Preferred approach for handling the zombie apocalypse?

[Zeus 7997]

CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION DENIZENS OF MONOCHROME HEAVEN!:

The Zombie Apocalypse is serious shit ladies and gentlemen and it's coming.

Eventually.

Probably with the return of the Grandmaster Zombie, Jesus.

I don't know about you but I spend more time devising all possible escape routes and plans of action for if when the zombies will rise up from the grave and come for our brains than I do remembering to eat that day. I actually discuss ideas with my friends on a regular basis and I realize one thing every time this conversation comes up:

People have terrible contingency plans for the inevitable zombiepocalypse.

So to make sure that all of the obviously superhuman and flawless Monochrome Heaven members survive the zombie apocalypse intact to repopulate the world with enthusiasts of Japanese music, tell me all about your escape plans.

tl;dr - If zombies were to come for you tomorrow what would you do?

Also: assuming zombies are anywhere between The Walking Dead zombies and 28 Days Later "zombies". I have yet to figure out what kinds would be the most terrifying to deal with.

[Furik 832]

28 Days Later zombies > The Walking Dead zombies

post apocalyptic times have always been in my head for a while. I'm scared but I'm sure I'd be fine with finding food and shit.

Also, I read an article about zombie survival on the Department of Disease...something... Some government website - so they could see this as a possibility.

[Senedjem 510]

there's an abandoned hospital a few streets down from me, I'd convert that shit into an anti-zombie death fortress.

[Zeus 7997]

ZESS'S ROADMAP TO SURVIVING THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE IN A CITY!

Disclaimer: This guide will not guarantee survival. It's will guarantee you and those around you do less stupid things to die earlier.

Now most of the time I'm in NYC so I'm going to assume that zombies will strike when I'm in there, most likely whilst in my neighborhood. I have a running bucket list of things that I positively need to do before it gets to the point where I can't run around outside and with all the different forms of modern communication that we have I think it will be fairly easy to know that there are raving lunatics that want to eat my brains roaming around outside.

The first thing most people would do is run to the gun shop and stock up on weapons. No. The people that own gun shops:

a) Know how to use weapons.

Will not want to sell other people weapons no matter how much they're willing to pay. Money doesn't matter. Bullets do. The more they have, the more likely they are to survive.

c) Will shoot you if you try to steal said weapons.

Another thing that people will do is try to call their families and get everyone together. No.

a) The more people you amass into one place, the more mouths you have to feed.

The more likely someone is going to make noise and get someone infected.

c) The more people you bring, the more people they're going to want to bring. Unless you take over a mall, there won't be enough space for everyone.

d) The more likely someone is going to do something stupid to protect a loved one and fuck everyone over.

e) The longer you wait for everyone to get together, the less time you have to get shit done.

You're going to want people, but you're going to want the right people. Limit your group to no more than eight people, no less than three, preferably people that won't lose their shit and can work together in a team setting. Too many people will slow you down. Too little people and you won't be able to get everything done in time. Eight is the optimal amount of people to get everything done quickly and efficiently.

The very, VERY first thing you do is you call these people up and you tell them what they've got to do and where they all need to meet up. One person needs to go get food enough for how many people you're storing. One person needs to prep the safehouse so that there's somewhere to move into. One person needs to get the necessary materials together to defend against attack and to attack back.

For the one that needs to get the clothing: Find combat boots. Get a bulletproof vest or a leather jacket (or both if you can). Get leather gloves, a secure helmet that won't obscure my view, a bandanna or three to cover up the facial area if the infection spreads by fluids, and long johns made out of the thickest material possible. AKA - cover up. Protection from biting is a necessity and leather is the toughest, most portable material and easiest material to get your hands on in under an hour. If it's cold, grab coats and more gloves and socks and sweaters and stuff. You don't want the elements to kill you either, plus the extra coating won't hurt.

Especially since everyone will either be getting food or escaping the city, robbing a clothing store isn't high up on anyone's priority list. This makes that job very, very easy.

The next thing that person will need to do is find weapons to defend against. There's always the classic argument that guns are better than melee weapons because they don't require you to get up close. I've got a few arguments for that one:

1) If you're ever at the point where you are fighting a zombie with a melee weapon, you've messed up.

2) If you're taking potshots at a zombie, you're giving away your location. In the post-apocalyptic world, shit is going to be QUIET. That creaking floorboard will probably attract every zombie within a mile radius. You do not WANT to have a loud gun.

3) Get a silencer? Good idea, if you have the ability to get your hands on a gun.

4) I don't need to reload my bat.

5) Yes, my bat will break (eventually) but I'm not going to be hitting zombies with my bat. (and in that case, get an aluminum bat).

You don't get weapons for the zombies - you get weapons for all of the other crazy people that probably want to steal all of your food and wreck your shit. You. Don't. Fight. Zombies. The only time you fight zombies is when they're invading your space and you have no choice. At all costs, run, run, run. Hit anything that's in your way and keep moving. In a city of 8 million, killing one zombie will not make a big difference. Killing 100 zombies will not make a big difference. Killing 1000 zombies WILL NOT MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE.

Get weapons, run back to the mutually agreed upon safehouse, store them there.

Now run to the closest gas station and get as much gasoline as you can spare. This might be harder as people will be leaving to stock up on gas, but do you what you can. You don't shoot zombies in the head to kill them - you immolate the fucking bastards. Every zombie left unburnt is a carcass waiting to be eaten by rats and birds and then THEY spread the infection (and those are arguably even harder to kill). Gas. Lighter Fluid. Matches. Good.

The one that's going to grab food is going to have a bit of a harder time since most smart people will grab the food first. That's not a bad idea but since we're multitasking you WILL BE THERE FIRST and you will have a bat or other large blunt object to bash other people that get in your way. This can play out in one of two ways depending on how smart the people around you are. Most people are going to think:

lots of people? -> more chance for infection! -> escape the city!

Do you know what happens when everyone tries to leave on the highway at once?

This.

Do you know what happens when you throw zombies into that equation?

That.

For a good while, the zombies will be around the exterior of the city feasting on the dumb ones eager to leave and that get stuck in traffic. This means that if you are assigned this job, you have just enough time to grab a shopping cart, run through the store and grab anything food related, preferably things that don't expire and don't need heat to cook. Canned food is great. Fruits...not so much. Get water. Tons and tons of water. Also, get filters. Getting plastic water jugs will eventually turn all water bad, as the plastic will decay and make the water undrinkable. Filtering the water will make as much of it last as long as possible. Do it quickly, grab everything the first time around and don't go back for round two. Round two will be around that time where everyone is going to catch on that they need to eat for the next infinity and they'll go to get some food. You'll be able to get out once - probably not twice.

Also, when you run back to the mutually agreed upon safehouse, DO NOT STOP FOR ANYONE. You do not want your food stolen. I don't care if it's an elderly person, Megan Fox minus the toe-thumbs, a small child, etc. Your food is of primary importance, unless you plan on eating that person at some point in the future. The more people on getting food, the better off everyone is (especially if people branch off to different stores to do it). If you've got cars, even better.

Now for the person that's finding a safehouse, he needs to find a place that is secure from the outside and has multiple layers of protection. The place I have in mind for me would be my apartment building that has plexiglass windows and a lock that can only be opened by people that live in the building. Obviously not the most secure thing in the world, but that's why we have a person (or people) getting ready to fix that up. Go to the hardware store and get as much sheet metal as you can. Cover up all entrances and then create a second layer of defense within just in case your first layer fails. Find a place with multiple exits and barricade them all. You want a place with just one exit? Go huddle in an alley. You're going to want options, especially if shit goes south.

The goal is to get your base to look like this, but that may not be an option.

This person is tasked with making the building a guard tower of doom. If the building has elevators, cut the elevators. The power will be turned off eventually but you still don't want shit moving up and down without your consent. If there are alarms in the building, find them and cut them. Control the stairways. Barricade the building from the outside in. Park a car outside of the front door if you need to. If there's a basement, patch it up and control it. My building has garden apartments that zombies can easily use to get in. Patch up every ground floor apartment room and make those rooms inaccessible. Next, go throughout the building and find out how many people there are and where they are. These people aren't going to be part of your team but you need to at least have an alliance. Know whether or not they live in the building and if they plan to stay or leave. Find out if they have babies or not. Babies = bad. Kids = bad. Get them out if you need to.

Get to an apartment on the top floor. On my building, it's 12. My building connects to three other buildings. Patch up the door to the roof if there is one and make that inaccessible. Cut off all other connections to adjacent buildings if possible but do not make the changes irreversible if you need to escape. Find thick curtains and use them to cover the windows if you're on a lower floor. Find carpeting to muffle steps throughout the apartment. If not too out of the way, grab flashlights and batteries. You're going to need them once the power goes out.

Obviously, the people fortifying the safehouse will take longer than food gathering or clothing/weapon gathering so no one should be locked out from all the fortifications. If you do not know the people and they come to your building, do not let them in unless they're packing food and heat too. Read my argument for too many people above. The zombie apocalypse is NOT the place for charity.

And then at some point hopefully everything goes right and you begin camping out.

If you spot anything wrong with my guide above, tell me. I want to live.

[TheBistroButcher666 228]

If I can't get out of the city I'm pretty much fucked, the highways are already a parking lot during normal rush hour so imagine that during the zombie apocalypse! It's a deathtrap! My main plan would be to get to my parents because my Dad is a self hating Asian and has tons of guns, a big truck, camper and camping supplies. We'd work with our long term friends in the neighbourhood, especially my best friend's family who own a fifth wheel, big truck and also lots of guns. Then we'd get the hell away from population and make our way north into the Canadian wilderness.

Otherwise, if I'm in the city I would barricade myself in the tower I work in. To get to my floor alone you have to go through several doors via key card only and I can live off of lunches people left in the refrigerator. Long term though I'm fucked, there's limited food and once utilities go out limited water. Could hold out for a month, maybe more if the cafe on the first floor is safe to get to and hasn't been looted by other survivors. I think for the most part I am pretty fucked unless I happen to get to my parents before shit got real.

If they're the bullshit running zombies I'm really screwed, I'm pretty in shape but I don't have the endurance for lots of running.

[Peace Heavy mk II 7200]

Pills here!

Are these like undead zombies, or the modern rendition of just really really sick people that like to chase after people named Rochelle? If it's the Left 4 Dead kind, then my germaphobia will prove to be useful. If it's the other one...then...I guess they're still scary, but more manageable since they won't grow back as quickly.

I'll probably use my apartment's guitar hero guitar as my first melee weapon, followed by a katana that I'll find in a gross neckbeard's room on campus.

[TheBistroButcher666 228]

Pills here!

Are these like undead zombies, or the modern rendition of just really really sick people that like to chase after people named Rochelle? If it's the Left 4 Dead kind, then my germaphobia will prove to be useful. If it's the other one...then...I guess they're still scary, but more manageable since they won't grow back as quickly.

I'll probably use my apartment's guitar hero guitar as my first melee weapon, followed by a katana that I'll find in a gross neckbeard's room on campus.

If I was at work my main weapon would be THAT GOD DAMN FAX MACHINE. FUCK THAT THING! I would chuck it so hard at some zombie asshole and it would be so satisfying. Hell, since society is falling apart I'd probably take out all my rage on that thing.

[Zeus 7997]

I updated my roadmap.

And ALL ZOMBIES. ALL KINDS ALL DAY. As you can tell, I've thought about this way too much :x

[ramrod 108]

Suicide.

[CAT5 9075]

Suicide.

LMAO

Well, suicide isn't an option for me. No matter how bad things got, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I guess I'd have to try some of the stuff that zess mentioned, and hope that Goku lives in the metro Atlanta area XD

[The Bread Wolf 231]

I'm with ramrod in this. XD Suicide or at least an eventual death by zombies.

To make this more interesting though. If I was to have a survival plan I'd probably be something like this:

a) Grab the dog

Grab the parents

c) Grab the gf

d) Take everything out of the fridge and freezer

e) Run to the car

f) Drive to the summer cottage

Our summer cottage is not an actual fortress or anything, but the good thing is: IT'S IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE = Less zombies. The whole place is surrounded by either woods, fields or a lake. And even less woods. More field and lake. And since it's on the lake there's a fishing option = more food, and my dad has planted some vegetables = even more food. Also there's mice and moles around that our dog can hunt = ...um... more food?

Do these zombies know how to swim? If they do, then we're fucked.

[LIDL 692]

tl;dr - If zombies were to come for you tomorrow what would you do?

Plan 1:

Kill a zombie, smear it's blood all over my body

So they would smell my scents as one of them and not as fresh meat.

And then slowly but sure sneaking out of the location, out of the town, and then out of the country.

Plan 2:

Make sure i have super sharp chainsaw with me and just start the fiesta!

PROFIT!

Plan 3:

Go to Dad's, he have some awesome cellar.

Full with foods, drinks and some ammo.

Plan Z:

i'll bite them back when they bite me

and then eating my (probably) last bite of pop tarts ever.

And then ressurected as rainbow zombie, NYAN ZOMBIE~!

[Champ213 1858]

If you can't beat them - join them!

Hand me over your brains.

[CAT5 9075]

^ WEAK

Looks like ZESS IS THE ONLY REAL SOLJAH IN DIS BEEYATCH

with that shit Chianti is talkin', he'll be a zombie in no time flat D:

[TheBistroButcher666 228]

I forgot but my family owns a pretty big boat, I guess we could always go the marina and hop on that thing and live out at sea like pirates. The downside though is it'd have to be just the family, anyone else and it's way to crowded. We could fish but I think the biggest problem will be fuel, if it was a sail boat we're set but it's not so I imagine we're either going to have to do some major rowing (omg that will suck I have no upper arm strength) or have to make dangerous trips into port to refuel. Then again we could always try stealing a sail boat but the hell if we know what we're doing with a sail boat.

I think getting to the boat is probably the best plan, get the guns and get to the boat. However I still live in the city so if I'm in the city when everything goes to hell I'm pretty much fucked.

[CAT5 9075]

I think getting to the boat is probably the best plan, get the guns and get to the boat. However I still live in the city so if I'm in the city when everything goes to hell I'm pretty much fucked.

Yeah, you'll be out in the middle of the ocean somewhere and then you'll find out that one of your family members was infected, but was too scared to say anything about it....

THEN....

JUST SAYIN'

you're better off waiting for Goku to show up like me

[LIDL 692]

with that shit Chianti is talkin', he'll be a zombie in no time flat D:

D: i wish to be someone that thought to be dead but still alive like in Hollywood movie!

..., but with bite marks, alright

[Zeus 7997]

I think getting to the boat is probably the best plan, get the guns and get to the boat. However I still live in the city so if I'm in the city when everything goes to hell I'm pretty much fucked.

You better pray those zombies don't do this:

If they could, I think I'd shit a brick. I'd probably shit two bricks, just for good measure.

[doaseternity6 93]

Hnng, a topic after my own heart. If shit were to go down in New York and provided I was at home I would be good. I live out in Queens suburb-y/ long island so it's not as densely populated as the "city city" (manhatten, bronx, brooklyn). Plenty of places to get food, clothes, supplies and stuff to fortify the house in quick traveling distance. Plus I have a nice collection of swords, bows &arrows, spears and some odd weapons I've collected from mine and my families travels (apparently they've learned the go to gift for me is a weapon of some sort. =/ I still have no idea how my mom gets this stuff through the airport without getting put on some terror watch list) but no guns which is fine since I wouldn't want to attract anything with the noise though it may be a good idea to procure one just in case. Also our camp will be strictly immediate family, just the five of us. If I'm stuck in the City City clearly it's going to be much tougher but I think it's doable if you play it smart.

If I'm stuck in Tokyo though I'm pretty sure I'm a goner. This is like the worst place to be stuck during the zombie apocalypse. In this scenario I accept my fate of becoming a zombie but to look on the bright side I set some goals for myself like having the most kills, leading my own zombie heard, becoming pretty much the zombie stuff of legends.

[LIDL 692]

Zess, does zombies swim? or they'll drowned?

[Zeus 7997]

I have NO idea. I just remember in that movie those bastards walked across the bed of the channel and emerged on the other side, because apparently they realized they're anaerobic and don't have to breathe to live. That's how they attacked the human colonists.

It's probably not canon but it could happen. I needs to let Arithmetica know ahead of time in case she gets some Jesus zombies to deal with.

[CAT5 9075]

with that shit Chianti is talkin', he'll be a zombie in no time flat D:

D: i wish to be someone that thought to be dead but still alive like in Hollywood movie!

..., but with bite marks, alright

I DUNNO MAN...that would be pretty tough to pull off. I mean...I think we can safely infer that zombies instinctively know the difference between normal humans and their own kind.

Seriously. have you ever heard of a zombie mistaking another zombie for a normal human??

"MY BAD DAWG, I AIN'T MEAN TO BITE YOU LIKE DAT. I THOUGHT U WAS HUMAN FOOD"

riiiiight. Play dead if you want. You'd be practically handing yourself to them on a silver platter.

[LIDL 692]

I DUNNO MAN...that would be pretty tough to pull off. I mean...I think we can safely infer that zombies instinctively know the difference between normal humans and their own kind.

Seriously. have you ever heard of a zombie mistaking another zombie for a normal human??

"MY BAD DAWG, I AIN'T MEAN TO BITE YOU LIKE DAT. I THOUGHT U WAS HUMAN FOOD"

riiiiight. Play dead if you want. You'd be practically handing yourself to them on a silver platter.

^ oooo~!

I only do that after inspired by House of the Dead 2

there was this hero guy that does that when they were trapped in a class room lol

But to be serious, 30 nights of days probably how realistic zombie attack is like

And i'll need a lot of flame thrower and shot gun

[Ito 2438]

Do you know what happens when you throw zombies into that equation?

That.

God no, not Bandwidth Exceeded! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! XD

I lol-ed

My plan?

::walks 10 feet::

7 rifles

3 shotguns

5 handguns

Though I probably should rule out the .22 rifle and handgun, but over all I think I am set xD

[TheBistroButcher666 228]

I think getting to the boat is probably the best plan, get the guns and get to the boat. However I still live in the city so if I'm in the city when everything goes to hell I'm pretty much fucked.

Yeah, you'll be out in the middle of the ocean somewhere and then you'll find out that one of your family members was infected, but was too scared to say anything about it....

THEN....

JUST SAYIN'

you're better off waiting for Goku to show up like me

I don't think we'd go out to sea, the boat we have isn't for open seas and we'd probably die the first storm that comes in. We would probably stick around the Puget Sound area. If we did leave Puget Sound, I would imagine we'd go north along the Canadian coast to Alaska. There's also the idea (dumb idea I think) to go to the San Juan Islands, perhaps build a home there but that's dumb because I'm pretty sure the locals will want to keep us away and other people will probably have the same idea, so who knows if they bring any infected. Now if it's that underwater walking zombie that's bullshit and it's not cannon and I call shenanigans.