Can I get your opinions on LDR, multiple crushes, etc?

[Gesu 1537]

Say you were in an LDR (like, a REALLY long distance) and you really did care about each other. It's unlikely that you'd meet in the near future, but who knows? If you saved up enough money, you could surely go see each other. Anyways, let's say you met someone else in person and, even though you still really like the LDR, you kinda liked the other person as well. What would you do?

For me, it's difficult, because I'd never, ever, ever cheat on anyone. If I didn't want to be with someone, I would be honest and tell them, even if we'd never met in person, but it's tricky when you like two people at the same time, one of whom you're already with (albeit long-distance). There's a part of me that thinks I should probably just give up on love because a. even though I would want to stay with someone forever, I probably wouldn't stay with someone for a long time, given my current (and past) situation, and b. I actually met someone a while ago whom I loved a lot (he rejected me, but my feelings were very strong and didn't really change), and I every time I start liking someone, as awful as it may be, I can't help but think that I would probably leave them for the guy from a while ago if we ever crossed paths again.

I don't want to give up on love, but I also don't want to put myself through any more of this. I remember someone telling me some time ago that having feelings doesn't make me a bad person, even if those feelings change, and I agreed with him, but if I'm aware of how frequently they change and I don't do anything about it, doesn't that at least make me irresponsible and naive?

So, yeah. Your thoughts?

[itsukoii 1300]

whether you're in an LDR or a close-proximity relationship, whether you find someone else in that time and decide to go for them either through cheating or breaking up with your current partner is dependent on you, and not the type of relationship (imo). i've been in an ldr for the past 7 months and although it gets hard, i can't see myself doing anything else, and i know this person is one i dearly want to be with. but that isn't for everyone; ldrs are really, really, fuckin hard. but even then, i can't imagine falling for someone else.

 

i don't suggest "giving up" on love, because i believe it's a thing that happens when it's supposed to--by chance, and it can't be forced. tl;dr if you happen to fall for someone else while you're in a relationship, ldr or not, the best thing to do would to be honest and do what you think is right. and if you're someone who has fleeting crushes often, i don't really suggest acting on them unless you're looking for something short-term. but when you meet the person you may want to be long-term with... you'll know.

[LIDL 692]

LDR is expensive, I was in LDR for 3 years, but we afford it,  either I visited him or him visited me or we met at some other places. And communication need to be often, everyday. And technology helps. We texted each other each day. and did skype calls back in the day. But with whatsapp, people can do much more these days honestly. 

 

As with other relationship, the two party need to work for it to make it work. But with LDR, the team of two need to do much more than those who are not. Agreement need to be made. Aside from communication, trust and honesty are very important. 

 

We are still together now, 10 years in. 

 

 

My advice is, do you see even a hint of future for the LDR? It is not just a case of "maybe", but you need to be sure. And at least one of you need to afford to meet. Since as good as the communication goes, we still need physical touch. If yes, it may be good to keep pursuing it. Otherwise, it will be a waste of time and energy. And with the other person you've come to like, you may explore the possibilities, however, you need to tell the person you have LDR with about it so there won't be the feeling if being crossed or such, plus the person may let you know how they feel about it. 

 

Good luck.

Edited October 30, 2018 by LIDL

[secret_no_03 959]

I know a thing or two about LDR as every relationship I've had started LDR, first texas, then Hawaii before they moved to Florida and my current was only a state over before we moved in together.

[Kabukichoatmidnight 269]

That's a tricky one, depends how long "long distance" is. In your case it sounds like you're not in reasonable travelling distance. If you're only a few hours away then yeah you can just keep as much contact as needed and meet up whenever it's convenient, spend a few days together or whatever... But if realistically you can't meet up, at least often then I guess I'd just have to say that you got to follow your heart and soul and go with whatever feels most right to you. This doesn't only apply to long distance, I mean, if you live with someone and then get strong feelings for someone else and want to be with them then I guess as much of a dick you may be to your current partner, maybe you should move on to that person if you're genuinely feeling happier around that person. Relationships are trial and error and in my opinion if you get feelings for someone else when you're with someone then the person you're currently with isn't fully satisfying your needs in some way. It may not be because there is anything wrong with that person, but sometimes our feelings just change and ultimately you should end up with someone who ticks all the boxes, gives you what you need and should be completely satisfied with to the point you don't get feelings (at least to the point where it confuses you) for anyone else. Of course, you may still click with people or think they're good looking but if you truly love your partner would you want to leave them? Or risk hurting them by cheating on them or anything like that? The answer should be no, but I tend to go with the belief that you have to do what's best for you, and doing that you will hurt people along the way so only you can decide what's right for you really.