Single People Thread

[nullmoon 784]

1 hour ago, Marchen said:

What's going on here guys lol

 

Anyway since I left my 3 years relationship I just don't care about being alone anymore

We've all gone a bit loopy, but it keeps us all sane

 

How are you finding the single life? 🙂 

[nullmoon 784]

My ex and I spent some time on Tinder...together. Just shows how well we get on even after the relationship! XD 

 

I have 0 matches since yesterday. 

 

She got 4 in around 30 minutes tonight. 

 

I feel like a troll. 

[Marchen 116]

1 hour ago, nullmoon said:

We've all gone a bit loopy, but it keeps us all sane

 

How are you finding the single life? 🙂 

 

I'm fine. Broke some hearts along the way, but I keep going. I am not searching everywhere for someone like I used to do, lol

 

Also Tinder sucks so much around here, I wonder how it's going to be in Vancouver

 

 

[nullmoon 784]

6 hours ago, Marchen said:

 

I'm fine. Broke some hearts along the way, but I keep going. I am not searching everywhere for someone like I used to do, lol

 

Also Tinder sucks so much around here, I wonder how it's going to be in Vancouver

 

 

I think it's finding that inner strength and knowing what you truly want. No point settling for second best just because

 

From the sound of it, no one here is enjoying Tinder XD 

[platy 3018]

8 hours ago, nullmoon said:

My ex and I spent some time on Tinder...together. Just shows how well we get on even after the relationship! XD 

 

I have 0 matches since yesterday. 

 

She got 4 in around 30 minutes tonight. 

 

I feel like a troll. 

Tinder is always harder for men. There's studies on it lol There's 10 guys to every woman, so women can be picky.

I'm not single, but I am in the dating scene and fuck, apps like this really knocked my confidence (and patience) down. It feels like people simply don't know how to socialise anymore and everything is very superficial. In any case, you're not the problem. 

[nullmoon 784]

49 minutes ago, platy said:

Tinder is always harder for men. There's studies on it lol There's 10 guys to every woman, so women can be picky.

I'm not single, but I am in the dating scene and fuck, apps like this really knocked my confidence (and patience) down. It feels like people simply don't know how to socialise anymore and everything is very superficial. In any case, you're not the problem. 

Thank you! I've just started and what little confidence I had is in freefall ^^"

[platy 3018]

19 minutes ago, nullmoon said:

Thank you! I've just started and what little confidence I had is in freefall ^^"

I should've stated, I'm not a man in the previous post lol But I know what you're going through. Don't take it personally and maybe don't spend so much time on the app if it's making you feel like shit. There's always that feeling of "the one I'm looking for could be the next match or swipe" but it probably won't be, that's how they keep you swiping for hours.

 

Just to test it out, I liked every person I came across until I ran out of free likes and matched back with everyone who liked me. Out of hundreds, maybe 15 made the first move to talk, 5 of those were able to actually carry a conversation. Out of those, one might lead to a coffee/date. It's rough stuff. 

[Karma’s Hat 3107]

Tinder is great, and just like irl using it requires a certain finesse and understanding of the code of conduct that applies there. You can’t just walk up to every 10 on the street and be like ”hey baby do you like dir en grey?” and expect them to care. My tip is to set yourself apart by expressing yourself and being a little weird. That way you’ll automatically eliminate all the basic bitches from the equation and you’ll remain with the peolle you’d actually fuck with, with who you share interests and a sense of humour. 

 

Tinder is objectively a million times better than daygaming random people like a jerk off creep or rubbing yourself against someone’s ass on the dance floor.

[platy 3018]

To expand on the post above,  the most interesting message I ever got was someone sending a picture of their spice and seasoning collection because they saw that I enjoyed cooking on my profile. We're irl buddies now. 

 

"Hi" is the driest conversation starter anyone could send. "How are you?" is barely any more stimulating. People will get hundreds of those a day, so really aim for something unusual. But not the weird kind of unusual. I was trying out this app and it'll send ice breaker questions when you match someone. It asked "how did you come out to your grandparents?" and this chick just replied that her grandparents were dead and even if they were alive (good thing they weren't) it'd be none of their damn business. The only reply I could muster was "damn". That ended right there. lmao

[Gesu 1537]

2 minutes ago, platy said:

"Hi" is the driest conversation starter anyone could send. "How are you?" is barely any more stimulating.

Aaaand that's why I can't get the guys I like X)

[Zeus 7997]

10 hours ago, nullmoon said:

My ex and I spent some time on Tinder...together. Just shows how well we get on even after the relationship! XD 

 

I have 0 matches since yesterday. 

 

She got 4 in around 30 minutes tonight. 

 

I feel like a troll. 

Please don't be discouraged. @Disposable is right, but there's something to be said about the dynamics of online dating to begin with. Studies have shown more men use online dating then women. The divide is so big that some sites (like Ashley Madison) had to create bots and have employees pretend to be female so that male users would continue to frequent the site! Tinder must be similar. Your observation proves it. She may get 4 matches in 30 minutes but they're probably not quality matches. Focus on you and standing out and I promise something will work out

Here's a link on the Ashley Madison thing I'm talking about: https://gizmodo.com/disgraced-cheating-site-ashley-madison-claims-it-has-mi-1795436093

[Gesu 1537]

I think that whole "standing out" thing really depends on the kind of people you're trying to get. The kind of guys I like tend to be shy to the point of being intimidated by that. I'm pretty shy around new people myself, and personally, I would much prefer it if someone went up to me and said "hello" instead of "what did you eat for breakfast this morning" or something along those lines. Granted, I get that just a simple greeting might come off as bland to most, but if they're not expecting it, it could actually be the best way to go about it, provided you have something to follow up with and gradually build it up.

[nullmoon 784]

25 minutes ago, Zeus said:

Please don't be discouraged. @Disposable is right, but there's something to be said about the dynamics of online dating to begin with. Studies have shown more men use online dating then women. The divide is so big that some sites (like Ashley Madison) had to create bots and have employees pretend to be female so that male users would continue to frequent the site! Tinder must be similar. Your observation proves it. She may get 4 matches in 30 minutes but they're probably not quality matches. Focus on you and standing out and I promise something will work out

Here's a link on the Ashley Madison thing I'm talking about: https://gizmodo.com/disgraced-cheating-site-ashley-madison-claims-it-has-mi-1795436093

Thank you I guess like most things it just takes time, perserverence, and a lot of luck! 

[Marchen 116]

On 5/19/2019 at 5:38 AM, platy said:

Tinder is always harder for men. There's studies on it lol There's 10 guys to every woman, so women can be picky.

I'm not single, but I am in the dating scene and fuck, apps like this really knocked my confidence (and patience) down. It feels like people simply don't know how to socialise anymore and everything is very superficial. In any case, you're not the problem. 

 

I agree since I am picky, but men here look kinda desperate and that's annoying (I don't know if it's like this everywhere)

[platy 3018]

1 hour ago, Marchen said:

 

I agree since I am picky, but men here look kinda desperate and that's annoying (I don't know if it's like this everywhere)

Agreed. The thirst is real and it can be off putting. We're not gonna get married in the next month or so, chill. 

[ghost 2687]

For me I've found that the best way to deal with being single is just accepting it and finding other ways to fill that void. I've spend my free time learning new things or building on my hobbies. And in between, spending time with friends and family. And if all else fails, I find that music is the one thing I can always go back to in any number of circumstances.

Dating apps are fun from time to time, but there's just this ambiguous wall that I have a hard time getting past when I match with people. I try to just have fun with it and use it as a platform to meet interesting people, even if we don't meet irl. 

You figure with a population of over 5 billion people and a large number of those people seeking a relationship, finding a potential mate would be somewhat within the realm of possibility 😂

[nullmoon 784]

For anyone considering a friend with benefits arrangement, here's some advice from this bumbling idiot: Don't. 

[Bear 1817]

Why not? I've had several friends with benefits and it's been pure joy for both parts with no problems or drama whatsoever. As long as both parts are on the same page and share similar views of how it should be, chances of having a bad experience is pretty low un my experience.

[nullmoon 784]

2 hours ago, Bear said:

Why not? I've had several friends with benefits and it's been pure joy for both parts with no problems or drama whatsoever. As long as both parts are on the same page and share similar views of how it should be, chances of having a bad experience is pretty low un my experience.

Fair enough, glad to hear it worked for you. 

[Gesu 1537]

3 minutes ago, nullmoon said:

Fair enough, glad to hear it worked for you. 

I've never been in that kind of relationship myself, but all functional relationships - be they friendly, familial, romantic or sexual - are based on two key foundations: trust and communication. I guess that as long as neither party forgets that, it'd be fine, and if the other person refuses to co-operate, that's their fault and their fault alone. I wouldn't be too discouraged from entering that kind of relationship again in the future if you wanted.

[nullmoon 784]

13 minutes ago, Gesu said:

I've never been in that kind of relationship myself, but all functional relationships - be they friendly, familial, romantic or sexual - are based on two key foundations: trust and communication. I guess that as long as neither party forgets that, it'd be fine, and if the other person refuses to co-operate, that's their fault and their fault alone. I wouldn't be too discouraged from entering that kind of relationship again in the future if you wanted.

True. I entered this arrangement because I was sick of hurting people/being hurt in relationships. Everything was going well; we were both attracted to each other, got on really well, and communicated our different life goals from the get go.

 

However she now has the feels. She has admitted fault and has understood my reasons for drawing a line in the sand. However I just can't help feeling guilty. I really don't think I'm cut out for anything until I sort my head out, not even NSA relationships.

 

So yeah, I should clarify that FWB probably does work. Just not for oversensitive people like me. 

[CAT5 9075]

1 hour ago, nullmoon said:

True. I entered this arrangement because I was sick of hurting people/being hurt in relationships. Everything was going well; we were both attracted to each other, got on really well, and communicated our different life goals from the get go.

 

However she now has the feels. She has admitted fault and has understood my reasons for drawing a line in the sand. However I just can't help feeling guilty. I really don't think I'm cut out for anything until I sort my head out, not even NSA relationships.

 

So yeah, I should clarify that FWB probably does work. Just not for oversensitive people like me. 

 

Bruh, Imma keep it real with you. Cuz most ppl simply ain't gonna tell you this shit. You feel guilty for a reason. That girl developed feelings for a reason. You're not oversensitive. And there's nothing wrong with you. If anything, you're just sensible.

 

Fuck what this world tries to tell you about having "friends with benefits" and "casual" sex. You know why that girl developed feelings? Cuz ain't shit casual about having a WHOLE 'nother human being inside of you! Fuckin' a chick and expecting her not to catch feelings is like putting your hand in a fire and expecting not to get burnt. It's that inane.

 

Bruh, i mean...sex is a POWERFUL force - it's literally the reason why we're all even here in the first place. It's THAT central to our very existence...and depending on how you approach it, it can either be destructive or regenerative....functional or dysfunctional...good or bad.

 

And from what I can tell, when you take something as foundational and deeply ingrained in our existence as sex and try to detach it from emotion, from love, from responsibility, from respect, from family, from children....and you basically turn it into a cheap drug, well then...you're practically inviting dysfunction at that point.

 

Now obviously, I would not presume to give you advice on this issue, and you have the free will to do whatever you want, but do keep in mind that freedom of choice does not equal freedom from consequences, and your own experience testifies to that.

 

But anyways, bruh...don't get down about that shit. If you can, just learn from it and keep it movin'. I hope all goes well for you from here on out! 

 

[Gesu 1537]

42 minutes ago, CAT5 said:

 

Bruh, Imma keep it real with you. Cuz most ppl simply ain't gonna tell you this shit. You feel guilty for a reason. That girl developed feelings for a reason. You're not oversensitive. And there's nothing wrong with you. If anything, you're just sensible.

 

Fuck what this world tries to tell you about having "friends with benefits" and "casual" sex. You know why that girl developed feelings? Cuz ain't shit casual about having a WHOLE 'nother human being inside of you! Fuckin' a chick and expecting her not to catch feelings is like putting your hand in a fire and expecting not to get burnt. It's that inane.

 

Bruh, i mean...sex is a POWERFUL force - it's literally the reason why we're all even here in the first place. It's THAT central to our very existence...and depending on how you approach it, it can either be destructive or regenerative....functional or dysfunctional...good or bad.

 

And from what I can tell, when you take something as foundational and deeply ingrained in our existence as sex and try to detach it from emotion, from love, from responsibility, from respect, from family, from children....and you basically turn it into a cheap drug, well then...you're practically inviting dysfunction at that point.

 

Now obviously, I would not presume to give you advice on this issue, and you have the free will to do whatever you want, but do keep in mind that freedom of choice does not equal freedom from consequences, and your own experience testifies to that.

 

But anyways, bruh...don't get down about that shit. If you can, just learn from it and keep it movin'. I hope all goes well for you from here on out! 

 

That's really interesting. If that's the case, I'm kinda curious as to how so many people separate love and lust. I've known a fair few people who have managed to fuck around with people without falling in love. Obviously, you have to trust them a lot to have sex with them - like, a whole hell of a lot - but a decent amount of people have managed to not fall in love afterwards.

[nullmoon 784]

47 minutes ago, CAT5 said:

And from what I can tell, when you take something as foundational and deeply ingrained in our existence as sex and try to detach it from emotion, from love, from responsibility, from respect, from family, from children....and you basically turn it into a cheap drug, well then...you're practically inviting dysfunction at that point.

Dude, I've only interacted with you a few times but i've always seen you as a sage, both musically and culturally. Thank you so much for your insight, it makes so much sense to me. 

 

I've quoted the part that resonated with me the most as I feel it probably best explains my issues with guilt. In all honesty, things never got as far as sex but it was certainly on the table.

 

However every so often I could see that she looked sad and put two and two together. I never wanted to mislead this woman and made her very aware of where I was at early on. I guess my mistake was being unable to do anything but the 'boyfriend experience'. Fuck being an insensitive douchebag though. I'm not going to care any less for someone just because it's recommended in the alpha male bible. 

 

To be honest, I have feelings for her too but our life goals are different. This is all very confusing. I just don't want to date her and waste her time in the long run, regardless of how compatible we are in pretty much every other area. 

[nullmoon 784]

15 minutes ago, Gesu said:

That's really interesting. If that's the case, I'm kinda curious as to how so many people separate love and lust. I've known a fair few people who have managed to fuck around with people without falling in love. Obviously, you have to trust them a lot to have sex with them - like, a whole hell of a lot - but a decent amount of people have managed to not fall in love afterwards.

I'd love to know this too. I honestly don't get it. This is why I think FWB just doesn't work if you're the kind of person who cares about someone's feelings.