Connecting with people is hard where I'm at.

[heresytrash 250]

For me, connecting with others is sort of hard. 

 

Other than the friends and connections I made via twitter (and yes, tumblr, but none of us even use that platform anymore), I don't really connect with anyone around me where I live. Yeah, I have a boyfriend and sometimes I feel like we're on the same level on most things, I don't have many friends outside of my relationship. I used to hang out with my ex-coworker/current coworker, but I find that they don't listen to what I have to say most of the time and we have very little in common as to what we like. And I found that my one friend was more interested in what I could give her (concert tickets), rather than taking anything of true value out of our friendship.

 

I discussed plans up until I bought the tickets for this tour, and now that I've bought the tickets she won't even acknowledge that I exist or even contribute to the group chat on facebook. 

 

On another note, I lost a best friend a couple of months back due to the fact that we were just in different spots in our lives. She took her anger out on me, and I didn't respond well to it so we both decided to end the friendship. 

 

I can't even connect with my own family. 

 

I find myself in a state of depression because I do feel alone. Talking with my friends on LINE/Twitter sometimes helps, but they're states away and travelling is hard for me. I know I'm doing this to myself most likely, because I tend to shut people out. But I don't know what friendships I'm building are genuine or not. I don't know if people think I'm too annoying, cause I talk too much when I get comfortable, or they think I'm weird cause I don't speak at all.

 

I might be overthinking things, but I wish I really had someone other than my boyfriend around here that I could just sit and talk to.

[123Sandman321 377]

Well, I come from a slightly different spot on this topic. Also, it's kinda rambly, I'm sorry.

 

While younger I used to live in a mentally devastating household and that left me with social anxiety and completely closing myself in. Any form of escapism, be it  music, books, games, and later writing and photography were my only solace. So, that equals, nearly no friends or other serious relationships.

 

The person that I am now, is one that has overcome those anxiety issues. Well at least a slight bit, now that I have at least a few people I can trust completely. What helped me, was standing on my own feet at a young age (compared to the norm), own place, job as a bartender (later in sales) and further fuelling myself with things I loved doing while finding new ambitions to strive towards. And while it can be somewhat difficult to catch up to those 20 years of socializing that others had, I no longer care, I give time to people I want and when I want. You seem to cling to what you have, even though you aren't happy with it. People who can't ever be bothered to listen to their friends are meant to be cut off, they aren't worth your time...it might seem harsh, but they don't seem to make you happy.

 

The one major thing I suggest doing is reaching out to your best friend...I really don't know on what terms you have decided to end the friendship, but it might be something to help. 

 

Also, definitely don't force the new relationships that you are building up just for the sake of having friends, it's selfish. I'm not saying to stop socializing, but laying out all your baggage and niche hobbies usually scares people  I know damn well, since I've been there

 

 

Bottom line, what I'm getting at, is that you should lean on the things you love to do, find new hobbies with some kind of artistic expression, take up sports, (all these things come with the added bonus of other people doing them, too, you know, same interests, etc.) lean on your boyfriend, I dunno, anything to keep you from dwelling on the things that depress you and drag you down.

 

I hope it'll get better for you. Also, feel free to message me any time

[platy 3018]

I can relate to you on some levels, sorry for the long post. 

 

Recently, I realised the only one I really hang out with is my partner. That's okay because he's also one of my best friends, but I just needed different company. The area where I'm living is hard to meet new folks since it's known for being old-peoplesvile. 

I reached out to old friendships that were neglected, I also joined a life drawing group (I haven't made any lasting connections but at least I'm not isolated) and I actually made a good friend through tinder, although we're in different countries. 

 

I think having meaningful relationships with others is important, but having more shallow interactions is good too. For example, your co-workers. But the thing you need to be aware of are emotional vampires. These are people who like to pretend they're your friends but all they do is talk about themselves and their problems and you feel obligated to listen/help, but when it comes to you talking about your issues they suddenly turn their ears off. Friendships come when two people put their effort in. Does the person initiate conversation with you? Can you both talk freely about a variety of things? Do you both take an interest on what the other has to say? If it's one sided, cut them off. Like @123Sandman321said, it may seem harsh but it's better to be alone than with bad company. This month I cut off 2 morons who were always going on about how they valued me as a friend, but really they were just taking advantage of my nature and using me as their counsellor. It's exhausting and you don't need that. If even by having these people around you're heading towards a dark path, get rid of them and you'll be better off. 

 

Today it's normal to have mates everywhere in the world except where you live lol unfortunately these are the times we live in. There are ways to feel closer though, like Skype and rab.it where you can watch things together and "hang out". Since a couple of my close friends are in another country we have dates where we call each other and rant about life or just arrange to watch or play something, I highly recommend this rather than just messaging all the time.

I know you said it's hard for you to travel, but if you can, consider it. It'll take you away from your routine and hopefully brighten your mindset. While youre away you might even meet new folks. 

 

5 hours ago, heresytrash said:

I don't know if people think I'm too annoying, cause I talk too much when I get comfortable, or they think I'm weird cause I don't speak at all.

I can totally relate to this. Here's how I see it: Do THEY talk a lot? Then you have every right to talk their ear off too. I was thinking about this, how so-and-so talks so much and I must be really boring because I never have anything to say. But when I really look at it, all she was talking about was just bills, work, her health, etc. so I started talking about the same things and my worries were gone lol 

 

TL;DR: Put yourself out there to meet others, cut off selfish people who don't add anything to your life, find ways to connect more with people already in your life, don't be paranoid about bothering others because they're clearly not worried about bothering you. 

[suji 8317]

I feel you a lot on this. Growing up and living in a southern small town is hard for people like me to actually express themselves, and to maintain genuine friendships. I've lost a couple of friends, one due to differences, but mostly because we no longer speak to each other. Sometimes I think it's my own fault, since I also tend to shut people out after a long period of time, and I just want to be alone most of the time. It's hard though when you want to live out your own life independently like a normal person rather than rely on family all the time. I would love to break out of that mold, but my anxiety doesn't allow me to express myself fully, and there's really not a lot of interesting people around me anymore other than here and Twitter.

[Lestat 2167]

Go back a year and there I found myself in a similar situation. Our town isn’t necessarily big, but not the kind where you know everyone either and the people that I knew weren’t quite the ones with similar interests and friendships therefore waned rather rapidly. 

 

Until not so long ago I didn’t have friends around but I started hanging out with the same people more regularly and it wasn’t something I was seeking for at the moment. I met them during concerts in my area and things clicked quite smoothly all of a sudden. Before this I spent most of my time in solitude – during some moments I was desperately looking for connections and relationships but once I gave up that search, things started to come along more naturally because it didn’t feel forced. I enjoy my time alone but it’s definitely nice to not be alone anymore when I need or want someone around. 

 

As is said above, you could try and join a club or attend activities where you’ll meet people with similar interests (for me that’s in metal concerts). Don’t be scared to go alone either, there’s nothing weird about attending a venue, club or bar (whatever is your fancy) alone, it’s quite easy to speak up to people when you have that universal hobby or artists you’re waiting to see. 

[Himeaimichu 1535]

I feel you a lot. I can't connect well with people where I live, since I'm in a tiny town where a lot of people don't share my interests. And even though I have some best friends, a sort-of spiritual brother who cares about me, and a loving girlfriend, I also feel alone and find people hard to talk to or approach. And family? They're toxic and abusive so I don't even bother with them. 

Life can be pretty hard when the only people who care for you are so far. A lot of the time, all we can do is just look out for ourselves. 

[-Tetsu- 379]

Can relate to this.
I live in a very small village in the middle of nowhere, nothing related to my interests close to where I live.

I had a really good friend living here with me but she moved away to town and I don't have much contact to her since that day. Lost another friend when she met someone else she shared more interests with and now I don't know anyone close to me. My closest friend lives 5 hours away by train and we can't see each other often. We mostly meet only on concerts because it's really difficult to find a weekend we could meet up.
Meeting new people is very difficult for me since I'm introvert and shy as fuck and I only speak to others when they start talking first, no matter how hard I try. I'm even struggeling writing here, haha. At least I get along kinda well with my coworkers although it's very exhausting. People think I'm weird because I don't talk much and I'm always scared I'll annoy everyone when I talk about things I like... I also don't chat a lot with others, mostly only with that one friend I mentioned above.
I'm always so happy if I get a message by someone else, haha.

[karai · ebi 505]

Being from a deep south state I can relate. Though I've only managed to have one casual LDR for about a year, but when he moved to Japan we decided the time difference was too much and he wanted to see how guys were there. So RIP that lol. After that I spend all my time alone. I do have a best friend I've known since pre-K, but aside from past jokes we have absolutely nothing in common in interests or aspirations or anything at all.
 

What I learned to accept was the solitude, and my advice is to never go out looking to force friendship or even acquaintanceship. Chances are both parties will be very irritated after awhile and it won't be a fulfilling experience. It seems that the people who will want to hang around or chat casually will come to you, when you're just doing your own thing, it's best for it to happen naturally even if it's rare. (For instance my ex started out as someone I hung with every night on an MMO, thought he was just some rando I'd never see again, but eventually then he wanted to know me more and we moved to things like skype and LINE.)

I'm not sure how or if it's even possible in these areas to just go outside and 'make' a friend lol, and I hear Utah can be a lot like the deep southern states too? Lot of Mormons or something. I've seen people do it but when I listen to them talk it's so superficial it makes me tired.

 

I think it's not worth bothering with if you can't be yourself and share your interests. Sorry not too good at organizing my thoughts, but I think if you stop thinking about it too much then eventually people will come to you when you don't expect it, be online or offline...(usually online lol)

 

[heresytrash 250]

Thanks to everyone for the words. (Sorry, not sure how to put it ;^^)

I find myself overthinking about myself when I talk to someone, or when I hang out with someone. I may have not said anything offensive/awkward, but then my anxiety tells me that I did and that person now hates me. 

I've gotten better to a point, but it's still hard to find someone here that I truly could consider a best friend. But I feel like in time I'll eventually be okay with that.

24 minutes ago, karai · ebi said:

I hear Utah can be a lot like the deep southern states too? Lot of Mormons or something. I've seen people do it but when I listen to them talk it's so superficial it makes me tired.

 

I can attest that the way Mormons are is that they are very superficial, especially since I was raised as one. In our Young Women's especially it was hard, because I was into different things than the other girls so they tended to shun me but then turn around and pretend to be nice whenever our leaders were around. So I've grown up thinking this is how everyone is, and that they're being nice to me to save face.