Pretty sure she doesn't like me; do I still confess or do I...?

[seratonin 43]

I'm a male who is very sensitive to people's emotions (double edged sword), especially people I know,
but this doesn't necessarily mean I can draw the right conclusions -cries-

At first I did not like this girl at all!! She came off as a know-it-all or just plain arrogant when I first met her, and it also appeared that she wasn't that bright, and that's a huge turn off for me!

For about half a year we just talked lightly when we saw each other, like acquaintances.
Say hi, smile, chat for a minute, then part. Neither of us had an interest in the other.
But then I found out she and I shared a hobby that we both REALLY enjoyed doing, and that's how I started
to spend more time with her and got to know her better.

As I start to get to know more about her I am becoming more and more
attracted, NOOOOO!  It turns out her attitude I felt at the beginning
was more of her being naive, rather than arrogance, how strange? I actually
find some degree of having a naive quality in a girl very cute and attractive too.
The girl clearly enjoys spending time around me, and I really have fun with her as well, the bond
feels amazing.
By coincidence I was able to spend more and more private time and it made my feelings grow like crazzyyy,

we laugh at the same things, share a lot more in common than i initially thought.

But I'm somewhat certain she still thinks of me the same way as how
the relationship was before. It feels like my feelings for her have increased by tenfold...while hers have stayed
the same.

If a girl doesn't like you, or doesn't show any apparent interest, is it even a good idea for me to tell her how I feel?
Or do I not say anything, and express through action?

The last time we hung out I tried to express my attraction by touching her; her back, her arms, shoulders even O_O
It honestly felt like a date; I was holding doors and my car door and always spoke up for her if she needed something lol.
She CLEARLY isn't getting it! she's so naive...! It's super cute but she doesn't understand the
attraction I'm trying to express

WTF do I do?????
Opinions from both genders please!!!


 

[Ito 2438]

Opinion from a dude that has been in only 4 relationships (3 long term)...I am willing to admitt I could be totally wrong with everything I am saying lol.

 

If you REALLY don't think she has feelings for you, I would keep your mouth shut. Unrequited love is pretty terrible, but you have to weigh is that is worse that been turned down and potentially ruing the relationship/connection between the two of you.

 

That said, if you are trying to get a clue by touching her and she is very comfortable with it, I think that should be a sign. Most people aresn't that dense, if she isn't showing you some sort of sign that could be comminuated as uncomfortableness or something like that, she probably knows what she is doing. I honestly think if she didn't like you, but wanted to be nice about, she would subtly take your hand off of her or something of the sort. I mean, I know nothing about her so it is hard to say that with any certainty...but my honest assesment is that women usually aren't that dense, they only act that way XD

That said, if you decide to confess, be clear about it. None of that wishy-washy shit. I understand it can be emberassing, but it is better to say your piece and be accepted or denied than to hald say it and be in a weird limbo.

 

Hope that helps even a tiny bit.

[Tetora 625]

Lulz.

 

My advice:

 

First off, don`t sit around just worrying about things and making up all sorts of bs in your head to hesitate. When people do this, they hold themselves back from living life.

 

Make sure that your thoughts and energy are focused along a path to taking some sort of action.

 

Decide if you are truly attracted to her in a relationship kind of way and not a friendship way. This is a yes or no answer, not a `maybe` or `if` or whatever...

 

If no, then just stay friends and find someone else.

 

If yes, then it`s show-time, proceed:

 

Realize that what you think about how she feels is only your hypothesis, which is blinded by your own nerves and the confusion in your head. The only way to know for sure is for her to tell you, so no use sitting around thinking too far into it, you only know so much so far... And as every manga love story ever has told us, how another person acts around you is not one-dimensional, and she could just be too shy or nervous like you, worried that you might not return the sentiment.

 

If a girl doesn't like you, or doesn't show any apparent interest, is it even a good idea for me to tell her how I feel?

 

 

 

 

If you really like her, then yes, it is what is best to do, taking action when things aren`t certain is what separates those from just think, from those that actually do. Success comes from taking the risks others are not willing to take, and sometimes you have to swim with the sharks. This isn`t actually that intense, but taking a chance on what you actually want is what people who live their life do... Or... You could just do nothing and end up a 70 year old man sitting on his deathbed with a laptop, still stalking her Facebook page wondering... `What if?`

 

As for the whole confession thing, this isn`t 1952 so it`s not your best bet. If things really go smoothly it will work anyway, but it is kind of awkward, even if you are a good talker it can be hard to say, or come out the wrong way, but if you really want to go that way, and you put the effort in, how you do it is not really going to change what happens if she feels strongly enough.

 

Though what I would do is simply lead events into the moment. You already had one under-cover date with her, so I would do it again, try to do something that would really gauge how she feels in the moment, and then, when the time is right, make the move.

 

If she reciprocates, then all is well, and you take things slowly from there, not rushing anything.

 

If she doesn`t, you at least had the guts to go for it, and worry about fixing it later. If you guys are good friends, it can be fixed.

 

Just, after you do it, you leave it at that, she`ll let you know, don`t force yourself back on her, start blowing up her phone, or anything like that. A no is a no, maybe things will change in time, but there`s nothing more you can do, just respect her, and live with the pride that you took action, and that attitude makes your life better in the end.

 

 

But anyway, that`s just my opinion on what you should do in the chance that things don`t go your way, which is not even worst-case scenario. You really liking her and doing nothing is worst-case by a mile.

 

I have a feeling if you go for it, it will work. There`s a saying: Hesitation leads even great people to defeat, while rushing in headfirst against the odds is surprisingly effective.

 

 

And let us know how it goes brah, peace.

[doombox 4421]

If she enjoys spending time with you and did not act uncomfortable by your "date" type of actions/touching, I would advise you to confess your feelings. Even if she doesn't feel the same way, it is always better to clear the air and know what feelings you both are dealing with than constantly feel like you are guessing. This way no one's time is wasted.

[emmny 4139]

im someone who doesnt say anything until its apparent and even then im usually wrong so i'd say hold on for more cues/signs etc

 

 

or just confess and whatever happens i have a fabulous sad playlist 2 recommend u!

[seratonin 43]

If she enjoys spending time with you and did not act uncomfortable by your "date" type of actions/touching,

 

 

That said, if you are trying to get a clue by touching her and she is very comfortable with it, I think that should be a sign.

Wow so much feedback about the touchy stuff lol. Lemme give more description, the touching wasn't THAT obvious like as if we were bf/gf lol (i think),

it was more like

telling her something funny and patting her on the back a bit while laughing

or when like a car was driving too close, so i put my arm around her shoulder to move her out of the way, etc...!

This is very modest touching right?!

And the next time I'll see her is in a couple of months, there won't be any update for a while

I unexpectedly had so much fun at the time at the "under-cover" date I was so sad when it was getting too late and the night was coming to an end

[blackdoll 907]

just wait for the feels to pass, but then again i'm a slut of sorts. but still i wouldnt say anything and risk the friendship

[Nyasagi 259]

I'm always that girl who likes someone and gets rejected... but I think it's better to tell, instead of being constantly worried. Just don't shoot big words such as "I love you", maybe "I like you more than a friend" would be less overwhelming for a girl at first, in my opinion. Of course, you have to keep it in mind the friendship may be ruined in case she doesn't like you this way, so be aware of it and decide what's better for you. It's difficult to tell if she likes you from her reaction, because every girl is different, I would feel extremely uncomfortable if a male friend touched me in general, even if the touch was just friendly (only a handshake is ok for me), but it doesn't mean every girl is the same.

 

Why do I think it's better to tell her, though? If she likes you too, it's great. If she doesn't, you will know you shouldn't waste your time with it anymore, and give yourself a chance with someone else (you may not want to imagine this right now, but yes, you may like someone else, too). Also, it's better to know where are you standing and if the person is worth being made your priority.