How I lost my best friend (semi-rant)

[Kira_Uchiha 92]

Alright alright alright, hello people.

It's been quite a long time since I last posted here.

What happened is, I lost my best friend and I had quite a depression during these past few months. We have been friends for a bit more than 3 years, she's a year older than me, and ever the beginning of 2015, I started to go at the same university as her. We became a lot closer thanks to that, and everything was going really well. She's doing Business & Finance, and I'm doing Graphic Design. The thing is that every courses there have exams except for Graphic Design, where the exams are replaced by a shit ton of additional assignments. So as the semester went on, I would get busier and busier, and I explained that to her. For my first two semester in 2015, it went good, I was able to work(except for the last weeks where I had 5 assignments to give back, weeks of sleepless nights), I was able to keep time for her and for my new friends.

 

During the holidays in December, a friend from my class and I started dating, and she eventually became my girlfriend. I told my best friend(let's call her Sara) about it, she seemed upset at first, but then congratulated me and then said that she couldn't wait to meet her. I thought she was upset cuz she wanted us to date, but I did propose her before and she said that she'd rather stay friends.

They met a few times when we were with a group of friends, and everything went okay. They weren't able to get really close though, cuz Sara is someone who's very high maintenance(and also takes friendship REALLY seriously, Fairy Tail level), and my girlfriend didn't really want to become close with someone like that, but she was absolutely okay with me hanging out with Sara, cuz well, she was my best friend. So it all went okay, until university resumed at the beginning of this year. There was an anime convention at another university close by, Sara and I were invited to perform there (me: singing, her: dancing, and other stuffs if she felt like it). Unfortunately because of the huge workload that I got at the beginning of the semester, I had to refuse, but she accepted to perform there, and I was happy for her.

 

Sara told me that she was going to do a "senpai - kouhai" sketch, and asked me to help her prepare the script. I told her that I would help her whenever I had the time for sure, because I had a lot of work to do. I was helping her, while trying to keep a grip on my work. Then a few weeks later, she asked to come at the university early(8am) for 2 days, and I told her that I'd come, but only if I'm able to complete most of my work. Sara put a lot of pressure on me, like, a WHOLE lot of pressure, coming near to emotional blackmail. In the end, I did not go, as I still had quite a few assignments to finish, and with her putting even more pressure on me, I nearly snapped. The thing is, something in the past happened to me that now, a real big excess of stress can cause me to snap... I never told her about that, cuz that's a really dark part of my past that I'd rather forget(this story will be for another time), but was unable to. I thought that it was now time to tell her everything, because I know that in the future there would be moments when she'd keep putting pressure on me, and that I would actually snap for real.

 

So after my submissions, I decided to tell her everything... and tbh, it felt good to finally let everything out. She was the first person to whom I ever revealed this part of my past. She was really understanding after I told her everything... but after 3 days, she started going back to putting pressure for me to meet her. And this time, this wasn't for one or two days, she wanted to meet me everyday, every free moments that I had, before classes, after classes. When she saw my girlfriend and I, she'd come and butt in between, ask us to not hold hands, etc in front of her. After a few weeks of that, I had enough and decided to tell her that I needed my alone time, time with my girlfriend, and time with my other friends.

 

But before I was able to talk to her about it, she asked me if my girlfriend didn't like her. I had a talk with my girlfriend, and she told me that she thought Sara was a good person, and the only thing she disliked was Sara's overpossessive and clingy manners. I was honest with Sara and told her what my girlfriend thought, being precise about the part where she ONLY disliked her clingy ways, and nothing else. And before I could say anything about me needing time for myself, she told me that she's tired of that(her old best friend's girlfriend didn't like Sara, and he decided to stop talking to her because of his girlfriend), and that no matter what she does, she just feels that we're drifting away, and so on. I told her again that my girlfriend didn't mind at all that Sara and I stayed friends, it wasn't because of one thing that she didn't like that she'd prevent us from staying friends. Sara didn't want to hear any of it, and then decided to end our friendship. I told her that we could end it on good terms at least, she said okay and went away.

 

I fell into depression... and after 5 months, I was able to get back on my feet, thanks to my girlfriend, friends from my class, and mutual friends I had with Sara. I started to get better. But then around 3-4 weeks ago, I got to know from a mutual friend that Sara was talking shit behind my back, that she was putting the end of our friendship on my back, saying that it was all my fault, saying that she made every efforts and that I nothing... She said that she wanted to "hurt" me, and tried to use several our friends to trick me and invite me to their place, and she would be there to "trap" me. She even used a friend to try to send me emotional blackmail. Fucking emotional blackmail. But luckily, they all came clean to me, telling me what Sara was planning. Even two days ago, Sara tried to manipulate a good friend of mine to trap me, but it failed. At least I know there are some friends I can trust

 

After this, I felt so stupid that I fell into depression because of someone like her, and that I am now better off without her. I am now so fucking over her. I have a happy life with my girlfriend and with all my friends, I don't need any of her bullshit in my life.

And woah... as I am typing this part, she just sent me a message on Facebook: "Sup nigga? ~w~"

I can't even-

 

 

Anyway, yeah that's the story. Sorry for the absurdly long post, but this is the only place where I feel can really share this.

Edited July 1, 2016 by Kira_Uchiha

[Zeus 7997]

You need to change your title to "How I Found My Best Friend". Your girlfriend is a champ. She has a good nose for crazy girls, let you work out your personal and emotional issues, and is still there for you regardless even 5 months later. Don't let her go.

If I were you, I would not be friends with this Sara person. You've mentioned several other people that don't like this person? And pressure, emotional manipulation, extreme possessiveness, and black mail? And your friends told you she was talking shit behind your back? This girl is a nightmare and the best thing she ever did for you was to refuse to date you. You do not need this kind of person in your life. Don't just ignore her; make it your prime directive to not talk to this person at all. Cut her off, lose her number, block her on social media...this kind of person will only ruin your life, your relationships and your self-esteem. But I think you know this already.

 

Congrats on making it out of your quagmire of confusing feelings.

[Kira_Uchiha 92]

Thanks a lot Zeus ^^
Yes, I am very lucky to have someone like her in my life, she's the biggest reason why I was able to get through everything and get back up.

And yes, that what I just did. I don't want to have anything to do with her anymore, she's not worth all this drama. And especially since she tried blackmail me emotionally several times, which is absolutely disgusting.

 

I am glad I was able to move on, and thank you for leaving a message!^^

[YuyoDrift 1540]

On 7/1/2016 at 6:44 PM, Kira_Uchiha said:

During the holidays in December, a friend from my class and I started dating, and she eventually became my girlfriend. I told my best friend(let's call her Sara) about it, she seemed upset at first, but then congratulated me and then said that she couldn't wait to meet her. I thought she was upset cuz she wanted us to date, but I did propose her before and she said that she'd rather stay friends.
 

Sara put a lot of pressure on me, like, a WHOLE lot of pressure, coming near to emotional blackmail. In the end, I did not go, as I still had quite a few assignments to finish, and with her putting even more pressure on me, I nearly snapped. The thing is, something in the past happened to me that now, a real big excess of stress can cause me to snap... I never told her about that, cuz that's a really dark part of my past that I'd rather forget(this story will be for another time), but was unable to. I thought that it was now time to tell her everything, because I know that in the future there would be moments when she'd keep putting pressure on me, and that I would actually snap for real.

 

So after my submissions, I decided to tell her everything... and tbh, it felt good to finally let everything out. She was the first person to whom I ever revealed this part of my past. She was really understanding after I told her everything... but after 3 days, she started going back to putting pressure for me to meet her. And this time, this wasn't for one or two days, she wanted to meet me everyday, every free moments that I had, before classes, after classes. When she saw my girlfriend and I, she'd come and butt in between, ask us to not hold hands, etc in front of her. After a few weeks of that, I had enough and decided to tell her that I needed my alone time, time with my girlfriend, and time with my other friends.

 

Questions galore. Seems this "dark past" of yours, "clicked" something with this "Sara" girl, even if she told you otherwise. Obviously, your conversation with her needs to be told in order to prove my guess, but it may explain the next few mishaps that led to your friend seeing you in a different light and her "going crazy".

 

Now. I am NOT saying you fugged up, but you should have told this "dark past" of yours to your GF FIRST, regardless of being hassled by "Sara". Trusting your GF with something like that should be ok right? It's a part of being in a relationship.  Your GF could have then relayed (with your permission, of course) that "dark past" to "Sara" and told her to take it easy on you due to factors in your life at the time. BUT since you shared a piece of you that no one has heard of to "Sara" first, "Sara" may have gotten the wrong impression.

 

On 7/2/2016 at 0:42 PM, Kira_Uchiha said:

especially since she tried blackmail me emotionally several times, which is absolutely disgusting.

 

I am interested in this "emotional blackmail" that you speak of a lot. Care to elaborate? You may PM me if it's too personal.

Reason I ask is because (I have some psychological experience) I may be able to help you figure out what may be going on with your friend, unless you've figured it out yourself.