Probably my last post

[SilverEspeon__ 14]

Hey guys, it's me, @SilverEspeon__

and @AmberCrystal17

and @TheDragonCharizard11

and @ChaoticFireBall

and @SidoSido11

 

I just want to come in here and come out with the truth. You were right. I am the same person. All of them are me. A lonely little loser girl in college.

 

I just want to say that I am truly sorry for every shitty thing I've done, and this will probably be my last post. I'm sorry for all the lies, I'm sorry for all the things I've said, I'm sorry for what I have done. I thank the mods for giving me a wake-up call and making me see the lying attention-seeking shitstain I have been.

 

When I started out here, in late 2016, I was feeling awful mentally. I was lonely, I was feeling worthless. So I decided to do stupid things on here and other sites that I have long since left (like Reddit) for the sake of attention. I stumbled across this forum because I genuinely do like VK and I was looking around for news about some bands. I found out what got the most attention on here, and it just so happened to be something I liked at the time, and I decided to spam it. Even after I stopped liking it as much as I used to around late 2017, I kept it up because it gave me attention. It was only recently I started to feel better, and I started to see what I had done. I made several accounts to start "drama", I made more of them to avoid consequences, I made them to give myself validation. I was going to stop after my other 3 quite frankly stupid posts and leave. I tried to lie to get away without consequences. But it wasn't until the mods came and told me off that I truly came to my senses. I was a dirty liar, I was annoying, and I was a fucking idiot. I feel terrible about the things I've done here, and I wish I could turn back time and prevent it from happening.

 

This all sounds really cliché, but I really did feel horrible mentally, and I did awful things because of it. It didn't help that I was very lonely and I was feeling worthless either. I sought attention and validation, and I would get it, even if it was bad attention. I did that instead of seeking help.

 

In short, I was a lying attention-seeking idiot who just wanted reactions from people instead of seeking help. And I want to apologize for that.

 

You don't have to forgive me, and you can hate me and make fun of me all you want once I leave. Insult me, troll me, be condescending, spam my PMs, doubt me, be disrespectful, nitpick, harass me, anything. I deserve it. I have been a shitty person, and a dirty liar too, and I regret all of it. I'm going to try and better myself and start over, but I deserve every bad thing that happens to me after this.

 

Please never talk about this ever again. Try to forget about me. I don't want to be reminded about any of it. 

Take care everyone.

[The Moon 989]

i have an infection x

[Chi 2624]

next time don't name all your alts after pokemon stuff

 

#WeWillAlwaysRememberSilverEspeon

 

[cvltic 1482]

[CAT5 9075]

Thanks for being honest with us, and yourself as well. It takes a brave person to admit their faults, and admit to fucking up. The internet can be a cruel place, as anonymity brings out the worst in people. But remember this, the way people treat others is often a good indication of how they feel about themselves. So just have empathy on those who come at you with hate and negativity. Believe it or not, they need it too.

 

And no need to beat yourself up. Every single one of us is flawed as fuck, we all do dumb shit, and ain't nobody better than another. What matters most is that you learn from your mistakes and do better. So if you want to leave, that's up to you, but you're always perfectly welcome here!

[plastic_rainbow 2162]

probably you say......

[ChimeraKei 13]

Well I can understand being sad and lonely, many of us are like that. The way you expressed your sadness was very unhealthy, causing all this conflict and deceit. I hope you can continue to reflect on your own behavior and become a better person.

Edited March 2, 2019 by ChimeraKei

[Zeus 7997]

@SilverEspeon__, if that's the name you choose to use from now on, I may have been a tad harsh in the last message I tagged you in.

You don't have to leave this site permanently. You just need to learn Monochrome Heaven Rules and Monochrome Heaven Etiquette. The first is in a topic that you should review if you even feel like lurking here. The second is something you pick up only by engaging with the community in a healthy and constructive manner. Plenty of users on our site are going through tough things in their life and they come here as a place of refuge. I have no doubt this can be the same for you, if you want that for yourself. Jump into topics, start topics that interest you, show yourself in the chat every now and again, stop beating yourself up over nothing, and before long you won't feel like a stranger here. But if you do weird things to draw attention to yourself, at best you'll be ignored and at worst...we'll you've seen what happens already so you have a good idea.