its eyes filled with rage. I tried to calm it before waking up.

This is what the Meji stans said when SPB8 was announced..... 😏

speculation: 8BPS ends up the only listenable project out of two