A couple years ago, I confessed to someone whom I was deeply in love with, but he rejected me and I still haven't been able to forget about him. I have these off days when I just sit and think about what could have been, why it wasn't, etc. I've had two boyfriends since then, but neither relationship lasted for very long (at all) because they just weren't my type and I ended up feeling uncomfortable and unhappy, so I ended both relationships on good terms. Anyways, I've heard these things saying the difference between loving someone and being in love with them, and they basically said that loving someone is when you want to see them grow/develop, when you want to be there for them, etc, and that being in love with someone is when you're more infatuated with them/get butterflies around them (that's not to say you can't care about them, though). The thing is, I love several people, but I don't want to be with them, because I tend to see those people as more familial kinds of love (even though they're not actually in my family), whereas I've only ever been in love once, and that was with the guy from a couple years back. As I mentioned before, being in love with someone is not to say that you don't actually care about them, because you can have those feelings of infatuation and not take it to unhealthy levels. I feel like nothing will ever make me as happy as I was back then, even if nothing came of it, so is it really that bad if I just want to be in love with someone? As long as I'm honest with them about what I want and how I feel, is it really that bad? People might say "it won't last", but there is the possibility that it could, and even if it doesn't, is there anything really wrong with that? Also, I'm not sure if this is TMI, but there is also the case of me being really frustrated in terms of... well, you know. Begins with an "s" and rhymes with "rex". I've never actually done it, or even kissed someone, and again, I have these off days when I just sit and think about how much I want to "alleviate" my frustration with someone. I'm not sure if it ties into my other off days. Basically, I'm not sure if I want to be in love or if I just want to... you know. Either way, I know that with the guy from before, I didn't just want the latter. I really did care about him, and I'm not sure if I'll ever feel that way again. I remember going to a convention in November, and I felt so, so happy when I was there. I knew I could just be myself there, and I felt really comfortable and at home. Seeing one of the people I love in a familial sort of way there helped too. Of course, that only meant I felt like crap the next day because I realised that I never actually feel like that in my day-to-day life, as I'm sure most other people do. I'm not surrounded by people I feel like I can be my true self around, and that hurt. I hadn't felt that way since I was in love. I'm not depressed or anything, but I am upset. I don't even know why I care so much about this, but I do, and it feels like there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
Sorry this was so venty. What do you guys think?