jiji94

I made friends with an older woman who used to be really into visual kei ten or so years ago. I told her to look up Gackt's instagram account when we got talking about where certain vk dudes are now. Haha. Ha. I think I might be developing a crush on a guy I barely know and he seems genuinely sweet... but he has super low self esteem. *WHY* am I overwhelmingly attracted to either extremely eccentric men and/or guys with low self esteem? It's not even a bad thing, it's just after being in relationships with men who projected their insecurities and confidence issues onto me I'm just afraid of experiencing that again.

My friend sent me a link to one of this band's songs to ask about the vocalist's English pronunciation and I ended up listening to all of their music. lol I love this so much. I also get hella strong Depeche Mode vibes from this band. Seems that most people who like this band also like The Novembers. It kiiind of bothers me though knowing this band is only two official members and they've existed for the past decade.

Nell is my favourite band in existence, their music is just so beautiful (although their latest album is... strange).

I met my first boyfriend in my driveway when he came to drop his sister off, and my last ex I randomly met on the sidewalk. Sooo as far as meeting someone goes.. it quite literally can happen anywhere? I'm honestly wondering how to get back into dating myself. lol I haven't met anyone who's made me think I want to try going on a date with them in the past year and it's kind of annoying. At the same time, it's hella nice finally feeling comfortable with being single and being by myself. I'm not really into dating casually but I don't meet anyone, don't have any friends near me to introduce me to anyone, etc. Dating sites don't work for me because I start trolling tf out of people. lol I have severe dating apathy because my last relationship was abusive. Weird gut feeling, but for awhile now I've felt like there's someone really special for me but I just haven't met them/don't live near them currently, and that I'd meet them when I'm 24. I kind of laughed it off but the feeling won't go away and it's hella weird because I don't believe in soulmates. I turn 24 next year so I'm kind of wondering what'll happen. I feel like I'm nuts because it's such a strong feeling. I felt this during my last relationship, especially when we were planning on getting married, my gut sank and I just immediately thought, "This isn't the person I'm meant to spend my life with". I have a lot of stuff planned for next year after my birthday which is even weirder. Should I question it? I'm pretty sure if I told my friends they'd tell me I'm cray.

I think I legitimately upset a guy after he said, "I'm not forever alone" and I replied, "Sorry, I forgot about your hand".

The more popular BTS get, the more I'm waiting for new fans to find this song.

Feeling self conscious when talking to people lately and feeling annoying and then being told by people that they actually really like me and want to be friends. ._. .__.

Why am I half tempted to go to One Ok Rock's Tokyo Dome concert when I've already seen them live and pretty up close.. I don't even like them enough to contemplate doing that but here I am.

Why do people ask me for advice about being jealous over the person they like talking to people of the opposite sex? It's so weird to me. I honestly couldn't give two shits. I've felt jealousy before but nothing that would make me upset that they'd talk to other people. It's hard not to be extremely blunt with someone about how that makes me feel. lol I think it's too extreme. Safe spaces for lesbian/bi/etc. women/nb peeps are so hyper sexualized. I don't like to be sexualized by men so why would I want others to sexualize my body? Not talking about me directly but I feel uncomfortable with all the sexual talk about female bodies. I just want to find a queer community I feel comfortable in, dammit.

Yah but it's gonna cost me $600 at least to fly to the Bay Area. lmao My friend said she'd go with me so we'll have to look into cheap traveling options.

Why does everything and anything P.T.P related cause me to start crying? And I didn't get into them until shortly after K passed away. Someone randomly suggested them to me once and they have ruined my life. I am an emotional puddle. Not sure if lyrics have ever touched me as much as K's have. It's eerie. But they've really helped me during tough times. I started to listen to them regularly when I was deeply depressed and would go for long walks (I think I would walk around for five or so hours a day, just aimlessly, for two months) or bike rides. Kind of associated a lot of their songs with healing.

Is this a tribute song by P.T.P for K? I'm not sure exactly but dang, if it is his band really gave him some of the best tribute songs.

I was so happy when I read this last night. My bb. High key want to make my best friend go just to meet Kaya for me. lmao I'm supposed to visit her in California but she lives in SF (still can go tho). This is TEMPTING. Should I go??

Starting to realize I know quite a few people (and am fairly close to) with borderline personality disorder. My borderline friends are usually a lot more open with me about what they're having difficulties with. One of my friends found a psych who's helped them immensely and it's so frickin' great to see them so genuinely happy lately. I kind of think, and I won't ask her because it's possible she has a diagnosis and doesn't want to tell many people yet, one of my best friends from Japan has BPD. I've thought so for quite some time. She has been in and out of mental health facilities since she went back, which we have talked a bit about. She's a pretty big advocate for mental health and always checks up on people. Every time I talk with one of my friends who struggles a lot with BPD, their experiences are incredibly similar. Idk since it's just speculation, I've always been hella supportive of her especially through tough times where she feels embarrassed by her actions. It makes me sad though because I know BPD has a ton of negative stigma. I'm glad that for most of my friends they've found great treatment and professionals who truly care for them. I'm not sure why for my friends with BPD I am a safe person to talk to, but I am glad that they feel that way with me.

My friend has had professors she's a TA for ask her to review their syllabuses and go over what they will teach in the course because they feel like they don't know what they're doing. She doesn't even have her MA yet. She is concerned. Her university doesn't have a great reputation though. She's sent me photos of some of the students' assignments and midterm answers and we both cringed. I was also deeply concerned why the professor of the women's literature course chose to have their class read Twilight when I visited the school bookstore. I'm hoping they chose Twilight for some good reason because WHY are you having a third year literature class read TWILIGHT?

Do I buy a $200 coat? Plastic Tree's Halloween costume photos are literally going to give me nightmares.

Idk why but I find it kind of sweet that Taka is going to perform with Linkin Park for their concert in memory of Chester. I thought they might have him join them but wasn't sure. Now I'm listening to the song he did with P.T.P after K died and want to cry. lol

Idk what type of crack my friend's psych prof in Japan is on but I just spent an hour trying to help her understand a paragraph in her readings because he keeps assigning complex English articles. Like bruh, this is not going to help them learn more about psychology or English.. My friend at least has her TOEFL certification but what about her classmates? Naturally, the prof has a translated copy of the texts he makes his students read..

alexandros is one of those bands I can't help but love except who decided in their latest photoshoot/lives that yoohei shouldn't have fringe, he's 35 but with no bangs he looks super young wtf

My friend added me to a group for queer women and non-binary peeps and it's noice but it's really hella white. And I'm white. How does one make friends with dudes? I think I may have made a dude friend but men give me terrible anxiety.

what the actual *fuck* was p-model

I'm pan but I'm not usually attracted to cis women. It really depends on the person for me. I'm mostly attracted to people who are non-binary, androgynous, gender non-conforming. I just come across as ridiculously straight irl although I don't think my mom has believed for a day in my life that I'm straight. lol She's been questioning me since middle school if I like women and telling me that no matter what I'd be accepted. I'm not openly pan to my family although I know they'd accept me. I feel too afraid to talk about it for some reason.

when did sm get better music producers/music video directors/better fucking budgets wtf I am slayed

bi tch why is he not doing this when I'm visiting two months later????

@returnaloh man, really?? I found it odd when I searched for his page on FB and his FB account came up because I know friends of his from university. I mean granted he has lots of friends. Just kinda funny. One of his photographer friends keeps mass liking my instagram posts now and then. I used to be followed by an entire indie band once until I deleted my old twitter account. Wait, why did Masato Kanai delete his instagram? I just noticed his account was deleted and can't remember the last time I checked his account. He'd been looking oddly different lately and I wasn't sure what was up with that but I literally can't find English info on his band. lol