Manji 卍

You guys are right,I really appreciated your thoughts on it.

I'm used to get "strength" from all these things I've collected and spent my time with since years. 

And recently I've been expecting to get the same strength (the reason I'm so into MH)  but it didn't work. Im always feeling Unfulfilled. Since I started my adult life,I'm feeling incredible oppressed,cuz I've screwed everything up and I'm not the young-adult I thought I'd be.

hey i hope you'll get better soon〜 mistakes are okay, feeling like shit is okay, it's all temporary. some time ago  you found out that geek stuff gives you strength, maybe later you'll find other things. it seems you have a rough time now but you know, if you failed something it doesn't mean everything is over. keep going in the direction you want. or take a break if you feel tired and don't know what to do yet. whatever is fine.

Didn't read everything, so maybe someone wrote it already:
It's one of your personality traits, just like technology Nerds are spending a fckn huge time with PC / Coding / Programing or stuff like this and spend most of there money on it or Music / Art anything. 
So see it as part of you, what makes you out/a bit of your person. 
You may got lost in a wrong though that's you now saw it like this? Cause I guess that's happens everyone with stuff like this by an time - but in the end the only thing which matters is that's it still makes you happy / you love it or things like this.

waiting for your story.

exploiting such issues are too inappropriate for a forum like this.
it involves alcoholism,self harm,social phobia,death of relatives,suicide,etc.

i don't wanna look like someone trying to get attention,like: "why is this guy saying such stuff"

i know,when you writte sad things on internet,somehow you want to be noticed, 

and at the same time take a load off your shoulders.even annonymous,it is embarrassing.

i'll try to be as coherend as possible with the forum's policy while i speak out my mind,

cuz making texts is better than hurt myself sporadically. 

i wouldn't come up with any story of mine,now i just thought about some serious thread,basically like the random thoughts thread,but only for "depressive" stuff.

(sorry for the big text)

Nobody will treat you as an attentionwhore, I suppose. So, feel free to share your thoughts and create a thread. MH is pretty friendly board, after all.

Some here https://archive.org/search.php?query=suehiro maruo&sin=TXT
 

More here: http://www.mangago.me/r/l_search/?name=suehiro+maruo

can't find a direct download batch tho

There's a Russian message board metalarea.org - it's pretty easy to register to, and is constantly updated with new releases (and most of the older releases' dead links get replaced frequently too). This is for the black metal part of your question obviously.  For post-punk I don't know of any other 'one' source except the Stench of Death blog.

Haven't used metalarea.org in a long time, but it used to be excellent. If you wanted a demo from1987 that was released in 7 copies, that was the place to find it.

If you don't mind torrents, then metal-tracker.com is really good. Not only black metal, but it's very good for black metal as well as most other metal sub genres. As people who upload have to add their own genre the genre tags might come as cross as a bit messy, but it works. This, metalarea and a few dead black metal blogspots used to be my go-to's for years until I more or less stopped downloading music a few years ago.

thank you,guys...! there's so much good underground stuff on internet

i've been craving more and more