Ask the Girls~

[sai 868]

I don't mind it that much. Asagi (D) for example has a huge nose, and I don't really mind it that much. I know multiple people with big noses, but for me it's no problem.

[The Bread Wolf 231]

Visual Kei fans have unrealistic standards and will probably be single forever since they chase an impossible standard in men.

I must disagree with you, sorry. Maybe because I'll add a bi-sexual point of view to this.

Yes, my standards for men are really high. Probably there won't me a man I'd date because not only he has to be good-looking, but also have a certain type of personality. Easy for those who actually settle to looks only. There are multiple men with looks that are mostly douche bags.

But I won't spend my life alone. : D I have a loving girl whom I have been with for over 4 years, so it doesn't really matter if I have high standard for men. Better so, actually. At least now it's not so likely for me to leave my girlfriend for a man since men that fulfill my needs are in short. : DD

[LIDL 692]

well at least girl man is always easy find on almost every corner.

But from all fandoms, i always think K-Pop fandom will be the one that got forever alone though.

No offense, just an opinion. Unless one can afford his bf a plastic surgery xD

[Guest Magatsu]

I don't like the female types!! XD..

I like real Japanese man! with real BALLS XD

[Champ213 1858]

You're asking the wrong community, especially if you're asking a visual kei community if looks are important. Visual Kei fans have unrealistic standards and will probably be single forever since they chase an impossible standard in men.

Which is kinda funny, because most vk bandmen aren't even particulary good-looking. Not if you take away the away the make-up and photoshop. Most of them are just average-looking japanese guys that would go pretty unnoticed on the streets.

That being said, there is nothing wrong with admiring beauty, as long as you don't judge everything by that standard. After all, most girls don't look like top models either.

Anyway, personally I think a good sense of humor can make an average looking man very attractive. Take somebody like Simon Pegg for example, he looks rather nondescript, but I find him kinda sexy, just because he's so hilariously funny.

That, common interests and being respectful is more important to me than good looks. In 20 years he'll probably look like a dried prune anyway, so better look for values that might last a bit longer.

[sai 868]

For me I also like a sense of humor, he needs to be able to make me laugh. Every sign around tells me to date a Capricorn for the humor though xD

[The Bread Wolf 231]

Anyway, personally I think a good sense of humor can make an average looking man very attractive.

I can totally agree to this. Even if the guy wasn't that handsome, if he has a good sense of humour he'll turn out quite attractive. I didn't think about Simon Pegg though, I thought about Ricky Gervais. XD When I read his essay on religion and deities I was totally excited and thought 'This man is so amazing'. He was intelligent and funny when arguing how being an agnostic is as good as saying "You have an elephant up in your ass, you just haven't found it yet."

But that was offtopic.

[TheBistroButcher666 228]

I agree nothing wrong with admiring beauty but the first two replies where like yup lol looks matter. I mean, I listen to visual kei too and originally what drew me in was the look of bandmen but I've seen some cray crays get their standards really screwed up because of visual kei. I know we ladies get really shafted by society in what is considered beautiful and have a lot of pressure put on us every day. However it's also annoying to see the very same women bitch about how they get judge so harshly for being a little overweight, but criticize other men harshly for their weight or something out of their control. I know no one in this thread did that but it's one of my pet peeves. Anyway, I didn't mean to come off so harsh in my initial post but I think it kinda irked me a little bit.

I'm also on major pain killers right now so if I don't make sense or accidentally a word my bad.

[Ito 2438]

Ok, I have a legitimate question for all you ladies.

So this last Friday I went down to Illinois to hang out with a lady friend of mine and I am trying to see if I should be reading in to anything here or not. Funny thing is we initially met because of the Jrock panel I did at Acen in 2009 and we have been good online friends since then. We have hung out a few times, but for the most part our friendship has been online. Now this is the reason I am trying to play this extra safe: After we had been online friends of a few months she said something along the lines of "it's good to have an online friend that is fun to talk to, I haven't had one of those in a while...all the guys I have had online all just have wanted to try and hook up with me." For that reason I am being extra careful about this. Too me, maintaining our friendship is more important that the possibility of a relationship...which is something I am kind of unsure of in general for myself at the moment.

When we were hanging out Friday night, most of the time was just spent chilling on the couch, talking, and playing video games. It was a sectional couch and she really wasn't sitting very close to me. Hell, if I was basing this on her actions, I wouldn't think there is anything. She doesn't seem to be a very physical person. I mean, I normally hug all my friends when I see them, when I leave, etc, etc. But with here, I only hugged her when I left, and it for sure wasn't one of the best good buy hugs I have ever had lol. I can't tell whether she just isn't physical, she doesn't really care for me in that way, or if she is just waiting me to initiate that kind of stuff...as I said before, I am being pretty timid in that area because I don't want to ruin a friendship.

The part that really got me was her words...and perhaps I am just reading in to this, but that is why I am posting this here so I can get the ladies interpretation. Kind of out of the blue while we were playing Uncharted she asked me if I had any lady friend at the moment (also, he tone of voice was a little different when she said it). I said no, obviously. "No one worth while?" she asked. I responded with "No, I am just unsure about relationships at the moment" or something to that effect. So I asked her if she had any guy friend she was look at. She responded with "well there is one that I think I might be interested in" and kind of left it at that...we kind of quickly left that topic too and talked about something else.

So gals, am I suppose to read something into that? Does that mean anything or was it just talk? I appreciate any feedback xD

[sai 868]

Well, I think I might be able to answer this question pretty well, since it seems she's the same type of girl I am.

What I can deduce is that she's looking for a friend and is glad she finally has someone who's not trying to hit on her. Believe me, that can be very frustrating. I had the same problem with another male friend. I just saw him as a very good friend, but he wanted more. I think that in the back of her mind she's still a bit afraid of you trying to hit on her, hoping you're not like the other guys. That explains the lack of physical contact. Us girls can pretty much sense when a guy has feelings (at least, I can), so she might have the feeling that in your head, something more is going on. That frightens her a bit and you should definitely address the issue if she's starting to become distant because of it!

As advice I would say: stay put and don't confront her. If she's ready, she'll tell you. If you notice she's a bit more comfortable, tell her you kind of like her but say that you totally understand the situation she's in. But for now, don't confront her.

[Ito 2438]

Thanks for the feedback, Sai

Honestly, more than anything, this kind of confirms my plan. I am skeptical if I even want to deal with a relationship right now, but I do very much enjoy her company and I think she is very cute. Hell, we live 2 hours away, it's not like if something even happened it would be an easy relationship. So yeah, I am just gunna keep up being good friends with her, and if something does happen, it will have to be started on her end xD.

You did miss one of my main questions though, am I reading in to her comments too much? I mean, like it came out of no where and it really made me think.

Also, I have been thinking of asking her whether she is just a physical person or not...I mean, I don't think too much harm could come from that?

[Zeus 7997]

Not a girl but this much I can tell you - no girl can tell you whether or not you're reading into what another girl is saying unless they already know for a certainty whether or not that person likes you (which sai doesn't know...I think). She could possibly mean anything by what she was asking you - including absolutely nothing. Sense, it makes none, but from my repeated failed approaches with women I've learned that I usually screw up by trying to base any course of action off of something I've heard the other girl say. If she's truly interested in you, you'll find out sooner or later. It will be obvious.

*puts guy cap back on*

[TheBistroButcher666 228]

Thank God I don't date girls because I hate those stupid mind games chicks play.

Honestly, if she isn't direct about it I wouldn't try to force it. Especially with her saying ,"it's good to have an online friend that is fun to talk to, I haven't had one of those in a while...all the guys I have had online all just have wanted to try and hook up with me." I'd honestly play it safe, better to not ruin a good friendship. If your advances are unwelcome it'll really make being friends difficult.

[LIDL 692]

Well, not a girl as well, but my advice is to keep it low for the moment.

Like Zess said, you'll know eventually if she is into you.

Maybe not from words, but by body language.

The way her eyes sincerely smiling when talking with you, and stuffs

Those are usually undeniable signs that she is into you.

Don't let the mind games confuse you.

[Ito 2438]

Thanks everyone!

I guess I have my answer, and as I thought, I am going to play it safe.

[Ito 2438]

Just thought I would just throw this up here, but I did ask her if she just isn't a "huggy" person or if I was imagining things, which she responded that she is in fact not a "huggy" person.

[sai 868]

which sai doesn't know...I think

Or maybe it's because most of the people I hang out with are guys. I don't really like hanging out with girly girls. I can't stand the gossipping and backstabbing they usually do. Guys are way less complicated in that. If they don't like you they'll let you know. Girls however, tend to be nice in a fake way, hurting you way more than they could've. So yeah, guess this case is closed. Don't dive in it too much, good luck none the less, Ito

[237Q 154]

not sure if I should ask guys or girls so I guess replies from both are very welcome

well I kinda have a problem, I discussed it with a lot of my friends but I just can't see what's the best thing to do..

So I have this boyfriend I've been with for about a moth and a half. The thing is that I like him just as a friend and he's pretty serious about me.. I have someone else I think I could become serious about and I just can't keep him waiting anymore because I'm afraid I'll lose him that way.

I really want to stay friends with my bf and I need a way to break up with him in a way that won't hurt him (a lot).

I thought about saying that I still love my ex or something like that (well that's one of the reasons we got together.. I kinda just needed a way to forget my ex, he was the best available choice but he misunderstood it I guess) but I think that's pretty much one of the worst things to say... any suggestions, please please please? >.<

[Ito 2438]

not sure if I should ask guys or girls so I guess replies from both are very welcome

well I kinda have a problem, I discussed it with a lot of my friends but I just can't see what's the best thing to do..

So I have this boyfriend I've been with for about a moth and a half. The thing is that I like him just as a friend and he's pretty serious about me.. I have someone else I think I could become serious about and I just can't keep him waiting anymore because I'm afraid I'll lose him that way.

I really want to stay friends with my bf and I need a way to break up with him in a way that won't hurt him (a lot).

I thought about saying that I still love my ex or something like that (well that's one of the reasons we got together.. I kinda just needed a way to forget my ex, he was the best available choice but he misunderstood it I guess) but I think that's pretty much one of the worst things to say... any suggestions, please please please? >.

Not a chick, but going put in my two cents anyways

I am gunna go ahead and say there probably isn't a way that won't hurt him, but I think you should strive for doing the least amount of damage as possible. I DON'T think mentioning that you still love your ex is a good idea, that would feel like a kick in the nuts. Last thing he needs to know is that this was all just a rebound relationship.

My thought, do something fun with him. Go out and do something that you two would still do as friends. Have a blast, then break the news to him afterwards. Show him that you still want to be friends, you still want to have fun, but the feeling of this relationship just isn't right to you. That's what I would do at least xD.

[Zeus 7997]

I agree with what Ito said but I'll just add a few things. Don't tell him that you're not ready to be in a relationship yet or that you need some alone time because when he sees you try to get together with your ex that's going to ruin any chance of a friendship with him because he'll know you lied. Don't tell him that he can do better too because that's the biggest straw man excuse in the book. You might try to say those things to make him feel better but it's just going to make him feel much, much worse when he really pieces together why you broke it off with him.

Also keep in mind that depending on what kind of person he is having a friendship after the fact can prove impossible. He might not be able to quash the feelings that he has for you and that could lead to someone having to make an extreme decision. Hopefully that doesn't happen because it will crush him more but it's worth keeping in mind.

[Ito 2438]

In other news...guess fuck that so hard...

The girl I was talking about in my earlier posts just changed her Facebook relationship status to "is in a relationship."

Fuck that.

And the dude she is dating looks like a total bro -___-

Once again I am going to go back into the avoiding relationships mentality, it's not worth it xD

[237Q 154]

thanks guys

I'm still thinking about everything and trying to find the best way to do it but your advice really helped at least at deciding what NOT to do

brb, have some breaking up to do

(that sounds so cruel lol)

[Takadanobabaalien 3607]

not sure if I should ask guys or girls so I guess replies from both are very welcome

well I kinda have a problem, I discussed it with a lot of my friends but I just can't see what's the best thing to do..

So I have this boyfriend I've been with for about a moth and a half. The thing is that I like him just as a friend and he's pretty serious about me.. I have someone else I think I could become serious about and I just can't keep him waiting anymore because I'm afraid I'll lose him that way.

I really want to stay friends with my bf and I need a way to break up with him in a way that won't hurt him (a lot).

I thought about saying that I still love my ex or something like that (well that's one of the reasons we got together.. I kinda just needed a way to forget my ex, he was the best available choice but he misunderstood it I guess) but I think that's pretty much one of the worst things to say... any suggestions, please please please? >.<

~Not a girl but jumping in~

There is no way to not hurt him about it. Also, get in a relationship when you are ready, not when you are lonely.

I guess that's not much help, but if I found out that way ("I thought about saying that I still love my ex or something like that") I would without a doubt get really sad... or dissapointed/mad, not sure lol.

[237Q 154]

I went through it somehow.. after about 2 months of overthinking it all, I just suddenly let it all out without even thinking about anything I was worried about all this time

It turned out to be a right decision. he was hurt for like a day and then sent me a message on facebook saying that after he calmed down he really understood what I meant and that he was hoping we could stay friends blah blah

I honestly think even he wasn't so sure about our relationship so it's all good^^

now we're building back the friendship by just exchanging a few messages on facebook or phone, mostly just links and updates on visual kei, and discussing the said topic

thanks guys, maybe I didn't use it, but at least I learned a bit more about relationships and break-ups^^

yours sincerely,

single and happy~

XD

oh yes, about the other guy. well honestly, I was and am very muchie super busy these months (school, japanese classes, art&design classes, personal tasks...) and I came to feel that a boyfriend is pretty much only another obligation. so much that I haven't spent more than an hour a week with my best friend in the last 2 months. and I feel that really really don't need a guy now, it feels just right being single and spending time with friends and myself (lol) now. maybe the other guy was my unconscious excuse for a break up? I don't know, and I really don't care, I feel really good right now and I promise I won't rush into relationships anymore. Promise to myself, as much as to all of you.

[ghost 2687]

I'm gonna revive this thread!

So, this may be a hard question to answer since none of you actually know me, but here goes.

BTW, this question is about just casual friendships, not relationships of the like-like kind.

And these are girls from my church so they're people I see at least once every week.

I used to go to college with them, but I've graduated since last year.

 

I notice that there are some girls that just don't seem to want to really talk with me. We've talked or hung out before 1-on-1, and in those times we've gotten along great. It's super chill and I don't feel weird about it, and I sense the same from the other person(s). But, when I see them in groups or at church and we say hi, it feels reaaally awkward. Like, I have to really work to get a conversation out of them. They mostly hang out girls only, but they seem to be fine with other guys, usually ones that are more outgoing and goofy (which makes sense though right?). It might be age difference and, being that I'm 1-2 years older and have now graduated, they might not like talking with me as much. 

 

I AM more on the quiet side and am into more artsy or techy things and they aren't, but I don't think that has much to do with it.

One of these 'silent' girls is even into these things too. 

 

On the opposite end, I get along great with older women, ones that are a few years older or even friends of my mom. I do also get along with girls younger than me as well (some of which I've gone to school with together and go to the same church too). And on that note, I get along great with guys too, even with guys whose interests are completely different than mine (Although, I do run into the problem of generally getting along better with people older than me on this side of the gender too). 

 

I end up ignoring these girls most of time since no matter how much I've tried to build a friendship it doesn't work, but I wanna know if this is a common thing and if I'm just over thinking, or if, "yeah, these gurlz just can't take how auhsommmme Iammmm." I've never not gotten along with anyone. I can't recall many or any people that straight up don't want to interact with me (save these girls maybe ;D) 

 

Do girls have this thing where they only like being friends with certain men? Or is it really just age? It's pretty clear we're not "interested" in each other so there's no worry there.  

 

My attitude towards a friendship is, if someone tries to make an effort towards me, then of course I will return the same attitude. Even if we don't become close, I can still offer a nice conversation once a week. But, that's my view so....