plastic_rainbow

It's a toughie but if you ever want to shoot the shit, feel free to DM me. At times like this your mind can be your own worst enemy and it can help to just purge your brain

why does being around people hurt so fucking much, i feel so out of place

thanks, i'm trying my best to hang in there

thanks, i'm trying my best to hang in there

think depression season is coming early this year for me....

Stay strong. Hopefully it'll be over before you know it ^^

think depression season is coming early this year for me....

I’ve only watched the Pokémon anime up to the orange islands, and I’m several generations behind with the games. Didn’t realize they modeled one after VK singers.
 
 

One of my friends committed suicide last night. The reality is still setting in.

yess, i do still wanna get to it! thanks for reminding me, haha.
it's just been really busy for me the past few months but i'll see if i can have a translation up sometime soon~

@RickBuch here you go~!
 
Ame, Tokyo.
boku wa fukou da, tabako o kuwae tsubuyaita
miesuita uso, yuuutsu to iki o suru hibi
 
yohou de shitta, aisatsu kawari no amafuri
akita me o shite, mioboe aru sora nagameta
 
tsumetai kara ushinatta, mochiawase no netsu wa
sanjuu nana do no binetsu, nakushita furi de waratteru
 
tokyo no machi wa ame, mizutamari boku o utsushi
wasureta machi de shiru, nanimonai wakatterundaro 
tokyo no machi wa ame, amayadori boku ga hitori
wasureta machi de shiru, nanimonai waratterundaro
 
ame kasa sashite, chinkena uta o kuchizusamu
oroshita kutsu to, sukoshi no sabi ga futsuriai
 
uwasa de kiita, jidai wa mou urenaitte sa
iromi nai hibi, ajike nai gamu o nomikomu
 
kounetsu o itsuwatta mochiawase no netsu wa
sanjuu nana do no binetsu, nakushita furi de waratteru
 
yume mita machi de shiru, nanimonai boku ga hitori
sodatta machi de shiru, nanimonai wakatterundaro
 
tokyo no machi wa ame, mizutamari boku o utsushi
wasureta machi de shiru, nanimonai wakatterundaro
tokyo no machi wa ame, amayadori boku ga hitori
wasureta machi de shiru, nanimonai waratterundaro

why does being around people hurt so fucking much, i feel so out of place

why does being around people hurt so fucking much, i feel so out of place

why does being around people hurt so fucking much, i feel so out of place

why does being around people hurt so fucking much, i feel so out of place

why does being around people hurt so fucking much, i feel so out of place

why does being around people hurt so fucking much, i feel so out of place

How do I turn off my feelings? I'm not necessarily enjoying it when I'm lying in bed ready to sleep and my brains suddenly decide to start thinking of this guy I really like and remind me of how I'll never see him again and how I don't have any chance with him anyway.
I need sleep not this shit argh.

damn, my mom needs a break. grandma passed last year and now it's my uncle. i don't know if i'm capable of giving her the support she needs right now...

damn, my mom needs a break. grandma passed last year and now it's my uncle. i don't know if i'm capable of giving her the support she needs right now...

Please take what I say with a HUGE grain of salt...cuz I ain't no expert or any of that shit, but imma keep it 💯 with you. We tend to over-complicate things. I think the main reason most relationships fail is because ppl are ultimately more committed to themselves than anything else. I mean, outside of glaring incompatibilities and straight-up abuse, there really isn't much that two ppl who are TRULY intent on making things work could not overcome.
 
But generally, muhfukkas just don't wanna make sacrifices or put in the effort. We generally take the path of least resistance. You also have a lot of ppl that'll deceive themselves and use the flaws in a relationship as an excuse to opt out of that relationship, when in reality, they have ulterior motives and just wanna do whatever they want to do. These are the kind of ppl you usually find jumping from "relationship" to "relationship". But those ppl are idiots cuz guess what?  EVERY relationship is going to have issues. Every relationship is going to face conflict. Why? Cuz ain't nobody perfect. We all fuck up. We all make mistakes. But what makes a perfect relationship? 2 ppl who never stop giving a perfect attempt at it.
 
But see that takes heart. That takes courage. That takes patience. That takes forgiveness (a damn near infinite amount). That takes maturity. But see ppl fuck themselves over thinking relationships are supposed to be all sunshine and rainbows. Ppl think that relationships are for your own "happiness", but you'd have to be a damn fool to think that. Happiness should be a byproduct of your relationship, but it should never be the goal of your relationship. It's a fuckin' emotion - which means it's flimsy as fuck. You're liable to feel a million different emotions in one day, so to make something as unstable as that the very foundation of your relationship is silly. What's gonna happen as soon as you don't feel "happy" anymore? Usually, that's when strange penis and vagina starts looking REALLY appealing to folks   Next thing you know, you dun ruined your relationship over a temporary emotion. I digress.
 
Relationships are going to test your fuckin spirit, and you gotta be prepared for it. Anybody who truly loves you is going to keep it real with you, and so in contending with them, they're going to reveal things about you that you didn't even know. You're going to experience sides of yourself (good, bad, and UGLY) that you didn't even know you had. A good relationship is going to bring all of this out. Suppressed trauma will surface. Scars will be picked at. But you have to be willing to face all of this. The good, the bad, and the ugly. You can't just expect the good, and ignore the bad, cuz that shit's going to get ugly inevitably lol. You have to be willing to realize that, yeah, you do have some bad and ugly parts of yourself that you need to work on. You have to be willing to grow. Your partner as well. That's why patience and forgiveness is so paramount. And it's a neverending process...but it's going to make you a better person and continue to refine you.
 
So you see why commitment is so important. I mean, REAL commitment. Most ppl don't wanna go through all of that stuff that I just mentioned. You'd be shocked at the lengths ppl will go to to avoid dealing with themselves, and a good relationship is going to force you to confront yourself and your issues. We live in age where all ppl wanna do is be comforted. Don't nobody wanna voluntarily put themselves through something like that. Don't nobody wanna jump in the fire. And honestly, a lot of ppl would rather jump ship than face the depths of their very own heart.
 
But anyways lil sis, I know my tone and my language can be harsh, but don't let me frighten you or anything. I'm just trying to keep it real with you and let you  know that relationships take a dead-serious level of commitment and spiritual maturity. It's going to be a challenge. But accepting that challenge is actually way better than not doing it imo. When both you and your partner fully commit and both of you look at the relationship as something you're in together...as "us vs the problems" and not "me vs my partner"...when you're both willing to face that fire together and understand that tough times WILL come...your experience will be much deeper, richer, and fulfilling....a lot more than simply looking for fleeting "happiness" in other ppl.
 
You gotta be willing to make an effort tho. That's actually one of the functions of marriage, aka making a covenant with your partner. You make a vow to stick it out, so when issues arise, yall gotta figure that shit out. Cuz like I said, most ppl will take the path of least resistance and leave a relationship/partnership before even trying to work shit out. Especially in these days where ppl feel like they have infinite "options" via social media alone, and treat ppl as if they're expendable. Shit, muhfukkas is unfriending ppl left and right over simple-ass disagreements these days. Petty shit. That's the kinda world we're living in today, so a lot of ppl have no hope of actually being in a successful relationship being that damn petty lol.
 
Anyways, hopefully I said something that made sense to you. I talk too damn much

LATE AGAIN..... Dx
lyrics for "exit" have been added

it was a pretty krappy live house anyway
joking aside tho this kinda sucks as it was probably one of the bigger ones i've been to while in sapporo, at least for smaller vk bands

broke my two front teeth during gym class in kindergarten by colliding into someone, my mouth was bleeding and i was chewing on the ice pack they gave me lmao. also being that young i was crying too