SubThatSong

Oh man, I don't want to add to it myself, but random thoughts are random, and I don't want to keep them in my head today.
 
It's surreal to be thinking about my childhood friend, 9 years this week since she passed away. It bothers me every single day to know that the last time I saw her, she had already been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, already too late to do anything, and just carrying on with her 18 year-old life like it was nothing, and smiling.
Jesus fuck it's not fair.
 
I feel more like shit because I haven't made time to visit her resting place, ever.
In fact, the reason I'm typing this is because I had almost forgotten that she was laid to rest around this time, having actually been there at her funeral, spending hundreds of dollars on flowers, and crying endlessly because she was one of the last people I ever expected to pass away. If this is something that is going to happen naturally, and I can't do a damn thing to stop it, I'll live with this gut-punch of a reminder, even if it haunts me forever for moving on with my life and not cherishing her existence in it, no matter how short it was.
 
I'm in another state and further away, so I wonder if I'm going to ever have that time to do actually go and visit?
I think it might be time to force it into my schedule for sanity's sake, and as a reminder to her that I haven't forgotten about the better days.

damn, my mom needs a break. grandma passed last year and now it's my uncle. i don't know if i'm capable of giving her the support she needs right now...

Please take what I say with a HUGE grain of salt...cuz I ain't no expert or any of that shit, but imma keep it 💯 with you. We tend to over-complicate things. I think the main reason most relationships fail is because ppl are ultimately more committed to themselves than anything else. I mean, outside of glaring incompatibilities and straight-up abuse, there really isn't much that two ppl who are TRULY intent on making things work could not overcome.
 
But generally, muhfukkas just don't wanna make sacrifices or put in the effort. We generally take the path of least resistance. You also have a lot of ppl that'll deceive themselves and use the flaws in a relationship as an excuse to opt out of that relationship, when in reality, they have ulterior motives and just wanna do whatever they want to do. These are the kind of ppl you usually find jumping from "relationship" to "relationship". But those ppl are idiots cuz guess what?  EVERY relationship is going to have issues. Every relationship is going to face conflict. Why? Cuz ain't nobody perfect. We all fuck up. We all make mistakes. But what makes a perfect relationship? 2 ppl who never stop giving a perfect attempt at it.
 
But see that takes heart. That takes courage. That takes patience. That takes forgiveness (a damn near infinite amount). That takes maturity. But see ppl fuck themselves over thinking relationships are supposed to be all sunshine and rainbows. Ppl think that relationships are for your own "happiness", but you'd have to be a damn fool to think that. Happiness should be a byproduct of your relationship, but it should never be the goal of your relationship. It's a fuckin' emotion - which means it's flimsy as fuck. You're liable to feel a million different emotions in one day, so to make something as unstable as that the very foundation of your relationship is silly. What's gonna happen as soon as you don't feel "happy" anymore? Usually, that's when strange penis and vagina starts looking REALLY appealing to folks   Next thing you know, you dun ruined your relationship over a temporary emotion. I digress.
 
Relationships are going to test your fuckin spirit, and you gotta be prepared for it. Anybody who truly loves you is going to keep it real with you, and so in contending with them, they're going to reveal things about you that you didn't even know. You're going to experience sides of yourself (good, bad, and UGLY) that you didn't even know you had. A good relationship is going to bring all of this out. Suppressed trauma will surface. Scars will be picked at. But you have to be willing to face all of this. The good, the bad, and the ugly. You can't just expect the good, and ignore the bad, cuz that shit's going to get ugly inevitably lol. You have to be willing to realize that, yeah, you do have some bad and ugly parts of yourself that you need to work on. You have to be willing to grow. Your partner as well. That's why patience and forgiveness is so paramount. And it's a neverending process...but it's going to make you a better person and continue to refine you.
 
So you see why commitment is so important. I mean, REAL commitment. Most ppl don't wanna go through all of that stuff that I just mentioned. You'd be shocked at the lengths ppl will go to to avoid dealing with themselves, and a good relationship is going to force you to confront yourself and your issues. We live in age where all ppl wanna do is be comforted. Don't nobody wanna voluntarily put themselves through something like that. Don't nobody wanna jump in the fire. And honestly, a lot of ppl would rather jump ship than face the depths of their very own heart.
 
But anyways lil sis, I know my tone and my language can be harsh, but don't let me frighten you or anything. I'm just trying to keep it real with you and let you  know that relationships take a dead-serious level of commitment and spiritual maturity. It's going to be a challenge. But accepting that challenge is actually way better than not doing it imo. When both you and your partner fully commit and both of you look at the relationship as something you're in together...as "us vs the problems" and not "me vs my partner"...when you're both willing to face that fire together and understand that tough times WILL come...your experience will be much deeper, richer, and fulfilling....a lot more than simply looking for fleeting "happiness" in other ppl.
 
You gotta be willing to make an effort tho. That's actually one of the functions of marriage, aka making a covenant with your partner. You make a vow to stick it out, so when issues arise, yall gotta figure that shit out. Cuz like I said, most ppl will take the path of least resistance and leave a relationship/partnership before even trying to work shit out. Especially in these days where ppl feel like they have infinite "options" via social media alone, and treat ppl as if they're expendable. Shit, muhfukkas is unfriending ppl left and right over simple-ass disagreements these days. Petty shit. That's the kinda world we're living in today, so a lot of ppl have no hope of actually being in a successful relationship being that damn petty lol.
 
Anyways, hopefully I said something that made sense to you. I talk too damn much

It's kinda like IKEA, no matter what day of the week it is or what time it is, always too much people

lol yeah! I tried pasting this picture into google and the best it came up with was "punk fashion" X'D 

Yandex
praise ( ﾉ ﾟｰﾟ)ﾉ 

japanese parents actually have a sense of embarrassment for their children, and if little brats don't know how to behave they get put on ritalin and everyone lives a normal life again.

I don't think so, I really really want to do this a lot.
Alas, no money. If I could afford it I wouldn't hesitate

I don't think so, I really really want to do this a lot.
Alas, no money. If I could afford it I wouldn't hesitate

I don't think so, I really really want to do this a lot.
Alas, no money. If I could afford it I wouldn't hesitate

What doesn't cause cancer these days? 🤷‍♀️

Dude, you can barely be called short, come on ^.~  
 
I have a septum ring piercing and most people don't even notice because they look at me from up high, that's short  

so, relapses are a bitch

Actually he didn't decide to leave.
After the live the staff come to him and said "The members told you to leave the band". He was dismissed by the staff without even being able to talk to the band.
Also, they had already decided the new member and even made phothoost with him before even telling Urara that he was out. 

lmao @ people who wish celebrities who don't give a fuck about em happy birthday but can't even remember their own friend's birthdays. priorities, priorities.

I'm just glad I waited until closer to 30, the classic age to start feeling old - my sister told me when she was like 22 "OMG I'M GETTING SO OOOLD" 😂 The 17-year old me was like ??????

I know right? I'm practically dead 😂
 
It's horrible right? Just sneaks up on you out of nowhere! 

Aaaamen!
My condolences haha, I'm not quite there yet but I'm sitting on my 28. At 27 I didn't feel old at all, and when I hit 28 I was like... oh, damn, I'm getting old? 😂 

Just wait until you're on the downside of 29.

I know right? Being able to just get up and do something (or just having the freedom to laze around and do nothing) is pretty awesome. 
 
Yeahhhhh got the big 30 coming up this year. Fun fun.

It's so nice to be alone tho, right? No "what are we going to eat today", not having to care at all about someone else's schedule or... anything lol 😂 Meanwhile also starting to feel old (uh-oh)

This makes me mad beyond belief... I don't understand how anyone can do stuff like this. HOW do you do this to innocent animals... 🤬

Someone in the comments on the article said this:

"dbsaiyaAug. 5  08:55 pm JST
Saw the TV news today and an old geezer said that he put pesticide in pieces of fish to kill off the crows that were being a pest to his garden/crops. Right. For an island that is known for its cats, you'd think this guy would have known that the cats would eat the fish. Sounds like he's just making up the story about the crows. Sorry, but it sounds fishy to me. I hope they do file criminal charges on this guy."

It's actually been a year now since I moved to live alone. I can't believe how time flies. Or how comfortable I am being alone and dedicating myself to my hobby. Maybe I'm meant to be alone? Am I going to be alone forever? Could there possibly be someone I could be fully comfortable with that would understand my quirks? Do I even want that? How am I so easily over a ten year long relationship that even ended in me being the one that was dumped out of the blue?
 
I'm such an asshole for ghosting people who tried to start real relationships with me.

 

Yatagarasu:

産み落ちる八咫烏よ
 
くらくら
三つ足の鴉何処へ
奇異の目が酷く交差する
 
会いたい会いたい
こんな世界じゃ
会えない会えない
もう君に会えない
 
もう誰も味方など居ないんだ
眠るのも恐ろしい
きっと僕は壊されてしまうのだろう
欠落したこの身でも
 
この罪を背負う必要など本当にあるのか
海月の揺蕩う夢を見て眠れたとしても喉を啄む
 
ひらひら
堕ちていく僕は底ヘ
何も言わず侮辱の泥を呑む
身体中這いずり回る蜈蚣
耳を傾け蕩け出す膿
 
会いたい会いたい
こんな世界じゃ
会えない会えない
もう君に会えない
 
もう誰も味方など居ないんだ
眠るのも恐ろしい
きっと僕は壊されてしまうのだろう
好きになった君の目で
 
この罪を背負う必要など本当にあるのか
海月の揺蕩う夢を見て眠れたとしても僕は
 
もう一度 誰かの背中に触れ 眠る事か出来たら
そんな夜に一人背中に手を回す骨か軋む

Yatagarasu is a ton of words; I started it, then lost the file with the kana written, and then  gave up for a bit since I lost like 2.5 hours of work 😓
 
Here are scans of the lyrics, though, if someone else wants to take a stab at it