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blackdoll

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赫音

____________________
 
悲劇のAntoinette
踊り疲れた華は枯れ行く
肌を裂く不条理なる血に
歯型残る程咬み付いても
伝え切れない情熱
少しずつでいい
飲み干したい

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Spoiler in my signature. Wrote it early summer

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3

Edited by blackdoll

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LOL I'm immensely butthurt right now so i'm gonna vent.

Angsty piss fit 

 

You who does wrong with no guilt and no remorse, deserves death.

Please disappear so I can have back the shred of the life you made me waste on you,

You who smiles within your wrongdoings and your lies, please swallow your own tongue and choke.

Asphyxiate yourself, smash your skull open, play in traffic.

Please locate a freeway, then proceed to jump onto the concrete below head first and splatter.

Please place within your reach a razor, please proceed to slice the sensitive spots.

Hit a vein.

Please do your best to bleed out.

Blow your brains out.

Gouge your eyes out,

Suffer slowly, please burn.

Incinerate.

Boil.

Dissolve.

Die.

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Y'all all know this was coming, not really a fanfic, but this great woman deserves somme love. Like is much better with her in it. 

 

4

Edited by blackdoll

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I wrote this a few days ago on a lark. I'll post other stuff if you guys like it.

Leap into nowhere

Time just passed you by

Always rush forward

Though you haven’t an idea why

Time is just wasting

Your whole life is watching all you do

You started out brighter in the eyes

Now each day is crawling

And nothing else varies from the rule

Each day holds tomorrow

Each place has the same ground treaded thrice

What happened to inertia?

Moves made just stop when they collide

Time is just wasting

Your whole life is watching all you do

You started out brighter in the eyes

Now each day is crawling

And nothing else varies from the rule

Now all little things rule you

Years back stare into now

Eyes look into younger

Then blink from nothing to turn to

Time is just wasting

Your whole life is watching all you do

You started out brighter in the eyes

Now each day is crawling

And nothing else varies from the rule

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I wrote this a few days ago on a lark. I'll post other stuff if you guys like it.

\

Thanks for sharing

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『不滅 片想い』

 

Without that someone to talk to whom you basically lived for, you realize the complete emptiness and the complete meaningless of life. Everyday seems slower, time halts only to slow down incredibly making each second even more agonizing. You realize how long every single day is, those days of carelessly talking all day and exchanging sweet nothings are over. Those days you escaped from caught back up to you, proving that you cannot outrun them. You drown but not in water, you suffocate but you indeed have air, you die but your blood is still flowing, your heart still beats and yet you still walk and talk. But not as you once did, everything becomes different even your hands. You look at yourself and notice that what you are looking at isn't you, you died and you're staring at the shell that once was. You can notice the emptiness in your own eyes, you can feel your chest sinking, you can feel your stomach churning and twisting. It becomes hard to swallow, it becomes hard to wake up, to even think of tomorrow. And all you are left with is questions and unrequited feelings. Feelings that will never be shown to you ever again by the one you love. They've shed you like a snake sheds its skin, those questions you have remain unanswered. If answered the result may crush you even more. Longevity of the relationship only makes the end harder, you've been through lots with this person and then like that...you're easily tossed away. Then you remember that only garbage is thrown away that easily, then you become self aware of what you really are. Garbage. And where does garbage belong? In the trash. We are all Born dead. The end exists Before anything begins.

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Of Mirth and Lies

“This knife so clean and sharp, I hold it in my hand. Pointed blade ready to slice dinner or puncture flesh, whichever the holder commands of it. Now quivering to and fro as sweat glistens upon the handle.”

“Look past this present set of circumstance. Do not dwell on events that have transpired of late. Clear the foggy future and gaze and ponder on the plans of delight.”

“Plans? What are these but a fool’s design? Futile notions of happiness just out of reach, but soon obtainable? Simply delusions in which to create a sense of purpose to your present suffering.”

“I do lift my chin at thoughts of joy that these said plans will bring. But alas, it seems they are destined for ruin just as everything of late I’ve done has fallen upon its foundation to crush the designer.”

“That’s right, in trying to bring the light of mirth into yours and other’s lives, only darkness is perpetuated. Where light and joy reigned, your destructive means have brought blackness and despair.”

“Do not pay mind nor heed to the ramblings of a depraved notion. Think of the plethora of future time and life that would be deprived from the world if a louder voice the darkness had. Many great expectations await in years to come, and many lives will be touched by the messages that have yet to be written by your pen.”

“Why do I hesitate? I know there is much that lies in wait for me. Just grit your teeth and wash your hands of this foolish bickering, it should be that simple. Besides, like a spark from a fire will be the lives that are touched. Burning bright with uplifting words as the source for their pyre, but to inevitably wink out in haste at the sense of simplicity.

“I am not an honest soul. I write about hope and joy and life and love, but I do not live in hand with these. I live in hand with doubt and fear and loathing and lies. A false preacher I have become. But yet, I may give hope to those that lack it, even though it be of false origins.”

“Finally you realize truth. Truth, though not endorsed, is what I’ve been preaching. Discard these pretenses of truth and life and joy, but accept the fact that you can do nothing but rid those around you of whatever shreds of these that are left. Darkness and despair breed in that which is in close proximity to you. Better that which still might be happy and rid the world of a hatchery of flaws.”

“Listen not to falsities, give them no ear. The wonderful events you have assisted to facilitate abound in the minds of those around you, not the minor flaws of which are sparsely upon your person. Occurrences of the latest type are inevitable. You are not the sole bearer of mistakes and botches. The present mood is just enhanced by minor failures, if they can be called that, and these make vulnerable your mind to lies and false sermons. Listen not to advice in evil’s guise, but look with an air of optimism at the road stretched into the horizon.”

“A resounding sigh I breathe. Hands no longer bearing ill intention relieve themselves of their burden. Gazing toward a space unknown, whether it be filled with light or dark, I march into its heart and confront whatever fate’s agenda has written.”

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                            あなたは私のすべてでした....

 

For 3 years you gave me the world, you gave to me a charity of affection...a rich amount of love. You gave me a purpose, a reason to get up from slumber every single day, a smile, a deep warmth in my very being. You put me on the highest of pedestals feeling as though i would be able to look of the horizon itself. I felt invincible...your love was better than any drug...more intoxicating than any kind of liquor. It was the ever so radiant sunlight, not a cloud in sight. Now the sky is plagued with ugly, swollen clouds. As gray as a cloud of smoke, and as dreary as a mortuary...you disappeared, and you took with you the affection you blessed me with experiencing. You took with you my sanity, my will to live and my strength. You were my happiness, my rock, my air I breathed. I cannot stomach this feeling of dread, I cannot stomach this everlasting sorrow. Over and over again I relive my mistakes, I relive the constant reminder that you will never return...and that is the worst pain of all. It feels like death has come early for me, it feels as if it's finally my time. I cannot escape you, as hard as I try...you do not disappear..it drives me deeper into madness everyday that I spend in this solitude. You've entangled me in a bondage of chains, i'm constricted, I cannot move. These feelings will never reach you again...you have drifted away farther and farther..this pain is as if i'm laying on a bed of rusty nails..everyday feels as though I'm walking on miles upon miles of broken glass. This pain is monstrous...my gut wrenches..my bile churns...as I grow weaker and thinner. 

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Only remix

 

cho, I never fucked pho, i never fucked Zess

i tell you it's just freaking pest hate

if i did i would menage with em and let em dip my body in a chocolate dressing plate

my crew cold, and its like we ice skate

i dont duck nobody but fakes

yeah that was set up for a punchline on Lycaon's fakes

worried about if my mind straight

worry about yourself always being late

i got a small crew that's strong and never miss a play date

when i type post it might be in poor grammatical rate

but you cant touch my metaphoric rate

my crush chatting me back up is my ideal conversation

cut one, opps i just cut two,

killed you, let me leave before i smell poo

losers like to hide but i can tell who's going boo hoo

had to so peps how to hop like this

Lycaon is where the chops is

they couldn't even tell time even if they were looking were the watch is

class bitches i rock with

glass bitch i dont rock with

i dont fuck with shooters unless they got rockets

blow your mind up with a different kind of reasoning

now they flying away Pan Peterson

 

Instrumental

Source and origal lyrics(first paragragh)

Plug in mine and listen with the beat? https://translate.google.com/

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Y.U Mad 2016 (nicki homage)

 

5

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It eats a piece at a time

From the heart,

The mind is staid

And the thoughts confined,

Pages from today and yesterday

Show Feedback loops of routine

Safety of familiar

Security of habit

Passion lacking risk

A dream that woke up long ago.

I am more than my environment

More than what the camera sees

Surrounded by rubber and foam

But never defined by either

Alien movements

Foreign proportions

Seen through a labeled lens

With the price tag still attached

Defective skin stretched thin

Concealing the writhing potential

Potential for creativity

Potential for productivity

Potential for something new

Eyes attracted by the oddity

Paper gloves mask objectivity

As the expected bar only inches high.

So let’s surprise them.

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I am what you make me

 

You may decide upon my look –
A human or a creature from another world,
Dressed quite elaborate or plain;
Should I act mean or innocent?

 

Some claim that I possess a soul,
That truly I don't really own,
I am just clay in master's hands,
A puppet to the puppeteer belongs.

And from the essence of my bones,
My hair, the color of my skin;
To anything I do and wear,
In none of which I have a say,
Depend upon your every whim.

 Sometimes I play a different role,
But most times I'm a pretty face,
A body to fulfill your fantasies,
Yet I don't suffer or complain.


Rewrote an old poem of mine. I think it's looking better now.

Edited by Δrche

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www.revolving-theater.tumblr.com

 

jaj i still have a writing blog i recently started updating again

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          Concoct of me a golden formula 
          animating such the dormant corpse 
          of life’s prevailing fountain in my stand, 
          and am I not this ageless water’s word; 
          of impotence, of this shortcoming 
          relapse in to the sins of saviours, 
          asking me of where they had 
          fallen had I felt of such the water’s weight 
          pulling on their wingless forms in seasons, 
          that were not of my own call; 
          where with winters hot and summers 
          cold, a spring grasped on to flora her 
          soft leaves and an autumn forged 
          the poppies stall. 

          And came it alone when the rain 
          befell your questioning eyelids and 
          asked of me a ‘Father, why,’ as blinding 
          struck the sunlight in the formless night 
          your only seeing eyes, those I couldn’t 
          sink within without feeling not a tinge of regret, 
          but a greater weight in many worlds destructive and 
          gathered in my aging hands — could you alone 
          follow the heir of remission in their maturing lines 
          and trace of them a promising token with 
          your sightless seers, then, 
          perhaps, could I again, 
          love some of 
          myself.

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1:00 AM

 

I'm awake again.

Those thoughts are rolling into my head,

My  body feels dead.

I push these memories out one by one but they come back in boatloads.

Forcing and Squirming their way inside,

I can't sleep.

Purge and smoke then weep. 

I just took four on the stomach.

I've got some blood in this vomit.

I spent time reminiscing and crying,

emotionally dying.

My mind is racing,

I feel like im going crazy.

I promised myself I'd forget you,

and years later I'm sitting here missing you.

 

How am I supposed to get rid of this attachment to you,

When it feels like you have my heart in a vice grip.

Up til 5 Am, with coffee and cancer sticks.

I knew the day would come but I was wishing you didn't know too.

You were the only drug I needed.

Now that I'm having these withdrawals,

I'll search for you in my sleep tomorrow.

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