I need help.

[orangetarts 249]

Okay.

So, say you liked someone. and it just never ended up working out that you got to be with them.

however, you later find out that they lied to you about something pretty god damn important, yet you can still forgive them...

years later, you find yourself still thinking about the person. whether they're in the back of your mind or the front, they're still always there.

But they still wont even give you the time of day...

what do you do? How do you move on from it?

is it healthy to think like this?

Halp :u

[Valicious 572]

That's a tough one. I'm struggling with something that fits that exact description.

The best advice I can say is to find something to obsess over, whether it be a book or a game or whatever. I've learned a lot about the futility of dwelling on thing you can't change. The key to moving on is distraction. That may not make sense, but it allows you to handle and process things in smaller chunks whereas everything at once is often too much.

[orangetarts 249]

Do you think I should just give up on it...? or should I keep trying? I talked to another friend of mine and she said I should just give up, but i dont know if i can really do that. sdfjkhsdjkfh my life...ugh

[LIDL 692]

It is not healthy.

To get rid of it? Fill your days with many activities.

So that your brain is occupied with lots of things thst is more poditive than this.

Good luck.

[Number Girl 48]

I agree that preoccupying yourself is a good remedy. Find an activity that not only keeps you busy, but makes you happy too. Also, try to avoid things or places that remind you of that person if you can help it. It will take time, but you will eventually move on and your life will be all the better for it.

[TheBistroButcher666 228]

Go out and do things! Meet people and have fun!!

[orangetarts 249]

Go out and do things! Meet people and have fun!!

that requires effort!!!!!!

[TheBistroButcher666 228]

that requires effort!!!!!!

No one can help you if you can't help yourself.

[Zeus 7997]

I interpreted this as:

> I liked someone

> they didn't like me
> found out they lied to me about something "important"
> I still like them
> They still don't like me
> It's a long time later

This isn't healthy. I'm very confident it's at the point where who you think they are and who they really are are two different people. This isn't healthy. You have to move on.

How to do that is up to you.

Plus, would you want to be in a relationship with a liar?

[kai_desu 340]

Zess is the community relationship therapist.

 

And the fact that you made this post, gekijou, already shows that you do know it's a problem.

 

It's not healthy in any way or form. Nothing happens over night, but if you make sure to put yourself in the right mind set and begin telling yourself that it's not healthy and to move on, you'll begin to make the steps in doing so, and it'll feel blissfully wonderful later down the road when you look back on this and realize that you made through it and came out of it a stronger person.

[Cupcakes 55]

Maybe you can find distractions that don't require effort? I mean, here on MH, we're a huge community. Enough people to chat with and to distract you! 

 

However, you were wondering wether you should give up.

Would you prefer it yourself to keep on longing for that person, even after all this time?

[Rexim 1]

Well since everyone else covered the huge importance of how your situation is healthy, what you are experiencing is common. I was about to say normal but it isn't and I'd hope it's not normal, as something that depressing can be very detrimental to your health. You are not alone in this feeling, as I, too have experienced something like this. What you can do, like everyone here has mentioned is to move on.

 

Remember, your health and happiness is most important to you, and you are in control of what you do with your life. Not only would I take all the great suggestions from the above posters, but I want you to be more happier to yourself. This is clearly making you unhappy. Life is precious, and limited. Short is not really a correct term, compared to how long the universe has been "around" for it is but your life is something nobody else has an experience of except you and those you share it with. That said, let me give you an example of why it is important for you to be happy:

 

Life is finite, which means it is time-sensitive. If for example you were to live 100 years, but we'll convert 10 years into 1 bar like how they do animation frames, there will be ten frames. (10 years  x 10 frames = 100 years)

 

So!

 

/???/???/???/???/???/???/???/???/???/???/

 

That is your life and what it could be, potentially. It can be either happy or sad. Let's say you are 20 and met this person and stay depressed thinking about them. It would look something like this:

 

Happy/Happy/Sad/Sad/Sad/Sad/Sad/Sad/Sad/Sad

 

That's not a happy life is it? There's a whole lot more to life than the above obviously but if you look at it in simple form you'd still be unhappy and miserable for a large portion of your life. I don't think you want that. We'll replace the Happy and Sad with Past, Now, and Future.

 

Now/Now/Past/Past/Past/Past/Past/Past/Past/Past

 

That's you living in the moment and being happy until 20, then living in the past because of that person hurting you. Take control and be happy, make your timeline look like this:

 

Past/Past/Now/Future/Future/Happy/Awesome/Sucksbutisanexperience/Livinglife/Happy.

 

You can do it. Trust yourself. Be happy.