CAT5

@Gesu Oh most definitely the act of wanting to just have sex with multiple people is not only in the black community. Japan has low  birth rates and people assume that Japanese people may go extinct but that doesn't mean they aren't having sex because a lot of people still have many partners and just do it as the thing they like to do without attaching a name to it. I also feel you on the wanting to date people that is your type and that's a good thing to have because that means that you still want what's best for you and that even though you may not know if you want love or not I think you do or you would just have sex with anyone. Even those that are attractive have sex with unattractive people or people that aren't there style because they just wanted to have sex so you aren't there yet. But all races are under the same boat it's just that some aren't outright saying it like others do.
 
@Komorebi don't let it get you down that not many people are asexual but also sexuality is fluid and can change at any time I think. But don't let it deter you from making friends and if you really don't want to have sex then don't. Internet friends are totally cool too, but if you can meet those type of people online then you can most definitely meet the in real life. They probably are going through the same things you are, too. So something to bond over and really start a great relationship off of ^_^.
 
@ghost most definitely the correct mind set to have honestly. It is totally true that you could always have sex but not everyone can say that they've only done with people worth it and not just as a fling! Keep doing you!

No one should ever try to use you for their own motives and then break that relationship if they don't get what they want. You have so much more value than that. 
 
 
@Gesu I mean, there are...er hrmm....ways to channel that frustration on the more individual level XD I get it though. I'm much older than you and I've yet to even kiss a girl. I'm really careful about that kind of thing (or so I tell myself) and, to @CAT5 's point, I want to make sure when it happens, it happens right. Sex will always be there, so there's no problem in taking it slow. 

I was told this by a few "friends" when I came out as asexual and it pretty much destroyed my already low ability to interact with people outside of the internet. I am quick to push potential friends away out of fear they'll push me away once they realize I won't have sex with them and the only lasting friendships I've been able to form lately have been strictly online/long distance.

The prevalent prioritization of sex over love or any sort of connection even hurts those who choose not to (or are unable to).

I felt really good reading @CAT5, made me feel a bit hopeful for the world again.

@CAT5 Thanks for replying, that was a really interesting and insightful read. I've actually been learning about family structures as part of my sociology A-level for the past year so I already knew about the insane amounts of single-parent black families, but I never really knew why. I didn't know it was because casual sex was so idolised in the community. Actually, it made me think of something.
 
So, I'm from an all-white family. I'm not gonna go into gross amounts of detail, but long story short, my dad died when I was a kid and my mum started "dating" again just so she could get off. She even told me that she just saw a partner as a friend you have sex with and that if I ever dated someone and didn't have sex with him soon, he would leave me and she wouldn't sympathise with me. She was one of those people. Brought up all sorts of questions... did she ever really love my dad? Probably. She was with him for seventeen years and she squeezed out two of his kids. Although, her saying that and acting the way she did does still make me wonder what she felt when she was with him, and if it really was love. I guess it doesn't really bear thinking about because I'll never find out and there's nothing I can do to change the past, and even if there was... would I? I don't know.
 
Anyways, my point is, you're right that people are willing to put themselves first to an extreme and unhealthy extent when they prioritise sex over love. Honestly, it makes me worry about the future and what's gonna happen to me because... ehehe...
 
 

@CAT5 I totally agree with you with everything you said and it's even that much more crazier when you move abroad and people's main focus for wanting to talk to you or meet you on chats or in person is just because they want to have sex with foreigners. Totally not anything I'm looking for so I stay clear but it is the driving force for why people want to meet you in a country you are not from, especially if it's dominated by only a single race and there is stereotypes too....
 
But I feel like a majority of people are only after one thing and being abroad I felt it actually more than being at home. I mean to each their own but a majority of people don't want to put a label on anything and just want to have a lot of sex with a lot of people and may keep you around if you're good but don't want to move any farther then that. That does crate problems in the minds of others because they assume everyone is the same.  Based on my looks people just think I've had sex with a lot of random people and I'm like that is not true actually. That is not my thing but it creates so many different mind sets when people don't do it for love and only for lust. And then there is the act of finding someone who isn't like that which can be that much harder too. The likelihood of finding someone who just wants sex is way higher than finding someone who actually wants to care for you. The worlds so messed up in my opinion and lots of people don't care about how their actions can affect others and is just after personal gain.   

Oh, definitely, sis. It's perfectly possible to separate the two. In fact, it's pretty easy. Plenty of people do it, and I've done it in the past too. But I just don't think it's a good idea to separate the two. And just because plenty of people do it and things seem fine on the outside, that doesn't necessarily make it functional.
 
Like, let's look at it. What's the end goal of lust? To basically "get off", to "bust a nut", to "feel good",right? Ok. Well then what's love? We could say that it's investing in someone else as you would yourself. Caring for someone else as you would yourself. Doing right by someone else regardless of how you feel. I think those are pretty sound definitions.
 
So you can imagine if you remove love from sex and you simply engage in it for lust's sake, well then you open up the door to all manner of dysfunction. Because if you're operating under lust, then feeling good becomes your highest priority. There's nothing wrong with feeling good, but it's immature and irresponsible to treat sex as if it isn't connected to all of those other things, especially love.
 
If you want a prime example of what happens on a large scale when love is removed from the act of sex, all you have to do is examine the so-called black community here in the United States. Our culture has become one that promotes and pedastalizes promiscuity and whoredom, and our family structures have been utterly destroyed because of it. In 1960, something like 22% of black children were raised in single parent families - now OVER 70% of black children are raised in single parents families. That's fuckin crazy. And don't even get me started on the abortion stats.
 
Why is all of that that relevant tho?  Because family is essentially the building block of society itself - so if the family is destroyed, well then so is the broader community. Likewise the individual is also impaired because they're raised in these destroyed families and further effected by these destroyed communities. When it comes to human relations, nothing ever truly happens in a vacuum - and so you can begin to see the far-reaching effects that the decisions of just one individual can have - for better or worse.
 
 
So yeah, I think divorcing "love" from sex is a horrible idea, because I've seen and experienced the catastrophic effects that it's reaped upon the lives of many people. I've seen what it does to people when they make "feeling good" their highest priority - consequences become completely irrelevant, or an afterthought at best. For instance, I have five nieces and nephews who haven't seen their father in over a year simply because their mother decided she wanted to "live her best life" and chase strange dick. And this was an instance where both the children and the mother were properly being cared and provided for - hell, the kids wanted stay with their father. So just like that - BOOM! instant trauma inflicted upon 5 children and perfectly sanctioned by the U.S. Government. Likewise, I know plenty of single mothers who were impregnated by irresponsible men that decided they were worth busting a nut in, but not sticking around and caring for. There was no love present in any of these decisions. Here are some staggeringly tragic stats on the effects of fatherlessness if you're curious as to why this is such a big deal.
 
All of the heartache, the pain, and the misery caused by reckless, impulsive, lust-based sexual decisions could simply be avoided it people knew how to integrate sex into their life in a functional manner that doesn't have these resoundingly negative effects. Sadly, we don't know how to do that. And society is quick to tell you "do whatever makes you happy/feel good", but they don't tell you all the pain and misery that you bring upon yourself and others when you make that your highest priority/value.
 
So anyways, I hope this explains my stance on it.  Obviously, ppl are free to do whatever they want, but I think going about sex like that is a bad idea.

Oh, definitely, sis. It's perfectly possible to separate the two. In fact, it's pretty easy. Plenty of people do it, and I've done it in the past too. But I just don't think it's a good idea to separate the two. And just because plenty of people do it and things seem fine on the outside, that doesn't necessarily make it functional.
 
Like, let's look at it. What's the end goal of lust? To basically "get off", to "bust a nut", to "feel good",right? Ok. Well then what's love? We could say that it's investing in someone else as you would yourself. Caring for someone else as you would yourself. Doing right by someone else regardless of how you feel. I think those are pretty sound definitions.
 
So you can imagine if you remove love from sex and you simply engage in it for lust's sake, well then you open up the door to all manner of dysfunction. Because if you're operating under lust, then feeling good becomes your highest priority. There's nothing wrong with feeling good, but it's immature and irresponsible to treat sex as if it isn't connected to all of those other things, especially love.
 
If you want a prime example of what happens on a large scale when love is removed from the act of sex, all you have to do is examine the so-called black community here in the United States. Our culture has become one that promotes and pedastalizes promiscuity and whoredom, and our family structures have been utterly destroyed because of it. In 1960, something like 22% of black children were raised in single parent families - now OVER 70% of black children are raised in single parents families. That's fuckin crazy. And don't even get me started on the abortion stats.
 
Why is all of that that relevant tho?  Because family is essentially the building block of society itself - so if the family is destroyed, well then so is the broader community. Likewise the individual is also impaired because they're raised in these destroyed families and further effected by these destroyed communities. When it comes to human relations, nothing ever truly happens in a vacuum - and so you can begin to see the far-reaching effects that the decisions of just one individual can have - for better or worse.
 
 
So yeah, I think divorcing "love" from sex is a horrible idea, because I've seen and experienced the catastrophic effects that it's reaped upon the lives of many people. I've seen what it does to people when they make "feeling good" their highest priority - consequences become completely irrelevant, or an afterthought at best. For instance, I have five nieces and nephews who haven't seen their father in over a year simply because their mother decided she wanted to "live her best life" and chase strange dick. And this was an instance where both the children and the mother were properly being cared and provided for - hell, the kids wanted stay with their father. So just like that - BOOM! instant trauma inflicted upon 5 children and perfectly sanctioned by the U.S. Government. Likewise, I know plenty of single mothers who were impregnated by irresponsible men that decided they were worth busting a nut in, but not sticking around and caring for. There was no love present in any of these decisions. Here are some staggeringly tragic stats on the effects of fatherlessness if you're curious as to why this is such a big deal.
 
All of the heartache, the pain, and the misery caused by reckless, impulsive, lust-based sexual decisions could simply be avoided it people knew how to integrate sex into their life in a functional manner that doesn't have these resoundingly negative effects. Sadly, we don't know how to do that. And society is quick to tell you "do whatever makes you happy/feel good", but they don't tell you all the pain and misery that you bring upon yourself and others when you make that your highest priority/value.
 
So anyways, I hope this explains my stance on it.  Obviously, ppl are free to do whatever they want, but I think going about sex like that is a bad idea.

Oh, definitely, sis. It's perfectly possible to separate the two. In fact, it's pretty easy. Plenty of people do it, and I've done it in the past too. But I just don't think it's a good idea to separate the two. And just because plenty of people do it and things seem fine on the outside, that doesn't necessarily make it functional.
 
Like, let's look at it. What's the end goal of lust? To basically "get off", to "bust a nut", to "feel good",right? Ok. Well then what's love? We could say that it's investing in someone else as you would yourself. Caring for someone else as you would yourself. Doing right by someone else regardless of how you feel. I think those are pretty sound definitions.
 
So you can imagine if you remove love from sex and you simply engage in it for lust's sake, well then you open up the door to all manner of dysfunction. Because if you're operating under lust, then feeling good becomes your highest priority. There's nothing wrong with feeling good, but it's immature and irresponsible to treat sex as if it isn't connected to all of those other things, especially love.
 
If you want a prime example of what happens on a large scale when love is removed from the act of sex, all you have to do is examine the so-called black community here in the United States. Our culture has become one that promotes and pedastalizes promiscuity and whoredom, and our family structures have been utterly destroyed because of it. In 1960, something like 22% of black children were raised in single parent families - now OVER 70% of black children are raised in single parents families. That's fuckin crazy. And don't even get me started on the abortion stats.
 
Why is all of that that relevant tho?  Because family is essentially the building block of society itself - so if the family is destroyed, well then so is the broader community. Likewise the individual is also impaired because they're raised in these destroyed families and further effected by these destroyed communities. When it comes to human relations, nothing ever truly happens in a vacuum - and so you can begin to see the far-reaching effects that the decisions of just one individual can have - for better or worse.
 
 
So yeah, I think divorcing "love" from sex is a horrible idea, because I've seen and experienced the catastrophic effects that it's reaped upon the lives of many people. I've seen what it does to people when they make "feeling good" their highest priority - consequences become completely irrelevant, or an afterthought at best. For instance, I have five nieces and nephews who haven't seen their father in over a year simply because their mother decided she wanted to "live her best life" and chase strange dick. And this was an instance where both the children and the mother were properly being cared and provided for - hell, the kids wanted stay with their father. So just like that - BOOM! instant trauma inflicted upon 5 children and perfectly sanctioned by the U.S. Government. Likewise, I know plenty of single mothers who were impregnated by irresponsible men that decided they were worth busting a nut in, but not sticking around and caring for. There was no love present in any of these decisions. Here are some staggeringly tragic stats on the effects of fatherlessness if you're curious as to why this is such a big deal.
 
All of the heartache, the pain, and the misery caused by reckless, impulsive, lust-based sexual decisions could simply be avoided it people knew how to integrate sex into their life in a functional manner that doesn't have these resoundingly negative effects. Sadly, we don't know how to do that. And society is quick to tell you "do whatever makes you happy/feel good", but they don't tell you all the pain and misery that you bring upon yourself and others when you make that your highest priority/value.
 
So anyways, I hope this explains my stance on it.  Obviously, ppl are free to do whatever they want, but I think going about sex like that is a bad idea.

After quitting my day job I thought I'd get ten times more productive with my other endeavors. Turns out that isn't the case, and whatever hours were spent laboring before are now spent largely idle in want of something to do, agonising myself between fifteen different projects and goals. I'm not passionate enough about anything in particular that'd make me give it the solitary focus that's needed to really _do_ anything worth doing. I'm not even drinking or moving from country to country anymore, so I just sit home and read books and watch movies, go to gym for one week out of every month with 4 weeks of sitting on the couch in the interim ( because what's the point if I can't be pro-athlete/the best. ) I still remember when taken to my first football practice as a little boy and immediately after it had ended I walked up to my mom announced that I'm retiring from football since I didn't score a single goal, and I'd surely be too much of a burden to the team to come back around the second time; and since then I've adopted this philosophy holistically to everything I do. I spend a day pondering over which book should I read in order to get the most out of it or fit into a project I have going on currently... I decide on neither and waste a day. I'm confident in that anything I'd decide to do in life I'd be decent enough at it to not feel like I made the world a worse place to live in while supporting myself both financially and emotionally in the process, but I can't get up from the couch after the first shadow of a doubt comes over me; nothing means anything, but it's both a freedom and a curse all the same. 
 
If nothing else I'll be changing scenery in about a half a month to live in Kiev for a while. I can't stay in the same country too long without exploding. 
 
As I wrote this I forgot the buckwheat on the stove and I burned it

Yeah to be honest a lot of people who are allegedly so repulsed by the fandom, tanuki and bandmen being bandmen seem awfully preoccupied by them. I can't even wrap my mind around the idea that people would voluntarily expose themselves to people that they already pretty much know to be certain way; like, if you don't like the drama then why incessantly hover around it on twitter and tumblr and etc? If someone goes to lives then maybe shit gets annoying, but first of all who are you to tell these people how they should behave and what is toxic and what isn't unless you're willing to hear some opinions that are on the contrary. 

Oh, definitely, sis. It's perfectly possible to separate the two. In fact, it's pretty easy. Plenty of people do it, and I've done it in the past too. But I just don't think it's a good idea to separate the two. And just because plenty of people do it and things seem fine on the outside, that doesn't necessarily make it functional.
 
Like, let's look at it. What's the end goal of lust? To basically "get off", to "bust a nut", to "feel good",right? Ok. Well then what's love? We could say that it's investing in someone else as you would yourself. Caring for someone else as you would yourself. Doing right by someone else regardless of how you feel. I think those are pretty sound definitions.
 
So you can imagine if you remove love from sex and you simply engage in it for lust's sake, well then you open up the door to all manner of dysfunction. Because if you're operating under lust, then feeling good becomes your highest priority. There's nothing wrong with feeling good, but it's immature and irresponsible to treat sex as if it isn't connected to all of those other things, especially love.
 
If you want a prime example of what happens on a large scale when love is removed from the act of sex, all you have to do is examine the so-called black community here in the United States. Our culture has become one that promotes and pedastalizes promiscuity and whoredom, and our family structures have been utterly destroyed because of it. In 1960, something like 22% of black children were raised in single parent families - now OVER 70% of black children are raised in single parents families. That's fuckin crazy. And don't even get me started on the abortion stats.
 
Why is all of that that relevant tho?  Because family is essentially the building block of society itself - so if the family is destroyed, well then so is the broader community. Likewise the individual is also impaired because they're raised in these destroyed families and further effected by these destroyed communities. When it comes to human relations, nothing ever truly happens in a vacuum - and so you can begin to see the far-reaching effects that the decisions of just one individual can have - for better or worse.
 
 
So yeah, I think divorcing "love" from sex is a horrible idea, because I've seen and experienced the catastrophic effects that it's reaped upon the lives of many people. I've seen what it does to people when they make "feeling good" their highest priority - consequences become completely irrelevant, or an afterthought at best. For instance, I have five nieces and nephews who haven't seen their father in over a year simply because their mother decided she wanted to "live her best life" and chase strange dick. And this was an instance where both the children and the mother were properly being cared and provided for - hell, the kids wanted stay with their father. So just like that - BOOM! instant trauma inflicted upon 5 children and perfectly sanctioned by the U.S. Government. Likewise, I know plenty of single mothers who were impregnated by irresponsible men that decided they were worth busting a nut in, but not sticking around and caring for. There was no love present in any of these decisions. Here are some staggeringly tragic stats on the effects of fatherlessness if you're curious as to why this is such a big deal.
 
All of the heartache, the pain, and the misery caused by reckless, impulsive, lust-based sexual decisions could simply be avoided it people knew how to integrate sex into their life in a functional manner that doesn't have these resoundingly negative effects. Sadly, we don't know how to do that. And society is quick to tell you "do whatever makes you happy/feel good", but they don't tell you all the pain and misery that you bring upon yourself and others when you make that your highest priority/value.
 
So anyways, I hope this explains my stance on it.  Obviously, ppl are free to do whatever they want, but I think going about sex like that is a bad idea.

Oh, definitely, sis. It's perfectly possible to separate the two. In fact, it's pretty easy. Plenty of people do it, and I've done it in the past too. But I just don't think it's a good idea to separate the two. And just because plenty of people do it and things seem fine on the outside, that doesn't necessarily make it functional.
 
Like, let's look at it. What's the end goal of lust? To basically "get off", to "bust a nut", to "feel good",right? Ok. Well then what's love? We could say that it's investing in someone else as you would yourself. Caring for someone else as you would yourself. Doing right by someone else regardless of how you feel. I think those are pretty sound definitions.
 
So you can imagine if you remove love from sex and you simply engage in it for lust's sake, well then you open up the door to all manner of dysfunction. Because if you're operating under lust, then feeling good becomes your highest priority. There's nothing wrong with feeling good, but it's immature and irresponsible to treat sex as if it isn't connected to all of those other things, especially love.
 
If you want a prime example of what happens on a large scale when love is removed from the act of sex, all you have to do is examine the so-called black community here in the United States. Our culture has become one that promotes and pedastalizes promiscuity and whoredom, and our family structures have been utterly destroyed because of it. In 1960, something like 22% of black children were raised in single parent families - now OVER 70% of black children are raised in single parents families. That's fuckin crazy. And don't even get me started on the abortion stats.
 
Why is all of that that relevant tho?  Because family is essentially the building block of society itself - so if the family is destroyed, well then so is the broader community. Likewise the individual is also impaired because they're raised in these destroyed families and further effected by these destroyed communities. When it comes to human relations, nothing ever truly happens in a vacuum - and so you can begin to see the far-reaching effects that the decisions of just one individual can have - for better or worse.
 
 
So yeah, I think divorcing "love" from sex is a horrible idea, because I've seen and experienced the catastrophic effects that it's reaped upon the lives of many people. I've seen what it does to people when they make "feeling good" their highest priority - consequences become completely irrelevant, or an afterthought at best. For instance, I have five nieces and nephews who haven't seen their father in over a year simply because their mother decided she wanted to "live her best life" and chase strange dick. And this was an instance where both the children and the mother were properly being cared and provided for - hell, the kids wanted stay with their father. So just like that - BOOM! instant trauma inflicted upon 5 children and perfectly sanctioned by the U.S. Government. Likewise, I know plenty of single mothers who were impregnated by irresponsible men that decided they were worth busting a nut in, but not sticking around and caring for. There was no love present in any of these decisions. Here are some staggeringly tragic stats on the effects of fatherlessness if you're curious as to why this is such a big deal.
 
All of the heartache, the pain, and the misery caused by reckless, impulsive, lust-based sexual decisions could simply be avoided it people knew how to integrate sex into their life in a functional manner that doesn't have these resoundingly negative effects. Sadly, we don't know how to do that. And society is quick to tell you "do whatever makes you happy/feel good", but they don't tell you all the pain and misery that you bring upon yourself and others when you make that your highest priority/value.
 
So anyways, I hope this explains my stance on it.  Obviously, ppl are free to do whatever they want, but I think going about sex like that is a bad idea.

Oh, definitely, sis. It's perfectly possible to separate the two. In fact, it's pretty easy. Plenty of people do it, and I've done it in the past too. But I just don't think it's a good idea to separate the two. And just because plenty of people do it and things seem fine on the outside, that doesn't necessarily make it functional.
 
Like, let's look at it. What's the end goal of lust? To basically "get off", to "bust a nut", to "feel good",right? Ok. Well then what's love? We could say that it's investing in someone else as you would yourself. Caring for someone else as you would yourself. Doing right by someone else regardless of how you feel. I think those are pretty sound definitions.
 
So you can imagine if you remove love from sex and you simply engage in it for lust's sake, well then you open up the door to all manner of dysfunction. Because if you're operating under lust, then feeling good becomes your highest priority. There's nothing wrong with feeling good, but it's immature and irresponsible to treat sex as if it isn't connected to all of those other things, especially love.
 
If you want a prime example of what happens on a large scale when love is removed from the act of sex, all you have to do is examine the so-called black community here in the United States. Our culture has become one that promotes and pedastalizes promiscuity and whoredom, and our family structures have been utterly destroyed because of it. In 1960, something like 22% of black children were raised in single parent families - now OVER 70% of black children are raised in single parents families. That's fuckin crazy. And don't even get me started on the abortion stats.
 
Why is all of that that relevant tho?  Because family is essentially the building block of society itself - so if the family is destroyed, well then so is the broader community. Likewise the individual is also impaired because they're raised in these destroyed families and further effected by these destroyed communities. When it comes to human relations, nothing ever truly happens in a vacuum - and so you can begin to see the far-reaching effects that the decisions of just one individual can have - for better or worse.
 
 
So yeah, I think divorcing "love" from sex is a horrible idea, because I've seen and experienced the catastrophic effects that it's reaped upon the lives of many people. I've seen what it does to people when they make "feeling good" their highest priority - consequences become completely irrelevant, or an afterthought at best. For instance, I have five nieces and nephews who haven't seen their father in over a year simply because their mother decided she wanted to "live her best life" and chase strange dick. And this was an instance where both the children and the mother were properly being cared and provided for - hell, the kids wanted stay with their father. So just like that - BOOM! instant trauma inflicted upon 5 children and perfectly sanctioned by the U.S. Government. Likewise, I know plenty of single mothers who were impregnated by irresponsible men that decided they were worth busting a nut in, but not sticking around and caring for. There was no love present in any of these decisions. Here are some staggeringly tragic stats on the effects of fatherlessness if you're curious as to why this is such a big deal.
 
All of the heartache, the pain, and the misery caused by reckless, impulsive, lust-based sexual decisions could simply be avoided it people knew how to integrate sex into their life in a functional manner that doesn't have these resoundingly negative effects. Sadly, we don't know how to do that. And society is quick to tell you "do whatever makes you happy/feel good", but they don't tell you all the pain and misery that you bring upon yourself and others when you make that your highest priority/value.
 
So anyways, I hope this explains my stance on it.  Obviously, ppl are free to do whatever they want, but I think going about sex like that is a bad idea.

Oh, definitely, sis. It's perfectly possible to separate the two. In fact, it's pretty easy. Plenty of people do it, and I've done it in the past too. But I just don't think it's a good idea to separate the two. And just because plenty of people do it and things seem fine on the outside, that doesn't necessarily make it functional.
 
Like, let's look at it. What's the end goal of lust? To basically "get off", to "bust a nut", to "feel good",right? Ok. Well then what's love? We could say that it's investing in someone else as you would yourself. Caring for someone else as you would yourself. Doing right by someone else regardless of how you feel. I think those are pretty sound definitions.
 
So you can imagine if you remove love from sex and you simply engage in it for lust's sake, well then you open up the door to all manner of dysfunction. Because if you're operating under lust, then feeling good becomes your highest priority. There's nothing wrong with feeling good, but it's immature and irresponsible to treat sex as if it isn't connected to all of those other things, especially love.
 
If you want a prime example of what happens on a large scale when love is removed from the act of sex, all you have to do is examine the so-called black community here in the United States. Our culture has become one that promotes and pedastalizes promiscuity and whoredom, and our family structures have been utterly destroyed because of it. In 1960, something like 22% of black children were raised in single parent families - now OVER 70% of black children are raised in single parents families. That's fuckin crazy. And don't even get me started on the abortion stats.
 
Why is all of that that relevant tho?  Because family is essentially the building block of society itself - so if the family is destroyed, well then so is the broader community. Likewise the individual is also impaired because they're raised in these destroyed families and further effected by these destroyed communities. When it comes to human relations, nothing ever truly happens in a vacuum - and so you can begin to see the far-reaching effects that the decisions of just one individual can have - for better or worse.
 
 
So yeah, I think divorcing "love" from sex is a horrible idea, because I've seen and experienced the catastrophic effects that it's reaped upon the lives of many people. I've seen what it does to people when they make "feeling good" their highest priority - consequences become completely irrelevant, or an afterthought at best. For instance, I have five nieces and nephews who haven't seen their father in over a year simply because their mother decided she wanted to "live her best life" and chase strange dick. And this was an instance where both the children and the mother were properly being cared and provided for - hell, the kids wanted stay with their father. So just like that - BOOM! instant trauma inflicted upon 5 children and perfectly sanctioned by the U.S. Government. Likewise, I know plenty of single mothers who were impregnated by irresponsible men that decided they were worth busting a nut in, but not sticking around and caring for. There was no love present in any of these decisions. Here are some staggeringly tragic stats on the effects of fatherlessness if you're curious as to why this is such a big deal.
 
All of the heartache, the pain, and the misery caused by reckless, impulsive, lust-based sexual decisions could simply be avoided it people knew how to integrate sex into their life in a functional manner that doesn't have these resoundingly negative effects. Sadly, we don't know how to do that. And society is quick to tell you "do whatever makes you happy/feel good", but they don't tell you all the pain and misery that you bring upon yourself and others when you make that your highest priority/value.
 
So anyways, I hope this explains my stance on it.  Obviously, ppl are free to do whatever they want, but I think going about sex like that is a bad idea.

OMG, ahaha!!! I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm far from a sage. I'm actually realizing how much of a bumbling fuckin' idiot I am (and have been)
, and I'm just trying to figure shit out just like you. Any wisdom I may be able to share certainly does not come from me, but i'm grateful that I could at least serve as a vessel for it, so to speak.
 
ohhhh. I see. Yeah, I definitely feel you on this. It seems to me like your heart/intentions are in one place, but your actions are conveying something else. Like, you're acting like you're in a relationship, yet a relationship with her isn't what you truly want...so yeah, that's bound to cause some confusion. Cuz you're sending two opposing signals at once.
 
Honestly, and I might be seen as ultra-conservative, intense, or even crazy for thinking this way, but who cares..this is why I don't really see the function of arrangements that don't lead to anything permanent...like, otherwise it's just gonna be a waste of time and one or both parties are bound to get hurt in some way.
 
But I also know that shit happens and we often find ourselves in unfavorable situations. I mean, it's not like we're all taught how to properly approach relationships growing up (hell, most of just do what we've seen from other ppl).  If that were the case, professions like "relationship experts/coaches wouldn't exist   So anyways, you've found yourself in a situation, and I think the best thing to do is to just be truthful and honest - but of course you want to do it in a tactful and considerate manner.
 
This also just shows you that you have a heart, man. In a world where it's easy to be cold, callous, and inconsiderate - actually having a heart is a brave thing. It takes real strength. And ain't nothing beta about that!
 
nah, you're good. You're on topic and this is what this thread is for!
 
Random, but It's funny because you actually remind me of myself a bit. As bold as I may come off sometimes, I'm actually super agreeable too. I mean, I've learned to be more assertive over the years, but my default nature is definitely more on the passive side. 

"My absurdly high IQ, essentially, prevents me from enjoying music as the commonfolk do, so I choose rather to pontificate on the inadequacies of the prevailing tastes in the community and rationalize my own empirically superior preferences (by which I was informed were empirically superior by other empirically superior individuals via the most prestigious of subreddits), thereby falsely elevating my own sense of self-worth and triumphantly masking my insecurities in my own music taste."
 
also
 
"Chorus deficits"
 

Bruh, Imma keep it real with you. Cuz most ppl simply ain't gonna tell you this shit. You feel guilty for a reason. That girl developed feelings for a reason. You're not oversensitive. And there's nothing wrong with you. If anything, you're just sensible.
 
Fuck what this world tries to tell you about having "friends with benefits" and "casual" sex. You know why that girl developed feelings? Cuz ain't shit casual about having a WHOLE 'nother human being inside of you! Fuckin' a chick and expecting her not to catch feelings is like putting your hand in a fire and expecting not to get burnt. It's that inane.
 
Bruh, i mean...sex is a POWERFUL force - it's literally the reason why we're all even here in the first place. It's THAT central to our very existence...and depending on how you approach it, it can either be destructive or regenerative....functional or dysfunctional...good or bad.
 
And from what I can tell, when you take something as foundational and deeply ingrained in our existence as sex and try to detach it from emotion, from love, from responsibility, from respect, from family, from children....and you basically turn it into a cheap drug, well then...you're practically inviting dysfunction at that point.
 
Now obviously, I would not presume to give you advice on this issue, and you have the free will to do whatever you want, but do keep in mind that freedom of choice does not equal freedom from consequences, and your own experience testifies to that.
 
But anyways, bruh...don't get down about that shit. If you can, just learn from it and keep it movin'. I hope all goes well for you from here on out! 
 

That's really interesting. If that's the case, I'm kinda curious as to how so many people separate love and lust. I've known a fair few people who have managed to fuck around with people without falling in love. Obviously, you have to trust them a lot to have sex with them - like, a whole hell of a lot - but a decent amount of people have managed to not fall in love afterwards.

Dude, I've only interacted with you a few times but i've always seen you as a sage, both musically and culturally. Thank you so much for your insight, it makes so much sense to me. 
 
I've quoted the part that resonated with me the most as I feel it probably best explains my issues with guilt. In all honesty, things never got as far as sex but it was certainly on the table.
 
However every so often I could see that she looked sad and put two and two together. I never wanted to mislead this woman and made her very aware of where I was at early on. I guess my mistake was being unable to do anything but the 'boyfriend experience'. Fuck being an insensitive douchebag though. I'm not going to care any less for someone just because it's recommended in the alpha male bible. 
 
To be honest, I have feelings for her too but our life goals are different. This is all very confusing. I just don't want to date her and waste her time in the long run, regardless of how compatible we are in pretty much every other area. 

I'd love to know this too. I honestly don't get it. This is why I think FWB just doesn't work if you're the kind of person who cares about someone's feelings. 

Bruh, Imma keep it real with you. Cuz most ppl simply ain't gonna tell you this shit. You feel guilty for a reason. That girl developed feelings for a reason. You're not oversensitive. And there's nothing wrong with you. If anything, you're just sensible.
 
Fuck what this world tries to tell you about having "friends with benefits" and "casual" sex. You know why that girl developed feelings? Cuz ain't shit casual about having a WHOLE 'nother human being inside of you! Fuckin' a chick and expecting her not to catch feelings is like putting your hand in a fire and expecting not to get burnt. It's that inane.
 
Bruh, i mean...sex is a POWERFUL force - it's literally the reason why we're all even here in the first place. It's THAT central to our very existence...and depending on how you approach it, it can either be destructive or regenerative....functional or dysfunctional...good or bad.
 
And from what I can tell, when you take something as foundational and deeply ingrained in our existence as sex and try to detach it from emotion, from love, from responsibility, from respect, from family, from children....and you basically turn it into a cheap drug, well then...you're practically inviting dysfunction at that point.
 
Now obviously, I would not presume to give you advice on this issue, and you have the free will to do whatever you want, but do keep in mind that freedom of choice does not equal freedom from consequences, and your own experience testifies to that.
 
But anyways, bruh...don't get down about that shit. If you can, just learn from it and keep it movin'. I hope all goes well for you from here on out! 
 

Bruh, Imma keep it real with you. Cuz most ppl simply ain't gonna tell you this shit. You feel guilty for a reason. That girl developed feelings for a reason. You're not oversensitive. And there's nothing wrong with you. If anything, you're just sensible.
 
Fuck what this world tries to tell you about having "friends with benefits" and "casual" sex. You know why that girl developed feelings? Cuz ain't shit casual about having a WHOLE 'nother human being inside of you! Fuckin' a chick and expecting her not to catch feelings is like putting your hand in a fire and expecting not to get burnt. It's that inane.
 
Bruh, i mean...sex is a POWERFUL force - it's literally the reason why we're all even here in the first place. It's THAT central to our very existence...and depending on how you approach it, it can either be destructive or regenerative....functional or dysfunctional...good or bad.
 
And from what I can tell, when you take something as foundational and deeply ingrained in our existence as sex and try to detach it from emotion, from love, from responsibility, from respect, from family, from children....and you basically turn it into a cheap drug, well then...you're practically inviting dysfunction at that point.
 
Now obviously, I would not presume to give you advice on this issue, and you have the free will to do whatever you want, but do keep in mind that freedom of choice does not equal freedom from consequences, and your own experience testifies to that.
 
But anyways, bruh...don't get down about that shit. If you can, just learn from it and keep it movin'. I hope all goes well for you from here on out! 
 

Bruh, Imma keep it real with you. Cuz most ppl simply ain't gonna tell you this shit. You feel guilty for a reason. That girl developed feelings for a reason. You're not oversensitive. And there's nothing wrong with you. If anything, you're just sensible.
 
Fuck what this world tries to tell you about having "friends with benefits" and "casual" sex. You know why that girl developed feelings? Cuz ain't shit casual about having a WHOLE 'nother human being inside of you! Fuckin' a chick and expecting her not to catch feelings is like putting your hand in a fire and expecting not to get burnt. It's that inane.
 
Bruh, i mean...sex is a POWERFUL force - it's literally the reason why we're all even here in the first place. It's THAT central to our very existence...and depending on how you approach it, it can either be destructive or regenerative....functional or dysfunctional...good or bad.
 
And from what I can tell, when you take something as foundational and deeply ingrained in our existence as sex and try to detach it from emotion, from love, from responsibility, from respect, from family, from children....and you basically turn it into a cheap drug, well then...you're practically inviting dysfunction at that point.
 
Now obviously, I would not presume to give you advice on this issue, and you have the free will to do whatever you want, but do keep in mind that freedom of choice does not equal freedom from consequences, and your own experience testifies to that.
 
But anyways, bruh...don't get down about that shit. If you can, just learn from it and keep it movin'. I hope all goes well for you from here on out!